Keeping A Promise

Tonight, I’m getting married.

The words tumbled end over end until he was half-convinced it was another language and all he had to do was untangle it in order to find the joke. There was no way she had said what she did. He almost called her on the lie.

Her serious expression refused to grant him his own fantasy that this was all a dream. When he tried to respond, his mouth refused to open and his tongue refused to wrap around the questions he had. She took his silence as acquiescence and bowed her head, dark hair forming a veil.

Why? he desperately wanted to demand, shout. Another time he might be pacing the room. Instead, he sat numb and uncomprehending. Words lost their meaning as he tried wrapping her sentence around in order to understand what she had meant. Perhaps it was a joke, a single misunderstanding they could laugh at. Anything but what he feared.

Apparently, she decided he needed more information and rattled off time and place. When she said who it was, he almost screamed his denials at her, but again, he was frozen. His mind did not want to think about the possibility. No matter how much he raged at himself, he could not move beyond blinking or thinking the same words over and over. Understanding she would receive little else, she quietly left after pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek and asking him to be there.

He could not remember how long he sat staring at the wall. It wasn’t until the clock chimed another hour gone that he realized that he needed to be there. He had to support her even though he questioned her choice of partner.

Quickly, he leapt to his feet and hurried to get dressed.

Jeremy Carter smoothed his shirt. He rechecked his hair a couple more times before deciding that it would not get any better. There was little he could do to get his hair to cooperate, especially when he wasn’t sure how much effort he wanted to put into the attempt.

Looking in the mirror, he met Erin’s concerned gaze that seemed intent on skewering him through or forcing him to admit he made a mistake. Sighing, Jeremy ducked his head, fiddling with his collar. He hadn’t meant to disappoint anyone. In the end, that was what happened despite reassuring everyone he knew what he was doing. He’d probably doubt himself too because this wasn’t something he was exactly keen on doing.

Erin crossed the room, taking his hands in hers, and gently rubbed his wrists. As usual, her ministrations floored him with the gentleness she displayed, at odds with her glares and sharp words. Of course, she cared about him and didn’t want him to make a mistake that would hurt him, but he couldn’t explain to her why he had to do this. Jeremy avoided her eyes. A lump settled in his throat and refused to leave. Was this supposed to be a happy night? Or had he misread it again?

“You look good,” she said softly.

“Thanks,” he replied.

“Are you sure this is right, Jeremy?”

With another sigh, Jeremy pressed his forehead against hers. “I don’t know, but I’m doin’ this, Erin.”

Erin closed her eyes. “Right. I guess you know what you want, huh?”

Jeremy kissed her temple. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Babe, you don’t have to do this.” Her fingers tightened around his wrists like she could pour all her frustrations and doubts into him. Maybe then he’d come around to his senses, but he’d already committed himself to the act. He had to see it through. “No one will know. This’ll only end up hurting you, babe. And I don’t want that. You deserve better, Jeremy.”

“It’ll be fine, Erin. He can’t hurt me. And I promised Evelyn.” His lips brushed against her cheek. “I keep my promises.”

“Fat lot of good that’ll do you.” She lifted her head and met his eyes. Her fingertips glided along his cheek. The soft touch burned. His eyes stung and he told himself it was an eyelash. “Be careful.”

Choked by the absolute care and concern in her eyes, Jeremy blinked rapidly and swallowed hard against the lump that refused to disappear. “I will,” he whispered. Swiping at his cheeks, Jeremy was surprised they weren’t damp. Managing a smile, Jeremy waggled his brows in an obvious attempt at changing the conversation. “So, how do I look?”

Laughing, Erin leaned back to assess his ensemble. Her lips pursed as she examined him and this felt normal enough that he could pretend tonight wasn’t happening. “Well, let’s find a better tie, okay? Or maybe we can find something else.”

Jeremy let Erin drag him back to the closet where most of his dress clothes remained lined up in their plastic covers for most of the year. He pushed aside all his doubts and focused on what Erin was doing. She moved with purpose, never slowing in her attempts to find something suitable, spewing a running commentary under her breath that he wrapped around himself like a security blanket.

Briefly, Jeremy spared a thought for the call he placed earlier to Michaels. Embarrassed with the need he’d displayed, he only hoped Michaels would not throw the moment back at him and he prayed the man would make an appearance later tonight. After all, Michaels always had something he had to do whenever Jeremy thought they could meet up. With a grimace, Jeremy shoved the niggling sense of uncertainty. For now, he planned on enjoying the quiet before the storm.

