Leave Your Fears Behind

Chapter 1
One year ago
Tempe, Arizona

Tempe scared me. But of course I would never say that out loud. Still, no matter how much I tried to deny it, that fact still burned in my body like the fires at hell, if that was for real. But well, my brother Nick didn’t know how I felt about Tempe, because he was clueless about what made me this way. He didn’t know why I’d tried various, and shitty, by the way, techniques just to keep myself from going on this trip with him because I never told him the exact reason why. And I didn’t plan on telling him.

With my trolley on tow and duffel bag on my other hand, I made my way towards Halvo’s car, Nick walking closely behind me with his own things. We were staying at Halvo’s apartment for the next two weeks, as if that wasn’t bad enough considering he was closely related to the reason why Tempe scared me. But I kept telling myself that it could have been worse. Halvo’s place was better than Nick actually deciding to get an apartment here in Tempe and get me to live here with him. The thought of him doing and merely suggesting that killed me.

“Margaret Ann Santino! It is so nice to see you again,” Halvo greeted as he walked over to me and gave me a hug. I frowned upon hearing my full name, but hugged him back anyway.

“Please, Eric Halvorsen. Just Meg. I don’t appreciate the formality or whatever it is you’re trying to do,” I grumbled, and he laughed as he let go of me.

“Well, aren’t you a lovely ray of sunshine today?” he said, shaking his head.

“Thanks to the weather. It’s so fucking hot in here,” I snapped as I let go of my baggage and fanned myself with both hands.

“That’s because it’s summer, and you’re in Arizona. Welcome, by the way,” Halvo said before grabbing my belongings and shoving them onto the trunk of his car. I said a quick thank you before welcoming myself into the backseat of his car. I checked my phone as I waited for him and Nick to get in, trying to keep my mind off the fact that I was in Arizona, but it was impossible.

“The Maine’s on a short break as well,” I heard Halvo say to Nick as both of them got in and I felt my stomach tighten at that, “They’re gonna be home for about three weeks. After that, they’re going on tour again.”

Oh, so basically they were here until Nick and I were. As if the mere fact that I was in Tempe didn’t scare me enough. Joy. And the chances of me running into him were...

“Cool. We should hang out with them tonight,” Nick said.

Great. “Tonight?” I joined in. “Come on, Nicky, isn’t jetlag kicking in yet?”

“You, of all people, are talking about jetlag?” Halvo laughed as he began to drive. “You don’t get tired, Meggy. You’re like this big ball of energy especially when alcohol is involved.”

I rolled my eyes, not knowing what to say because he was right. And really I didn’t have to, because apparently he wasn’t finished yet.

“Plus, John and the others really miss you. They kept saying they wanted to see you right away when I told them you and Nick were coming here,” he said.

“Oh, that’s good,” was all I said as I looked out the window, hoping Halvo would stop talking already. The mention of his name just made me a little more jumpy.

But I probably left my good luck in Massachusetts, because I wasn’t getting what I wanted.

“Especially John. I didn’t realize you two were close and all. I thought it was only Garrett and Kennedy you were really close with,” he continued.

“John and I had moments as well,” I nonchalantly replied with a dismissive wave of my hand as I continued looking out, once again hoping he would shut up. But this time, it only got worse, for Nick joined in as well.

“You never mentioned it to me, though,” he put in. “You did tell me stories about Garrett and Kennedy, but nothing about John. I actually thought you didn’t get along that well.”

I shrugged, but deep inside I was shaking, trying to find my way out of this. “Oh, I just have more memories with the two since they were the first ones I became friends with, and John was just on the latter part,” I answered, my voice calm, which was everything I wasn’t at the moment.

“Okay,” Halvo said, finally letting it go. I mentally heaved a sigh of relief as he started a new topic. “By the way, Nick, have you listened to the new Augustana record? It’s amazing!”

I spaced out of their conversation and finally pulled out my earphones. I attached them to my phone and scrolled down through the songs I had in there. I played Touch by Elissa Franceschi and let myself be drawn into her voice as we sped away, with me completely pushing aside all thoughts that were playing in my head.

