Let's See What You're Not

Mark

We were having a nice lazy evening at my house. Homework’s died down now, in the build-up to Christmas, so Emma and I don't need to feel guilty about collapsing on the sofa and watching TV instead of working. We’re not wasting time because there isn't a better way to spend it yet. School finishes tomorrow so we’ll finally get a break from it all. I’d like to say I'm excited, but I don't know yet. Christmas isn't as magical when you’re older and this year the family will be missing someone. Nan loved Christmas. She was one of those people who’d get you gifts that a five year old loved for your entire life. I’ll miss that. I rarely had much use for her presents, but they always made me smile.

Dad had been back to work today for the first time since Shim went to the shelter. He still won’t tell me what happened, but I'm guessing Shim did something to get him so shaken up. He hasn’t spoken to me either. To be honest, I'm starting to give up hope that he ever will. I ruined our friendship by freaking him out and kissing him. There’s no going back from that. This probably proves that we weren’t as close as I first thought. If he did like me, as a friend, then he’d want us to move on from this. He should forgive me.

“Oh wow, thank you!” Emma smiled as my mum brought in a tub of ice-cream.

I smiled too, but my mind was elsewhere. It has been for a while now and even my parents have noticed it. I'm surprised Emma hasn’t slapped me for being so hung up over Shim.

“No problem, hun,” mum told her.

I expected her to stay in here and hang around with us, but she went upstairs instead. I bet she’s getting things ready for Christmas still. The whole family’s coming over. Our family isn't huge or anything, but it’s a lot of work keeping up with everyone. The kids used to annoy me all the time, but they’re older now so they won’t be as bad, I hope. Even if they are, I won’t be alone with them because dad invited Emma and her granddad over too.

“I love your mum,” Emma told me. “Not like a milf,” she added before laughing at herself. I laughed too, obviously.

“I'm sure Kent will be glad to hear that,” I told her, making her smirk.

“Shhh.” She laughed. “He might not even like me, so don't.”

“Emma,” I sighed, forgetting all about Shim and thinking about her instead. “He’s basically asked you on a date after the game. That means he likes you.”

“We’ll see,” she said calmly before putting a music channel on. It wasn’t playing a song we knew, but we let it play anyway.

After a while a couple songs we liked came on and we went mental. Literally mental. By that I mean, dancing around the living room and singing along from the top of our lungs. If I was with anyone other than Emma, this would be embarrassing. I can’t sing or dance or anything, but it doesn't matter with her. That’s why she’ll always be my best friend.

We collapsed down on the sofa again when the adverts came on, acting as if that sudden outburst hadn’t even happened.

“Ice-cream?” she offered, shoving the box in front of my face.

“How could I say no?” I said, taking it off her and eating a big scoop.

I'm so unhealthy. The hockey game’s tomorrow as well, but oh well. Most of the team hate me as it is, so being more unfit that usual isn't going to change that relationship.

“You’re such a good athlete,” she teased as I scoffed ice-cream down my throat.

“I do try.” I laughed.

I know I said that most of the team hate me before, but things did get a little better at training the other day. They started passing to me more and didn't act like they wanted to kill me as much. It was good. I'm assuming Casper or Kent had a word with them, because before then, none of them acted civil towards me.

The next morning, something terrible happened. Emma phoned and told me she was ill and can’t go to school. I couldn’t believe it, but she sounded awful. Last night, she was fine but now she’s got a horrible cold and she’s throwing up everywhere. It literally couldn’t have happened at a worse time. It’s the last day of school! It’s Christmas! She has a date with Kent tonight! Plus there’s the fact that I have no one if she isn't in. Shim doesn't talk to me and I don't have any other friends. What am I meant to do? I sound ridiculously selfish, but I can’t help it. I'm alone without her.

“Do you need a lift to school?” mum asked me when I was done on the phone.

“Okay,” I sighed. “You know, I think I'm feeling a bit ill today.”

“Nice try,” she told me, knowing exactly what I was doing, “but you’re going to school and you’re winning the game tonight.”

“Mum-”

“I'm not stupid, Marky.” She laughed at me.

I frowned but knew she wasn't going to let me stay off. There was no chance.

“Emma’s not in, though and we never do proper work on the last day!”

“You’re going school,” she said with a smile.

Perfect.

When I got there, the first person I saw was Casper. He was on his own so I decided that it was safe to go and talk to him. What else could I do? I thanked mum for the lift and went over to say hi. We can talk about the match tonight or something. It’ll probably be the only conversation I have all day since Emma’s not in.

“Hey, Goodwin,” he called out when he saw me walking over.

“Hi,” I said awkwardly.

I begged that he’d say something else now because I’ll look like an idiot if he doesn't say anything.

“Are you ready for tonight?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait,” I answered. “Did you, erm, really want me playing?”

“Yes!” He laughed at me. “You’re a great player, idiot. Plus you’re better company than most of them.”

I found that hard to believe. I can barely hold a sentence when I'm talking to people I don't know well, like Casper, so why would he prefer me to other people?

“Most of them are... Yeah,” I agreed.

“Arrogant dicks?” he filled in for me. I laughed. “That’s why I like you. You don't even know how good you are, mate.”

I smiled at him. Casper likes me. Before it was just because I made him look good when we played together, but now it’s more than that. Maybe I can fit in with people other than Emma. She’s obviously always going to be my best friend, but if other people can like me, then I can maybe have other friends too. Ha, as if Casper Campbell would be my friend. I usually wouldn't want him to be, but I need someone, right?

“Thanks, you’re pretty good too.”

“I know I am.” He laughed when I gave him a weird look. “Hey, I never said I wasn't an arrogant dick, I just said I don't like other people who are.”

