Stupid Boy

God, seriously? What a fucking bitch. I was just trying to be nice and she hasn't appreciated it at all. It's not like I was the one who ended our friendship all those years ago. She was the one who ended it by hanging out with all the rich, preppy kids who turned her into a snob. I just let her down easy by not talking to her.

She's always been like this, expecting everybody else to do things for her. The attitude probably came with the money.

Actually, she wasn't always like that exactly. She was a lot of fun when we were younger. She didn't act like other girls acted around me. She didn't copy the things I did and she held strong on her own opinions. She wasn't afraid to disagree with me or call me on my shit and that was why I loved her.

Yeah, I loved her when we were kids. I don't doubt that it was love at all because I know it was. She was the only girl I've ever really had feelings for. But she threw all of that away when she started acting the way she did. She never said that I wasn't good enough, but she didn't have to. She was going out with this kid Blake at the time and she would always tell me how he bought her this and took her there, which is something she and I both knew I could never do. Even now I couldn't afford to give her half the things she wanted. A good boyfriend would be able to do that.

After cooling down in my room for a few minutes, I decided to go back in there and really tell her what was up. I walked out of my room and swung her bedroom door open, immediately hitting something. Then I heard a shriek.

Fuck.

"Oh my God, Grace, I didn't know you were right behind the door, I fucking swear!" I cried.

She didn't say anything. She just squeezed her eyes shut and held her nose which was dripping with blood.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Gracie. Do you think it's broken?" I asked, trying to see as I held her by the shoulders. She didn't say anything in return. She just whimpered and held her nose tightly. "Let's get you to the hospital. Come on" I urged as I grabbed her hand.

She suddenly pulled her hand away from my grasp while shaking her head back forth.

"Nuh uh!" She said in a muffled voice, while still holding her nose.

"Baby, come on. Don't be difficult." I told her as I held her hand once again.

"No, I don't wanna go back there!" She cried.

I became silent, now knowing why she didn't want to go. God, how stupid am I? Taking her to the place her mom died, the day after it happened.

"I-I'm sorry, Gracie. I'll drive you to the hospital in Gilbert. How's that?" I asked softly. "You need to get that checked out, sweets."

She sighed and nodded in return. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and I didn't know if they were because of the physical pain, or emotional pain.

Fuck I hate hearing her cry. It makes me want to cry too.

I got her into my truck and drove across town towards Gilbert. She was silent the whole ride, except for a little whimpering. I'm such an asshole.

Once we arrived at the emergency room she hopped out and we walked inside, me pretty much running to keep up with her. You would think I'd have no problem keeping up with a small girl like that. Well, think again.

I took a seat next to her in the waiting room while she was filling out her paperwork. She was struggling as she tried to hold a tissue to her nose and write simultaneously.

"Here." I said as I lifted the clipboard from her hand and started writing her information. It was scary how much I actually knew about her.

I came to the emergency contact section and almost wrote her mom down. Instead, I wrote my name and my mother's name. Once I was done filling everything out, I took it up to the front desk and the nurse admitted Grace.

"You can come." The nurse said as she took her back. I looked to Gracie and she nodded, so I went back with her.

We waited forever. I swear I thought the poor thing was going to run out of blood.

"Do you want anything to drink or...?" I asked from the plastic chair next to the bed.

"No." She answered curtly.

"I'm really sorry about this." I sighed, looking up at her.

She rolled her eyes at me and focused on the door. I looked down at my lap, feeling like a dick, trying to think of something that would make her smile. I racked my brain until I remembered the cd I got her for her tenth birthday that had that stupid fucking song on it.

"Hey Barbie, wanna go for a ride?" I said imitating the song.

"John..." She said with wide eyes.

"Come on Barbie, let's go party." I sang, waiting for her to finish the line like she always did.

I grinned and stood up before walking over to her and standing between her knees.

"I said, come on Barbie let's go party." I repeated, getting close to her.

"Ah, ah, ah yeah." She giggled.

