‹ Prequel: Opposites Attract
Status: Slowly updating. Sorry, guyz.

Falling Out of Line

twenty four

Despite the awkwardness that came from Tyler's... confession of his feelings for me, we've been getting along just fine. That's only because we haven't really been talking to each other.

We weren't ignoring each other. Ever since Tyler presented the idea of starting an LGBTQ club at school, we've been jumping through hoops trying to pass it through to administration and we just haven't talked about anything else. Naran wasn't lying when he said how difficult it was to establish a new club at Cranbrook. As expected, stuffy preps grow up to be stuffier jerks who don't believe in anything but tradition. Even though you have to start something in order to establish a tradition, most administration won't even look at our proposal or constitution because it's unprecedented, not to mention controversial, to have a Gay Straight Alliance at Cranbrook. You would think that Naran and I being in the running for class valedictorian would give us some pull, but connections are everything - everything we don't have.

Mrs. Govorski was trying to help too, but she's about as unconnected as we are. I considered using my parents as a connection, to prove I wasn't just a nobody, but I didn't want to give them any reason to get upset with me. My parents accept me, of course, but that doesn't mean they're happy with the choices I've made. Besides, I was technically set to transfer schools soon and mentioning that I'm trying to start a club would just confuse them.

I still haven't told Tyler or Naran I'm transferring. I know I'm an asshole, that I'll probably just end up leaving for break and never tell them a thing, but I really don't know what to say. Naran wouldn't be mad, but he'll say I'm a coward for letting the bullies get to me and he'll try to guilt me for leaving him to finish senior year by himself. And Tyler... I don't know what he'll say, but he's already messed with my head enough and I just know that if he finds the right words, I'll come running back to him and I can't let myself do that. I respect myself too much.

I'm not over him. Not by a long shot. I always hated unrequited love, but I can't imagine anything between me and him being anything but toxic.

The three of us were meeting with Mrs. Govorski after school to work up a game plan for winning the administration over to our side. After stopping by my locker, I headed to her classroom and found Tyler already there, writing something on the chalkboard. The door was already open and Tyler was writing so intently that I stood in the doorway and watched him. He drew up bullet points and scribbled words lightning fast across the board. I can't think of a better word to describe it other than... captivating. His head nodded down to read from the notebook in his hands, then when it snapped back up to scribble some more, the fringes of his hair fanned his face. His arm stretched out to write further and I saw muscles peeking out from the rolled cuff of his sleeve. He muttered under his breath and erased words with the edge of his hand.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped at the sound of Naran's voice. "Shit, nothing! You scared the shit out of me!"

He stared at me and then turned his attention to Tyler, who was now fully aware that I had been staring at him like a creeper. "Why were you just hanging in the doorway?"

"I didn't want to disturb Tyler! Calm the fuck down, Naran." I rushed into the room, avoiding Tyler's gaze.

"I need to calm down? You're the one who's freaking out."

I stood by a desk farthest to the back and set my bag on top of it.

"I'm not freaking out. You just scared me, that's all," I glared in his direction, but he bent to set his bag down and I glared at Tyler instead. He raised his eyebrows and turned back to the board. Naran came by my side and I shoved his arm. "You know I hate when you do that."

"What?" he leaned in to whisper in my ear. "When I catch you eye-fucking your ex?"

I elbowed him in the chest as hard as I fucking could, knocking him back into a desk just as Mrs. Govorski walked in.

"Lewis! What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

"Nah, it's alright, Mrs. G," he coughed and stood himself up against the desk. "I deserved that one."

"Just the same, that doesn't condone such violence. Apologize," she set her purse on her desk and started searching through it. I caught Naran's grin out the corner of my eye.

"I'm sorry." Sorry for what I'm going to do to you later.

"Good," Mrs. G pulled out a folder and grabbed a pen from the cup on her desk. "Now, I hope we can talk like adults and get some business done.

"Yes ma'am," we said in unison.

"Good! So, here's the rundown: the administration as a whole will be impossible to bring to our side. But, there is a voting committee in charge of overseeing student activities and campus involvement. They meet every month, and this month's meeting just so happened to be the Monday after Thanksgiving Break. There's five administration members on the committee, plus three student leaders. If we can convince the student leaders to side with us when we plead our case, we might have a better shot at convincing the administration."

