Falling Out of Line

"I think we should break up."

"W-What?"

"This... whatever it is that we're doing. Let's end it."

That's right. I was ending this stupid relationship with Tyler. It wasn't benefiting anybody.

Tyler looked upset. "But why? Is it because of what Kenneth did?"

"It's not just Kenneth, but people like Kenneth. Like the jocks, and the popular girls, and almost everyone at school. I'm tired of getting all the embarrassment. At least before we started this 'fake relationship', I could be an outcast in private."

Tyler frowned. "I really didn't want you to get picked on like that."

"I know, but there's nothing you can do about it. You tried, but you can't protect me from them. I'm better off dealing with them on my own."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Besides, you didn't start dating me just so you could protect me. You did it to become popular, remember? I'd say you've accomplished that by now."

"Oh, yeah." He looked down and scratched his head. "But it sounds like you're trying to get rid of me."

I started to argue, but I knew that secretly, I was trying to get rid of him. I was only dragging him down - he never needed me to become popular, and he certainly doesn't need me now.

But really, I wanted to distance myself from him because... I was falling too hard for him.

**

I was hanging out with Naran tonight. And by that I mean, I was watching a Disney movie marathon on TV and Naran was strumming his guitar. I shushed him whenever Cinderella started singing or Aladdin and Jasmine were about to kiss, and he would just roll his eyes and put down his guitar until the moment was over. I swear, I don't think Naran was ever a child. He has no appreciation for Disney classics.

"Are you really gonna sing that depressing song?" He sighed.

I glared at him. "'Won't Say I'm In Love' is not depressing. She's realizing her love for him, even though she's been hurt before and she doesn't want to get hurt again, she still opens herself up to the man she loves."

"And then she dies."

"And then she gets resurrected."

"You know, the actual tale of Hercules was-"

"Yes I know - depressing, bloody story about murder and evil gods - whatever. Now shut up and let me sing."

Cue the eye rolling, but he was quiet anyway.

"I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out..."

"Speaking of getting a grip," Naran interrupted my solo. I looked over at him while singing the Muses verse. "I heard you and Tyler broke up. Have you gotten over your feelings for him?"

I sighed. "No. That's why I ended it. This fake relationship was just ridiculous to begin with, but having a crush on him really didn't help matters."

"But you were dating him."

"It wasn't real."

"The whole school believed you guys."

I ignored him and kept singing. "No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no..."

"You even went on dates and everything. Everybody saw you as a couple." He continued.

"This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love..."

"Lewis," he grabbed the remote and paused the TV. I got up from the couch and started heading towards the kitchen. "We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about. It's over."

He came up behind me. "But why is it over? I thought you liked Tyler."

"I do."

"And I thought he liked you."

I scoffed and turned to face him. "You're forgetting something, Naran. Tyler is straight. We did the whole fake relationship thing to trick people into believing he was gay. Did you fall for the act, too?"

"I know it started out that way, but can you honestly say that somewhere down the line, you didn't feel like there was ...something more between you two?"

I stared at him. "He's my straight friend. I was doing him a favor."

"Since when do favors for your straight friend involve kissing and taking you on dates?"

"That first kiss didn't mean anything. And whatever times I thought he was going to kiss me... well he wasn't, so you can just get over it. And the dates were all staged. You know that."

"What about when he took you on a date to the pier? Who would be at the pier, Lewis? Nobody from school really hangs out there, not unless it's summer. He wouldn't have to take you somewhere special or private if he just wanted Kaitlyn to see you two together."

I was getting angry. Why was he trying to convince me that Tyler liked me? "Are you making fun of me?"

He looked surprised. "What? No."

"You know how much I like him and you know how hard it is for me to get over him and you're gonna tease me?"

"I'm not teasing you. I honestly think that Tyler likes you back. He just doesn't know it yet."

"Well, a fat lot of good that does me if he doesn't even know he's in the closet! Naran, can we just drop it? It's over. I never have to worry about dating Tyler again."

He just shrugged.

"Now can we please go back to watching Disney movies?"

**

Spending the night watching Disney movies should have put me in a good mood, but I was still upset about my fight with Naran. I wonder if I shouldn't have even told him my relationship with Tyler was fake, but I really can't keep a secret from him anyway. We've been arguing more and more lately and I'm worried. What changed between us? I can't lose my best friend. I'll be completely alone.

I took a seat in Chemistry class. I didn't have Naran in this class - he was in some brainiac science class. I don't know when Tyler takes his science class. Usually, when we do labs, I have to partner with Gina, one of Kaitlyn's dimwitted friends. She's really no help at all. She asked me how to spell helium.

Today I knew we were doing a lab experiment, so I got prepared to do all the work, but Gina didn't show. I thought I would have to do all the work by myself, but Jacob sat beside me. Jacob never had any trouble finding a lab partner - he was brilliant (and hot).

"You wanna work together?" He asked.

"Sure."

He smiled and flipped open his notebook.

Jacob really is brilliant. We had the lab finished before anyone else. While we waited for the rest of the class to finish, Jacob started talking.

"How's it going?"

"Good."

"Is everything... alright?"

I stared at him. "Yeah... everything's fine."

"You and him still talking?"

I frowned. "Wait, you're asking me about Tyler?"

"Well, I heard about the breakup and-"

I groaned and dropped my head to the desk.

"Okay, sorry I asked."

I sighed. "It's not your fault. I'm just tired of hearing about Tyler."

"I thought you guys had gotten real close. What happened between you two?"

I turned to face him. "Nothing. It's all entirely my fault. I couldn't handle being in the spotlight with him, and I know for a fact that he doesn't like me the way that I like him."

"What do you mean?"

I sat up. "Have you ever fallen for someone so hard that it physically hurts you to be around them and know that you can't have them?"

"Um.. not really, man. But you two were dating. I thought things were going good between you two. You certainly looked happy together."

"Tyler's amazing - aside from Naran, he was all I could look forward to when I came to school. I could talk to him about things that Naran just didn't understand. And sometimes, Tyler would open up to me, too. I think he really needed that, somebody he could really talk to. But it never went further than that. I had stronger feelings for him than he had for me. And let's face it, he could date somebody much better than me. So I told him it was over. He's free to be with the people he belongs with, and now I can get over him."

Jacob didn't say anything. He just stared at me for while, then turned his attention to the front of the class when our teacher started speaking again.

After class, Jacob put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a small smile. "Hey, I'm sure everything will work out for you. You just got to accept whatever good things come your way. You deserve to be happy, too," he said, then left the classroom.

Jacob was the nicest guy I've ever met, but he didn't understand that not everyone can be happy.