Let's See What You're Not

Mark

Dad drove me into school the next day as he doesn’t have to work in the mornings at the moment. He hasn’t actually told me why he has the mornings off so I'm just going along with it.

“How was band practise last night then?” he asked me, sounding like more of a friend than a dad though.

“Josh wants us to start writing our own music,” I told him, not looking happy about it.

“Smile buddy, that’s a good thing isn't it?”

I just shrugged my shoulders at him.

“Not really,” I whispered. “I like it when we just mess around. What if it stops being fun when we go ‘serious’?”

“Have you spoke to Emma and Josh about how you feel?” he asked me. “Chances are that as long as you three are friends you’ll have fun no matter what you’re doing.”

“You're probably right,” I muttered.

I might mention it to Emma in school today, but I might accidentally forget to bring it up with Josh. He doesn’t always like it when people don’t agree with him.

I was slightly surprised when I told Emma about how I felt about the band at break. She felt the way I did too.

“Is it just me,” she wondered, “or do you feel like it’s not as much fun as it used to be?”

“Sort of,” I admitted. “I love being in the band and everything, but... I don’t know,” I sighed. “I don’t want to sound mean, but I think it’s to do with Josh,” I told her. Josh is great, but over the years we’ve really driven apart. When I think about it, we don’t even know that much about him.

“You think he doesn’t fit in?” she asked quietly. When I nodded the look on her face told me that she was feeling the same. “He’s older and I guess he’s ready to really get out there,” she explained.

“One day I want to as well, but not yet, you know?”

“Same. Maybe if we have a few songs and did a few gigs, we might feel ready though.”

I shrugged my shoulders at her. How would I cope on stage? I'm really shy in front of crowds and people I don’t know. If I was put in front of a room full of people and had to play for them I’d constantly make mistakes and end up really embarrassing myself. I can’t do that. I seriously don’t have the guts to go out and do something like that.

“You’d be fine Mark,” Emma reassured me, obviously knowing what I was thinking about. “We’ll take it one step at a time,” she smiled.

One step at a time ay? Well, what choice do I have?

“I’ll try,” I whispered unsurely. All I can do is give this my best.

***

It wasn't until I was on my way to the canteen at lunch that I saw Shim that day. It was weird because I usually spot him all the time.

Just as he was about to walk past me I put my hand out and grabbed his arm. Oh God. What was I thinking? You don’t just touch Shimon Moore’s arm and get away with it. I just wanted his attention. He was going walk right past me! What choice did I have? Okay... This isn't normal.

“What?” he snapped. He didn't seem as angry as usual though, it looked more like stress today.

“I er...um.” What am I meant to say? “I didn't tell anyone you nicked my lunch,” I rushed out.

God I'm an idiot. How pathetic can you sound in front of a guy you like?

“Good,” he smiled a little. “You, erm... Have you got any food today?” he asked quietly, looking like the shy one of us for once.

“Want some?” I asked, feeling proud of how we’ve held this conversation so far.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

Okay, here’s the plan. I need to man up and say he can only share my lunch if he comes and sits with me. We’ll have more time together then. Where’s my devious side suddenly come from? I’ve been scared to talk to him properly for so long, but it’s actually going pretty well right now.

“If you come and sit with me you can have some,” I told him, sounding a lot shyer again now.

He looked at me for a few seconds as if he was thinking about the offer I’d just given him. Under normal circumstances he’d just beat me up and take my food, but today he’s actually thinking about doing something nice to deserve it.

“Okay,” he sighed.

Then just like that we were walking towards the canteen together. Me and Shimon Moore. I can honestly say that I never imagined this happening.

When we sat down there were a few people already at the table who were giving us weird looks, none of them asked anything about us though. The questions won’t start until Emma gets here.

As I was rummaging through my bag to get my lunch out, which is now in a new lunchbox thanks to the guy I'm sat next to, I started to hear Shim’s stomach rumbling. I didn't realize he was that hungry!

“Don't your parents feed you?” I jokingly asked as I passed him one of my sandwiches.

He smiled and then looked away from me.

“You’re not much of a talker today,” I pointed out to him. Maybe he’s quieter than I am. I mean, I’ve never seen him with friends or anything like that.

“I’d blame the company,” he muttered. “It’s not like I’ve got any reason to talk to you.”

Ouch. I had to turn away from him when he said that. Is this like a daily routine for him now? He has to upset me at least once a day. He’s definitely accomplished it today. If I wasn't in a room with other people as well as him then I probably would’ve started crying. He’s an ass. No matter how much I want him not to be; I’ll never be able to change him.