"Okay, well, who are the student leaders?" Tyler asked.

"They're three elected members from Student Council. Let's see, I wrote their names down somewhere," she searched through the papers in her folder. "Oh, here we go. It's Cambree MacLevoy, Brendon Danza, and Jordan Hooner."

Oh no. "Jordan? As in Jordan, quarterback king of the jocks Jordan?"

"Yes, I believe he is on the football team."

I didn't even have to look at Tyler and Naran to know we shared the same drained face. We were screwed.

**

"Well, that's over." I hit my head against the lockers.

"We don't know that for sure." Tyler, always the optimist, dialed in his locker combination and opened it.

"All signs point to yes, it's over," Naran slung his bag on his back. "But Lewis knows better than to listen to me about these sort of things."

I rested my forehead against the cool metal of the locker. "You do have a very defeatist attitude for someone who insists he can see the most logical outcome of situations and swear up and down that I'm always wrong."

"And that's why you love me," I could hear the grin in his voice. "My parents want me home for dinner - we're having family over. See you tomorrow?"

"See ya."

His footsteps echoed down the hallway as he left. I finally took my head off the lockers and turned to rest my back on it instead. Tyler was flipping through a textbook, trying to decide if he needed it for homework, I guess.

I sighed. "Jordan. Of all people, Jordan. He hates us. Well, he hates me."

He looked at me apologetically. "If it makes you feel any better, he probably doesn't like me much either. I told one of the guidance counselors what had happened, and she told the principal. Jordan managed to weasel his way out of what he deserved, but he did get suspended, and since I quit the soccer team right after, he figured it was me who snitched on him."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing. He got suspended for a week, and he wasn't stupid enough to come after me after getting suspended. I don't know why he hasn't said anything since then."

"Maybe he's afraid."

Tyler scoffed. "Jordan? Afraid? That guy could make Nosferatu wet his pants. I'm not even a threat to him."

I shrugged. "Well, whatever the reason, maybe it'll work in our favor. That is, if you still plan to go through with this."

"Yeah, I still think we should do it. Jordan's only one of the student representatives. There's also Cambree, who already likes us, and Brendon. If we can swing their vote, who cares what Jordan says?"

"You're persistent, aren't you?"

He shut his locker. "What do you mean?"

"We've found a roadblock at every turn to get this Gay Straight Alliance to become a thing, and you're still pushing for it."

"Well, yeah. It's important to me and I'm determined to try my hardest."

"Why is it so important to you? I mean, I get what you said, about wanting to make your parents proud, but you just seem really dedicated to getting this going."

He thought for a minute, then shrugged. "I don't know. Just feels important to me," he said as he started walking away.

I stood up and followed him. "You can't just leave it at that. Why is it important to you?"

He shrugged again. "I don't know, it just feels like it is."

"Well, is it important to you as an ally or as a..."

He looked at me as I trailed off, never breaking his stride. "I don't know, Lewis."

I guess that's the best answer I'm gonna get for now.

**

Naran said we needed a game plan if we were going to get the student representatives on our side, and I convinced Tyler that we needed Kaitlyn in our arsenal.

"Okay, I get that she's powerful and basically runs this school and she's got Jordan whipped, but do we really have to go through her to get to Jordan?" Tyler was whining again. "Her weird, Paris Hilton, kissy personality gives me the creeps. And do you know how many times she came onto me when she thought you and I were dating?"

I accidentally let out a frustrated sigh at the reminder that Tyler was a hot commodity. Tyler raised an eyebrow at me. "Well, maybe you weren't as good at faking gay than you thought. She could probably smell the straight on you."

Naran snorted. Tyler shot me an offended look. "What does straight even smell like?"

"Probably AXE, desperation, and crusty socks, based on your B.O."

Naran was dying of laughter now. I couldn't help it. Something was gnawing at me lately, and every interaction with Tyler since I questioned him about his... questioning sexuality... has just felt strained on my part. I know I can't expect everyone to know their sexuality right away - after all, it took me years to figure it out, but if Tyler wants to tell me he likes me and put all this effort into establishing a GSA when he spent most of this semester lying about being gay, he must have some idea where he stands, right?

