It's Too Late to Catch Me Now

It was intermission at Nationals. Rachel paced back and forth in the lobby, nervousness building up inside of her. She could hardly believe it. This was Nationals. Nationals. They were here, finally. She was in New York! And it had been so incredible.

New Directions would be up soon. They had taken her solo from her and changed it to a duet with Finn instead. She was disappointed, but it was a good song he had written. It surprised her. And it may just be good enough to win.

“Rach?” Finn’s voice distracted her from her thoughts, and she turned around to see him watching her.

“Hey.” She smiled at him. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah, sure. Listen, Rachel. Can we talk?”

Rachel frowned at his lack of excitement and shrugged. “Sure Finn. What is it?”

He looked around the crowded lobby, then took her arm, guiding her over to an empty corner where they had more privacy. “The date the other night…you really liked it right?”

“I had a good time, yes.” Rachel agreed, confused as to where this was heading.

“Why wouldn’t you kiss me?”

“What?” Her polite smile turned into another frown and she sighed. “Finn, I already told you. I explained it to you when we got to New York. I can’t do this right now. I want to focus on winning, not on romance.”

“I thought you loved me.” He said fiercely, his gaze never leaving hers. “I love you.”

“What about Quinn?” Rachel asked simply, her eyes meeting his. It was weird, but even though those were three words she had wanted so badly to hear from him over the last few months…something had changed.

She watched conflict in his eyes, then it was gone, replaced by the same intensity as before. “Remember the funeral? What Sue said…” He sighed. “I don’t feel tethered to her, Rach.”

“And you do to me?” She asked, trying not to be bothered by the fact that he was relating a beautiful and heartbreaking eulogy to their relationship.

“Yes. I never meant to hurt you. I just didn’t know.” He said. But when she really looked into his eyes, he didn’t seem sure.

”Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel comes out just when you need it to. As I paced back and forth all this time ‘cause I honestly believed in you.”

Rachel was silent, staring at Finn. It reminded her of that moment on the date when he told her to take a chance on him. She felt just like she had then, frozen, unsure of what to think.

Take a chance on him? She had done that. She’d taken several chances on him, actually. Ever since she had fallen for him when she first heard him sing she had been taking chances on him. She wanted so desperately to believe they belonged together.

And they did, right? He was the hot male lead. She was the stunning young ingénue everyone rooted for. They were meant for each other.

Holding on, the days drag on, stupid girl, I should have known. I should have known...

Rachel bit her lip, remembering the days of pain after he had broken up with her. She should never have cheated on him, it was her own fault and she knew it. He had every right to be angry.

But then she remembered how he had so easily forgiven Quinn for lying to him and cheating on him, after he had left her.

She remembered chasing after him last year, remembered him leading her on so he could win a scholarship, despite knowing he had a pregnant girlfriend.

It kept building up, building up. Every chance she had taken for him.

Every time he had left her broken hearted. Every night she had cried herself to sleep over him. Every longing stare, every look, every bit of hurt and pain.

”I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale. I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around.”

She took a step back, ignoring Finn’s confused gaze as she thought back over their relationship these past two years. She had once told him he inspired her. And in some ways he had. But in other ways she didn’t like who she had become around him. She had lost sight of her dreams and her goals, over who she wanted to be.

It was thanks to Kurt that she realized that. When they had snuck into the Gershwin theatre and sung that song on stage…it was in that moment that she truly understood just how much she wanted this—New York, Broadway, everything that came with it.

When she was with Finn, or chasing after Finn, she forgot, too caught up in him to pour her energy into her future career. Why?

She knew the answer. Because he became her dream. She pinned everything on him, sure he was the perfect future.

She realized this change in her feelings wasn’t sudden. She could trace it back to…to prom. That fight with Jesse…it had been so stupid, so ridiculous. Had it started then? Maybe. Or maybe it had been building up for a while and that just added to it.

”Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.”

She always saw their relationship as perfect, as flawless, and it wasn’t. They had had fights. He had lied to her, he had refused to stand up for her, he had chosen popularity and his reputation over her.

And she kept going back to how he had once chosen her over Quinn, and besides, you always forgive your first love, right?

Had he been good to her? In many ways, yes.

But he also broke her heart over and over and over again.

”I had so many dreams about you and me, happy endings, now I know that I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale. I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.”

“Rachel? Are you listening?” Finn asked, taking a step towards her, reaching toward her hand.

She drew her hand back and looked up to meet his eyes. She watched as he saw the expression in her eyes change, saw him realize that she wasn’t running into his arms as he had so clearly expected. “Yeah, I am.” She said softly. “I can’t do this, Finn.”

