Let's See What You're Not

Mark

Everything was going pretty well in the tent, even though I was basically just sat there on my own with nothing to do. It was good to just listen to the waves and seagulls though. There’s something about the sea that always relaxes me.

After about an hour of being cooped up in the tent on my own, I started to get slightly bored of my surroundings. Everywhere I looked was the stupid green material of the tent; I don’t even like green! I knew I had to get used to it if I was going to stay in there all night though. How hard can it be? When I sleep everything’s dark anyway.

In the end I wound up leaving the tent, but not the beach so I technically wasn't abandoning my mission, I was just changing the circumstances a little bit.

I sat in the sand next to the tent and stared out at the ocean. It was beautiful. Sunset happened a while ago and it’s dark now but the sea at night is a really nice looking thing. The sea looked rough in the distance but I didn't mind that, in fact, I like it rough. Maybe that’s one of my reasons for liking Shim. You have to admit he’s a little rough around the edges.

My Nan loved the beach as well. When she used to live locally she’d come out here every day. I still remember when I was about six years old and she used to bring me out here every Saturday night to watch the sunset. Part of me is gutted that I missed it tonight, but at the same time seeing that would probably end up upsetting me.

I miss her. It’s been a few days now but I still feel the way I did when I was first told on the inside.

I felt a sharp wind suddenly start blowing against me. As I started to shiver I closed my eyes tightly and did something I thought I’d given up on doing. I prayed. I prayed for my Nan, pleading with God to look after her. I really hope she’s okay. I don’t care if there’s a heaven or a hell or if there’s nothing out there. I just want to know that my Nan's safe, no matter where she is or isn't.

When I opened my eyes I saw something. I'm certain there’s someone on the pier right now. Everyone around here knows that the end of the pier isn't safe though. I used to think we weren’t allowed there because there was a sea monster or something, but now I know it’s most likely related to how old and damaged our pier is.

It’s weird though, isn't it? As soon as I started praying, a person appears. It’s as if they popped up from nowhere because I know they weren’t there before.

I stared at the black figure for a few minutes, watching as they sat down and made themselves comfortable on the wooden floor; God that must be uncomfortable.

Who is it though?

Yes, I might sound insane, but what if it’s some reincarnation of my Nan? We are at the beach after all. This was her favorite place in the world so if she was to come back she’d do it here.

I looked around to make sure there was no one lurking about who could break into my tent or anything like that. The coast seemed clear.

Without giving it another thought I jumped up onto my feet and started walking towards the pier. My whole body was shaking from nerves, fear, and how cold it had rapidly become. They say it gets colder when a spirit manifests. Wow.

The further down the pier I got, the shakier my body became. I was terrified. My childhood was haunted by the monster at the end of the pier and now I'm going out there. Alone!

I let out a small whimper as I tripped on one of the boards.

“Crap,” I whispered, picking myself back up.

Why don’t I have night vision? It would solve all the problems I have with falling over in the dark.

Once I was close enough to see the body clearly in front of me, I froze. It definitely wasn't my Nan. It was definitely a person (not a monster).

“H-hello,” I whispered, making the person jump up in alarm.

I stepped closer to them. I have no idea why. For all I knew they could’ve been some serial killer hiding out in the last place anyone would look.

My eyes widened when the moonlight lit up their face.

It wasn't a killer.

Shim.

He glared at me before shoving me away from him.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” he barked at me.

I couldn’t answer him though.

It was true.

All I could think about was how Casper and his friends were right. He does live on the streets. He is homeless.

“Don’t ignore me!” he snapped. “What you playing at?!”

I looked down at the floor.

I'm hoping the reason he hasn’t punched me is because he’s realized who I am. I'm betting if it wasn't me he’d have thrown me over by now.

“I...I, er, didn't know you were here,” I whispered.

My eyes scanned over his bag and guitar as well as the blanket that was spread out across the ground. He really lives out here. How is that even possible? He’s my age and he’s living like this.

“What do you want?” he asked me, sounding as if he was running out of the tough guy questions.

“Why...Why are you out here?” I asked, hoping he’d be able to answer me.

“Mind your own business,” he hissed. “You can leave now.”

I stared at him. Does he really think I'm going to leave him out here like this? I'm not like everyone else. I care.

“No,” I told him.

“I don’t think you heard me-”

“No,” I said again, with a louder, firmer voice. “I'm not walking away from this.”

I'm not walking away from you.

“Mark,” he whispered, sounding dramatically weaker than he did only seconds ago.

“I'm a friend,” I told him. “I care about you and I'm not going anywhere.”

Right then I gazed directly into his eyes. He was scared. Shimon Moore was scared. On top of that he looked confused and slightly upset. I don’t want him to feel that way. Poor baby.

