Crazy

Reality set in, I had two weeks with Craig.

Two weeks with the man that I was in love with, he was my everything.

Craig was going to face the real world, relying on the tools he picked up here, to help him stay sober and happy with out depression.

I believe in him.

If he can't do it, then I don't believe anyone is capable of overcoming their monsters, and I would like to believe that those things are possible.

Because if overcoming your monsters is not possible, then life really isn't worth living.

I have come to the realization, that yes I am a nut case, I really truly am crazy.

I probably always will be, I just need to learn to deal with it, and be able to interact with other humans in a "normal" way.

And only then will co-existance be possible.

When I am with Craig, that all goes away, and I am a normal person.

Craig lets me be who I am, without making it weird, he enjoys my company, the company of a crazy girl.

He sees through my crazy facade and sees into the heart of a twenty three year old female who just wants to live.

Craig isn't crazy, I know that now.

He never was crazy, he was here for his substance abuse, but was confused about life and where he fit in.

His depression drove him to temporary insanity, which was cured by you Doc.

I would like to think that I may have played a small part in his recovery, but one could only hope.

Craig is worried about after here, with the pressure from outsiders, something that we don't deal with here.

He is going to do fine outside of these confining walls though, he will stay sober.

As for me, I really am crazy, a nut case, there is a screw loose in my tiny brain.

There really is something wrong with my head.

It scares me how easy it is to deal with the fact that I am not like the rest, why am I so ok with the fact that I'm crazy?

I am not one of the anorexics, the stoners, or the cutters; what am I here for?

This is not a crazy house, this is for eating disorders, substance abusers, and depression.

I think I deserve to be around the men in the white coats.

I was the one who thought of death in a positive way.

It was my insane compulsive mind.

Death was welcoming.

I really wanted to die that day, I hated Father's Day.

Every year it came and I was driven even farther into insanity.

And that day when I went "insane" and people came for me because I was going to kill myself, it was father's day.

And on that exact date, I had gotten news, that morning my dad was released from his nut house.

My father IS in the real world.