This Is All My Fault
You Don't Care About Me..Do you?
*Tom’s POV*
I’m starting to worry about Bill. Why? Well he’s staying out till like three o’clock in the morning. He barely sleeps anymore. He’s just not himself. He even skipped a couple days of school. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I want to find out. “Bill?” No answer. Nothing. Not even a blink. Not one movement from my younger twin. What is wrong with him? He’s really starting to worry me. “Bill please answer me.” Finally something. He just looked up at me. He seems mad. “Bill what is wrong with you?” Again nothing. He looked back down at the wet ground. We had been sitting outside in the rain. Ma was worried we’d catch a cold or something but we didn’t care. This is where we come to think whether it’s raining or not. It’s around eleven at night. The sky above us was dark and grey. It was almost like it was mocking me. It reminded me of the way Bill is acting. The shiny moon mocked me through the mass of dark gloomy clouds. I wish Bill was acting like the moon instead. Shiny and lights up a dark atmosphere. Bill used to be like the moon. But now he’s just acting like a black rain cloud. Why won’t he tell me what’s wrong? We tell each other everything now. “Tom?” I looked down at my twin. Finally he spoke. He hasn’t spoken for almost two days. “Yeah?” He was still looking down at the ground. “Can we go in now?” I just looked away. He wasn’t going to say anything else. At least I was getting some reaction from him. I put my hand on his shoulder but he shook it off. This isn’t the Bill I know. Something is really wrong with my brother, and I’m determined to find out what it is. “Yeah come on.” We went inside shivering from the cold rain. “Oh boys I told you not to go out in the rain! Gordon go get them some blankets!” Our Ma is way too over protective. So what if we get colds? It’s not like it’s anything serious. What’s serious is what’s wrong with Bill. “Ma we’re fine.” I groaned. Bill still had that angry drained look on his face. Whatever happened to him it broke him. Totally broke him inside. He’s not the same. “Bill honey are you okay?” No answer. I’m not surprised. He just brushed past Ma and I and up the stairs to our room. I sighed frustratingly while my Ma had sad eyes. She turned to me and I could see she was close to tears. I hated it when Ma cried. “Tom, he needs you right now. Whatever is wrong with him only you can help. He only listens to you. Please Tom.” One tear slipped from her eye. I hated seeing Ma like this but I hated seeing Bill the way he is more. “I will Ma.” Without another word I ran past Ma and Gordon who just showed up with the blankets. He had a confused look as I shoved past him. Ma just wiped furiously at her eyes as I noticed she started to cry more. I ran up the stairs with all my strength. I opened the door to find Bill lying on his bed writing something in a notebook. I noticed a bunch of writing on his wall. It was carved into the wall instead of with a marker or something. Some of them were awful things. I don’t know why he would write such awful, horrible things. It probably had to do with why he was so upset. Ma was right he does need me. “Bill? What is wrong with you?” He looked up at me for a second but then looked back to what he was writing or drawing. “Bill?! Answer me!” I could see him tearing up a little bit. It made me want to cry. I have no idea why he’s so upset but I can almost feel his pain. “Why are you so upset!?” He looked at me. He looked really mad. “I’m not upset! I’m fine! Okay?! Just get that through your head!” It really hurt me to hear him in denial. He’s obviously mad about something but he won’t admit it. “Yes you are upset. You need to talk to someone.” He closed his notebook furiously. He looked deeply into my eyes with anger and hurt. “I don’t need anyone and I especially don’t need you!” That hurt. That really, really hurt. He said he doesn’t need me. Does he mean that or did he just say that out of anger? I need answers! I need them now! I got up and left the room. I slammed the door as I walked out. I didn’t want to just up and leave him like that but.. I needed a minute to cool off. What he said made me mad. I didn’t want to say or do something I’d regret. The house phone started ringing. I ran down the stairs to see who it was. Gordon answered it. “Hallo? Yes he’s right here. Okay one second.” I walked over to Gordon and asked who it is. “It’s Dominic.” I shook my head no and pushed the phone away. “Come on just talk to him.” I groaned as Gordon put the phone up to my ear. “What do you want?” Gordon mouthed words to me. “Be nice.” Nice? How could I be nice to him? The one who made fun of my brother. The one who didn’t care when my brother almost killed himself. He doesn’t care about anybody but himself. He expects me to be nice to this guy? I almost forgot I was on the phone with Dominic when he finally said something. “So how’s your brother? We miss him at school.” I could hear the sarcastic tone in his voice. I could also tell he was smirking. That bastard. “Shut up Dominic. Don’t ever call me again! I’m blocking your number on my phone and the house phone.” I heard him snicker. He makes me want to punch him in the gut. “Oh Tom. You’re pathetic. Well watch after your brother. I wouldn’t want him to get