“Leave me alone Mark,” he whispered.

I could see a glisten in his eyes and the only thing it could’ve been was water. It doesn't take a genius to work out what that means.

“I can’t,” I told him, feeling confident enough to go against what he wants me to do and do what he needs me to. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

“Why not?!” he snapped, making me step away again. “You don’t even know why I'm out here. You’re just jumping to stupid conclusions,” he hissed at me. “Who’ve you been talking to?”

“What?” I whispered, failing to keep up with him.

He punched the side of the pier before clenching his hand to his chest. Idiot.

“Go away,” he sniffed. “I don’t want you here.”

“You can’t keep living like this,” I whispered, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He quickly pushed me off him. I thought he’d stop there but he didn't. He grabbed hold of my collar and pushed me down onto the floor so I was flat on my back.

I didn't want to cry, but it seriously hurt, plus I wasn't expecting it. He’s never physically hurt me before.

“Living like what?” he shouted, dropping down onto his knees and looking into my eyes. “I'm not living out here. You’re just like everyone else. You believe all those stupid rumors!”

“W-why do you have all your s-stuff then?” I asked him quietly, regretting it as soon as I felt his fist pounding against my stomach.

I let out a loud cry. I couldn’t take it.

“SHUT UP!” he yelled at me. “You know nothing about me.”

After a few more seconds he stood up and backed away from me.

I was crying like the sap that I am, but I'm certain he was doing it too.

Although I was in pain, I somehow managed to get up onto my feet.

“I'm...I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I shook my head at him, biting down on my tongue.

“Why don’t you leave me alone?” I sniffed, before running off towards the tent.

“Mark!” I heard him shout after me.

I didn't look back.

He’s blown it. He’s really messed things up this time.

When I was back in the tent I got straight into my sleeping bag and curled up into a ball, letting the tears come out. It’s not the pain that I'm crying over. I'm upset because of him. I'm upset that he’s messed all this up. I'm upset that I let him do this to me.

God I don’t even know how this happened. It just got out of hand way too fast.

Before I knew it, I’d managed to fall asleep. My mind was working like crazy but I somehow dozed off, just like that.

***
The sound of rain hailing down woke me from my sleep. It was so loud!

I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the light before looking at my watch and finding out it was only 3 o’clock. I'm awake at 3am because of a stupid storm.

Wait! Storm plus tent on a beach equals bad combination... What if the tide comes and attacks me? I know I phrased that stupidly but it could happen. The tent could blow over with me in it. The wind is howling so much I'm surprised it hasn’t already happened.

I started shivering as I sat up a bit. Some of my body was outside of the sleeping bag; I was so cold. I hate storms.

My heart started racing the longer I sat and listened to it. They are scary, you can’t deny that.

Just then a thought crossed my mind. If I'm scared and cold in here, what’s Shim going to be like out there? He hurt me today, but it doesn't mean I hate him or that he deserves to suffer out there.

Call me an idiot all you like but I'm going to help. I grabbed my coat and took in a deep breath before stepping out into the chaos.

It could’ve been a lot worse, trust me. The wind was blowing like the heavens had just opened and the rain was bitter cold, but I had my mind set on helping Shim, even if he didn't want it.

I ducked my head down and pushed through the madness, this time keeping my eyes on the ground to make sure I didn't fall over again. I'm soaked through already. This is horrible.

“SHIM!” I shouted, hoping he’d come to me so I didn't have to walk all the way out there again. it’s even darker this time as well. When he didn't respond I walked on a little further before calling his name a few more times. “Shim!”

I wrapped my coat tighter around myself before running towards where I could see him lying. He looked like he was still asleep. How do you sleep through this? Unless...

“Shim!” I panicked, shaking him to try and make him come around. “Shim, wake up! Please, just wake up!” I felt tears prickle in my eyes when he didn’t move.

He didn't have the blanket over him. Why is he such an idiot?

“Shim,” I whispered. “I need you to wake up,” I sighed.

I shook him a few more times.

When his eyes finally flickered open I pulled him right into my arms. I know it was a stupid thing to do but I was so happy that he wasn’t...you know.

He cursed a few times under his breath. He was shaking even more than I was!

“Come with me,” I ordered, lifting him up onto his feet.

He pointed towards his bag and the blanket. I put the bag over my shoulders and rolled my eyes when I lifted the blanket. It was covering his guitar. It was in a case anyway so it would’ve worked a lot better if he wrapped himself in it instead.

“You’re stupid,” I told him once I had hold of all of his stuff.

I was surprised he let me carry his things to be honest. Shim’s really possessive.

