Guts

In the following few weeks, Jack found a new level of patience with Alex.

That was a surprise, to say the least, because the younger boy already considered himself to have the patience of a saint. After all he was the only person who was really calm enough to handle his best friend. He’d handled it for six years, and Jack liked to think he’d done an okay job.

But now, with recent events and with Alex's arms still ravaged and sore, Jack realized that his patience wasn't enough. He needed to be better, because he couldn't risk upsetting the older boy and making him hurt himself so badly again. He wasn't lying when he said it scared him, to see Alex doing things like that to himself.

It fucking terrified the younger boy, especially when he couldn't control it, or fully stop it from happening. Because the thing with Alex’s routine was that Jack was only allowed so much time with him per day, and in the time they were apart.. the younger boy had no control over what his best friend was doing, whatsoever. He absolutely hated that, that at any point Alex could be doing something stupid and Jack wouldn’t know anything about it, let alone be able to stop it.

And so the only solution he’d seen was to just get his act together. He'd been doing his best over the past few weeks, making sure that he didn't oversleep, or mess up Alex's schedule at all. He didn't go to any more parties, despite the offers, nor did he mention any of that to the older boy. He didn’t want Alex worrying about anything.

Quite proudly, Jack found himself doing okay. When he put his mind to it, and when the stakes were high enough, he could be organized. He could be up on time every morning and follow Alex’s schedule.

All that stuff.. it wasn't so hard to deal with really.

But there was just one particular change though, that Jack didn’t like in the slightest. In fact he despised it.

And that, was how he was having to act towards Alex phsyically.

Because as much as most of the time he just wanted to wrap the older boy up in his arms and not let go, he couldn't do that, not really. It upset Alex, it made him uncomfortable and that wasn't worth it to the younger boy. And so as much as he really didn't like it he'd been keeping his hands to himself, stopping himself from taking Alex's hand in his own under the table when they ate breakfast together, stopping himself from pulling Alex into the tight warm hugs that he craved so much.

It sucked, it really did. But if it stopped the older boy getting upset, if it stopped him hurting himself then Jack just had to deal with it.

Just another sacrifice.

Still it was good, to see Alex breaking down less and less. Sometimes he actually smiled at Jack, full toothy grins and that wasn’t a very regular occurance in honesty. The younger boy couldn’t get enough of it. He was just.. he felt kind of happy for once, happy that Alex was happy and that he hadn’t done anything stupid recently.

Jack wanted to hold onto this as long as possible, and make the most of it.

It was hard though, to make the most of it when they still couldn’t divert from Alex’s schedule. The younger boy just wanted to take his best friend out somewhere, even if it was just to the park, or on a walk. As much as he loved being with Alex he wanted to be with him in a different surrounding other than the four walls of the older boys bedroom. It was so repetitive and whilst that was the point, it still got under Jack’s skin a little because he wasn’t like Alex.

Routine drove him crazy.

Just for one day, he wanted to do something with the older boy that didn’t involve a time schedule. He wanted Alex to have fun and laugh and forget about aspergers, if only for a little bit.

The thing was though, what Jack wanted and what he got were usually two very different things, and the younger boy mulled over again and again how to approach Alex about going out as they ate breakfast on a Saturday morning. The weather outside was taunting him as it was, all bright and clear and sunny and he just wanted to go out.

The younger of the two chewed his food slowly whilst he debated in his head, eyes watching Alex’s face constantly. The older boy had finished eating and was just looking back at Jack blankly.

‘I-is everything alright?’

‘Mmm’ The younger boy answered quickly, popping a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, ‘Just thinking’

‘About?’

Jack shrugged, and he was kind of glad for once that he wasn’t holding Alex’s hand because his palms were sweating a ridiculous amount.

‘Just about the weather’, He answered nonchalantly, ‘It looks nice out today’

He looked to the older boy for agreement, but Alex just shrugged, ‘I guess’.

Not the greatest start. Sighing internally Jack started tapping his foot against the floor, like he always did as though it would pump some courage into him. He swallowed quickly.

‘So I was thinking we might like…do something’

Jack grimaced at the lameness of his own words, biting his lip regardless in hope of a reply. Alex’s spoon fell against the side of his bowl with a quiet clink and he looked at the younger boy with knitted eyebrows, blinking fast like he always did when he knew Jack was about to suggest something he wouldn’t like.