I know none of that is the right excuse. I'm probably just bitter that I have to put my feelings for Tyler aside so I can move on and transfer next semester. But maybe if I'm mean to him, he won't fight my leaving so much.

Tyler didn't seem hurt by what I said though. He just seemed... confused.

"Good one, but I don't use AXE."

Naran recovered from his laughing fit, stifling a few odd giggles. "Right, well then," he straightened his school tie and directed his gaze down the hallway. "Shall we talk to Kaitlyn?"

We made our way to Kaitlyn's inner sanctum - the girl's fourth floor bathroom. No teachers really came up here for anything other than classes and some of the after-school clubs.

We encircled the door. I half-expected her to have bodyguards posted outside the door. We all looked at each other.

"So, who wants to lead this escapade?" Naran asked.

I shrugged and ducked my head to mumble, "This whole thing was Tyler's idea."

"Oh sure, throw me under the bus."

"I'm not throwing you under the bus. I just think since this was your idea, you should spearhead the efforts."

"I've been spearheading all the efforts!"

"So you know the most about this project. You're the face of this campaign. Perfect candidate to talk to Kaitlyn. Besides, she likes you."

He winced. "I know she likes me. A little too much. I told you she makes me uncomfortable."

"She was your best friend for two months and now you can't even face her?"

"She wasn't my best friend. She was my... I don't even know what she was."

Naran groaned. "None of us are thrilled about talking to Kaitlyn's Klique or going into a girl's bathroom, but dammit Tyler, you got us into this, so just go ahead and get it over with!" He shoved Tyler into the door. It swung open, dumping Tyler somewhere on the floor before the door swung shut, earning shrill screams from the bathroom's occupants.

I stared at Naran.

"What?" He shrugged. "You wanted to do that, too!"

I shook my head and pushed through the door.

Tyler had recovered and was schmoozing Kaitlyn from what I could understand, complimenting her on how her hair clips matched her tie. It was a mess of an attempt, and I deduced that this probably wasn't any different as Tyler attempting to flirt, but somehow it worked on Kaitlyn.

"Tyler, you know just how to make a girl feel special!" She hugged him and looked between me and Naran. "Hi, Lewis! Hi... Aaron?"

"Naran. But that's not important," Naran stepped forward. "What is important is convincing you to use your powers of popularity and manipulation for good."

Kaitlyn scrunched up her face. "Whuh?"

Tyler stepped back. "We're trying to start a GSA here, and we need your help."

"GSA?" One of Kaitlyn's lackeys asked.

"Gay Straight Alliance," Naran answered. "It's for gay and straight students to work together to make school a more friendly and welcoming environment."

"Oh, well good for you guys. I didn't even know we had that many gay students at school," Kaitlyn shrugged.

"Well, that's the thing. A lot of gay students are usually afraid of coming out because they're afraid they won't be accepted. We're hoping that by starting a GSA, more students will feel comfortable enough to be open about their sexuality."

"And we were hoping that since you have such a major influence on the student body, you might be able to drum up more attendance," Tyler smiled at her.

"I don't get how me being there will make people wanna join. I mean, I'm not gay."

"No, we know. But it's for gay and straight students. Straight students would be there as allies. And since you're the most popular girl in school, you'd be the biggest ally we could get. Your popular pull could bring in lots of people who are too afraid to admit they're supportive of LGBTQ people."

Gina clapped her hands together. "It's like that time you wore glitter in your hair for Sadie Hawkins! Everyone started copying you after that!"

"Yeah, but I didn't mean to do that. My twerpy little sister spilled glitter nail polish in my hair right before the dance."

"Yeah, but you started a major trend. I've still got glitter in my hair from that!"

Kaitlyn smirked. Thanks to Gina, her ego had been properly stroked. Now for the closer.

Tyler stepped in. "See? You inspire the crowds. They listen to you."

Naran spoke up. "We're not saying that gay should be the new black. It's not a trend we're starting. We want to create a long-term safe haven for students of Cranbrook, even after we graduate. We need to show our community that everyone is welcome here. And it looks a lot better if we can get people like you on board."

"And we're so close to getting this off the ground floor," Tyler said. "We've got Mrs. Govorski as our faculty advisor and she's helping us set up everything. But we can't break through to the administration. The only way to convince them now is by swinging the representatives from Student Council to our side."

