These Butterflies
Making Love.
It’s been three weeks since the announcement. I haven’t cried since.
I admit I hate when they smile at each other, when they kiss, when he holds her. But this has all got to be a joke. He’s too good for her. Everyone knows that, even Melissa knows that. Sometimes when she looks at him, I can see the disbelief in her eyes. She doesn’t know how she got this far because she knows she won’t satisfy him. She’s not what he needs. They won’t last. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Alex and I were supposed to have the house to ourselves tonight. Mom and Dad are spending this Saturday evening together. They probably won’t even get home by midnight. I thought Alex and I would do something together, just the two of us. But he had something else in mind. He thought it would be a great idea to invite Melissa over, so I told him I had plans with a friend. I lied.
I’ve been sitting at a park, almost a forty-minute walk from home. It’s 8:30, and the sun is starting to descend below the trees. If I leave right now, it’s a good bet she’ll be gone by the time I get there. She doesn’t normally stay this late on the weekends anyways.
When I walk inside, all I hear is chatter coming from across the house. But when I get to the source of the noise, I come to find it’s just the TV in the living room. I expect to see Alex sitting on the couch, but the area is empty. Maybe he’s upstairs.
It isn’t until I’m at the top of the stairway that I start to hear the sounds. My entire body clenches. I try to convince myself that I'm just imagining this. I should stop, go out, and pretend that nothing is happening, but a stupid voice in the back of my mind is telling me to keep going, to find Alex. His door is slightly opened. I push it open. And that’s when I see them.
He’s hovering over her, pushing his body inside of hers. Her hands are placed on top of his naked shoulder blades. I can hear every distinct sound perfectly. The quiet squeak of the bed. Her moans. His uneven breathing. He’s making love to her.
About three years ago, when he turned fifteen, that’s when he told me… what he and Kate did. “It was amazing,” he said. “She’s special,” he said. “I’m so in love with her,” he said. I was only thirteen and had never even had a crush but one, but I had already had my heart broken. I didn’t know a worse feeling could exist. I didn’t know I would ever discover anything that could cause me more pain than that tiny handful of significant words. But tonight, the hole in my heart stings worse than it ever has before and I almost feel like I can't take it.
I run outside and push my back up against the front door because I feel my legs losing strength and control. I bend over as my chest tightens painfully. I start to choke on my own breath as I try to hold it in, but when I close my eyes, the tears spill over and I know I can't deny it any longer. Alex is in love again, a reminder that he'll never feel that way about me.
I admit I hate when they smile at each other, when they kiss, when he holds her. But this has all got to be a joke. He’s too good for her. Everyone knows that, even Melissa knows that. Sometimes when she looks at him, I can see the disbelief in her eyes. She doesn’t know how she got this far because she knows she won’t satisfy him. She’s not what he needs. They won’t last. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Alex and I were supposed to have the house to ourselves tonight. Mom and Dad are spending this Saturday evening together. They probably won’t even get home by midnight. I thought Alex and I would do something together, just the two of us. But he had something else in mind. He thought it would be a great idea to invite Melissa over, so I told him I had plans with a friend. I lied.
I’ve been sitting at a park, almost a forty-minute walk from home. It’s 8:30, and the sun is starting to descend below the trees. If I leave right now, it’s a good bet she’ll be gone by the time I get there. She doesn’t normally stay this late on the weekends anyways.
When I walk inside, all I hear is chatter coming from across the house. But when I get to the source of the noise, I come to find it’s just the TV in the living room. I expect to see Alex sitting on the couch, but the area is empty. Maybe he’s upstairs.
It isn’t until I’m at the top of the stairway that I start to hear the sounds. My entire body clenches. I try to convince myself that I'm just imagining this. I should stop, go out, and pretend that nothing is happening, but a stupid voice in the back of my mind is telling me to keep going, to find Alex. His door is slightly opened. I push it open. And that’s when I see them.
He’s hovering over her, pushing his body inside of hers. Her hands are placed on top of his naked shoulder blades. I can hear every distinct sound perfectly. The quiet squeak of the bed. Her moans. His uneven breathing. He’s making love to her.
About three years ago, when he turned fifteen, that’s when he told me… what he and Kate did. “It was amazing,” he said. “She’s special,” he said. “I’m so in love with her,” he said. I was only thirteen and had never even had a crush but one, but I had already had my heart broken. I didn’t know a worse feeling could exist. I didn’t know I would ever discover anything that could cause me more pain than that tiny handful of significant words. But tonight, the hole in my heart stings worse than it ever has before and I almost feel like I can't take it.
I run outside and push my back up against the front door because I feel my legs losing strength and control. I bend over as my chest tightens painfully. I start to choke on my own breath as I try to hold it in, but when I close my eyes, the tears spill over and I know I can't deny it any longer. Alex is in love again, a reminder that he'll never feel that way about me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry for taking a little longer than usual. I had trouble....I just realized there was no talking in this chapter! :O Except for the flashback-type things Alex said. Does that count?