He was shaking a ridiculous amount and he looked like he was finding it hard to walk. I put an arm around him for a bit of support, but I was hesitant to do that after what happened earlier.

He didn't lash out this time. Thank God.

I helped him all the way back to the tent. When we arrived there he just stared at it. I knew he didn't want to go in but I wasn't going to give him a choice.

He nodded at me when we were both inside; I assumed it was his silent way of saying thank you. Part of me was hoping he’d be a bit more grateful than that, but I know Shim isn't the sort to show his appreciation for anything.

“You’re soaking,” I sighed, looking at how his drenched clothes were drowning him.

He nodded, sniffing slightly.

I pulled my outfit for tomorrow out of my bag and threw it at him. He just stared at it. He isn't making this easy for me.

“Change into that,” I told him. “It’ll be warmer.”

Instead of reacting in a normal way he just stared at me with worried eyes. He’s so cute when he doesn't talk, I smirked.

“I’ll turn away,” I promised him. “I don’t want you to freeze.”

He simply nodded and waited for me to turn the other way. As soon as I did I could hear him taking off his clothes. At least he’s doing something I asked him to.

You might be wondering why I haven’t gone home. Truth is I really want to do this. I need to do this. Yes, I am being selfish by risking Shim’s well being and staying out here, but I'm that desperate.

I’m also aware that you lot know I can be slightly perverted and that I have a mega crush on the man changing behind me, but I could see the fear in his eyes. I'm not taking any sneaky peeks. Shim’s so much quieter than I first thought. I’d feel bad if I turned around, even if he didn't notice.

“You okay?” I asked him, still not turning back.

“Y-yeah,” he whispered.

“Can I look?”

“Yeah.”

I turned back and smiled at him. His hair was still dripping but I knew he’d be warmer in my thick dry stuff then his thin soaking wet clothes.

“It suits you,” I smiled, admiring how baggy it looked on him.

He smirked at me.

“You know, you don’t need to sit all the way over there,” I explained, pointing out that he’s been sat at the opposite end of the tent since we got in here.

He smiled and shuffled a little closer to me. He was still shaking.

“Before... I'm really sorry,” he told me quietly. “I was way way out of order. I...I don’t know what happened.”

“I won’t say you didn't upset, because you did. I'm okay now though,” I smiled at him.

The minutes back there when I thought he was dead were enough for to forgive him for everything he’s ever done to me. I can’t imagine what I’d be like if he died back there. Losing my Nan and him in such close proximity would’ve killed me inside. I don’t know how I could’ve recovered from something like that; I wouldn't be able to.

“T-thanks,” he shivered.

I smiled at him. The look on his face said it all. He knew I’d saved him tonight. He knows he’d be dead if it wasn't for me. It’s painful to think about what would’ve happened if I didn't know he was there. If my Nan didn't die, I wouldn't have been in the tent. I wouldn’t have prayed to her and noticed him on the pier. I would’ve thought Casper was spreading false rumors and that Shim was lovingly tucked up in bed with his family. I never would’ve found him.

“I'm so glad you’re okay,” I told him, meaning every word of it.

He nodded, ducking his head down and hiding from me. I smirked at him. This is the only time we’ve been completely alone together. I really like it. I know it seems sort of awkward, but until he’s comfortable with me, that’s how it’ll always be. We’re progressing now. He doesn't bully me anymore and we actually talk to each other. I think he likes me. He’s at the least decided not to hate me anymore.

“You look freezing,” I told him.

“A bit,” he said through chattering teeth.

I knew he wouldn’t like what I was going to suggest next, but there’s little choice right now. He’ll have to understand why I'm asking.

“Do you want to, erm, get in the sleeping back?” I asked him nervously. “With me?”

His eyes widened when I suggested that and I'm sure I saw a blush on his face. He really doesn't want to sleep with me (not like that).

“You said you were cold,” I reminded him.

“I'm warm now,” he tried to assure me.

Fail Shim. You must be the worst actor ever.

“You’re being stupid,” I told him honestly. “There’s one sleeping bag and I don’t want either of us to freeze tonight, so get in it.” I smirked at the alarmed look on his face. He looked shocked that I was being so blunt with him too. I suppose he’s used to me being shy and beating around the bush when I talk to him. Now, we’re completely alone though. I don’t need to worry about making a fool out of myself here. I can say and do what I like.

“I don’t like...c-contact,” he told me shamefully. “You don’t get it.”

“I'm not going to do anything,” I assured him. “I swear I'm only trying to help.”

“I'm fine here,” he told me firmly.

I can’t believe this. Looks like I'll need to beat him in an argument, somehow.

