You're the Reason Why

I woke up the next morning, looking around the room. I realized it wasn't my room and quickly sat up. Jeep was sleeping next to me, all covered up in a blanket. He was smiling and breathing softly. I bit my lip and looked down to see I hadn't been wearing any clothes.

No.. I couldn't have just had sex with my ex, and my best friends current boyfriend. I quietly got out of bed and picked up my bra and panties, slipping them on as I looked for my shirt and pants.

Jeep rolled over, causing me to hold my breath. When I saw he was still asleep, I pushed my hair to the side and picked up his jeans. Under them was a book with the words "Do Not Read" written in Jeep's hand writing.

I picked up the black book and opened it to a random page near the middle. It was a diary-type thing. I read it anyways.

June, 2nd

Rooney finally remembered who I was, and that we were supposed to be dating. Although she refuses because she thinks we had some kind of horrible fight. And she still can't remember her parents. She thinks they died when she was little, and she's been living with this lady down the street that refuses to let her in. She also believes I've raped her, and tied her up for days. She calls me a freak, and that I need to go to hell.

I miss my Rooney. This accident is ruining our lives--

My eyes widened. I.. lost my memory? I skipped ahead a few pages and read on.

June, 17

Rooney finally agreed to going out with me. She forgot about her small stories about me being the bad guy. She thinks we just met a week ago, and that I'm the best thing to happen to her. But she know thinks her parents are still alive, and walked out on her a few months ago, leaving her with her aunt whom she claims will pick her up any day now. For now, she is living in my house, and I am sleeping in the back yard up in the tree house. My mom is pretending to be her best friend's mom who is only taking care of her until this aunt Shelby arrives.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I already cry myself to sleep almost every night. It hurts to know she may never remember our wonderful times together.

My heart beat faster than before. I flipped to close to the front and read another entry.

August 19

Her memory is gone. The doctors told us she may not remember anything from this point on. They say she's already making up stories about her childhood. Something about flying through walls when she was six, and riding on a unicorn at the age of ten. She claims her best friend is a monkey that is handcuffed to her, so we can't take it out of her room.

Ever since the accident, I've been doing nothing but cry. I thought she died, and it would have been my fault. But now she's lost all memory of me, of her friends, of her life. She believes I'm some kind of serial killer.

My therapist told me to keep this journal to get feelings out. So far, it hasn't helped. But I will continue with it until I find a different way of ranting without being ashamed.

I bit my lip. No, this couldn't be true. My memory was gone? Did I even have it back? All my memories could be made up for all I knew. Like those fun times Jeep and I had.. maybe my parents were still alive, maybe they weren't.

"What are you doing?!"

I jumped at the sound of his voice. I looked up at see Jeep sitting up in bed, looking alarmed. "I-I.." I tried but nothing came out. He reached out and grabbed the book from me, closing it and placing it in his lap.

I bit my lip harder, and stepped back. "You shouldn't have read it.." He muttered. "What parts did you read?"

"Um, I-I only read something about my memory.. H-how I kept making st-stuff up." I said. So low it was almost a whisper.

He nodded and sighed. "Rooney, I didn't want you knowing."

"Now.. now I do. So why don't yo-you tell me what happened?" I asked.

"It was my fault. That's all you need to know. I'm sorry for last night but I found a little alcohol in the fridge and.. I was upset. I couldn't help myself.." He muttered.

I eyed him. "You didn't want to?" I asked. I was a little hurt by this. And a little hurt he tried to change the subject.

"No! No, I did. But Bobby is right. I'm with Kitty.." His voice trailed off. Deep in thought by now.

I saw my pants and grabbed them and slipped them on. "It's okay. I won't tell her." I said.

He jumped and looked up at me. "Huh?"

I shrugged. "It's whatever. You don't need to get in trouble with her, too. Where's my shirt?"

He bend over his bed and without even looking, grabbed my shirt and threw it up to me I caught it and slipped it on as well. "I'm going to tell her, Roon. She needs to know. And she needs to know just how much I'm still in love with you. I can't date one person and be in love with another."

My heart sank once more. He was in love with me.. and I couldn't even tell him if the memories I had were real or not. I decided not to mention them in case I hurt him further more. "She's madly in love with you." I blurted out.

He nodded. "I know, and it's my fault. I led her on, hoping to get over you. Then I saw you that day and.. you just stole my heart again. Not that I ever had it back. You probably don't even remember our first time."

"We.. did this before?" I asked. Of course we had, I had a memory of being pregnant and losing a baby. Or.. was this just me?

"Yeah. Twice, actually. This will be the third." He said, getting up and sliding some Star Wars boxers on. "I didn't think you'd remember. The sober part of me wanted to sleep with you so you could remember. I guess this didn't happen."

"I'm sorry.." I muttered.

He shrugged. "You should go. I have classes to get to."

I nodded and slowly walked out of the room. Looking back over my shoulder as he closed the door behind him. A single tear falling down his red cheeks.