Or not.

I mentally sighed, wondering what would have happened if I didn’t let my feelings get the better of me back then. Unfortunately, I did, and now it was all messed up. John O’ Callaghan V now knew I fancied him, and I had a feeling he wasn’t gonna let that one slip away.

“We’re here,” Nick announced, and I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to the front seat. After successfully parking his car, we all got out and got into Halvo’s place. It hadn’t change much since the last time I saw it. The walls were still filled with different posters and Vinyl records, and song lyrics. The living room was still the same, only this time he had a new plasma TV and also a new DVD player.

“I don’t know if I still have to say this, but make yourselves at home,” Halvo said with a shrug, as he put my things down. I looked at him and smiled widely, and then walked over to him and gave him a huge hug.

“Thanks, Halvo. And for being such a gentleman and carrying my things. I love you,” I said sweetly then looked up at him. He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

“Yeah, whatever,” he said, patting my shoulders then pushing me away. “So there’s your room. You can start fixing your things or whatever,” he instructed, pointing to a room beside his. “And also, decide if you wanna share it with Nick, or he can crash into mine. No homo.”

I scoffed, “I wanna be alone, thank you very much.”

“I heard that!” Nick called, emerging from the kitchen and giving me a stern look. “I won’t pretend I’m not hurt.”

“Nicky, you know I love you,” I said, walking over to him and pecking him on the cheek. “Don’t hate me.”

“You’re an I love you whore,” Halvo commented.

“Agree, and stop calling me Nicky,” Nick said, then looked at Halvo. “Hey man, I texted Garrett and told him we’ll crash at his place tonight and drink. He said it was okay.”

“Cool, so are we gonna buy the drinks now?” Halvo.

“Yeah.” Nick turned to me with a questioning look on his face. “You wanna come?”

I shook my head abruptly. “I wanna rest for a while,” I lied. Well it wasn’t exactly a lie, I mean I really wanted to rest, but I also didn’t want to go with them in case they were meeting with the others, or in case they just happen to run into John or something. As much as possible, I wanted to prolong seeing him again.

“Alright. Don’t break anything,” Halvo warned, throwing his car keys upwards and then catching it again. I rolled my eyes at his remark and also at his showing off.

“Whatever.”

They both said their goodbyes at me, and then they walked out of the apartment, leaving me there alone with one thing in my mind. Or one person.

Sighing, I decided to just do what Halvo said: fix my things. I grabbed my duffel bag and trolley and as I was walking to the room he’d given me, I passed by this shelf beside his television and upon noticing the frame that was there, I stopped walking and looked into the eyes of the young John Ohh beside the young Halvo. Wide grins were pasted on their faces and they looked so happy. The picture made me smile, and I wasn’t sure if it was plainly because I admired the brotherly love between the two of them. It could have been because I found John cute, too—but of course I’ll never acknowledge that.

I tore my eyes away from the picture, and finally walked inside my room for two weeks. I threw my bag onto the floor and plopped down the bed, taking my phone out of my pocket and placing it under the pillow. Then I shut my eyes, ready to rest for a few minutes, when all of a sudden I heard the doorbell ring.

I immediately thought it was either of my two earlier companions, forgetting something so they decided to come back. I had a feeling Halvo left his house keys on the couch maybe, since he’d placed them there when we got in, and he probably didn’t mind bringing it along because I knew I was just here, that’s why they were now here, pressing the doorbell numerous times.

The sound irritated me, and I kinda felt it was what they wanted to—irritate me. I opened my eyes and angrily shot up from the bed, walking noisily out of the room, my speech ready about how I hated them both.

I finally reached the door, but still they were pressing the doorbell. I grabbed the knob and turned it, pushing the door open with so much force. “I swear, I will fucking ki—”

But it wasn’t Halvo, nor Nick.

My mouth fell open and my eyes widened as I looked at his face wearing a smug smile, and eyes that seemed to study every single detail about my expression, and I immediately realized I was doomed.