"And you need my help convincing Jordan."

She caught on fast. We nodded.

"Alright," her eyelids fluttered closed as she pulled out her phone, "but I can't promise anything. Jordan doesn't always listen to me. But as far as the rest of student council, and the student body, I've got you covered."

"Awesome! Thanks Kaitlyn!" Tyler held up his hand for a high five, but I could have told him she doesn't do that. She pulled him in for an impersonal hug and let him go. It's a weird popular girl thing that I'll never understand - like the air kisses thing.

"You're gonna have to give people a reason to side with me, though. I can't just kickstart something this big. This isn't like wearing a new handbag. You've got to like, change people's opinions with this thing."

"Well, how do we do that?" I asked.

"I dunno. We're teenagers. We don't care about a lot of stuff that isn't part of our social life. We stay away from anything different or weird 'cause we don't wanna be branded different or weird. You've gotta show the school that being loud and proud isn't gonna make them an easy target."

"How can we do that? I mean, we're already getting the popular kids on board."

"Yeah, but it takes more than blindly following someone on this. You've gotta tell people what it means to be involved, and show them that it isn't just singing kumbaya and watching Glee. It's like whenever Boby Derrin runs for student body president, he throws a massive rager at his house. Most of us don't give two shits about student government, but we like Boby Derrin because he throws awesome parties. He's not popular, but he's likeable, and people vote for him even though he doesn't do anything because he doesn't just bore people with the issues like Debbie Morroe."

We all looked at each other but Naran said what we were all thinking. "So, you think we shouldn't talk about gay rights issues? That's kinda the whole point of starting this club."

"I know, but nobody wants to talk about the issues first thing. You gotta draw people in first and then tell them what you wanna do and why you wanna do it. Be flashy. Advertise. The popular groups just show them who they wanna be. Show them you're just like them. Show them you like to have fun. Then once you've broken the ice, you feed them your platform."

I stared at her. "Wow, you should run for office."

She shrugged. "That's what Daddy always says, but I don't really like politics. I'm leaning towards business."

**

After we left the bathroom, the three of us had one thing on our minds: coming up with flashy advertising for our group. We spent the rest of the day brainstorming at Tyler's house. We realized we hadn't even considered a different name than Gay Straight Alliance. That might help us with our marketing in case some people get scared of seeing the word "gay" as the first thing in the title.

"So we can't mention gay in the name at all?" Naran sighed. "Well, what about an umbrella term?"

"Umbrella term?" Tyler questioned.

"It's like a catch-all descriptor word," I explained. "Most people in the LGBT community don't like being forced into categories, but sometimes people refer to the community as LGBT or gay or queer. Like... there are basketball players, football players, and track stars, but you could refer to them all as jocks."

"How about the Rainbow Room? We have rainbows, we'll be in a room-"

"Too on the nose," I cut Naran off.

"And it sounds pretty gay," Tyler added.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, we're a GSA. How could we not sound gay?"

"What about GAS? It's like an anagram."

"Nobody's gonna know what that stands for."

"Exactly!"

Tyler chuckled. "We need something gay but not too gay. Not off-putting or flamboyant, just gay enough to get the point."

I hated that he had a point. "This is ridiculous. How we seem just a little gay?"

"Ask Tyler."

I tried not to laugh at Naran's comment. Normally, I'd cringe at the reminder of my fake relationship, but I've been cutting my ties to Tyler to prep myself for transferring.

Tyler had his phone out and scrolling up his screen. The red tint of embarrassment from Naran's comment was still evident on his cheeks.

"W-What about Spectrum? It refers to the spectrum of sexuality. Or Prism, like the rainbow thing again. Or Pride Alliance?"

"I don't know... none of them seem right. Besides, I kinda want to be different than what everyone else is doing."

"Well, we've gotta come up with something to cover the alphabet soup of acronyms," Naran threw up his arms.

"Wait, that's it!" Tyler stood.

"What's it?" Naran and I mirrored each other.

"Alphabet Soup. It's perfect. It hints at the theme without sounding too flamboyant. It's like a secret uh... umbrella term for the kids who get it, but it won't cause trouble with people who don't know what it stands for."

