These Butterflies

I wake up in his arms.

We’re on the living room floor, surrounded by silence. I watch as his chest lazily rises and falls. A gentle smile dances its way onto my lips. Nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck, I breathe in a soft fragrance of axe and aftershave. I close my eyes, wishing I could wake up to this paradise every morning. My dreams have never been capable of creating such perfection.

Sometimes I wonder if he has any idea what he does to me. Those warm chocolate eyes and that dimpled grin of his, does he realize how tormenting they are? Does he know that I stop breathing when he gets too close? But right now, as he sleeps peacefully, I feel like we’re both where we should be. Very careful not to wake him, I lie there and gently caress his jaw line, my fingers barely coming into contact with his skin.

I don’t move when I feel him take in a deep breath. I watch as his eyelids flutter apart slightly. I place my chin on his shoulder. “Hey sleepyhead,” I say.

He smiles drowsily. “Morning Lani.” My actual name is Milan, but he’s called me Lani for as long as I can remember. He turns his head to peck me on the cheek. My chest tightens as I fight the urge to press my lips against his. I can’t remember when I started having this urge and I don’t know when exactly it was that I noticed how attractive he was, or how strong his arms were. But I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s flawless, and he’s everything I need. He’s the man of my dreams. I’ve tried for years to convince myself otherwise, but who could deny these butterflies?

Our relationship used to be effortless. When we were kids, he was my best friend. And at the time, that was all that mattered to me. As we got older, I slowly became aware of how much he meant to me. I came to a realization that I saw him as so much more than a best friend. My feelings for him have grown to a point where they’re not innocent anymore, and I’d give everything up in a heartbeat just to be with him. If only it were that simple.

I have three older brothers. Three overly protective brothers that would give me the world. So far they’ve found something wrong with every single boy that has ever, even remotely, been interested in me and have managed to scare them off. I’m convinced my brothers will never approve of anyone. But that’s not the problem. The problem is that he’s one of them.