"Come on Barbie let's go party."

"Oooh oh oooh oh!" She laughed.

"Can you believe how innocent we thought that song was?" I laughed, looking into her bloodshot eyes.

"No." She smiled as she pushed on my chest, creating distance between us.

"I missed you, babe." I said as I brushed some hair away from her face. Once again she scoffed, rolled her eyes, and turned away from me.

"I'm sure." She said sarcastically.

"Why don't you believe me?" I asked.

I waited for a reply, but never got one. Silent treatment. Of course.

The doctor came in shortly after and set her nose and gave her a bandage that she had to wear for about a month. Once she was ready to go, we walked back to the car in utter silence. The whole ride home was silent too. Not even the radio was playing.

Why wouldn't she believe that I missed her? I mean, as much as I don't want to admit it, I did miss her. But why wouldn't she think that? Was I really that mean to her? Did I give her any reason to believe that I was telling the truth?

I fucked up.

As soon as we got home, she jumped out of the truck and bolted up the stairs. She shut her door and the shower started. She was crying again.

Never in my life have I made a girl cry, and now I've done it twice in one day. How am I ever going to make it up to her? I'm such a jerk. Her mom just died, she hates her dad, and I broke her nose. I've been nothing but a douche this whole time. She should hate me.

At least I got her to smile in the hospital. That was a start, right?

God, I don't know what to do.

I went downstairs so I didn't have to hear her cry anymore, and picked up my phone.

"Hello?" Jared answered.

"Hey man, can I talk to you?" I asked.

"You didn't really give me much of a choice, now did you?" He chuckled.

"I'm serious." I sighed. "I fucked up." I told him as I ran a hand through my hair.

"What'd you do?" He asked curiously.

"I hurt her, in pretty much every sense of the word." I then explained to him everything that had happened, because he was about the only one who knew her and knew my past with her.

"Shit, John." He said. "That's pretty bad."

"I know. I don't know how to make it up to her. I mean, I may have been pissed at her but she doesn't deserve this."

"She doesn't. You just have to talk things out with her and really be there for her or you're not going to solve anything. She's probably harboring some bad feelings towards you, on top of all the shit that just went down. You can't expect her to be acting normal. She just needs a friend and somebody to talk about it with." He explained. I knew I called him for a reason. He was good at feelings and shit.

"Thanks, man." I finally said.

"No problem. You still coming with us on Friday?" He asked.

"Yeah of course." I replied.

"Hey, you should bring Gracie. She'd probably like it." He suggested, referring to our movie hopping.

"Yeah, I'll ask her. She might not want to though." I said.

"Well, just ask her. You never know."

"Alright. See you later."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and sighed, knowing what I had to do. I didn't want to. Fuck, I didn't want to. But I had to. If I wanted things to get better for her, then I had to suck it up and do this.

I walked slowly up to her bedroom door and knocked on it lightly.

I opened it up and she was sitting on her bed with wet hair, watching tv. She didn't look at me, and I was thankful for that because I might have lost my courage if she gave me one of those glares.

"Hey, we need to talk." I said as turned off the tv and sat down in front of her.

"So talk." She replied.

"I know that I was kind of dick and I'm sorry, but I want us to talk things out. We need to move on from the past and-"

"God, you will never get it, will you? You think that nothing is ever your fault. Will you just open your eyes and really take a look at things. You don't get me and you never will. Just leave!" She exclaimed.

"Gracie, I'm trying! I really am, I want to make things right between us." I shouted back as I stood up and started to pull at my hair.

"Then think, really think about what you did, and then apologize for it. I'm not going to forgive you as easily as everybody else does." She spat as she stood up in front of me.

"What's that supposed to mean? Fuck, you're so cryptic! Can you just tell me what I did? Please? I'm going insane here, Gracie and I don't know what I can do until you tell me." I cried.

"I'm not going to tell you. Figure it out for yourself and just don't talk to me until you do." She said in a low voice as she pushed me out the door.

What the hell is she talking about?