The younger of the two groaned. ‘Please don’t freak out on me’

‘I don’t..I’m not..’ Alex sighed, shaking his head, ‘W-what did you have in mind?’

‘I-‘ Jack stopped himself, ‘What?’

He couldn’t help the way he choked on the word a little. He’d prepared himself two days ago for a flat out no from Alex.

The older boys lips actually quirked up just a tiny bit at Jack’s response, and he shrugged.

‘What did you want to do?’

‘Fuck, um.. I-I don’t know’ Jack stuttered. He hadn’t given it that much thought because well, he hadn’t expected Alex to say yes. ‘We could just like.. go for a walk or something? M-maybe go to the park?’

He looked at his friend and it was easy to see that the older boy was trying to guard his expression, not give too much away.

‘We don’t have to..’ Jack said softly, but Alex was already shaking his head, licking his lips.

‘I want to’

It was hard not to reach for his best friends hand, but the younger boy contained himself and nodded, ‘You sure?’

‘Yeah’, Alex sighed, ‘I mean..as long as..as long as it’s just me and you okay?’

The younger boy nodded furiously, ‘Just me and you’

‘And.. and we won’t be too long, right?’

‘Lex, I swear to you that we won’t be long. We’ll come back whenever you want okay? We don’t even have to do this-‘

‘No’, Alex frowned softly’, ‘I wanna do this I just.. I don’t want you to get mad at me, i-if I freak out. Just.. just don’t get mad’

And right then, Jack’s heart broke for the millionth time in the years he’d known Alex because the older boy… he almost seemed to fear Jack sometimes, seemed to be so concerned with upsetting the younger boy, or making him angry and it absolutely killed Jack when he thought about it, because he would protect Alex with his life, he fucking worshipped him and Alex just didn’t understand that to Jack he was perfect, despite every single flaw.

It wrecked Jack inside that the older boy could ever be frightened of him, and his chest ached as he tried to stop himself from just reaching out for the older boy because that was exactly what he wanted to do sometimes, just smother him in a hug and promise him everything would be okay, shield him from all his worries.

And it absolutely killed Jack that he couldn’t do that for Alex.. that the older boy wouldn’t let him. Because words only went so far in comforting the older boy, and Jack was always left feeling so helpless whenever he got upset, or unsure of himself. He just wanted to hold Alex to his chest, just so he could feel how much Jack cared about him, how he didn’t ever have a reason to be scared because the younger boy would protect him from anything.

It was probably silly, but Jack felt hot tears start to prickle at his eyes just slightly. It was so, so frustrating to him sometimes, that he could never properly express what Alex was to him, because that was where so much of the older boys insecurity came from. It was insecurity of Jack leaving him, getting up and walking away and it was just so infuriating, because if Alex would only let him close enough then the younger boy could show him that he never, ever intended to let him go.

And it was a few long minutes of Jack being lost in his own torment before Alex spoke.

‘Jack..’ He said softly, ‘W-what’s wrong?’

And the younger boy snapped out of it then, shook his head both to Alex and to himself as he willed away the liquid in his eyes. He forced a smile.

‘Nothing um, do you still wanna go out?’

He looked up at the older boy, hoping Alex wouldn’t see the glossy texture to his eyes. He did.

‘Did..did I upset you?’

Jack swallowed thickly, feeling the ache in his heart. ‘No, I just..nevermind. Do um, do you still want to go out?’

Alex’s head was tilted to one side, studying the younger boys face. There was a frown there that showed Jack he wasn’t very convincing in acting like he was okay, but thankfully the older boy didn’t push it, just nodded his head.

‘Y-yeah’

And despite his breakdown a few moments previously Jack smiled genuinely at the other boy, nodded his own head and took his and Alex’s dishes to the sink. He couldn’t help the tiny buzz of excitement he felt as he washed up, because he was positive about today. He was going to make sure it was good, and he would help Alex with all his insecurity.

And yet it was funny, in an ironic way, when Jack soon realized that he wasn’t exactly one hundred percent confident about going out either. Because it was one thing to talk about it, but to actually do it.. the younger boy was freaking out from the moment they stepped out of the door.

He just kept thinking about Alex’s ravaged arms, thinking that pushing him like this might make him inflict more damage when he was alone tonight and he didn’t want that, he didn’t.

The younger boy couldn’t help rolling his eyes at himself. He was meant to be the one convincing Alex, not having second thoughts and trying to reassure himself. All this time he’d been trying to drag the older boy out of the house, and now Jack was the one holding back. Typical.

