Falling Out of Line

Lewis, Naran, Cambree, and I showed up a block away from where the party was. We were technically crashing the party, but I really couldn't tell how hard it would be to do that. In all the movies I've seen, they just kinda waltz right in and hang out for at least an hour before a pigheaded jock throws them out in a humiliating way. I hoped that wouldn't happen tonight, but I don't expect real life to be like some cliche teen movie.

Cambree walked right inside, leaving the three of us contemplating what to do. I mean, it's a door, we walk through it. The music is blasting and lots of people are drunk - nobody's gonna notice us. Still, none of us were moving. I realized if we were ever going to actually enter this party, I'd have to make the first move. I really don't know when I became the confidence boost that Lewis and Naran need. Sometimes they refuse to try something unless I do, then Lewis jumps right up to follow me and Naran just trails behind Lewis. I really don't understand this at all, but who am I to question my first real friends?

The first thing I noticed about this party was that there was an alcoholic aroma completely smothering the air. There were even some potheads in the corner. There was a couch that was practically designated the Virgin Sacrificer - so many couples were making out on that couch, and I'm not sure but one of them might have actually been having sex - I really don't want to confirm that.

When I told Sean and Cory I was going to a party, they got this gleam in their eye and went totally nostalgic on me. Sean warned me not to get drunk unless I wanted to confess my love for my guy best friend... and I told him I had no intention of doing either. Cory rolled his eyes, as he often does when Sean says something strange, and told me to be safe and have fun, but to call if we need a ride or if we're in trouble. And then Sean, who was still stuck in his memories, started flirting with Cory... and that's when I left because things were getting too weird in that kitchen.

Anyway, I assume they thought I was going to be perfectly fine at a high school party - as if I've been to tons of them before.

Well I haven't. This was my first, and so far, it's a lot scarier than any party I've seen in a teen movie.

Lewis and Naran were talking excitedly next to me, and abruptly stopped when they saw me looking at them.

"Okay, what is with that?" I asked.
"W-W-With w-what?" Lewis stuttered.
"You guys always stop talking when I look at you. It's like you're talking about me behind my back... in front of my face."
He looked down while Naran looked off to the side somewhere.
"Oh, so you can't even come up with a good lie for that?"
"We weren't talking about you in a bad way." Lewis said, barely loud enough for me to hear over the music.
"Then why do you act like you've just been caught doing something bad whenever I try to talk to you guys?"
He chewed his lip. Naran stepped in. "Look, Tyler, it isn't a bad thing. We like you - you're a cool guy."
"Whatever." I walked away from them.

Call me a drama queen if you want, but I've had enough fake friends to know when I'm being talked about and when I should ditch them before something bad happens.

Something bad still happens even when I do walk away though, but at least I won't be stuck with any toxic friends.

"Tyler, sweetie! You made it!!" Kaitlyn's shrill voice called out to me before she air kissed me.
I stood there a little dumbfounded before I smiled at her (awkwardly).
"I didn't think you were coming." She said.
"I wasn't sure I was either." I think she's under the impression that I was invited her. I'll just play along then.
"Well, everyone's here. Come on out back - a bunch of us are playing Spin the Bottle."
"Isn't that that kissing game?"
She giggled and grinned at me. "Oh Tyler, you're so clueless, it's cute." she said before dragging me with her.

Why do I feel like that Kady chick from Mean Girls?

She sat me down next to her on the grass, her short shirt riding up her thigh. It was hard not to notice that Kaitlyn was attractive, but the fact that she kind of used me as a doll for her amusement really turned me off from her. Her glossy lips formed a smile as everyone sat in a circle with us. I just stared awkwardly at the people I didn't know or barely knew. I guess Kaitlyn was still trying to transform me into a popular, but I didn't know why - she had so many others she could chose from.

"Okay, you all know the game. Who wants to go first?" she said.
"I'll go." A guy, most likely a football player, leaned forward and spun the bottle. It landed on some brunette and they happily kissed.

Okay, so if you haven't noticed already (which you really should have), I'm really not experienced with the normal teenage things. I haven't had many friends or been to parties or anything like that, and the only girlfriend I've ever had kicked me in the head because I forgot to hold her hand at recess (we were 8 years old). In other words, I've never been kissed. It's sad, really. And I really, reallydon't want my first kiss to be with someone I don't know and don't like.

"Uh, Kaitlyn, I'm gonna go to the bathroom."
"What, no, the game just started!" she whined, grabbing my arm and pulling me back down into my seat.
"But I really have to go."
"It can wait, can't it?"
"No, it can't."
She glared at me. "Fine. But if you aren't back soon, then I get to come find you." she winked at me.
"Uh... you don't have to do that. I mean, it's a party - I'll probably be so drunk by the time you find me that I won't even remember your name."
She frowned but I got up before she could protest anymore.

