The Trouble of Taboo

Neil’s POV

I watched her as she started to partake in the food; I saw her smile, so it must have been at least edible, but I could not quite bring myself to eat. She looked up at me and before I knew it “Why do you injure yourself in that way, dear?” I asked, my mouth moving before my brain could think about whether it was a good idea. I saw her froze instantly and I ardently wished I could take the words back. She placed her fork down and sighed looking down at the table. “I apologise, that inquiry sneaked out.” I told her, wondering why I just had to go about and destroy an almost perfect moment.

“No, it’s okay.” She whispered, and I looked up in her direction, she had a slight wry smile on her face. “It’s fair enough that you should ask I’m just not used to people knowing or caring enough to ask.” She told me, and I could feel my heart break for her. I reached over and took her hand in my own. My thumb absently rubbed the back of her hand; it registered in my mind that her skin was so soft and beautiful; I smiled a little and she smiled back at me. “It’s mainly because I have too many things going on in my head, that I just need a release, and this is quieter than screaming, attracts less attention to.” She said sadly, I was about to explain that I would much prefer that, when she began to talk. “But it’s also because; it’s my way of punishing myself.” I looked at her bewildered.

“What do you mean? What could you possibly need to punish yourself for? Does your father not do that enough for you?” I asked her. I had to work to keep my voice void of the anger that manifested when I contemplated the actions of her father towards her.

“But for my parents to act the way they do towards me, I must have done something really bad, so I’m punishing myself for it, and then there’s... well you. I shouldn’t like you, it’s compromising so many things for you and me, and it goes against what people think is right and it’s just wrong, or so I’m lead to believe.” She trailed off and I rose, pulling her up into an embrace.

“Please refrain from causing yourself suffering in relation to us. Please?” I implored her, a tear managed to escape as I pondered about such a beautiful girl, this beautiful girl, who is meant to be experiencing the joys that come at the beginning of living, but who is instead wanting to injure her sweet self, partly in reaction to having unexplainable feelings to myself. I retreated slightly, my brain bringing forth something she had mentioned before. “One minute, you said how your parents act towards you? Do you mean to tell me that your mother does such acts as well? I assumed that if your father was getting away with such evil that she was not, could not possibly be... present.” I finished lamely. I should have learnt long ago not to assume things, but honestly, how can any mother stand by and allow her husband to do unforgivable acts to her daughter, to this beautiful, fragile but wonderful girl.

“Well, she’s not really around, as such. She works at the boys’ end. She tends to live in a flat in town and rarely comes home but when she does, she makes sure I know it.” She told me and looked down at her wrist, and I recalled that she had hurt it incredibly badly, to such an extent that she could not stand up on her own. I examined her hand, seeing an impression; my fingers brushed over it. My eyes bored into hers, wanting to know how it was formed. “It’s from her high heel.” She told me and I inhaled, how could a mother do such a thing! “It was my own fault, I provoked her, picked up on her insecurities, I deserved it.” She told me in a whisper. I placed my hand under her chin and looked straight into her eyes.

“No Paige! You did not deserve that. That is abuse! No parent should do what yours do. Trust me, please?” I told her, my heart crying a river for her. How could she think this was acceptable? “Paige?” I said and she looked up at me. “Have you ever told anyone else, other than me, about all this?” I asked her, and her eyes instantly fell to the floor and I saw them fill up with tears. I pulled her to me. “It is okay.” I told her. How much unscrupulousness had she been through? Surely an abusive mother and father was enough. She pulled away from me and I looked at her, brushing away her tears with my hand.

“It was a couple of years ago, my first boyfriend I guess, if you could call him that. I was round his, and he asked why I was always hurt and stuff. I thought I could trust him, so I told him everything one night. He told me the best way to get over it all, especially my father, was to have sex with him. I didn’t want to, but I wanted to show him I loved him. Anyway, the next day I went to school and he’d told this girl at our school who made sure that everyone knew I was a whore for my “daddy”.” She told me and I had to resist the urge to punch something. I pulled her to me and let her cry it out. I laughed a little as I saw the dinner table, Paige looked up at me.

“Would you like any more of that?” I questioned and she smiled a little.

“No, but it was really good.” She told me. I smiled at her and pulled her into the living room, where I saw Dirty Dancing ready to be played. I looked towards her, “I was surprised you had it.” I smiled slightly. “It gives me hope. I used to be like Baby; I thought there was no one who could love me like my father. When I got older and realised what he was doing was wrong, she gave me hope that I’d find my own Patrick Swayzee. I guess I kind of have.” She told me hiding behind her fringe.

“Well, I have never been compared to Patrick Swayzee.” I told her, and she giggled. “I certainly cannot dance like him.” I told her, glad to see her happy. I desperately wanted to be the one to ensure that she was forever happy and in my arms. She looked at me as we sat down on the couch; I opened my arm and she came and leant against me, smiling some more.

“You might not be able to dance like him, but you’re my hero.” She whispered, her face turned a deep red. I looked at her, smiled and leant down to kiss her. I wanted nothing more than to be her hero and I promised myself that I would never let anyone hurt her again; I just hoped that I would not be the cause of any pain for her. Although, the biggest hurdle I had yet to overcome was to somehow, stop her from hurting herself. It was a dilemma for sure.

Paige’s POV

I smiled into the kiss. He was amazing, and no matter how corny I’d sounded, I really meant it when I said he was my hero. He pulled back and looked at me a slightly serious look in his eyes. “Tomorrow shall we go and retrieve your items? I meant what I said before about you not going back there and considering Lucy is most definitely not coming back here, there are no issues that I can see with you staying. I can be your guardian, just a secret guardian.” He told me and smiled a little bit. I looked up at him, thoughtfully, I wanted to get away from home, but could I really move in with my teacher? What if I let something slip to someone? I didn’t want to get him into trouble. “I should mention that, unless you have somewhere other to stay, I am not allowing you to say no. He added, nudging me out of my thoughts, I smiled up at him.

“Okay then. I just don’t want to get you into trouble with the school is all.” I told him, reminding him that we were still officially teacher and student. He shrugged it off and pressed play on the movie.

“To be honest, I would rather have you safe. You are more important to me than anything the school thinks. Just try not to tell Ali or someone, please?” He asked me and I giggled a bit.

“I promise. I told you, she doesn’t know all that much about me. I think you know more about me than she does. I just listen to her and help her with her stuff.” I told him, shocked that I had just said that; I’d never even thought of our friendship like that, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to be true. I was around because she knew I’d give her the attention and do whatever she asked of me. Neil looked at me and pulled me to him.

“Being here with me does not mean that you should stop being friends with her. There is room in your life for both of us.” He told me gently; he was always worrying about me. He had to be if he thought it was okay for me to stay at his house, which is when something clicked.

“Neil?” I asked, my voice showing slightly that I was nervous, he looked back from the film and at me. “Where am I going to... um... sleep?” I asked him, almost dreading his reaction and his answer, which was weird seeing as an hour ago I was pressing myself up against him, but still I didn’t think I’d actually go all the way with him. He was older than me and my teacher and I didn’t really know him properly. The sound of him laughing pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked at him puzzled.

“I apologise, but after me saying I would not sleep with you, you actually thought I would make you share a bed with me?” He laughed a little again. “Silly Paige. I have a spare room that is now all yours.” He told me smiling. I was surprised when I smiled back, normally I got upset when people called me silly, but with him, it was obvious he was joking and that he didn’t really think I was. Everything about myself was changing the more I got to know him, which was good, but secretly I hoped I wouldn’t change so much I didn’t know myself anymore. It was going to be interesting living with him.