It was only really when the older boy tapped him gently that Jack realized he’d just come to a standstill in the driveway.

‘A-are you alright?’

‘Uh..yeah’, The darker-haired boy nodded awkwardly, ‘You know what maybe we should do this another time..’

Alex frowned, ‘Why?’

Good question. Jack laughed awkwardly, rubbed at the back of his neck, ‘Y’know I just..we have college work to do and stuff..we should probably get that done..’

The younger boy had come up with his fair share of shitty excuses in his life, but this one was a new low. Even Alex raised an eyebrow.

Sadly, he misunderstood and shifted from foot to foot sheepishly.

‘You can go home if you want… i-it’s okay’

‘What?! No!’ Jack shook his head quickly. He honestly couldn’t take it when Alex took the things the wrong way and got so sad. He was like a lost puppy sometimes. ‘Lex no, it’s not that okay, I promise. I just..I feel like I’m pushing you. I don’t want to do that..’

He hesitated before putting his hand closer to Alex’s, just barely getting a grip on the older boys finger tips, ‘I want you to be ready. I don’t.. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you.’

‘I’m never gonna be ‘ready’ Jack’, Alex mumbled softly, ‘It’s not something that’s going to go away y’know? But..I know it’s something I can improve, even if right now I really don’t want to. I-I owe it to you, to at least try.’

‘You don’t owe me anything Alex’ The younger boy shook his head, ‘Look, let’s not do this today okay? We can-‘

‘No’ Alex shook his head softly, ‘I want to try’

Jack frowned, ‘You’re sure?’

The older boy shrugged, ‘It’s not gonna get better if I don’t try, is it?’

And okay that was true, but it still didn’t settle the nerves in Jack’s stomach. He knew how much one wrong move could ruin Alex.

A moment later and to Jack’s surprise, the older boy slotted their fingers together properly. It was only for a few seconds, just quick enough for Alex to squeeze his hand, but it was something.

‘I’ll be okay Jack’

At the moment it wasn’t really the older boy Jack was worried about, but he nodded weakly anyway, still being able to see Alex’s nerves through his façade.

‘I promise it’ll be fine’ He assured, head slipping back into the game, ‘It’s a pretty quiet walk y’know? And if gets too stressful then just tell me and-‘

‘Jack!’, Alex laughed softly, ‘Can we just go before you have a heart attack please? C’mon, don’t fall apart on me right now’

And okay he was right, and the younger of the two shook himself off to try and clear his head before he nodded.

‘Okay, sorry. Um, we’ll go this way’

He pointed to his left and both boys started down the long back street path to the park. The younger boy didn’t exactly know what he was expecting to happen, but he pretty much just walked and stared at Alex intently, just in case he started freaking out or something.

The older boy didn’t though, just kept extremely close to Jack, their sides almost glued. The contact wasn’t anything the younger boy was complaining about though. The sun was beating down nicely and it felt good, just to be out in the fresh air for a change, to do something that wasn’t scheduled.

Alex spoke after a few moments. ‘This..this isn’t so bad’

Jack’s answering grin was huge and he wrapped his arm around the older boys waist quickly, just to give a light squeeze before he let it drop again. ‘I told you you’d be okay’

‘Mm’, The older boy hummed in reply, smiling softly as they walked. ‘I’m sorry y’know, for.. for what I did’

He tapped his arm once to let Jack know what he meant, and the younger boy nodded.

‘I know. Just.. just promise me you’ll try not to do it anymore. It’s not the only option Lex. I mean, you can call me when you’re upset, we can talk and you can yell and scream if that’s what it takes. I just.. I don’t want you hurting yourself’

He nudged the older boys side playfully, trying to pull a smile out of him, ‘But anyways, lets not talk about that right now, okay? Tell me somethin’ fun’

Alex looked up at him with curious eyes, smile playing on his lips as he brushed his hair out of his line of sight, ‘Um, I-I don’t know? You know I’m not really all that fun’

Jack rolled his eyes in reply, ‘I personally think you’re hilarious’

‘Well you’re biased’, Alex laughed softly, ‘You tell me something fun’

Searching his brain, the younger boy couldn’t help a little giggle to himself, ‘Okay, you remember when we were in high school, when those rumours got out about about Mr Brand?’

It was quiet for a stunned moment, and the older boy closed his eyes, ‘You didn’t..’