hurt.” I heard the dial tone click. He hung up. What does he mean by that?! “Well what did he want?!” I totally ignored Gordon. I just ran up the stairs to our room. I opened the door. Bill is the same way I left him. On his bed writing something in his notebook. “Bill what did Dominic do to you?” He just looked up at me with a worried/mad face. “What are you talking about Tom!?” Is he serious? He can’t play dumb with me. “Bill don’t play dumb with me! What did Dominic do!? I know he did something! I was just on the phone with him!” He answered right away. “What did he say!?” I went and sat down next to him. “He said I better watch after you cause he doesn’t want you to get hurt.” He looked worried but he just shook the look right off. “Well I don’t know what he’s talking about.” “Yes you do! Please Bill why can’t you just tell me?!” He went silent for a minute. “Just leave me alone Tom!” God damn it Bill. What am I going to do? “No I won’t leave you alone! You’re my brother I can’t leave you alone!” He glared at me. I can’t help but feel that he’s mad at me for some reason. I don’t think I did anything wrong. Did I? “If you care about me you’ll leave me alone.” He’s not making any sense. If I cared about him I would stay with him! I’m so confused. God please help me. “Bill I’m staying with you no matter what you say!” He sighed kind of sadly. “Well then I guess I have my answer.” What? What is he talking about!? Answer? Answer to what?! I think he’s lost it, or maybe I’ve lost it. “Bill what are you talking about? Answer to what?” He eyed me for a minute. Then of course went back to whatever he was writing. “Just drop it Tom.” Drop it? I don’t know this Bill anymore. I don’t know who he is anymore. “No I will not drop it Bill! Something is bothering you! If you don’t tell me then.. I’m not speaking to you for a week!” He smiled sadly. I hate to do this to him but if it’s what I have to do then so be it. “That’s fine with me Tom!” So he’d be fine with me not talking to him for a week? Yeah he is definitely mad at me. But what did I do? “Really? Why are you so mad at me? What did I do?” He glared at me again. I wish he would stop giving me that look. “What did you do? That’s for me to know and you to find out.” Alright if he’s not going to tell me than I don’t know what to do anymore. He’s not helping himself or me. So I’m just going to let him handle this on his own. He’ll be fine without my help. He’s obviously mad at me so I’m sure he’ll be glad I’m leaving him alone. “Well I’ll see you later Tom.” Whoa hold on one minute. “Hey wait there one minute. Where are you going?” He grabbed the door handle. “Out.” Without another word he opened the door and left. This is ridiculous! I ran after him as fast as I could. “Bill where are you really going?” He turned around to me. “No where.” Alright Bill you want to play games. “Fine go. See if I care.” He didn’t seem so mad anymore he just seemed kind of sad. Maybe I shouldn’t of said that. “Bye!” My Ma walked in. “What’s going on?” I just shook my head. I went back upstairs and waited for Bill to come back at his usual time. Three o’clock in the morning. I sighed as I slowly closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.
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*Tom’s POV*
It’s our first real band practice today. Bill still isn’t talking that much. He’s still mad at me for whatever reason. “Tom is Bill okay?” I looked over to my new friend Georg. Even he can tell Bill isn’t the same. I smiled sadly. “Yeah he’s fine. I guess.” Georg didn’t look too convinced but he didn’t ask me anything else. Thank God. “Tom!” Is he talking? Or am I dreaming? “What?” “Are you ready?” I just shook my head yes. “Wait before we start I wrote a new song.” I looked at him confused. We always write songs together. Or if we don’t we always tell each other we’re going to write a new one. That was our deal. He left me out. Nice. “You did? Without me?” I can’t believe he would write a song without telling me or without me. He must really hate me for something. I don’t even know what I did. “Yeah. Is that okay with you Tom?” Alright now he’s making me mad, but I need to keep cool. “Fine whatever. Let me see it.” He handed me a piece of paper and I started reading the lyrics quietly. It was good, but I’m still mad he wrote it without me. “It’s good. Sing it so we can figure out the music.” He looked over to Georg and Gustav before singing. His voice was getting better. He’s controlling his accent more. Now me? It’ll take me a few years before I can control my heavy German accent. My voice is deeper than Bill’s and my accent is definitely rougher. Anyway he was still singing the song and I started to come up with a tune. “Bill hold on a sec.” “What Tom?” I started to play my guitar to the tune I thought of. Georg and Gustav seemed to like it while Bill just looked annoyed. “Sounds good.” Well at least somebody likes it. “Thanks Georg. Well Bill what do you think?” “It’s alright.. I guess.” I just rolled my eyes. I need to find out why he’s so mad at me. “Bill can I talk to you for a minute?” He didn’t respond. Guessing that means no? Well too bad I need to talk to him. I grabbed Bill’s arm and pulled him aside ignoring his glare. “What Tom? We’re kind of in the middle of band practice!” I realized I was still