Let's See What You're Not

Shim

This is how my life is now. There’s nothing I can do about it either seeing as there are some things in life that you just can’t change. Once you’ve started going one way, there’s no going back. This is it for me. No one else needs to know though. I don’t want them to know.

I finally built up the guts to move out last week. It’s not like I would’ve been able to stay with my parents much longer anyway. They would’ve kicked me out sooner or later, but this way it’s happening on my terms; not theirs.

Things have been hard at home. I had to get out of there, and now that I have, I feel great. I'm free. I'm safer. I say that because the streets aren’t exactly a safe place for a teenage boy to live. That’s right; I'm a seventeen year old boy who’s now living on the streets. Believe me when I say this, I have tried to get a job; it’s just a hell of a lot harder than it looks. I’m penniless. I can’t afford anything.

That side of life sucks. But you’ve got to try and be positive I suppose. I'm not dead; I guess that’s a bit brighter.

At the moment I’ve managed to do a pretty good job of keeping my lack of a home situation a secret. I'm pretty sure that only my parents know that I’ve left; not even they know I'm on the streets though. School would be hell if people found out. They’d rip me to pieces day in and day out if they knew, but luckily, that’s not going to happen. I'm careful. I sleep right out on the pier. Around here, you’d have to be insane to go to the end of the pier, so that’s how I know I'm safe there. It’s my own little place.

Plus, I don’t exactly have nosy friends or friends at all if I'm honest. Some would say I'm a bit of an outcast, but I'm like that for my own reasons. I don’t like anyone at school. And in case you’re wondering, I'm not bullied constantly or anything like that. No one messes with me. No one. If there’s any bullying involving me at school, it’s me being the bully. It’s the smartest role I could choose because people never try and get close to the bad guy that picks on everyone. It makes sense when you think about it. Sort of...

At the moment I'm really lucky. Sometimes the weather can get really bad around here, but so far it’s been pretty good or at least bearable for me. The temperature has never gotten that bad so I’ve been fine.

Every morning I have to get up pretty early. My options are pretty limited when it comes to being able to do things though. Sometimes I’ll have to go and use some public toilets to get a wash in the mornings, but there have been some days when they’ve been locked so I’ve basically had to make sure no one was around, strip off, and clean off a little in the sea. It’s the only choice I have. Or there’s the option of not washing at all.

There’s only a few ways I can get food. One way is to nick some from kids at school, and the other involves spending the little money I have, and the little I learn as a street musician. I don’t actually have a license for that though so I can’t stay in the same area for too long. Stupid legalities.

It’s complicated, but I'm coping. So far I haven’t had any of my things stolen; not even my guitar. It’s a miracle really. I have that thing with me everywhere I go. If someone took it from me, I’d freak.

Today I don’t have enough time to try and gain a little money by playing on a street corner. I slept in and now I’ve got to rush to school. I haven’t had chance to wash or anything... I suppose if I'm a little sneaky I might be able to get one in the showers at school, or if that fails I could settle for the bogs.

When I finally arrived at school I decided to just go straight to my first lesson instead of getting a wash and making myself even later.

The teacher gave me a weird look when I walked in but she didn't say anything so I knew I was being let off the hook for being late again today. As usual, the table in the far corner was empty. Everyone knows that that’s my table. I'm the only one who gets to sit there. Today that’s a good thing for everyone else seeing as I stink pretty bad right now. I’ve only got two outfits, my school one, and one to sleep in and wear out of school. Neither outfit has been washed in the past week.

Call me what you like, I don’t exactly have a great way of keeping clean right now. Deal with it... I’ve got to.

“I need you to get into twos for the next exercise,” Mrs. Morgan told us all.

She does this practically every maths lesson. She thinks by playing little card games, it’ll sink in more. Miss ends up working with me most of the time because there’s an odd number in the class. You’d think your ‘team’ would have an advantage with the teacher in it, but it doesn’t help at all. She makes me do all of it and because I'm thick, I can’t do it... So I don’t.

Miss doesn’t really like me...

I'm pretty sure she got bored of me a long time ago.

“Shimon, could you work with Emma today?”

I looked up and frowned at Mrs. Morgan.

“Why?” I snarled.

I have no problems with Emma. She hasn’t done anything to me, I'm not that nice to her, but I don’t have a reason for being horrible, I just am. She’s friends with Mark. He seems like a great guy too. He’s an easy target for me though... Like I said, I'm horrible.

“Meghan’s not in today, so you two have to pair up,” she explained calmly.

Well, that sounds reasonable enough.

Miss locked her eyes with me and then gestured towards Emma’s desk. I wasn't going to move. I like being difficult.

“Shimon,” she frowned.

No one calls me Shimon. If people call me anything at all then they call me Shim. I don’t get why she thinks she’s special enough to be different. Stupid woman.

“She’s got legs, ain’t she? She can come here.”

Emma looked around to face me then. She wasn't amused, not by a long shot. With a look of disgust on her face she got up and walked over to my table, which you know I hate sharing. As she sat down I gave her a ‘what the hell?’ sort of look that she did her best to ignore. Everyone else was working now and Miss just gave me and Emma our cards to sort out.

This is her idea of fun.

Maths on small pieces of paper.

“Okay,” Emma mumbled awkwardly, clearly not liking sitting near me anymore than I did her. “You can start sorting through that half and I’ll do this one,” she said quietly as she split the cards into roughly two equal piles.

Ha, she thinks I'm going to do this work.

I sat back and just looked at her.

She could feel my eyes on her, I could just tell.

“We’ll look a lot better if you do the work y’know,” I said as I lent in towards her again.

“Well you might actually learn something if you do it for yourself for once,” she snapped back at me under her breath.

Impressive.

“Fair enough,” I muttered, hiding the smirk that was trying to get onto my face. “How are you and Mark?” I asked, biting my tongue. She knows how hard I am on that kid and she hates the way I treat him. It’s great.

“Bloody leave him alone Shimon,” she hissed at me.

She called me Shimon! I didn't say she could call me that!

“Hit a nerve?” I asked slyly, deciding to ignore that she called me by my name.

“You know what, you’re an asshole Shimon Moore,” she said quietly, but at the same time she managed to sound confident.

Yeah... I know...