Had it not been for the smile quirking his lips, Jack would’ve thought the older boy was mad at him. He wasn’t though, and Jack choked on a laugh.

‘I totally did’

‘Jack!’, Alex laughed incredulously, ‘You could’ve cost the guy his job!’

‘Good!’, The younger boy laughed, shrugging smugly. ‘He was a complete fucking tool’

It was true, too. Mr Brand had been one of the many people at high school who’d seemed to have it in for Alex. The teacher had forced the older boy into hours and hours of tutoring sessions, ones that he hadn’t even needed, and generally just talked to him like he was a four year old. Mr Brand was ignorant. He’d thought Alex was stupid, incapable.

He wasn’t at all, and it was on the third occasion that the older boy met Jack at the school gate with tears in his eyes, that the younger boy had taken some action, surfaced a couple of rumours that definitely set the school talking. Jack had never felt bad about it, he still didn’t. It’d gotten Mr Brand off of Alex’s back, and that’d been the aim.

Besides, the guy really was a tool.

Jack still carried the sense of self-satisfaction even now, and he grinned triumphantly as Alex rolled eyes at him.

‘You shouldn’t have done that’ He mumbled, but it was half-hearted and he was smiling and Jack just laughed, happy that the story had done it’s job and diverted Alex’s attention from what they were doing.

‘No-one fucks with my Alex, right?’

He looked down and the older boy was staring back at him, a wide-set grin on his lips and Jack really had no choice but to return it because he felt so happy, and he was pretty sure Alex did too.

But like always with the two boys, it was kind of short-lived. The park started to come into view and the older boy slowed down a fraction, his smile falling.

‘Jack..’

‘It’s okay’, The younger boy coached, ‘I promise’

He bit his lip as Alex came to a stop, scanned the park and the fields in front of them. It was busy, like Jack had forecasted and the younger boy kind of cursed his luck.

‘Please Lex’ He murmured quietly, ‘We’ll just keep to the path and walk right through okay? Nothing’s going to happen to you, I wouldn’t let it’

‘There’s so many people’ Alex whispered, eyes wide and wary, ‘I don’t..I don’t know’

Jack cursed the whole no-physical-contact thing again, because it was beginning to frustrate him to no end. Balling his hands up to keep them to himself he sighed, stepped closer to the older boy.

‘Just walk with me once okay? We’ll be back onto the quiet part in like, five minutes or something, I promise you’

‘Jack-‘

‘Please?’

There was a moment of hopeful silence on the younger boys part, and then Alex sighed.

‘A-alright just.. just don’t like, run off and leave me, okay?’

Jack rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness of the concept, but he nodded anyway.

‘Promise, m’not going anywhere’.

He added ever in his head and then started to walk forward a little bit, coaxing Alex with him. The older boy was reluctant, but he followed none the less, head burrowed down and side nestled into Jack’s, like he was trying to hide himself. It was a lot of effort for the younger boy, not to just tuck Alex under his arm tightly.

He managed though, offering the older boy a reassuring smile as they started to walk and it was weird, when Jack thought about the fact that no-one around them was even paying them the slightest attention, because they didn’t know how big a step for Alex this was. It was strange because a tiny part of Jack had kind of expected to be stared at, but they weren’t because no-one cared, nor did they know what was going on. It was just a walk in the park after all. To anyone else, that wasn’t exactly ground-breaking.

It was monumental though, for the two best friends, and Jack’s stomach was bubbling with excitement because Alex was actually doing it, and okay he was glued to the younger boys side like his life depended on it but at least he was trying.

And it was all going so, so well, up until the point where Jack saw a familiar face. Three familiar faces, actually. Three familiar faces that were jogging over in his and Alex’s direction.

‘No’ Jack groaned, ‘No No No’

He slowed his pace as three smiling faces got closer, casting a wary glance to Alex. The older boy had noticed too, his hand suddenly clinging to Jack’s wrist.

‘Jack..’

‘It’s alright’, The younger boy mumbled, wincing a little at just how tight Alex was holding onto him, ‘They’ll probably just say hi or something, I promise we won’t stick around for long’

‘L-let’s just go’

Jack yanked his wrist back when the older boy tried to pull him away, and he grit his teeth because that kind of hurt, ‘I can’t’, He hissed, ‘I can’t just ignore them Alex. Just.. just stop getting so worked up’

He pulled his arm completely out of the older boys gasp then, breathing through his nose and turning away just in time to come face to face with Aaron, Kyle and Jake. They were three of the guys that Jack had got on particularly well with at college so far. They were also three of the guys that Alex had ignored exclusively.