*

Michaels careened around corners. He had worried ever since the call. The hysterical words, half-sobbed and half-shouted, rang in his ears. They drowned out his half-formed fears. All he knew was that Jeremy needed him and he was going to be there even if it killed him. He hadn’t known what to expect and it took a couple times before he deciphered what Jeremy had wanted to tell him. By then, he’d already rushed to the building, hoping he was wrong, but knowing this was where Jeremy would be. It didn’t matter how much Michaels wished otherwise when Jeremy did what he wanted.

Searching the hall, Michaels realized Jeremy would be strengthening his resolve before the ceremony and quickly went through several places before finding him in an empty room far enough away from the main event to be alone. Jeremy sat on a bench, teeth working on his thumbnail, wearing it toward the nub, and looking utterly dejected and terrified that Michaels hurt looking at his friend. This wasn’t like Jeremy and Michaels had a feeling he knew exactly why Jeremy was here alone. He almost cursed the bastard, but that wouldn’t help matters.

“Jeremy?” Michaels said.

Jeremy’s head snapped up, eyes wide as he scrambled to his feet. He swiped at his cheeks. “Alain, I--uh, is it about to start?”

“Not yet.”

Slipping into the room, Michaels waited for the soft click. He scanned Jeremy, wondering how long he had sat worrying his thumb. Hair stuck up in different directions as if Jeremy had been carding his fingers through the strands. Even his vest sat askew. Tension radiated off Jeremy in waves.

An anxious coil unfurled in Michaels’ gut. Of course, Jeremy would never admit being afraid, but Michaels knew it. He could almost taste the fear on the air. From this distance, he could practically feel the rapid heartbeat press against his skin. As an attempt to distract himself, Michaels focused on Jeremy’s face, searching for the crack in the façade.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Flashing a strained smile, Jeremy turned and padded toward the window. He jerked the curtains aside. Moonlight spilled into the room, drenching Jeremy until he was almost ghostlike. “It’ll be a nice night, huh? Perfect even.”

Michaels frowned. Ghosting across the room, he hovered near Jeremy. “Why are you doing this, Jeremy? You don’t even like him.”

Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes darted away from Michaels’ gaze. “It’s something I have to do, Alain. I just can’t let it happen without being there.” Turning around, he smiled and this time genuine warmth flooded his expression. “I’m glad you’re here.”

With a sad smile, Michaels smoothed Jeremy’s hair back. “You asked me.” Straightening Jeremy’s vest, his fingers lingered as he waited for Jeremy to look at him. Once Jeremy’s eyes met his, Michaels continued in a soft voice, “And I know how much you’d hate for me to abandon you now, Jeremy.”

“I...you didn’t have to come, Alain. I’ll be fine.” Jeremy ducked his head, cheeks flushed.

“Indulge me.”

“Right, well, let’s get this over with, Alain.” Jeremy smiled again. This time, his smile strengthened until his earlier nerves seemed nonexistent. If it wasn’t for the increased heart rate, Michaels might almost buy it. “Maybe this time it’ll be different.”

Michaels kept the doubt to himself, understanding how difficult this was for Jeremy. He settled for a nod and gestured for Jeremy to lead the way. For now, they would play by ear and hope that it would end for the best, with fewer tears on either side. He took his place at Jeremy’s shoulder.

*

Sometimes he wondered why he bothered. It didn’t matter if he had come or not. Nothing had changed. It wasn’t like he had expected anything, but he did think that maybe there just might be something else there that meant he hadn’t made a mistake. Peering in the same direction as everyone else, Jeremy had to conclude that he had been very, very wrong.

The couple looked lovely. Of course they did. He hadn’t expected anything else. The man looked proud in his black tux, haughty expression in place. Those same cold eyes that reminded Jeremy of a dead fish hadn’t warmed since he last saw the man. The woman looked regal in her pale, pale blue dress. She looked more radiant than he expected. Was this how it went before? Would it be the same? For her sake, he prayed it could be different.

Throughout the ceremony, Jeremy stole glances at the man, wondering what he thought about this second time. Had he found someone that he considered staying with this time? Would it change him in any way or would he be the same man he was before?

Jeremy had made sure he was hidden in shadowed a corner--quite a feat when taking the amount of lights in the hall into account--where he could watch without anyone noticing him. Silver, gold, and white stripped ribbons lined the walls and columns. White roses were affixed at even intervals along the walls. The building was packed with friends and family, most of whom Jeremy did not know or expect to see again. Few would recognize him.

The same uneasy feeling he’d first experienced when he learned about the ceremony had grown the longer he stayed in the room. This wasn’t a happy occasion for him as memories he buried resurfaced. Almost tempted to run, Jeremy reminded himself several times that he was here for her because she asked and she was still a friend no matter who her partner was. Besides, the man had no authority over him anymore.

Jeremy breathed easier once the couple exchanged vows. The sharp pang of longing was almost nonexistent. Of course, the bitterness festering next to childhood nightmares now masked the longing. Perhaps his mother had the right idea when she severed all ties, but he had promised to be here. Otherwise, he knew he would follow his mother’s example.