"I actually... kinda like it."

"It's pretty perfect," Naran grinned. "I take full credit."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. So we've got our name. Now we've got to share it with the world."

"And... how are we gonna do that? Flashy advertisements like Kaitlyn suggested?" Naran shrugged.

"I can work that," I offered.

"Hm, you are the creative type. And since I'm the technical, enterprising genius type," Naran bragged, "I'll handle social media buzz and getting whatever supplies we need. Which leaves Tyler to... whatever he's good at."

"I'm good at a lot of things. I'm... popular and... sporty sometimes. I can... do something."

I chuckled and got up to rest my hand on his shoulder. "Tyler, you're the idea guy. You came up with this club, you named it-"

"Technically I said alphabet soup-"

"Ignoring you, Naran. You've spearheaded this operation, Tyler. I think you should figure out our next step. You're pretty good at this."

He looked down for a minute before meeting my eyes. What is it about those damn eyes of his that make my heart lurch?

"I'll think of something."

Our brainstorm sesh devolved into a bunch of cliche ideas that none of us really liked, so after a while, we called it quits. Naran and I got ready to go.

"Uh, hey, Lewis? Can I talk to you for a sec?"

I looked at Naran, who was packing his laptop into his bag. "Um, Naran was gonna give me a ride home."

"It won't take long, but I mean, if it does, I can give you a ride. I'm sure my dads won't mind if I borrow the car."

"I should really get home. I've already been out for a while, my sisters are probably driving my parents crazy..."

Naran gave me a look. He didn't get why I was avoiding Tyler right now but he got that I was avoiding him. Tyler and I hadn't talked about his... feelings. If he presses me to give him an answer, I don't know what I'll say.

"It'll be really quick," he paused, searching my face. I unintentionally glanced at the door. He got the hint, though. "But I guess it can wait. It's no big deal." He shrugged it off and tossed his notepad on the couch.

"Sorry, I should probably just get-"

"No, it's okay, Lewis. It's cool. We can talk later or whatever."

"Okay, see you later."

Naran shrugged and opened the door.

"So, you wanna tell me what that was about?"

I opened the passenger door. "What what was about?"

He scoffed. "That whole 'I gotta get home' act you were pulling? You and I both know you don't care what your sisters do and your parents might as well be ghosts with how many nannies you guys run through. What's going on?"

"Nothing." I got in the car.

"Nothing?" He got in the driver's seat.

"Yeah, nothing."

He stared at me. "What's with you lately? We never hang out anymore unless it's for this QSA thing. And it looks like you're avoiding Tyler, too. You used to spend every waking second with him. I mean at least before I knew you were just ditching me for a crush, but I don't think you're even doing that now. Now, it's like you're not even there. What's going on with you?"

I sighed. I knew I'd have to tell him sooner or later.

"I'm transferring."

"What? Like switching schools?" I nodded. "So wait, you're leaving Cranbrook?"

"Yeah. At the end of the semester."

"Are you parents pissed at you or something?"

"No, no. I... I asked them to transfer me. They offered to transfer me after the... the time in the bathroom. They thought Cranbrook was a toxic environment for me."

"Well, they're not wrong. So wait, you asked for them to transfer you? Why?"

"I mean, it's like they said, Cranbrook is toxic for me. The bullies, the stupid administration that looks the other way-"

"-Tyler."

I laughed. "You think I'm transferring just because of Tyler?"

"I never thought I'd see the day when you treat him like you treated me when you were gaga for him, so I have to think things between you two have hit the fan."

"I didn't treat you that badly, Naran. I was just hung up in Tyler drama. You've met him, you know how it is."

"Yeah, playing Barbie to his Ken, and you take the hit for it cause you're not popular enough to be openly gay."

"Naran-"

"We've never even talked about the bathtub thing. And I just let it slide because I figured you'd just need time to talk about it, that you'd come to me about anything that was bothering you. But I don't know why I was stupid enough to believe that when you couldn't talk to me before you hurt yourself. And now you're fucking transferring and you couldn't even tell me that! I mean, when did you think I was gonna find out? When you just didn't fucking show up for school after the holidays, or after you'd already been icing me out for weeks?"

