Useless Dresses

We’re bound to get caught.

Something inside me hoped we got caught. Something inside me wanted an audience.

Unfortunately, darkness already began setting in around the golf course, which remained empty besides Rich and me. The already light-weight box in my arms felt almost buoyant and threatened to float away from me if I didn’t go fast enough.

Rich trudged several paces behind me. I had to wait for him when I got to the top of the hill. He came and stood at an arm’s length distance beside me.

“Stop twitching, Rich,” I urged. “You’re making me nervous.”

“You don’t look very nervous to me,” Rich hissed. It was true. I felt curious and excited and antsy all at the same time.

“You weren’t nervous the first time you brought me here.”

Rich glared down at the pond, which hadn’t been lighted that night.

“Things change.”

“Well it’s time they changed again, then.”

I sat down to rest. Neither of us had a car, so I’d had to go on foot to drag Rich out of his house and walk with me back to the golf course, where we first got to know each other. I moved around more in one day than I had all year long.

My body hated me, but my mind was too high to care.

“Why are we here?”

“I just want to show you something,” I said. I set the box between my legs and slide in down the hill, where it comes to stop at the water’s edge. My burden released for the moment, I curled up and grinned at Rich. “It’s more beautiful without all the light.”

“Absolutely magnificent. I need to go home and check on my mom now.” He turned away from me, but I grabbed the bottom of his coat to prevent him from leaving. He could have ripped my hand away easily, but he chose to glare down at the ground instead.

“I said I want to show you something.”

“You did.”

“I scared my mother away,” I forced the words and stood up. “It was the middle of the day. I was shooting up…something. Me and this dude stole Denny’s car, rode into town and straight to Mom’s office. I don’t really remember much after that…But I do remember throwing a box—that box,” I gesture toward the pond. “I threw it at her and said some things I would regret if I could remember what they were. When I got home later that night, Mom had taken her car and left. She didn’t come back.”

It was a big fat lie. I liked it.

Rich didn't respond for a long moment. Something I was grateful for, actually. I felt my words disperse through the air, mingle with the fountains. And finally, they disappeared. Gone.

“Of course, that might have never happened.”

“Kate, what are telling me?” Rich asked, finally looking away from the snow covered ground to look at the lunatic he met only months ago.

“So here I am!” I yell into the night, again wondering if anyone would come out of their homes and stare at us. Or call the police. I could imagine the array of lights now.

“After dragging my family through Hell and back with me, after taking away my sibling’s mother and my dad’s wife, here I am!” My breathing came heavily as I smiled widely at the starry sky.

“Kate,” Rich said sternly, facing me completely now.

“That might not be true, either.”

“Why are you telling me this, then?”

“Because you want to tell me something,” I guessed, laughing suddenly. I felt so light now, as if the whole world had been lifted from my shoulders.

“No…”

“Liar.”

“Kate, don’t push this.”

“You’re a liar. A liar like I am. So I want you to tell me whatever it is you want to tell me. Even if you’re lying. Because it will make you feel better, no matter what you say.”

I slid down the slope towards my box.

“What if I’m down here? Will it be easier to talk, if I’m far away?”

Rich remained silent.

“You killed him, you know. Just like I killed my mother. So tell me whatever you have to tell me to make things better. Like I did. Like I do every day.”

“You’re a really fucked up person, you know that?” His voice was garbled and almost unintelligible.

“Rich, come down here.” I waved my hands at him. “Tell me what’s going on. And then I can try to help.”

“You can’t. There’s nothing you can do, Kate.”

“I don’t think your family would mind, you know.”

“Mind what?” Rich snapped. He oscillated between angry and silent, and I wondered if any of this would make a difference for either of us.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I know you have a secret that you aren’t telling anyone. Besides the fact you killed Milly’s brother.”

Rich froze. It was too dark to see his face.

“Stop saying that.”

“Saying what?”

“I didn’t kill him.”

“Of course you did. And there’s something else.”

And then Rich cracked.