The Trouble of Taboo

I resided there in my classroom for the whole of lunch. I could not move. Why would she do that? Was it because of her home life or because of me? I know should let her be but I need to help her. I cannot allow her to keep destroying herself. I sighed as the bell rang and I pondered as to whether she would even attend my class. What she had said to me had stabbed me deep in the heart; I was not going to abandon her because of one minute issue. I cared deeply for her; I cared too much for her that was the actual issue.

I mentally prepared for the lesson, engaging my teacher mode and not my anxious about Paige mode, when I realised the students were not entering, which was abnormal because they always sauntered in without an invitation. Normally, Paige entered first, swaying her hips and looking gorgeous; it was astonishing I had lasted this long teaching her and not succumbing to me desires for her. I guess I had mishandled things: I kissed her but considering the extensive list I desired to do with her what I had succumbed to was not so bad. I laughed at myself. I truly was in trouble; I could not even admit that what I was pondering was wrong anymore. I sauntered over to the door and realised I had locked it when I had walked in here previously. Following Paige storming out I had not relished the idea of being disturbed by other teachers looking for company or students. I forced myself to breathe out, relaxing myself and unlocked the door. I opened it to reveal a line of students. I had expected Paige to be at the front, but she was not.

“Has your friend finally realised what a loser you are and ditched you?!” I heard the snide voice of Kate taunting another student. “You’ve been crying haven’t you, you emo bitch.” I stepped outside and stood shocked when I realised that they were aiming their horrendous slander at Paige. Then I became furious. How could they be saying such harsh retorts towards her.

“Kate, Sophie, all of you!” I yelled at them. They pivoted to look at me, but my eyes were fixed on Paige who seemed to shrink away from the very sound of my voice. I winced internally. “Everyone, except this group, inside now!” I ordered them, and they all filed silently into the classroom. “Are you okay, Paige?” I questioned as she tried to slink by me, she nodded not looking up and continued to walk into my classroom. “You three to the headmistress’s office now! I will not tolerate this sort of behaviour!” I was furious with them. I knew I probably would not be acting so severely if it had been any other student, but I could not stop myself fuming as I marched them to the headmistress’s office. “Stay here.” I told them simply. I knocked on the door and inhaled deeply.

“Enter.” The voice returned. I marched in, leaving the door open.

“I require you to deal with these girls. They were verbally taunting one of my other students and used offensive language to do so. I do not want them in my class. They are required to work out of their books for the next two lessons or write an apology to the other student.” I turned around and walked out of the door, not even waiting for a response.

“Girls, come in please.” I overheard the headmistress approach them. I wanted to return and show my outrage at her for not being tougher on them, but I was desperate to get back to my classroom. I needed to see Paige.

Paige’s POV

I sat in my seat, not listening to anyone else, but luckily, they were not bothered with me, they were all still in shock about Neil shouting. He never normally shouted; at anybody, just used his sexy authority voice. I sighed to myself, his sexy voice, what am I doing? He’s not going to want anything to do with me now he knows my secret; he’s probably telling the head right now. He’s just being a good teacher, he will just see me as a student from now on, so even in my head I cannot call him Neil; it’d be too painful.

I still didn’t understand why he’d taken my hoody off me anyway. I didn’t mind that he had but why? Was he just being nosey, was he copping a look while I was out, what? All I’d done was pass out. I couldn’t think about it any longer because the door opened and he walked in. I instantly looked at the table. I couldn’t look at him; it was too painful. I wanted to apologise for being so harsh earlier, but when I feel threatened my defences go up and I turn into a bitch. I heard him stop by my side and I stopped breathing.

“Remain after class, please.” He said to me in a low tone, void of any of his normal emotion. I nodded not trusting myself to be able to match his lack of emotion. He moved on to the front of the class, and the room fell silent. “Today, you will be working out of the books. No talking of any kind!” He told us in that sexy authority voice I’d been thinking about earlier. I shook my head, ashamed of myself for thinking it was sexy. I couldn’t think of him like that anymore.

I reached for my book turning to the correct page and busied myself with the work. The other students were whispering to each other, trying to figure out where the old Mr P had gone. I grimaced slightly; if only they knew what was going on, they’d probably hate me even more for changing their favourite teacher.

