These Butterflies

Her perfect face is nuzzled into the crook of my neck. I can feel her relaxed breaths caressing my skin.

“Lani are you still awake?” I whisper.

No answer.

My fingers run gently through her hair. I look to my left into the bathroom connecting our bedrooms. Should I leave? I don’t want to risk moving and disturbing her rest, and frankly, I don’t want to release her from my arms. I’ve never been so comfortable around Kate or Melissa. The feeling of Lani’s body next to mine is amazing. I kiss the top of her head before closing my eyes and falling asleep with her.

I wake up to shouting. My mind is a bit hazy and it takes me several seconds to realize it’s my name that is being shouted.

“What?” I grumble back, squinting because the light is too intense for me to make anything out.

“Get up,” someone demands angrily. I prop myself up on one elbow and allow my eyes adjust to the brightness. Soon they focus on the source of the noise. It’s Matthew, my older brother. I don’t know what he’s doing at our house and I don’t understand why he’s yelling at me.

“What’s your problem?” I’m about to ask, but suddenly last night’s events rush through my head.

My heart starts pounding. I jump up and look over to my right. Lani is tiredly trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. My eyes dart back at Matt. An explanation is ready to escape but gets trapped in my throat.

“Put your clothes on, both of you,” he orders.

I gulp. Several articles of clothing surround the bed. Lani obeys immediately. I watch as she struggles to hold the blanket wrapped around her nude body. The fear in her brilliant blue eyes makes my chest tighten.

A tight grasp on my left shoulder pushes me back roughly, forcing me to face Matt. “I told you to put your clothes on!” he screams.

He’s never been this mad at me. I stare up at my brother sadly before getting off the bed and crouching down to pick up my pants. I quickly make my way to the front of the bed to get my plain white V-neck. I pull it on and pick up my button-up shirt.

“What happened last night?” Matt asks Lani. His voice is gentler now. I turn around quickly. Her scared eyes scan my face for an answer. “Don’t look at him, look at me,” he snaps.

I take a step forward. “Don’t talk to her like that.”

He turns to me. “You’re right. I should be asking you.”

I have one shirt sleeve on as he pulls me into my bedroom. He closes the door behind him.

“Alex, what the hell is going on?”

“I don’t know,” I tell him.

“You have to know. Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. It just happened. Don’t be upset with her.”

“I’m not.” He looks at me in the eyes, and that’s when I realize he blames me for all of this. “Has this happened before?”

“No.”

“Did you…” He hesitates. “Did you take her virginity last night?”

I shove my fists into my pockets nervously. “…Last night was ours. I’m not telling you what happened.”

He gets a tight grasp onto my forearm and jerks me forward. “The hell you aren’t.”

My brothers are both strong guys, and I can feel my arm getting sore. “She gave it to me,” I correct him, and I pull away. He glares at my choice of words. I know it doesn’t mean anything to him but it makes a difference to me.

“Stay away from her,” he demands.

“I don’t want to.”

“Well then, tough. I don’t know what she is to you anymore, but that’s my little sister in there and I swear to God if you touch her again there will be consequences.”

“You know I would never hurt her. I’ve protected her her whole life just like you and Chris have.”

“Chris and I never had sex with her,” he says through his teeth. “Instead of protecting her from other guys, we should have been protecting her from you.” I shake my head, too hurt by my own brother’s contempt to think of a response. “Get ready for church. Mom wants us to go as a family.” I can hear disgust in his voice when he says ‘family.’

He leaves my room. A tear runs down my cheek. I push it away and walk to my dresser to find something to wear, keeping the opposite hand over my throbbing arm.