These Butterflies
The Way He Says Please.
It’s getting cold.
I pull my sweatshirt tighter over my body. I move my hand up over my mouth to muffle the quiet sobs that I’m slowly gaining control over. When I turn the corner, I realize that I’m walking on an unfamiliar street. I check my phone to see what time it is. 10:45 P. M., it reads. I’ve been walking around town aimlessly for over an hour. I notice the text icon resting on the corner of the screen. I go to the one unread message.
Alex: Text me when you leave.
Received: 7:05 P. M.
I sigh. Of course he wanted to know when I was on my way. He didn’t want me to interrupt. He wanted a warning. He needed time to put his clothes back on before I got there.
I’m just about to slide the small device back into my pocket, but I jump in fear when it unexpectedly begins to vibrate. My eyes burn as I fight to hold in more tears when I see the name on the screen. I let it ring. When it finally stops, it doesn’t take long for another notification icon to show up on the top bar. A voice message.
I shouldn’t listen to it, and I don’t want to listen to it... at least that's what I keep telling myself. My eyes just can’t seem to rip away from the screen. Maybe it’s important... and his voice is so sexy…
I bite my lip tightly and hold the phone up to my ear, and I regret it the moment I hear his voice. “Lani, why aren’t you answering? It’s getting late. Come home already. I’m thinking we can watch a movie. I rented Finding Nemo. I know that’s your favorite.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and it’s almost enough to make me smile too. “Call me back, okay? Please?” The message ends. I realize that I’m so in love with him that the way he says please makes me fall apart.
It’s not fair. It’s not fair how perfect he is. It’s not fair that he’s not mine. It’s not fair how lonely he makes me feel without even trying. It’s not fair that he’s my brother.
I hold my breath in an attempt to contain the small whimpers, but it’s no use. They escape without my permission. I brush away the tears furiously. It’s not worth it. He wouldn’t even care if he knew, I tell myself. Forcing myself to face the reality might make sense of everything and bring an end to all of these ridiculous feelings. But the more I repeat the words in my head, the worse it gets and the more it hurts. I take another turn and walk down yet another unrecognizable neighborhood. I don’t know where I’m going, but I don’t care.
“Milan?” I freeze when I hear the voice behind me. When I turn around, I’m surprised with who I find.
It’s Connor.
I pull my sweatshirt tighter over my body. I move my hand up over my mouth to muffle the quiet sobs that I’m slowly gaining control over. When I turn the corner, I realize that I’m walking on an unfamiliar street. I check my phone to see what time it is. 10:45 P. M., it reads. I’ve been walking around town aimlessly for over an hour. I notice the text icon resting on the corner of the screen. I go to the one unread message.
Alex: Text me when you leave.
Received: 7:05 P. M.
I sigh. Of course he wanted to know when I was on my way. He didn’t want me to interrupt. He wanted a warning. He needed time to put his clothes back on before I got there.
I’m just about to slide the small device back into my pocket, but I jump in fear when it unexpectedly begins to vibrate. My eyes burn as I fight to hold in more tears when I see the name on the screen. I let it ring. When it finally stops, it doesn’t take long for another notification icon to show up on the top bar. A voice message.
I shouldn’t listen to it, and I don’t want to listen to it... at least that's what I keep telling myself. My eyes just can’t seem to rip away from the screen. Maybe it’s important... and his voice is so sexy…
I bite my lip tightly and hold the phone up to my ear, and I regret it the moment I hear his voice. “Lani, why aren’t you answering? It’s getting late. Come home already. I’m thinking we can watch a movie. I rented Finding Nemo. I know that’s your favorite.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and it’s almost enough to make me smile too. “Call me back, okay? Please?” The message ends. I realize that I’m so in love with him that the way he says please makes me fall apart.
It’s not fair. It’s not fair how perfect he is. It’s not fair that he’s not mine. It’s not fair how lonely he makes me feel without even trying. It’s not fair that he’s my brother.
I hold my breath in an attempt to contain the small whimpers, but it’s no use. They escape without my permission. I brush away the tears furiously. It’s not worth it. He wouldn’t even care if he knew, I tell myself. Forcing myself to face the reality might make sense of everything and bring an end to all of these ridiculous feelings. But the more I repeat the words in my head, the worse it gets and the more it hurts. I take another turn and walk down yet another unrecognizable neighborhood. I don’t know where I’m going, but I don’t care.
“Milan?” I freeze when I hear the voice behind me. When I turn around, I’m surprised with who I find.
It’s Connor.
♠ ♠ ♠
Yeah. Connor. Hmmm. :)