“What? We belong together, Rachel You said so yourself.”

“No Finn. We don’t. You’re not good for me. And…as much as I hate it…I’m not good for you either.”

They were...less likeable when they were together, with a tendency to bring out the worst, not the best, in each other.

”This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around.”

Her eyes moved from his to the crowd behind him, landing on Quinn a few feet back, watching them intently. A look of sadness, of understanding, passed between them, and Rachel felt a shot of sympathy for the girl.

Ever since prom she’d been worried about Quinn. She seemed to be silently falling apart and trying to hide it. Finn obviously wasn’t helping. He had chased her until he won her from Sam, ruined her prom night when he fought Jesse, and then broke up with her, immediately turning around to ask her out.

Rachel bit her lip, looking away from Quinn and back at Finn. He’d hurt more than just her. He had hurt Quinn too.

“I don’t understand. Rachel, you’ve been chasing me ever since we broke up! And now here I am, begging for you, and suddenly you don’t want me? It’s because of St. James, isn’t it? Rachel you know what he did to you before. He’ll just do it again.”

”And there you are on your knees, begging for forgiveness, begging for me. Just like I always wanted, but I’m so sorry.”

Rachel met his angry gaze with her solemn one. She could feel tears building up, but she did what she could to suppress them. “This has nothing to do with Jesse. This has to do with you. And I can’t keep doing this with you, Finn. I can’t go here with you again.”

“But…why not?”

“Because…we don’t work together. You’re not a bad person, Finn, but you need to figure out what you want. What you really want. You bounce between Quinn and me constantly. It’s not healthy. Not for any of us.”

”’Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.”

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” Rachel bit her lip, barely holding in the tears as she turned around and walked away.

”This is a big world, that was a small town, there in my rearview mirror disappearing now.”

~*~*~

Rachel stood in the choir room. They had arrived back in Ohio yesterday, and the last Glee club rehearsal of the year had just ended. Rachel hung back as the rest of the club, crossing over to the trophy case at the side of the room.

“Well it’s not a first place National title. But I’d say third place isn’t bad for your second year.”

”And it’s too late for you and your white horse.”

A smile crossed Rachel’s face and she turned away from the trophy to face Jesse St. James. As always, he had surprised her with his entrance, but she was undeniable happy to see him. “You’re only saying that because it’s me. Anyone else you would have insulted and told them to do better.”

He smiled, neither confirming nor denying her accusation. “You’ll win first place next year. I know you will.”

“I think so too.” Rachel nodded, her heart quickening as their gazes met. “I just hope it’s in New York again. I can’t wait until graduation so I can move there.”

“He was going to kiss you on stage, wasn’t he?” Jesses asked after a moment’s pause. “At the end of the duet. I saw him move towards you, but you turned away.”

“I’m surprised you noticed. Almost no one did.” Rachel shrugged. “Yes, I think he was.”

He shrugged. “I’m observant.” He said casually. “So…you’re not going back to him this time? When I heard he broke up with Quinn I thought…” He trailed off, looking at her.

“I can’t. I can’t go out with him. Especially when I have feelings for someone else.”

”Now it’s too late for you and your white horse.”

“And who’s that?” She saw the light of hope in his eyes, and her smile widened.

“Oh, I think you know him. Exceptionally talented, really nice hair, has dreams of New York and Broadway.”

“You’re going after that Warbler guy again? I thought he was gay.”

Rachel laughed. “I missed you, Jesse.”

He stepped forward, pulling her into a hug. “I missed you too, Rachel. More than you know.” He pulled back, meeting her eyes seriously. “This time I really did come back to make all your dreams come true.”

If they had looked out the open door at that moment they would have seen Finn standing there, watching them like Quinn had watched Finn and Rachel at Nationals. But they didn’t, too drawn up in each other to notice the tall, silent boy.

”Try and catch me now.”

Jesse pulled back from their gentle kiss, offering her his hand. “Well, my star? How would you like to spend your last summer in Lima?”

Rachel considered this, taking his hand and smiling up at him. “What do you say to community theatre? I think they’re doing Funny Girl this year.”

“You know me too well.”

They turned to the doorway, which was now empty, as if Finn had never been there. Hand in hand, the couple walked out of McKinley, smiling, talking, as comfortable as they had always been with each other. Rachel was the happiest she had been in a long time. Everything was looking up for her.

She had a feeling this would be her best summer yet.

”Oh it’s too late…to catch me now.”