holding his arm when he took it off. Oops. Whatever. “Why are you so mad at me Bill? Why? What did I do wrong? I don’t remember doing anything to hurt--” He cut me off. I hate it when people do that. “Dominic told me you didn’t care about me. He said you were just acting. He said I should join him and his crew.” Next time I see Dominic I am going to kill him. “I’ve been considering joining him.” Is he crazy?! “What? Bill you actually believe him? How could you believe anything he says?!” He looked down at the ground. I can’t believe this. It’s ridiculous. “Well you didn’t care about me before! So it’s not that hard to believe.” He really thinks I don’t care about him?! He is sadly mistaken. “Bill of course I care about you! You’re my brother! My twin! How could I not care?” He started to walk away but I grabbed his arm just in time. I’ve been doing that a lot. “Bill listen to me! I care about you! I can’t not care about you! You’re my twin. My blood. My everything okay? It really hurts me that you think I don’t care. But it hurts more that Dominic told you this lie and you believed him! I don’t know if I can forgive you. Not yet at least.” He looked sad. I hate when he’s sad but still he thinks I don’t care about him. “Tom I’m sorry I’ll never believe another word from him. I wasn’t thinking straight! Please forgive me! I know you care about me, and I care about you too.” I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. His plead for forgiveness sounds kind of pathetic. But that doesn’t matter. “Alright Bill calm down! You’re forgiven. Just don’t ever think I don’t care about you again. That just wouldn’t be right.” He’s smiling. First time I’ve seen him smile for almost three days. I smiled back. I pulled him into a hug. I’m just happy everything’s cleared up. We heard a couple of “awes” behind us. Georg and Gustav. Bill and I looked over to them. I crossed my arms while Bill I think was blushing was a little. “How long where you guys standing there?” They shrugged their shoulders. That’s a good answer. “Whatever let’s get back to practice.” Well Bill isn’t mad at me anymore. Everything is back to normal. I just hope it stays this way.
I’m starting to worry about Bill. Why? Well he’s staying out till like three o’clock in the morning. He barely sleeps anymore. He’s just not himself. He even skipped a couple days of school. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I want to find out. “Bill?” No answer. Nothing. Not even a blink. Not one movement from my younger twin. What is wrong with him? He’s really starting to worry me. “Bill please answer me.” Finally something. He just looked up at me. He seems mad. “Bill what is wrong with you?” Again nothing. He looked back down at the wet ground. We had been sitting outside in the rain. Ma was worried we’d catch a cold or something but we didn’t care. This is where we come to think whether it’s raining or not. It’s around eleven at night. The sky above us was dark and grey. It was almost like it was mocking me. It reminded me of the way Bill is acting. The shiny moon mocked me through the mass of dark gloomy clouds. I wish Bill was acting like the moon instead. Shiny and lights up a dark atmosphere. Bill used to be like the moon. But now he’s just acting like a black rain cloud. Why won’t he tell me what’s wrong? We tell each other everything now. “Tom?” I looked down at my twin. Finally he spoke. He hasn’t spoken for almost two days. “Yeah?” He was still looking down at the ground. “Can we go in now?” I just looked away. He wasn’t going to say anything else. At least I was getting some reaction from him. I put my hand on his shoulder but he shook it off. This isn’t the Bill I know. Something is really wrong with my brother, and I’m determined to find out what it is. “Yeah come on.” We went inside shivering from the cold rain. “Oh boys I told you not to go out in the rain! Gordon go get them some blankets!” Our Ma is way too over protective. So what if we get colds? It’s not like it’s anything serious. What’s serious is what’s wrong with Bill. “Ma we’re fine.” I groaned. Bill still had that angry drained look on his face. Whatever happened to him it broke him. Totally broke him inside. He’s not the same. “Bill honey are you okay?” No answer. I’m not surprised. He just brushed past Ma and I and up the stairs to our room. I sighed frustratingly while my Ma had sad eyes. She turned to me and I could see she was close to tears. I hated it when Ma cried. “Tom, he needs you right now. Whatever is wrong with him only you can help. He only listens to you. Please Tom.” One tear slipped from her eye. I hated seeing Ma like this but I hated seeing Bill the way he is more. “I will Ma.” Without another word I ran past Ma and Gordon who just showed up with the blankets. He had a confused look as I shoved past him. Ma just wiped furiously at her eyes as I noticed she started to cry more. I ran up the stairs with all my strength. I opened the door to find Bill lying on his bed writing something in a notebook. I noticed a bunch of writing on his wall. It was carved into the wall instead of with a marker or something. Some of them were awful things. I don’t know why he would write such awful, horrible things. It probably had to do with why he was so upset. Ma was right he does need me. “Bill? What is wrong