A Day in a Life of a Foster Parent
Someone Understands
"Justin...are you still awake?" It's midnight...why would he be up!?
"What's wrong babe?" He responds a little while later.
"Never mind..."
"I'm sorry I fell asleep, What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Tell me!!" He can always tell when somethings wrong.
"I'm tired of hurting! And I'm tired of being angry and afraid!"
"I don't understand babe"
"They took my baby again...my foster"
"Babe I've told you before you have to treat it like a job, you can't form a bond"
"That's impossible! At this time last night I was holding her in my arms rocking her to sleep! Now I have no idea where she is!" I look over at the empty crib still lying next to my bed.
"I don't want you doing this anymore babe"
"fostering?"
"yes babe...You're not strong enough...& you love to much." Usually I would slap someone for saying that but...It's true.
"Funny last time I checked that wasn't a bad thing...my parents scolded me for being to selfless, I always thought those were good qualities to have."
"Babe but you have to know that every little baby out there, trembling and scared, Jesus loves them 1,000,000 times more than any one on earth ever could! And I truly believe that he gives even the smallest babies peace & comfort." What can I say...he's my pastors son.
"I woke you Justin, why don't you get some sleep? We can talk about this in the morning."
"No babe because I know how much this can hurt. When I was 14 my grandparents had 2 twins that were fosters & they wouldn't say a word. They would be completely silent and they were 5. For some reason I immediately loved them & determined myself to love them no matter what, & I really did every week for the next 4 months I loved on them. I would bring them toys & candy & carry them both on my back. In time instead of me looking forward to seeing them they would come running into church to find me & they would hug me & jump on me.
I remember going to the farm one Monday & I had just seen them 24 hours before & I had promised them rides on the tractor. I ran into the house yelling their names and they weren't there waiting for me? I didn't understand...At 3 Am they had been taken away. I didn't get to say goodbye, or I love you one last time, or hug them, or tell them it would all work out. It hurt worse then anything! I had been sheltered my whole life so I didn't understand pain. Babe I was hurt that bad & I don't want that for you! I HATE seeing you hurt. Babe you have to learn to love without loving, to care without caring, to make them feel secure but keep your guard up. I love you babe." This is the best advice anyone has ever given me, but the best part, I know longer feel alone. Someone has felt the same pain as I have, he doesn't just understands he can relate! He is one of a kind, what other guy would have this conversation with me until 1 am... he must really care!
"What's wrong babe?" He responds a little while later.
"Never mind..."
"I'm sorry I fell asleep, What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Tell me!!" He can always tell when somethings wrong.
"I'm tired of hurting! And I'm tired of being angry and afraid!"
"I don't understand babe"
"They took my baby again...my foster"
"Babe I've told you before you have to treat it like a job, you can't form a bond"
"That's impossible! At this time last night I was holding her in my arms rocking her to sleep! Now I have no idea where she is!" I look over at the empty crib still lying next to my bed.
"I don't want you doing this anymore babe"
"fostering?"
"yes babe...You're not strong enough...& you love to much." Usually I would slap someone for saying that but...It's true.
"Funny last time I checked that wasn't a bad thing...my parents scolded me for being to selfless, I always thought those were good qualities to have."
"Babe but you have to know that every little baby out there, trembling and scared, Jesus loves them 1,000,000 times more than any one on earth ever could! And I truly believe that he gives even the smallest babies peace & comfort." What can I say...he's my pastors son.
"I woke you Justin, why don't you get some sleep? We can talk about this in the morning."
"No babe because I know how much this can hurt. When I was 14 my grandparents had 2 twins that were fosters & they wouldn't say a word. They would be completely silent and they were 5. For some reason I immediately loved them & determined myself to love them no matter what, & I really did every week for the next 4 months I loved on them. I would bring them toys & candy & carry them both on my back. In time instead of me looking forward to seeing them they would come running into church to find me & they would hug me & jump on me.
I remember going to the farm one Monday & I had just seen them 24 hours before & I had promised them rides on the tractor. I ran into the house yelling their names and they weren't there waiting for me? I didn't understand...At 3 Am they had been taken away. I didn't get to say goodbye, or I love you one last time, or hug them, or tell them it would all work out. It hurt worse then anything! I had been sheltered my whole life so I didn't understand pain. Babe I was hurt that bad & I don't want that for you! I HATE seeing you hurt. Babe you have to learn to love without loving, to care without caring, to make them feel secure but keep your guard up. I love you babe." This is the best advice anyone has ever given me, but the best part, I know longer feel alone. Someone has felt the same pain as I have, he doesn't just understands he can relate! He is one of a kind, what other guy would have this conversation with me until 1 am... he must really care!
♠ ♠ ♠
let me know what you think!