These Butterflies

I wake up suddenly to a rapidly beating heart.

My body is sheeted with a thin layer of sweat. I’m aware now that it was all a dream. My eyes are pasted to the ceiling of my bedroom, but I still feel it. I can still feel his weight on top of me, his soft lips brushing against my collar bone, his hands exploring my bare sides. The realism of it slowly fades and I can finally breathe normally. I swing my legs off my mattress and take in a deep breath to clear my thoughts. It wasn’t real. But I wish it was.

I've had dreams about him before, dreams like this one, but they're not usually this intense. I walk towards my window and slide it open, allowing the cool breeze to come inside and caress my hot skin. I stand there for a few moments before the glaring red numbers on the alarm clock catch my attention. 6:07 P. M. Dinner is in fifty-three minutes. I walk into the restroom attached to my bedroom and contemplate whether or not to open the second door, the one leading into Alex’s room. I do, and he isn’t in there. I take a cold shower, and then I go downstairs to look for him.

I come to a halt when I finally spot him. He’s sitting on the couch… with a girl. Before I get the chance to get lost in a complete state of panic, I realize that it’s Melissa. They’re just friends, I remind myself. Alex didn’t know Melissa even existed until a few weeks ago when they were randomly paired up to tutor a group of freshmen who were struggling with their english classes. The tutoring program has been over for almost two months now, but they still talk. I don’t know why. A lot of the time I wish they didn’t spend so much time together. I can tell she likes him. I try not to let it bother me, but it does, even though I know Alex isn’t interested in her in that way. He can't be. She isn’t nearly as popular as he is. She has a pretty face, but her glossy chestnut-colored hair is too curly and she is slightly on the heavy side. She’s nothing like his old girlfriend, Kate. That was his first real relationship. She's the girl he lost his virginity to.

It started when he was a freshman. Kate was a junior at the time. She was so stunning and she was on the cheerleading team. It was an unlikely pair, but no one was too shocked once they became familiar with his amazing personality. His good looks and athletic ability didn’t hurt too much either. Their relationship lasted a lot longer than I wish it had. They broke up only a few months ago, close to the end of Alex’s junior year. He was so broken and I felt guilty for being so glad that she was gone, even under those circumstances. She said she met someone in college. She said she needed someone older, but I don’t see how she could have possibly found someone better than Alex. He’s perfect.

“Hi Melissa,” I say.

She gives me a warm, pretty smile. “Hi Milan. How are you?”

“Good, thanks." I walk towards the couch and sit next to Alex.

“She’s having dinner with us,” he says.

His statement leaves me a bit confused. We've never had her over for dinner before, and I don't see why he would invite her tonight of all nights. I smile half-heartedly. “Oh... that’s great,” I respond. I don’t know her as well as my brother, but she does seem like a really nice girl.

Melissa giggles at something on TV that I didn't catch and that's when Alex grins and whispers something in her ear with a weird look in his eyes. That was the first sign of the night, desperate to inform me that something is totally off, totally wrong. And like all of the other signs before this one, I try to deprive it of my attention, but something is different this time. And then there's another sign, and another, and another, until I finally realize that tonight is going to be nothing like the others, and I can tell I'm not going to like it.