“At least you’re honest about it.” I smirked.

I couldn’t help thinking about someone else then. Shim was always open and honest about being an asshole. I never completely believed him, but maybe he was right.

I walked with Casper to my locker to get some stuff out for music first lesson. I was surprised that he was still hanging around with me because his actual friends were probably here as well now. Why is he spending time with me? I bet I sound like a judgemental jackass right now. Casper’s a nice guy when he wants to be. I have no reason to judge him about this stuff.

“You’re a quiet guy, but I bet you’ll be a right laugh when we get to know you,” he told me.

“Erm, thanks,” I told him, not knowing how else to respond to that.

“See! You’re so shy and polite,” he teased me, “it’s great!”

“Shut up.” I laughed at him.

“Now that’s more fucking like it!” He shouted, jokingly punching my arm.

I hit him back for a laugh, not really knowing how I'm meant to act around the guy.

“Back up, tough guy.” He laughed at me.

“Is someone scared?” I teased him back, praying that we were both joking and he wasn't about to hit me.

Suddenly, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. He wasn't punching me so I assumed I hadn’t done anything wrong.

“That’s fighting talk, man, I like it,” he told me as he walked down the corridor with me, his arm tightly around my shoulder. “Fancy skipping first with me and the guys?” he asked.

I have music first and I love music. On the other hand, Emma isn't in and Shim probably is, so maybe getting away from that awkward situation will be worth it, even if I do end up getting into trouble for skipping. Hanging around with the guys involves getting to know new people and that’ll hopefully lead to me not being hated by the team anymore. Its win-win opportunity here.

“Why not?” I answered with a smile.

He squeezed me tighter then, making me laugh, before carrying on dragging me around.

“Where we going anyway?” I asked.

“No where special.”

He took me to the back of the school. I hadn’t been around there before; I've never needed to be. The rest of the team were there too, just as he said they’d be. I only know Casper, Archer and Kent by name, so it was slightly intimidating to see them all there. They’re almost strangers to me. I recognise them all, obviously, but I can’t say that I know them.

“Goodwin said he’d bunk off with us for a bit, so I thought we’d have some fun as a whole team,” Casper told them, most likely because of the way they were looking at me. I doubt any of them expected me to be here.

They all broke off into their own conversations, then Casper left me to go and talk to some other guys.

Luckily for me, Kent came over before I could start panicking about what I'm meant to do now.

“Is Emma ready for tonight?” he asked me straight away.

Oh dear.

“She’s kind of ill at the moment,” I told him awkwardly. “I know she really wants to be there, though. If she wasn’t throwing up then... yep.”

Why am I so weird? I probably wasn't meant to say she was throwing up either, that’s a gross thing to know about someone you’re interested in. Then again, what would I know?

“Shit,” he sighed. “I hope she gets better soon then, with Christmas and everything.” He looked genuinely gutted to hear what I had to say. “Has she said anything about me?”

I stood still for a few moments. Am I meant to tell him she likes him? If he likes her, then I don't see why I shouldn’t.

“She likes you, I know that.”

He grinned at me and bit his lip a little.

“I like her too, like really like her. Could you give her my number if you see her? I’d go visit, but if she’s ill I’d best not.”

“Sure,” I promised him. “I'm sure she’ll appreciate it.”

“I hope so.”

I stayed with the team the rest of the day and even learnt a few more names. They weren’t all horrible, but some of them did seem a bit too arrogant. I think they liked me, at least a little bit. None of them seemed like best friend material, but I know it’ll be good for me to have a few friends here.

Until lunch came around, I’d actually forgotten all about Shimon Moore. I was sat with the team, next to Casper, and I could feel eyes on the back of my head. When I turned around, he was stood there, glaring right at us. He didn't even try to hide it! Part of me wanted him to come over here and say something, but he didn't. I wanted to hear his voice again. I wanted him to speak to me again.

That was when my head once again filled with thoughts of the scruffy guy I kissed a week ago. If I wasn't with these guys, I would’ve seen him in music. I would’ve loved that. I know that I need to get away from him, though. He clearly doesn't care about me, so I need to get over him.

I jumped when I felt something sharp hit my face. It was garlic bread. What the hell? The table started laughing and I tried my best not to look embarrassed.

“Real mature,” Casper mumbled.

“What?!” Archer laughed.

I’ll always hate Archer. I bet he’s the one that threw it at me.

“You know what,” Casper hissed, glaring at his teammate.

“I was doing you a favour Cas! He was too busy staring at that freak to listen to ya!” Archer responded harshly.

I wasn't staring at him. I know I wasn't. The blush that crept onto my cheeks said otherwise, though.

“If only that wasn’t bullshit,” Casper sighed, before going back to the speech he was making.

I hate to say it, but Archer might’ve been right. I didn't know Cas was talking. I didn't know because I was thinking about Shim.

When lunch was over, I thanked Casper for sticking up for me, but he acted like it was nothing. It did mean something, though. If the captain didn't take my side, then the whole team would’ve turned on me.

We headed to the changing rooms together when school was over, getting ready for the last game before Christmas. It was going to be a good one and I was determined to win it. By the sounds of the changing rooms, everyone else had that same mindset.

“Archer’s a dick, okay? Don’t let him ruin your game,” Casper told me as we were changing.

“I won’t,” I said, certain of my own words.

I won’t let Archer get to me.

“You can do this Mark,” he whispered. “I know you can.”

His words echoed through my head as we walked out onto the pitch. My mum and dad were watching, Emma obviously wasn’t, but I spotted someone else in the crowd too.

Shim was here.