“I thought I requested silence!” Neil, Mr P said sternly, I looked slyly over my shoulder, so it looked like I was looking at the board, but turned to look at him, to see his face. I was shocked by the amount of emotion I saw in his eyes. His jaw was set and he looked angry but his eyes showed so much more than that, he looked at me and I smiled slightly and there was a little bit of that twinkle in his eyes for a split second before he looked down at his laptop. I turned back around and sighed, obviously he didn’t want anything to do with me. Tears silently dropped down my face. I know I said it to him but having him confirm it in looks was heart breaking. I didn’t think I could live with him just being my teacher and acting like any other teacher towards me. I didn’t wipe the tears away in fear someone would notice, but continued to work silently through the work, suddenly very glad Ali wasn’t here to question me.

The lesson dragged on and on, the whole room quiet for the entire time, the only sound was that of our pens scribbling against the paper, no one even dared to ask for help from Mr P, in case they got into trouble and he shouted again. I finished early and had half an hour left but didn’t want to say anything. So, I grabbed a piece of paper out of my notebook and started writing:

I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused. Never has anyone made me feel so much: so much happiness, so much sadness, so much confusion, even possibly love. An emotion that my life has been devoid of for so long, and he steps into my life and changes it all, shows me how good life could be, and then takes it all away again when he realises there are things wrong me. It seems harsh. I know I’m screwed up, but nobody’s perfect. Although, he’s damned close which is slightly annoying, but I can’t stay angry at him; when he smiles or his eyes light up my heart melts, just like it did outside his classroom on that first day. He made me feel so much more normal than anyone had ever made me feel. He noticed me and made me feel special, no one’s ever done that. I know everyone prefers Ali, but sometimes I dare to think that he doesn’t, that he prefers me to her. He’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met. If only we’d met in a few more years, than I’d not be his student and we could be together, just the thought of kissing him again makes me smile, of being in his arms and feeling safe. He’s the only person I’ll ever care about and trust even a little bit, if he cares I might even tell him my deepest secrets, something I’ve never thought about telling anybody.

The bell went and I hurriedly pushed the piece of paper inside my exercise book. As I heard Neil moving closer to me, I slammed the book shut and was about to put it in my bag when Neil picked it up, of course he would be marking them because we’d been doing book work, damn.

“Umm, Mr P?” I said my voice barely above a whisper, he looked at me and I thought I could see a ghost of a smile on his face, but then it was gone.

“In a minute.” He said shortly and I fell back against my chair sighing. I had to get my book back. If he found that my life would be over! He’d probably move me to a different class or something.

A few minutes later, the room was empty except for Neil and me. I got up to ask him for my book back, when he walked over to me, put the books on the table, pulled me to him and kissed me. I was so shocked that I kissed him back hungrily. This was what I needed: him to reassure me and make me feel safe and wanted again. I refused to stop kissing him. At one point he slowed down almost to a stop, but I pulled him closer and kept kissing him, one hand moving down his back to rest on his firm ass. He groaned a little bit and I smiled; it was nice to know I wasn’t the only one that enjoyed the time we spent together so much.

Eventually, I was beginning to feel lightheaded and so pulled back from him, my arms staying wrapped around him as I looked into his eyes and saw the twinkle was back in full, but with a new emotion that I hadn’t full on seen before, lust. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

“Wow.” Was all he said but it started me giggling, he just watched me in amazement, like I was a goddess or something.

“What?” I asked him, my eyes flicking between his eyes and lips, trying to decide which one I liked to look at more.

Neil’s POV

I just stood there memorising her face, to begin with it had been the mere desire to prove to her I cared that made me kiss her, but then she kissed back with more passion than before and would not let me cease this. When her hand found its way to my derriere my brain ceased working altogether and my single, repetitive thought was how amazing she was. I wanted to kiss her endlessly and she certainly did not disappoint. I am certain that was the moment when I knew for sure that I would never be able to embrace my fiancé in this way ever again. Not properly: not without thinking about Paige.

When she pulled back, I was left with a feeling of emptiness but I could acknowledge that she was in need of air and so I just admired her. I looked at this goddess stood in my arms looking up at me and smiling. I involuntarily smiled back; she had erased my bad mood. “Wow.” Was the only thing I could utter; I do not think I had ever uttered something so utterly dorky in my life, but I was too focused on her to worry. Paige giggled and the way her body vibrated against me made me want to osculate with her repeatedly. I wished to her to accompany me home so I could spend every minute of the night with her, never letting her go.

