Vexation.
wishes.
When I'm begging you to love me, through carefully constructed mix CDs with songs I know you'll hate, when I'm looking away and puckering my lips and flipping my hair, trying to look vacant and desirable, when I tell you I hate you and smile playfully, when I'm wasting wishes on 11:11, when I wish you'd give in and let me fucking kiss you, I'm wasting energy, wasting time and falling harder. Frustration builds like a skilled contractor working endlessly on a castle just outside of Seattle. Listlessness, hurt feelings and empty promises. Another day spent on a lost cause.