I wish I knew where the bathroom was - that would make a good place to hide from Kaitlyn... well no, because now she would look for me there first.

I wandered into the kitchen where cups sat with unfinished beer. I've had beer before, and even alcohol that I borrowed from one of my stepparents. To be fair, they were horrible people and spent more money on alcohol than they did on food for us kids. I've never really liked or disliked the taste of it, but I try not to drink unless I really want to escape, because I know that once I get started, I can let myself get drunk easily . I don't like getting piss-drunk because it makes it impossible to think logically, and I've learned that my brain is all I can rely on.

I saw Cambree talking to some guy that was at least a foot taller than her. She was twirling her hair between her fingers and the guy looked like he was undressing her with her eyes. She was pretending to be a bimbo to flirt with this guy. I didn't understand that at all - I would think Cambree was above trying to impress a guy by changing herself.

After a minute, she walked away from him and came up to me, then linked arms with me and dragged me to the dance floor.

"What was that about?" I asked her.
"What, that? That was just a little game I like to play."
"But you're pretty and smart. Why pretend to be someone you're not just to flirt with some guy?"
"Sometimes I get tired of being the smart one or the weird one. At parties, I just like to be someone other than myself and get rid of all the stress that follows me around every day."
"So you pretend to be a bimbo and hit on guys to relax?"
"I don't judge your relaxation techniques, you don't judge mine."
I shrugged and spun her around while we danced to the music.

I've learned that Cambree was a free spirit, but she probably was expected to be more reserved and focused because of her brain. I think she even feels like because she's also extremely gorgeous, she has to prove she's not just a pretty face. I can tell she's hiding a lot about who she really is.

Cambree eventually got bored with me and started dancing with another guy. I wasn't really offended by that - like I said, she was a free spirit, and I couldn't dance that well.

I spotted Naran and Lewis in the corner. Or rather, I saw Naran standing in front of Lewis. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I assume it's none of my business. They're probably talking about me again.

Naran pat Lewis on the shoulder before heading down the hallway. It was then that I saw Lewis was crying. Why was he crying?

I ran over to him. He didn't see me - his hands covered his eyes now.

"Hey," I put a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"
He froze, then moved his hands down from his eyes. "Crap." he muttered while wiping his eyes.
"What happened? Did Naran say something mean?" He shook his head. "Well what's wrong? Do you need help or something?"
He stared at me. "Why are you being so nice to me *sniff* if you were so mad at me earlier?"
"I'm not heartless. If I see my friend crying, I'm gonna ask him what's wrong."
"We're still friends?" He looked at me.
"Well... look, I don't want to feel left out. You and Naran always seem to have this connection, like you become a totally different person when you're talking to him, and then when you start talking to me you barely say anything and you won't even look me in the eye. And the whole, stopping when I walk up to you guys makes me think that you two are talking about me, which you pretty much confirmed earlier."
He sighed. "Tyler, we would never say anything bad about you."
"I thought so, it's just... I've known so many two-faced people that, when I start to see the signs of it happening again, I get so paranoid. And since you two are my first real friends, I didn't want to think you were plotting against me, but..."
His eyes widened. "You'd think we'd plot against you?"
"It's happened before - maybe not so soon after making friends with them, but still..."
His sad look was back, but he hugged me. "We're not like that, okay? You won't have to deal with that again while we're around."

I didn't even realize how emotional he just made me until I felt tears fall down my face. It didn't feel right, crying in front of a guy, but crying in front of Lewis made it seem... okay.

I told myself to stop crying though - because really, what guy cries at a huge party like this?

Lewis let go of me and tried to look in my eyes, but I turned my head away as I felt my face flush. It was so embarrassing to cry in front of a guy I barely know. He put a hand on my shoulder, making me look at him and smile.

"It's a party, and we'll cry if we want to."
I grinned. "I guess so."

We went outside and sat on the front porch. There was a girl puking in the bushes, but we ignored her.

"So, why were you crying earlier anyway?" I asked him.
He blushed and looked down. "Promise you won't think I'm a wuss?"
"Of course not."
"I was upset because I thought you wouldn't want to be friends anymore."
"And that made you cry?"
"Shut up - I don't get many friends around here."
"I'm not making fun of you - I understand. Genuine friends are hard to come by for guys like us. Maybe we should get to know each other better though."
"Alright." he smiled. "I have two parents - a mom and a dad, and three sisters who pretend like I don't exist."
"That's sucks. I have two dads, no siblings."
His eyes widened. "You have gay parents?"
"Uh yeah... is-is that a bad thing?" I grew nervous.
"No it's cool. I haven't met any openly gay people around here."
"Oh, well, I guess they've been living out here for a while before they got me."
"So, you're adopted? Wait, stupid question. When did they adopt you?"
"Um... just over the summer."
"This summer?! Wow, you haven't been here long at all!"