“What?” She enquired. Her voice washed over me in delightful waves; I had longed to hear her voice when she was happy, it sounded similar to an angel’s voice. I could not miss that her eyes were switching between my eyes and lips; I knew she wanted to kiss me as much as I desired to kiss her, but I was certain that if we started again, I would not be able to put things right with her.

“Paige, I want to help you. I really do care about you.” I told her and I saw her smile vanish somewhat as she remembered earlier and the reason for her presence here. She went to withdraw from me, but I brought her closer. “Please, Paige?” I looked at her and could see from her eyes that she was meditating on what to express. She disengaged from me but ensured to maintain eye contact; I noticed as soon as she was free of my grasp her arms embraced herself, like armour.

“How can you help me?” She whispered and my heart shattered from the amount of despair I heard. She had lost all hope. It was not right.

“I am not one hundred percent, yet! I will endeavour to think of a way.” I said and she smiled furtively as I looked into her eyes imploring her to allow me to assist her. “I am happy to be your confidant.” Her eyes brightened at that. “You expected that I would express your revelations to someone?” I enquired; did she not realise how much I cared for her? She nodded.

“I thought you’d tell someone higher up and put me into their hands so you wouldn’t have to deal with me.” She told me looking embarrassed. I smiled at her and embraced her tightly.

“I would never, Paige. I am extremely fond of you and care for your wellbeing; I wish to help in any way possible.” I walked away from her, selected some paper and quickly wrote on it. “This is my mobile number. If you ever require me: to converse or to come to you, I would like you to call me, okay?” I asked her. She looked at me; she seemed almost frightened to take ownership of the paper. “Paige?” I asked her, concerned I had gone too far and she was about to retreat as quickly as possible.

“I don’t want to get you into trouble.” She said timidly. I moved her hair away from her face and smiled.

“The school does not need to be privy to this.” I explained reassuringly. “Anyway, there is not a thing they could do concerning who I give my personal number.” She smiled slightly but shook her head.

“I meant with your fiancé.” She said looking away at the final word. I exhaled annoyed at myself for causing her pain.

“It will all be fine. I promise you.” I replied before kissing her gently. “Okay?” She nodded and then caught sight of the clock.

“Crap. I should get home or it’ll be dark before I get there.” She said looking slightly wary; I took a hold of her elbow, knowing not to go near the wrists.

“Would you like me to take you?” I asked and she smiled again.

“No, I’m okay thank you Mr P.” I pulled her close to me.

“Call me Neil, please?” I implored and then kissed her, hard. I was fully aware that I would be required to survive all weekend without seeing her, conversing with her or embracing her. It was going to be difficult, especially as I was meant to be helping Lucy with wedding details. I pulled away from Paige and she nodded.

“Okay Neil. I’ll see you on Monday.” She said as she tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth. I nodded, sighing slightly.

“I sincerely look forward to seeing you again.” I shook my head at my own expression “God I sound so cliché.” I said and Paige laughed.

“You do a little bit, yeah.” She told me, and I knew the embarrassment was evident on my face. She stretched towards my ear. “But it’s adorable as well.” She whispered to me and I could not help but smile. “Okay, so have a good weekend.” She said as she pulled away. I briefly kissed on the lips and nodded, allowing her to leave and admiring her as she walked out of my classroom. I exhaled deeply; I was already feeling too much for her. I was reflecting on the moment when my phone went off. I accepted the incoming call without looking.

“Hello, Neil here.” I said my mind still focused on the kiss with Paige.

“Neil, baby? Where are yooou? I’m at the shopping centre. You said you’d be here straight after school. I’m all alone. I miss you baby.” I head Lucy’s voice down the phone and inwardly flinched. After everything with Paige, I had forgotten that I was supposed to be congregating with Lucy to carry out some shopping for wedding ideas.

“I am heading there now. There is a lot of traffic. It is Friday after all. It is always crazy. I will be there soon.” I terminated the conversation, frustrated. Lucy’s voice had made me cringe; since when had it become so irritating? I was even more annoyed by the fact she had referred to me as “baby”. I had a master's in science for gods' sakes. I absolutely was not anybody’s baby! Randomly, Paige calling me Mr P entered my mind and I calmed right down, a smile tugging on my lips as I gathered the students’ books, locked the door and headed to my car. It seemed as if this would be an exhausting weekend.