‘Sup Guys’ Jack grinned, coming to a standstill in front of them with Alex trailing just behind, ‘How’s it goin’?’

‘Good man, weather’s great huh?’ Kyle questioned, grinning and giving Jack a quick loose hug. He looked over the younger boys shoulder then, ‘Sup Alex’

In the few seconds that passed afterwards Jack prayed and fucking prayed some more that the older boy would just say something, anything. He didn’t, and Jack scrambled for something, eyes flicking to the boy behind Kyle.

‘Jake’, He cut into the silence with an awkward smile, ‘Party was awesome man, um, sorry for uh..puking’

The little reminder of Jack’s mishap worked like a subject-changing charm thankfully, and the three boys seemed to forget about Alex as they started laughing.

‘It’s fine dude’, Jake grinned, ‘You were an animal that night’

‘Shut up’ The younger boy laughed, toeing the ground. He was about to say something else when he heard a tiny sniff behind him. He sighed to himself before shoving his hands in his pockets, forcing a smile, ‘We gotta go guys, I’ll see you later though okay?’

‘Sure thing’ Jake nodded, ‘We’re having a party at Kyle’s this Saturday, if you want to come. You too Alex’

Silence again, and Jack bit his tongue to stop himself from turning around and doing something stupid.

‘Yeah’, He answered awkwardly, ‘Um, we’ll keep it in mind’

He didn’t miss the confused glance that Kyle and Aaron shared.

‘So um, we’ll see you later okay?’

‘Sure thing’ Jake frowned, and the other two echoed their goodbyes before they sauntered away.

And it was a good two, maybe three minutes of standing in unbelievably tense silence, before Jack whipped around and advanced on the older boy.

‘What the fuck Alex?!’ He hissed, ‘What the hell was that?!’

‘Jack-‘

‘You can’t just ignore people like that Alex! Fuck I know it’s hard for you but you’re just being rude’

‘I-I know, I’m sorry-‘

‘How in the hell do you expect us to make friends if you just fucking act like that?! Do you want to repeat high school Alex? ‘Cause I-‘

‘Jack’ Alex cut in desperately, and his voice broke with the word, pleading with Jack to just stop. He almost whimpered it. ‘I-I’m sorry’

He shuffled from foot to foot in front of the younger boy, blinking hard, ‘I’m so sorry’

And it came from nowhere, the little echo of Alex’s voice in the back of Jack’s head, that sentence he’d heard so often before.

I don’t want you to be mad at me

And like that all of Jack’s anger faded to a searing guilt, a harsh realization because this was exactly why Alex was scared of him sometimes. This was why because Jack lost his temper so quickly sometimes, when it wasn’t even the older boys fault.

Jack felt a painful twist inside of him, like his body was sarcastically reminding him that he was a complete fucking idiot.

He tried, God he tried, but his patience couldn’t always be endless. He just.. he lost it sometimes.

But then, that was no excuse. Jack couldn’t afford to lose it- the proof of that remained deep in the nail marks littering Alex’s arms.

And ‘fuck’ was the word that eventually sprung to his lips. It seemed to sum it all up.

If he could do what he wanted, this would be the part where he’d yank Alex against his chest, hold him tight and whisper sorry over and over.

And yet instead, miserably he had to settle for just reaching for Alex’s hand, silently praying that the older boy wouldn’t pull away. He didn’t, but he also didn’t look any less likely to start crying sometime soon. His eyes were glossy and Jack’s stomach churned.

‘Lex’, He murmured regretfully, keeping his voice as calm and soft as possible to soothe Alex. ‘I-I’m sorry’ He pressed, ‘I was being unfair to you.. I didn’t mean to yell..’

He trailed off, groaning when Alex didn’t say anything, just stared intently at his feet, and then for once he echoed something that Alex was always saying, biting his lip guiltily.

‘Please don’t be mad at me..’

And that seemed to catch the older boys attention, and his eyes flickered up to meet Jack’s.

‘M’not’ He whispered quietly. As though to solidify that, he gave Jack’s hand a tiny squeeze and even though he looked uncomfortable doing so, the younger boy shined inside at the effort.

‘I’m sorry’ He murmured just once more, ‘Do you want to go home?’

‘N-no’, Alex frowned. He seemed to be thinking to himself, testing out the truth of his answer in his head.