"I just didn't know how to tell you-"

"Oh like you fucking care at this point, Lewis. You've been treating me like shit ever since Tyler came along and you can't even say it was worth it cause half the time, he doesn't even know you exist and you moon over him like he's the King of Egypt, and the rest of the time, he's so hopelessly gay for you and he can't even accept it, so he just strings you along cause he loves the attention but doesn't know why. He's fucking using you and you just let him!"

"He's your friend too, don't act like you haven't gotten close!"

"I did that for your sake, Lewis. Because I knew if I didn't, I'd be in danger of losing you. Tyler can kiss my fucking ass for what he's done to you. Hell, he can kiss your ass too, for all I care. Do whatever you want to fucking do because I'm done."

"Naran..."

"No, you wanted to make this easier, didn't you? Leaving me and Tyler behind without any emotional strings attached? Well, let me help you with that. Get out of my damn car, Lewis."

Speechless. I was speechless. I couldn't even argue with Naran because I was the one who was wrong. I had been treating him like shit. He's given me tough love before but...

"Naran, we can't end it like this."

"We just did. Have fun at your new school. Now get the hell out of my car."

I slunk out of the seat. I barely had the car door closed before I saw his tail lights.

With home far away and my best friend pissed at me, I had to turn back to my vice.

I rang the doorbell. I was fighting back tears when he answered the door.

"Lewis? What-what's wrong? I thought Naran was taking you home."

"He-he was, I- we got in a fight."

"What's wrong?"

"I-I f-fucked up. I-"

"Come inside."

I told him about the fight, and about me transferring.

"I just don't think he's ever gonna talk to me again."

"Naran will talk to you. He's incredibly loyal to you. Just give him time."

"But, it's not like I can just hope things will cool off and then flag him down in the halls. I'm leaving. There's no reason to keep up with me. He'll use the excuse that I've got a new school to navigate and that I'll make new friends. I'll tell him it's my last semester before college and there's no point trying to make new friends. And he'll say," I started choking up again, "he-he'll say that maybe we just shouldn't try then, because we'll both be starting over at college, an-and maybe it's just not worth the trouble-"

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down, Lewis. You know that's not true. Naran may be pissed now, and yeah he thinks logically about a lot of stuff, but he's not gonna toss you out on your ass because of this. He's been with you through everything and I truly believe he would do anything for you. Give him time. He's just angry, but he won't be angry forever. You guys are too strong."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know if he was right or not.

"So, where are you transferring to?"

"Jones College Prep. It's a public school, my parents think I'll get into less trouble there if I can fly under the radar without everyone knowing my background."

"Ha ha, you flying under the radar? I can't picture that."

"Why aren't you mad? I mean, shouldn't you be as pissed as Naran is for me lying to you?"

He shrugged and did that stupidly irresistible sweeping of his hair to the side. "I guess I don't feel like I really have the right to be mad. You were miserable at Cranbrook, and I only made it worse even when I thought I was helping. I'm gonna miss you, but I want you to be happy."

"I don't know if... switching schools is gonna make me happy. It could be the same story all over again."

"Hey, it's a fresh start. Nobody knows you, you can write whatever story you want. You don't have to be the nerd or the gay kid or the new transfer kid's arm candy."

"Ha, yeah right, like I was the arm candy. Wow, I never even considered I didn't have to be the gay kid. I mean, it's me, that's who I am, but it's been so long since that wasn't all that I was. I mean, I could just be Lewis - I don't even have to tell anybody that I'm gay."

"So wait, you'd go back in the closet?"

"I mean, I could. It'd just be... for a semester, I could just relax and not have to reestablish a new identity. I mean that's what college is for, and I could test out being normal for the semester and then decide who I wanna be in college."

He nodded his head. "Sounds like a plan."

"Are you really sure you're okay with this?"

"I told you, Lewis. I just want you to be happy."

"But what about you?"

"This isn't about me. You're leaving for your own protection, so you can be stress-free and safe. You aren't leaving because of me, so it doesn't matter how I factor into all of this," he paused and looked at me. "Wait, you aren't leaving... because of me, are you?"

"No, no! Of course not, this isn't about you, like you said."