When the couple kissed, Jeremy had expected something, anger mostly and a smidgen of disappointment. Instead, he felt an emptiness settle in his gut. The long ago ache had frozen, leaving him unable to care about this moment. Despite knowing both members, Jeremy wondered if it would have been better for him to remain home. They never noticed him anyway.

Evelyn looked up, a warm smile crossing her lips. His mouth turned up into a smile he couldn’t feel, but he was here for her despite knowing the man she stood beside. As long as she was happy, Jeremy would try to be happy for her.

He hadn’t known how much time passed until he realized the couple was moving back down the aisle. Soon they would pass his spot and Jeremy couldn’t let them leave without making a token gesture of support. At least, he had to let Evelyn know he had been there.

Jeremy took a deep breath and moved to intercept the couple. Out the corner of his eye, he saw Michaels approach like a silent bodyguard. Reassured with his friend’s support, Jeremy took a last fortifying breath before making his presence known by stepping close to the aisle.

*

Michaels knew this could only end badly. He hated seeing Jeremy end up hurt. And this was one time that that would happen when he couldn’t stop it. All he could do was be there for his friend while plotting revenge. Of course, while doing so, Michaels would never let it slip just what he was planning or thinking because it would probably upset Jeremy. After all, Jeremy did care for the bastard despite the difficulties between them. Maybe, as long as Jeremy didn’t Michaels could pay the man a visit some time in the future. But that would not happen despite some of his fantasies.

Breaking out of his reverie, Michaels watched Jeremy hover near the couple, held back by his own uncertainty and the fear of rejection. Michaels could pinpoint when Jeremy made his decision when he lifted his chin and squared his shoulders. For a moment, Jeremy appeared ready to face anything, but the flicker of fear in his eyes showed he was still a child wanting approval. Again, Michaels wanted to gather Jeremy close and protect him from what was sure to be another act of snide words meant to cut despite the pretty package.

“Evelyn, congrats,” Jeremy said.

The woman glanced up, mouth dropping open, before a smile blossomed across her face. Gratitude filled her eyes. “Jeremy, thank you for coming.”

“Well, I did promise.” Jeremy pressed his hand against hers. Then Jeremy stepped away, gaze drawn toward the man at her side. Michaels noted the man hadn’t cracked a smile during the ceremony, but even Michaels could admit the man appeared pleased with the evening.

“Father,” Jeremy said.

The man lifted his head, looking down his nose at Jeremy. The sneer hadn’t fully formed, but it was there all the same. Michaels almost growled at the curt dismissal when the man turned away from Jeremy. It was how Michaels assumed the meeting would go, but that didn’t mean he liked it. Grinding his teeth, Michaels considered ripping into the man’s throat and a familiar hunger uncoiled before he reined in his own thoughts with the reminder that Jeremy would not appreciate it. And he had promised himself that he would never lose control. Although, Michaels would freely admit Mr. Carter would be one of the few he would gladly break his oath.

The woman hadn’t noticed the tension next to her as she clasped the hand of someone near her. She smiled at another person. For a moment, Michaels wanted her to never have met Jeremy.

“C’mon, Jeremy. Let’s get out of here.” Ushering Jeremy out the door, Michaels met the man’s eyes. His lips curled. For a moment, his resolve wavered, but the thought of Jeremy immediately brought him back to the present. Avoiding the man, he swept out of the room.

Michaels followed Jeremy outside where a light breeze chased away the floral scents that had permeated the room. Lifting his head, Michaels tried to dispel the cloying taste that coated his throat. Another flavor and he might not despise the scent saturating the air. Quickly, Michaels shoved that thought from his mind before it could take root.

Jeremy took several steps toward the fence, breathing deeply. Michaels waited. A bitter smile curled Jeremy’s lips as he twisted around to face Michaels. The deep-seated resentment and pain in his eyes had Michaels tempted to pull him close and refuse to let go, but he kept his hands at his sides as he watched his friend.

“I don’t know why I even bothered,” Jeremy groaned. His shoulders slumped. “I’m an idiot.”

“You know what he’s like,” Michaels said softly.

Jeremy closed his eyes. “Yeah, but I promised her I’d be there. I...it hurts, y’know? I thought he changed. But he’s still an asshole. I don’t even know why I thought he’d care.”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. Besides, you’re doing well without him. It’s his own fault for missing out.” Michaels flicked Jeremy’s nose and grinned when Jeremy shot him an annoyed look. Wrapping a hand around the back of Jeremy’s neck, Michaels steered him toward the car. “Why don’t we go do something to forget about this disaster, hmm?”

“As long as you’re buying.”

“Of course.”