These Butterflies

Alex looks mad.

He barely even looks at me when he goes into the gym. He’s walking really fast towards the exit and he doesn’t even call me to join him. I get up quickly and rush to catch up.

“Alex, what’s wrong?”

He stops. “What’s wrong? Are you kidding?” I freeze because I think I know what’s going on. “I’m trying to protect you from Connor and now I hear you’re going behind my back and spending time with him? Milan, you promised me you'd stay away from him. You lied to me.” He didn’t call me by my nickname. He only calls me by my actual name when he’s super upset with me.

“It’s not like that.” I want to explain quickly but he doesn’t give me a chance.

“Why should I believe you?”

I start fidgeting with my hands nervously. “Because I wouldn’t lie to you,” I say earnestly.

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Then why didn’t you tell me he was talking to you alone?”

“I knew it would make you upset.”

“Of course it makes me upset!” he screams. He takes in a deep breath. “He just wants one thing from you and once he gets it, he’s done with you. I’m doing everything I can to keep that from happening and you’re just not helping me!”

“That’s not true,” I say.

“Isn't it? You’re still talking to him after I specifically told you not to. You’re just giving him what he wants! You’re so stupid!” I feel my chest get tight and I try not to cry as he continues to yell. I can't even gather the nerve to open my mouth to defend myself. "You don’t know what he’s like. He doesn’t care about you! How long were you going to wait before you realized that?”

I grab onto his arm and make him face me. “Please stop screaming at me,” I plead and I try to think of anything to calm him down. “Connor asked me out but I said no.”

He examines me silently for a while. “What? …You did?”

I nod.

“There he is!” We both turn to the familiar voice coming from a short distance. John runs up to us. “I call shotgun!”

Alex shakes his head like he’s trying to clear his thoughts. “Sure. Can you unlock the doors? We'll be right there.”

“Yeah!” Alex hands him the keys and John runs towards the car.

“He’s riding with us?” I ask.

He furrows his eye brows, momentarily confused from John’s sudden appearance. “Yeah. John and I were talking. He said Stephen was coming over so I just invited them both to dinner.”

“Oh…”

Stephen walks up to us. “Did John call shotgun?” Alex nods. “Dammit,” he hisses and goes after John.

Alex stays quiet and then says, “Please don’t talk to him again.”

I know he’s talking about Connor. “Okay,” I agree eagerly. I don't want him to be mad at my anymore.

“I’m sorry for screaming at you,” he says softly.

I bite my lip. I’ll never be able to resist his apologies. “It’s okay.”

“I was just so mad,” he explains. “I thought Connor was getting to you and I just didn’t know what to do. I love you so much, okay? I’m just trying to protect my little sister.”

He kisses my forehead, like I’m some little kid and I start to wonder if he’ll ever know how much that kills me.