with you?” He looked up at me for a second but then looked back to what he was writing or drawing. “Bill?! Answer me!” I could see him tearing up a little bit. It made me want to cry. I have no idea why he’s so upset but I can almost feel his pain. “Why are you so upset!?” He looked at me. He looked really mad. “I’m not upset! I’m fine! Okay?! Just get that through your head!” It really hurt me to hear him in denial. He’s obviously mad about something but he won’t admit it. “Yes you are upset. You need to talk to someone.” He closed his notebook furiously. He looked deeply into my eyes with anger and hurt. “I don’t need anyone and I especially don’t need you!” That hurt. That really, really hurt. He said he doesn’t need me. Does he mean that or did he just say that out of anger? I need answers! I need them now! I got up and left the room. I slammed the door as I walked out. I didn’t want to just up and leave him like that but.. I needed a minute to cool off. What he said made me mad. I didn’t want to say or do something I’d regret. The house phone started ringing. I ran down the stairs to see who it was. Gordon answered it. “Hallo? Yes he’s right here. Okay one second.” I walked over to Gordon and asked who it is. “It’s Dominic.” I shook my head no and pushed the phone away. “Come on just talk to him.” I groaned as Gordon put the phone up to my ear. “What do you want?” Gordon mouthed words to me. “Be nice.” Nice? How could I be nice to him? The one who made fun of my brother. The one who didn’t care when my brother almost killed himself. He doesn’t care about anybody but himself. He expects me to be nice to this guy? I almost forgot I was on the phone with Dominic when he finally said something. “So how’s your brother? We miss him at school.” I could hear the sarcastic tone in his voice. I could also tell he was smirking. That bastard. “Shut up Dominic. Don’t ever call me again! I’m blocking your number on my phone and the house phone.” I heard him snicker. He makes me want to punch him in the gut. “Oh Tom. You’re pathetic. Well watch after your brother. I wouldn’t want him to get hurt.” I heard the dial tone click. He hung up. What does he mean by that?! “Well what did he want?!” I totally ignored Gordon. I just ran up the stairs to our room. I opened the door. Bill is the same way I left him. On his bed writing something in his notebook. “Bill what did Dominic do to you?” He just looked up at me with a worried/mad face. “What are you talking about Tom!?” Is he serious? He can’t play dumb with me. “Bill don’t play dumb with me! What did Dominic do!? I know he did something! I was just on the phone with him!” He answered right away. “What did he say!?” I went and sat down next to him. “He said I better watch after you cause he doesn’t want you to get hurt.” He looked worried but he just shook the look right off. “Well I don’t know what he’s talking about.” “Yes you do! Please Bill why can’t you just tell me?!” He went silent for a minute. “Just leave me alone Tom!” God damn it Bill. What am I going to do? “No I won’t leave you alone! You’re my brother I can’t leave you alone!” He glared at me. I can’t help but feel that he’s mad at me for some reason. I don’t think I did anything wrong. Did I? “If you care about me you’ll leave me alone.” He’s not making any sense. If I cared about him I would stay with him! I’m so confused. God please help me. “Bill I’m staying with you no matter what you say!” He sighed kind of sadly. “Well then I guess I have my answer.” What? What is he talking about!? Answer? Answer to what?! I think he’s lost it, or maybe I’ve lost it. “Bill what are you talking about? Answer to what?” He eyed me for a minute. Then of course went back to whatever he was writing. “Just drop it Tom.” Drop it? I don’t know this Bill anymore. I don’t know who he is anymore. “No I will not drop it Bill! Something is bothering you! If you don’t tell me then.. I’m not speaking to you for a week!” He smiled sadly. I hate to do this to him but if it’s what I have to do then so be it. “That’s fine with me Tom!” So he’d be fine with me not talking to him for a week? Yeah he is definitely mad at me. But what did I do? “Really? Why are you so mad at me? What did I do?” He glared at me again. I wish he would stop giving me that look. “What did you do? That’s for me to know and you to find out.” Alright if he’s not going to tell me than I don’t know what to do anymore. He’s not helping himself or me. So I’m just going to let him handle this on his own. He’ll be fine without my help. He’s obviously mad at me so I’m sure he’ll be glad I’m leaving him alone. “Well I’ll see you later Tom.” Whoa hold on one minute. “Hey wait there one minute. Where are you going?” He grabbed the door handle. “Out.” Without another word he opened the door and left. This is ridiculous! I ran after him as fast as I could. “Bill where are you really going?” He turned around to me. “No where.” Alright Bill you want to play games. “Fine go. See if I care.” He didn’t seem so mad anymore he just seemed kind of sad. Maybe I shouldn’t of said that. “Bye!” My Ma walked in. “What’s going on?” I just shook my head. I went back upstairs and waited for Bill to come back at his usual time. Three o’clock in the morning. I sighed as I slowly closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.