“I risked my life going out in that storm to save you,” I told him, over exaggerating slightly. “If you mess everything up now, I’ll get really pissed off Shim. If you won’t get in for your benefit, then do it for me because I'm sick of seeing you hurt.”

He didn't say anything, but he did what I wanted. If he doesn't like body contact then I completely understand why he doesn't want to squeeze into a sleeping bag with me. I do feel mean forcing him to do it, but I know it’s better for him to warm up. He’s probably already ill thanks to the storm and whatever else he’s been through on the streets. I just wish I could make everything better for him.

I budged up in the sleeping bag so there was as much space there for him as possible.

“You don’t need to be scared,” I whispered as he started getting in.

If I was dreaming right now, I’d be so turned on by all this. I sound horrible but it’s true. The fact that this is real changes everything though.

“I'm not,” he hissed.

When we were both inside the tent my breathing quickened dramatically. I was in a sleeping bag with the guy I’ve crushed on for God knows how long. We’re pressed up against each other. This is driving my body and mind crazy.

He was so tense against me; I knew he didn't want to be in there.

“That’s warmer, isn't it?” I asked him, trying to keep conversation going for a bit longer.

“It’s stupid though,” he mumbled.

I laughed as he tried to turn around to face me. It wasn't going too well as we were in a sleeping bag (obviously). He cussed a few times before he finally managed to turn his body around. He smirked at me.

“That looked fun,” I told him stupidly.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Being in a sleeping bag with you, and trying to turn to see your face is what I’d call fun too.”

I stared at him when he said that. I didn't know how to take it. Was he being sarcastic? Was he complimenting me? I didn't expect so many words to come from his mouth, especially not ones with the suggestions they had.

“I'm joking,” he whispered after taking in my confused expression.

After that we just lay there looking at each other; it’s not like we had anything else to look at. For some reason I didn't feel weird looking at him, maybe it was because he was looking at me too.

Shim moved a little bit without me noticing. I let out a small squeak when I felt his arm brush against mine. It was bloody freezing! Didn’t see it coming at all!

“Sorry,” he laughed.

“You feel like a bloody ice cube,” I told him teasingly, putting my hand to his arm again.

He smirked at me and although he was trying to refrain from laughing, it still came out.

“I probably am one right now,” he told me quietly.

I took a deep breath before saying what I said next.

“Can I ask you something?” I whispered.

He stopped smiling then and put a serious face on, knowing I wasn't messing around anymore.

“I guess so,” he mumbled unsurely.

I smiled at him. I really appreciate this because the Shim I'm used to seeing around school would never let me ask him something, especially when he knows it’s going to be personal. That’s the main reason why I asked him first; it’s as if I need permission to talk to him...

“How long have you been out here?” I asked him. “Living on the streets...I don’t understand,” I said quietly.

He doesn't deserve to be out here; no one does. That’s just how life is though. Society is a mess.

“I don’t-” he tried to tell me but I wasn’t convince one bit.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” I told him supportively. “I mean, if you want to pretend to be something you’re not for me, go ahead, but... I don’t want you to and you don’t need to; not for me.”

He looked so shocked when I told him that. In some ways he even looked a little emotional. It’s as if no one’s ever said kind words to him before.

“A few months,” he whispered. “It’s not been that long.”

I nodded at him. I had this urge to hug him but I knew he wouldn't appreciate that with his hate of body contact and everything. Being this close to me must be hell for him...

Living on the streets to so long must be hell for him too. I know he’s says it hasn’t been long, but anything over a few days sounds too long to me. It’s not right.

“Why?” I whispered.

He shook his head at me.

“You can trust me,” I told him. “Were you kicked out?”

“Ask something else,” he told me. “I'm not talking about that Mark.”

A shiver passed through me at the sound of my name coming out of his lips. No one says it better than he does.

“When did you start playing guitar?” I asked him with a cheeky smile on my face.

He gave me a weird look then which earned a laugh from me.

“You wanted me to changed the subject, right?” I laughed.

“I was thirteen,” he told me.

As he said it I couldn’t help noticing his eyes glaze over.

“Are you alright?” I asked him, feeling a vast amount of worry rushing through me.

He nodded at me but the look on his face told me he wasn't.

“I'm good,” he whispered.

He wasn’t. There was something bothering him.

“Please tell me,” I said as calmly as I could. “I can help.”

“I'm fine Mark,” he said, sounding a lot less annoyed than I thought he would. “I'm gonna try sleep now.”

I studied his face, certain that he was hiding something from me. I'm not even sure why I want to know so much. I have to be there for him though. He needs me; I know he does.

“Night Shim,” I whispered, watching as he closed his eyes and drifted off.

I wish I could understand him.