I frowned. I didn't mind his interest in my life, but I had no intention of telling anyone about my real life. I wanted to keep it a secret from everyone at school in case it just gave them more reason to ridicule me.

Lewis looked at me then frowned too. "Did I say something wrong?"
I shook my head. "No, it's just... I kinda want to keep this a secret."
"Why?"
"Because... it's my last year in high school, and for once, I just want to fit in. I don't need to stand out for any reason. I'd rather just kinda fade into the background."
"Well, that's going to be impossible if you keep hanging out with Kaitlyn."
"Are you kidding? I'm trying to hide from her! She tried to make me play Spin the Bottle and I ran like hell and never looked back."
He laughed. "Why are you so scared to play Spin the Bottle?"
"Um... ugh are we just gonna tell all my embarrassing secrets tonight?"
"Not... if you don't want to." he looked confused.
I gave him a half-smile. "I've never been kissed."
His eyes went wide again. "Seriously?"
"I told you - I wasn't a social butterfly! More like a social leper."
"I don't get it - why was it so hard for you to fit it? I can't find anything wrong with you: you're nice, you're smart, you're hot--" he stopped.
I chuckled. "You think I'm hot?"
He was turning bright red. "Not in a 'I-like-you-like-that' way, just a 'I-can-see-how-girls-like-Kaitlyn-might-be-attracted-to-you'... way." He wouldn't look at me.
"Okay." I laughed. "I don't feel that embarrassed anymore."
"Shut up."
I tried not to laugh again. "So uh... where's Naran?"
"Probably drinking."
"Naran drinks?"
"Any chance he gets. His parents are super strict and don't let him have any fun unless it's beneficial to his or someone else's education. Right now he's supposed to be tutoring me in French."
"He knows French?"
"No."

We laughed. We talked longer, about music, school, our families. I felt my guard going down, and I was scared that I might regret it later, but I really hope I'm just being paranoid. I can't see Lewis ever double-crossing me, but you never really know a person.

"Lewis!" Naran came through the front door about an hour later, slurring his speech. He was barely standing up and held an empty shot glass in his hand. "You gotta check this out! The music... you can like... actually see it!!"
Lewis sighed and stood up to help him. "How much have you had to drink, Naran?"
"I wasn't drinking! I was winning!"
"Winning what?"
"At shots!"
"You were playing a drinking game?"
"And I won!" he stumbled.
Lewis shook his head. "Tyler, can you help me get him to the car?"
"Whyyy, I don't wanna leave..." Naran whined.
"You need to sleep so you can sober up. We can't take you home like this."
"I'm fine." Naran mumbled before trying to walk off the porch, but ended up nearly face-planting. Luckily we caught him and carried him to the car.

He reluctantly laid down in the backseat while Lewis and I sat up front. I turned on the radio and let the station play quietly. I didn't recognize the song - it sounded like techno. Naran was talking about how he hooked up with a unicorn at the party, and for his sake, I was hoping it was just his imagination.

"Tyler?"
"Yeah?" I looked over at Lewis. He was messing with the air vent in front of him.
"You never told me why you don't fit in."
I looked out the window. "It's a long, complicated life story."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"I will, just not tonight. It's getting late, and I might as well tell you when we have more time to talk."
"I'm gay."
I looked at him. He was messing with the air vent as if he was waiting for gold to flow out of it.
"Why'd you tell me that all of the sudden?"
"I felt this night needed one more confession."
I stared at him, then faced the front. "I think I agree with you." The air just felt much more relaxed after that. "Is that why you're an outcast at this school?"
"It's part of the reason. Like you said, there's a long complicated story behind it."
"Maybe we could talk it out tomorrow then?"
I turned to him. He was smiling at me, then turned to look out the window. "Sure."
"I think my... dads... would be okay if you came over. They get really excited when I do something completely normal, like asking them for help with my homework or wanting to practice driving. It's like they don't expect me to act like a regular teenager. I guess... with what I've dealt with... I wouldn't really expect it either."
He nodded.

The radio played Paradise by Coldplay. Naran started stirring in the backseat, muttering something about unicorns trying to assassinate baby Jesus. I don't know how much he drank or what he drank, but Naran was seriously messed up.

"What time can I come over?"
"Any time after noon. Oh and Lewis?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think Naran will be okay soon? He's still really drunk and it's getting late."
"He'll be fine. He usually crashes at my place. My parents don't care."
"Alright then. So am I taking you home?"
"No, take us back to the party. Buddha said he was gonna do keg stands."
Lewis sighed and rolled his eyes at Naran. "Yeah you can take us home."