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*Tom’s POV*
It’s our first real band practice today. Bill still isn’t talking that much. He’s still mad at me for whatever reason. “Tom is Bill okay?” I looked over to my new friend Georg. Even he can tell Bill isn’t the same. I smiled sadly. “Yeah he’s fine. I guess.” Georg didn’t look too convinced but he didn’t ask me anything else. Thank God. “Tom!” Is he talking? Or am I dreaming? “What?” “Are you ready?” I just shook my head yes. “Wait before we start I wrote a new song.” I looked at him confused. We always write songs together. Or if we don’t we always tell each other we’re going to write a new one. That was our deal. He left me out. Nice. “You did? Without me?” I can’t believe he would write a song without telling me or without me. He must really hate me for something. I don’t even know what I did. “Yeah. Is that okay with you Tom?” Alright now he’s making me mad, but I need to keep cool. “Fine whatever. Let me see it.” He handed me a piece of paper and I started reading the lyrics quietly. It was good, but I’m still mad he wrote it without me. “It’s good. Sing it so we can figure out the music.” He looked over to Georg and Gustav before singing. His voice was getting better. He’s controlling his accent more. Now me? It’ll take me a few years before I can control my heavy German accent. My voice is deeper than Bill’s and my accent is definitely rougher. Anyway he was still singing the song and I started to come up with a tune. “Bill hold on a sec.” “What Tom?” I started to play my guitar to the tune I thought of. Georg and Gustav seemed to like it while Bill just looked annoyed. “Sounds good.” Well at least somebody likes it. “Thanks Georg. Well Bill what do you think?” “It’s alright.. I guess.” I just rolled my eyes. I need to find out why he’s so mad at me. “Bill can I talk to you for a minute?” He didn’t respond. Guessing that means no? Well too bad I need to talk to him. I grabbed Bill’s arm and pulled him aside ignoring his glare. “What Tom? We’re kind of in the middle of band practice!” I realized I was still holding his arm when he took it off. Oops. Whatever. “Why are you so mad at me Bill? Why? What did I do wrong? I don’t remember doing anything to hurt--” He cut me off. I hate it when people do that. “Dominic told me you didn’t care about me. He said you were just acting. He said I should join him and his crew.” Next time I see Dominic I am going to kill him. “I’ve been considering joining him.” Is he crazy?! “What? Bill you actually believe him? How could you believe anything he says?!” He looked down at the ground. I can’t believe this. It’s ridiculous. “Well you didn’t care about me before! So it’s not that hard to believe.” He really thinks I don’t care about him?! He is sadly mistaken. “Bill of course I care about you! You’re my brother! My twin! How could I not care?” He started to walk away but I grabbed his arm just in time. I’ve been doing that a lot. “Bill listen to me! I care about you! I can’t not care about you! You’re my twin. My blood. My everything okay? It really hurts me that you think I don’t care. But it hurts more that Dominic told you this lie and you believed him! I don’t know if I can forgive you. Not yet at least.” He looked sad. I hate when he’s sad but still he thinks I don’t care about him. “Tom I’m sorry I’ll never believe another word from him. I wasn’t thinking straight! Please forgive me! I know you care about me, and I care about you too.” I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. His plead for forgiveness sounds kind of pathetic. But that doesn’t matter. “Alright Bill calm down! You’re forgiven. Just don’t ever think I don’t care about you again. That just wouldn’t be right.” He’s smiling. First time I’ve seen him smile for almost three days. I smiled back. I pulled him into a hug. I’m just happy everything’s cleared up. We heard a couple of “awes” behind us. Georg and Gustav. Bill and I looked over to them. I crossed my arms while Bill I think was blushing was a little. “How long where you guys standing there?” They shrugged their shoulders. That’s a good answer. “Whatever let’s get back to practice.” Well Bill isn’t mad at me anymore. Everything is back to normal. I just hope it stays this way.
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Wow really long chapter! Lots of stuff happened :)