The Trouble of Taboo

It was later that afternoon, Ali and I were hanging out in our favourite coffee shop, the one place in our little town where we could hang out and talk without having to worry about anyone or anything else, except coffee and talking.

“So, what was with you in Mr Pearls’ class?” Ali asked me and I sighed, shrugging.

“Nothing. Why?” I asked her, sipping at my frappacino, not quite meeting her gaze. Ali looked at me, I could feel her stare tying to look into my mind, so I put up all my blockades towards her.

“You were all smiles and distracted from actual work. That’s never happened in the three years I’ve known you. Nothing has ever gotten through your fixation on work. You like him don’t you?” I looked up at her, my mouth open.

“Wha?? What? No! That’s ridiculous! He’s our teacher and like 20 years older than us. Plus, when have you ever known me to do something completely against the rules?” I knew I was being too obvious to anyone listening to my tone and looking at my blushing cheeks but Ali was focusing on my questions, on my character, on the girl she knew.

“I know. You’ve never broken a single rule, pushed a few boundaries.” She glanced up at my hair. It was dyed a purple red colour and I’d only just gotten away with it because the assistant head had liked the colour, it was a surreal experience: I’d been sent to ask him if it was okay, and he’d told me to turn around, getting a good look. I’d never felt so violated just from a gaze but I was sure it couldn’t be meant that way. I’m not a pretty girl, I’m average and curvy. No one wants a girl who’s curvy; boys all want slim things. Anyway, he said it was okay, so I’d gotten off with it. “Well that and your make up, but yet you always get away with it, with no more than a slap on the wrist. However, there was something about how you behaved in that class; I’d never seen it before. It was like a different you, a confident you, which is great!” She added hastily on the end, she’d spent three years trying to get me to be confident within myself, but there are bigger things effecting the other side of the argument that always won. “So you like him, yeah?” she asked me, her eyebrows wriggling. I looked at her and nodded quietly, sipping on my coffee. Her eyes widened.

“I’m not going to do anything about it though, don’t worry. I’d never do anything like that. You know that Ali.” I added hastily, as she looked scared for me. She nodded at me, not quite sure, but sure enough that I wouldn’t do such a thing, that she believed me. We sat there a few hours more just randomly talking about little things, but I wasn’t really listening, I was thinking about Mr Pearls, his smile, his eyes. I wanted him to stroke my cheek; to kiss me gently; to look into my eyes with his and see the feelings I felt for him reflected in his eyes. I needed him to hold me forever. I was scared I knew it couldn’t happen but I didn’t know how to stop these feelings.

The rest of the week passed much the same: I was fine and focused in lessons until I got to Mr Pearls’ lesson, and then for that lesson, and the rest of the day, I was distracted, daydreaming. My other teachers were stopping me after class asking if I was okay, if there was something going on at home. I almost had to laugh at their questions, they had no idea.

The next Monday, I got to my last lesson of the day: double Science. My face lit up as Ali and I walked into the classroom. Mr Pearls looked up. We were the first ones there and we never waited outside anymore, not if he was in the room anyway.

“Hello, Paige. Ali. How are you?” My heart fluttered, my name; he said my name and he said it before Ali’s. He was the only person who had ever said my name before hers. I don’t know why, maybe it was so it was alphabetical, or my own theory was that she was the one people noticed first, I was the boring, ordinary friend of Ali’s, nothing special, but Mr Pearls was different to anyone I had ever known.

“We’re good, Mr Pearls.” Ali replied before I could open my mouth, or even think about replying. For the first time, Ali had annoyed me. I could speak for myself. Why did she answer for me? I was so angry at her and Mr Pearls looked like he wasn’t too pleased with it either, but the look of disappointment had only lasted a few minutes and then disappeared.

“So, Paige?” He started, and I looked at him smiling, but unsure what he was about to say, after all our conversations had never lasted longer than how are you.

“Yes, Mr Pearls?” I said, my voice wavering slightly with anticipation.

Neil’s POV

“Yes, Mr Pearls?” I heard her voice and it washed over me. I had been severely aggravated when Ali had answered for Paige the first time around. All day I had been waiting for this to hear her voice; to see her face, such an angelic face, so pure and innocent. I had heard the talk about Ali in the staffroom, she was seen as the school beauty that was not noticed to her full ability, but no one ever mentioned Paige, an oversight on their behalf. Paige was the beauty, I never looked at Ali, my eyes washed over her as just another student, but Paige, Paige was a goddess. I shook my head realising what I was thinking. She was a student as well. It was not allowed. It was illegal!

“Um, are you enjoying the course?” I asked her, my voice faltering and I saw her smile lessen a bit, but what else could I ask her? I had to keep our relationship professional, I hoped she would understand.