‘No’, He said a moment later, more firmly, ‘We can keep going’

And despite the guilt floating in his head, Jack managed a genuine smile, ‘Okay’

He gave Alex’s hand a tiny squeeze before he let the contact drop, so as not to push the older boy. It was only after a few steps that Alex stopped him, spoke his name softly as they both halted.

The older boy chewed his lip nervously as Jack watched him.

‘You didn’t have to..I mean, t-that was okay..’

He trailed off and the younger boy tilted his head to one side in confusion, not following at all.

Alex shifted in the next moment, cheeks burning red as he held his hand out unbelievably awkwardly towards Jack.

And when the younger boy finally clicked on to what Alex was saying, he was grinning like an idiot and without any of the hesitance that the older boy had had he brought his hand out to meet his best friends, linking their fingers together loose and lazily so that Alex could let go if he wanted to.

He didn’t, and Jack couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face.

And when the two boys entered back onto Alex’s street about a half hour later, that grin was still firmly in place. He suddenly felt less like himself and more like a silly teenager on a date, the older boys hand feeling heavier than normal in his own, just to remind him it was there, that Alex was actually doing okay with all of this.

He was really just so proud of the older boy, because although there’d been that rough patch Alex had done it. It was a step forward, no matter how small, and as they came to a stop outside the older boys house Jack felt that sense of being on a date again. He kind of just stood there and it was rare that Jack ever blushed but he was sure his cheeks felt a little hotter than normal. It was just.. it was so rare that he got a moment with Alex that wasn’t tainted by aspergers, or routine. In a sense, Jack always had to keep his head in the game around his best friend.

But today, though it was for a short while, he’d been able to let his guard down just a little and just have fun with the older boy, and when Alex was as relaxed and calm as he had been on the walk back it was unbelievably easy for Jack, to feel all these different things for the older boy. He always felt them, but he had to push them to the back of his mind for the sake of making sure Alex was okay.

Today all those feelings had just kind’ve run free, and Jack was a whirlwind of happy and nervous and warm and..he couldn’t even think of a word for it. He just knew he liked it a lot.

And in the end it was Alex who cut the silence with an awkward laugh, looking down at their hands with a split expression. Half of him, Jack noted, looked like he wanted to rip his hand away and back up about ten paces. The other half though, that half was really trying for Jack. That half looked like it didn’t want to let go.

The younger boy didn’t want to push Alex though, because he’d done amazing today and so he gently loosened his hand and let the older boys slip from his own, with a soft smile to show Alex that it was okay.

The older boys face still fell glum though, and he scraped his foot across the floor, ‘Sorry’

‘Hey, don’t be’ Jack frowned, ‘You’ve been amazing today Alex, okay? You’ve handled it so well’

He liked the way the older boy blushed pink at his words, and the way he smiled. He wasn’t braced for what Alex said next though.

With a shy shrug, the older boy bit on his lip. ‘Maybe..maybe this could be in our Saturday routine. Y’know, without the me freaking out part..’

He looked so unsure of himself, like he didn’t know if he was saying the right thing, but Jack was grinning from ear to ear. Part of him, the part that was Alex’s best friend was just so, so proud of the older boy. He couldn’t even believe what he’d just heard.

And then there was that other half of him, the one he wasn’t so familiar with that wanted to touch Alex, and be close to him. That part of Jack had his stomach somersaulting at the older boys words. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so good, and his grin wasn’t going anywhere.

‘That’d be cool’, He nodded to Alex, ‘I’m so proud of you, y’know’

Again, the older boy blushed a pretty shade of pink, ‘No big deal’, He mumbled shyly.

‘Like hell it isn’t’ Jack laughed, and really he only half knew what he was doing, when he reached out and lifted two fingers to Alex’s chin. His mind told him he’d gone too far, but a quick scan of the older boys face showed that he was okay, that Alex was trying to tolerate the new touch.

Jack was getting away with a lot today. The fact made him smile like an idiot.

A normal person wouldn’t push it any further. But this was Jack though, and he bit his lip and ran his fingertips slowly down the length of Alex’s cheekbone, just once. The skin felt warm and soft under his touch and Jack felt a tiny ache in his chest. He just wanted to be closer to Alex, every single day.

‘I’m gonna help you get used to this’, He whispered, more of a promise because he wanted this for himself as much as he wanted it for Alex, ‘I swear’