“Yes, of course.” Paige answered quietly, tucking her hair behind her ear as her fringe fell over her eyes. If there had not been a desk, or two, in between us I would have gently pushed it out of the way to free those eyes from the curtain now in front of them, which was hiding those wonderful, deep blue eyes that I could lose myself in if I was not careful. I suppose, I should be thankful that the desks were in the way stopping me from breaking the rules and breaking the space in between the two of us. I knew if I swept the hair away from her face my hand would linger on her face; I would stroke her blushing red cheek and gently lay my lips onto hers. I shook my head as I heard the other students coming into the classroom.

“That is good then. It pleases me.” I replied to her looking into her eyes for a second more, trying to find them through the curtain of her hair. Her hand did what I wanted mine to do and swept her hair away from her eyes, showing her twinkling eyes as she smiled at me and then sat down ready for me to teach her all of my wisdom. God there was so much I wanted to teach her.

Paige’s POV

He’d looked straight at me, looked into my eyes and smiled. I knew if Ali hadn’t been around he would have said something not to do with school. I’m sure of it. Although, when he said it my heart had sunk, it wasn’t a proper conversation and he was just being a teacher, like all the others, but then that look at the end of it all. He’d looked at me, searching my face; it had caused me to unconsciously move my hair away from my face, something I had never done, but I wanted him to look into my eyes and I wanted to look back into his, to see into his soul.

I sat back in my chair, knowing Ali was looking at me weird. I tried to act cool and as if I wasn’t bothered that Mr Pearls was in the room with me. That he had been so close. I hid the urge to go across the room and kiss him but that would have been stupid in front of a bunch of students. Mr Pearls would get fired and that would have been the worst thing that could happen. I needed him; I needed the sunshine he gave to my life. What if I stayed behind one day and talked to him alone? I could tell Ali I needed help with work, she’d buy it. I had never lied to her; she doesn’t think I can. I’ll show her. Wait what am I saying? I can’t do that.

“Paige, for god’s sake, come back to earth!” My head snapped to look at her.

“Yes Ali?” I asked her calmly, more calmly than I was feeling inside.

“I need your help.” I looked closer at her; this was serious. How had I not noticed that she had bags under her eyes and how tired she looked. She wasn’t even wearing make up, Ali always wore make up.

“What’s up huni?” I asked her, moving closer to her, concerned for her. All thoughts of Mr Pearls had fled my mind as I switched to best friend mode.

“I’m thinking of, of running away from home.” I looked at her, my mouth hung open; somewhere my brain told me to act normal, that Mr Pearls’ eyes were looking straight at me. I instantly closed my mouth and leaned in closer to her.

“How about we go to the toilets and talk? More privacy.” I suggested to her and she nodded.

“Um, Mr P?” I asked, not even thinking about the fact that I had just given him a nickname, but as he smiled up at me my brain went fuzzy. “Um... Do you mind if we go to the toilet please?” I asked him, smiling at him. He nodded and my heart fluttered; no other teacher would allow two pupils to go to the toilet together. “Thank you, Sir. I appreciate it.” I smiled at him and Ali and I got up and walked to the door. Just before I walked out, I looked back at him and saw he was smiling at my retreating figure, our eyes connected and he looked away to go help another student.

Ali and I reached the toilets and walked in. We checked that there were no other students in there, it was clear. “So, what’s this about you running away?” I asked her, I heard my tone turn to the motherly one that I only used with her. She was my best friend but she was irrational at times and me as the older one, I tended to look after her. No one would believe it, but I was her confidant and conscience and the one who kept her within the boundary of acceptance.

“I can’t stand being at home anymore; my parents are driving me crazy. They won’t let me do anything I want to do! I have to do what they want. I’ve had enough!” She ranted to me and I just listened, letting her get the frustration out.

“It’s not going to be easy to do Ali. Where would you go? How would you live? Or afford food? Who would look after you?” I asked her and I saw the realisation settle into her brain that she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t be homeless; she needed her double bed and big bath. “Just give it another year and then you can get out, okay sweety?” I asked her, hoping my sense had sunk into her; she nodded and then hugged me. I let out a sigh I was glad it had gone so well and quick, I was very aware that I was missing Mr Pearls’ lesson, precious seconds of hearing his voice and seeing his eyes.

“Thank you, Paige. I don’t know what I’d do without you some days.” She told me and I smiled at her.

“It’s okay huni, I’ll always be here for you, okay?” I told her and she looked at me a bit wary. “What?” I asked her confused.

“Even if a certain scientific person wants you?” She asked me and I suddenly realised why it had been so easy to convince her running away was a bad idea; she wasn’t really going to do it, she just wanted a problem to talk to me about. Like the Friends’ episode with Rachel and Joey. I hugged her tightly.

“Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever come before our friendship Ali. Nothing can take me away from you, okay? Plus, HE would never want to be with me, he’s got...” I paused to think of the right phrase in case someone was listening “He has other, more important priorities that come before me, and always will.” I told her, Ali nodded and her face brightened as I tried to keep mine from dropping. It was all true what I had just said: his job would always come before me. All I had done was allow my first feelings for a guy, be the start of a lot of pain, and in my world there was only one way to deal with pain..