"But it is, I mean even if it's not, it is. 'Cause I couldn't keep the jocks off of you, I made you a bullying target and put you in the spotlight when you weren't comfortable with it. I mean, no matter how you spin it, most of your stress this year has been because of me. I haven't been dealing with that fact and I need to."

"No, I don't want you blaming yourself again. Nobody benefits from blaming ourselves here. Look, I know I had a shitty time since you showed up, but I've had a shitty time for years, ever since I came out and, most of my time at Cranbrook, honestly. And I've got stuff with my family that's just begging for a therapy session or six. It's not you, Tyler. You aren't the reason I'm leaving."

He sighed and stood up. He towered over me above the couch. "Then what about that stuff you said the other day about not deserving any of this?" He gestured wildly, letting his hair and his arms flail as he got riled up. What about our fake relationship and me not sticking up for you and you punching me in the face and-and the dumpster and the hospital? I'm responsible for all of that."

"Yes, okay, you're responsible for all of that. You can blame yourself if you want to, but Tyler, you are a small, miniscule, insignificant part of why I'm leaving! Not everything has to be about you!"

"So, uh..." He went to fuss with his hair again but stopped halfway and covered his face instead, muttered muffled words behind his hands.

"What was that?"

"I'm insignificant, then. I'm guessing that what you're saying is, I'm an insignificant part of your life, and I was stupid to think otherwise."

"Oh my god, how are you making this about you you right now!"

He drew his hands away from his face, chuckling. "I guess I just... got it into my head, that I dunno, maybe I might be what's pushing you away since you've been avoiding me ever since I kissed you! And now you tell me that I'm just this insignificant part of your life-"

"That's not what I said."

"But it is! That's what you're saying! I mean, you're leaving and you weren't even gonna tell me!"

"I didn't know how to tell you. I mean, I didn't tell Naran either! I didn't want anybody's feelings to get hurt."

"Yeah, well it was gonna happen eventually. I figured you'd at least have the decency to give me answer eventually if I just left you alone to think, but you were never going to give me answer. You were just going to leave."

"Tyler-"

"I'm not mad that you want a fresh start - you do what you need to do. I don't want to be another reason for the bad shit in your life. And I really do want you to be happy. But I just thought that maybe... maybe you might still have feelings for me. After everything, I thought maybe we could still have something in spite of it all."

"Tyler, that's not fair. I was crazy about you, but you were straight and in the back of my mind, I can't get over the idea that I'm longing for somebody that doesn't like me back and that we've already tried the relationship thing which ended badly. And then for you to tell me what, that you're into me now which may or may not mean that you're gay but you can't even say the word?"

"I'm sorry, okay?! Before I got adopted, I never even acknowledged the word 'gay' unless it was on a TV show or something. Now my adoptive parents are gay, my uncle is gay, my best friend is gay and now I'm gay? For him? My entire world has turned upside down in the span of a semester and I... I just can't believe that you won't be here for the next semester because I really think I got through all of this because of you. And I don't care about the kiss. I figured there were two ways this could go and getting rejected was one of them. But please, I need... help figuring this out. This whole LGBT club thing was me trying to things out. I'm sorry I can't just come out and say it, but I don't even know what 'it' is for me. I mean, before you, I didn't have to figure things out. I was just... straight, I guess. It wasn't a question. And now, I'm not even sure that I'm gay. I could be bisexual or pansexual or experimenting, honestly. I don't know. But I do know that I'm crazy about you, too. And it's gonna suck when you're gone. That's what I can say right now."

"I... I'm sorry, Tyler. I just don't think this is a good idea."

"I get it. I'll leave you alone."

"No, Tyler, that's not what I want."

"Well, what do you want?"

"I want... I want this drama to be over. I don't want to have to worry about a relationship, real or fake. I just wanna get through the school year, go to college, and move on."

He chewed his lip and nodded. "Alright, well, can we at least keep things friendly until you go?"

I gave a sigh of relief. "I would so appreciate that right now."

"Friends it is, then."

Friends it is.
♠ ♠ ♠
It feels like it's been such a long time since I thought about writing. My life is in the shitter and I can't even rightfully complain about it because most of it is my fault. I dunno, I just feel adrift. I never figured my stories would be something I'd keep doing for long and it's not something I feel confident enough to turn into a career, but every attempt at art lately is nothing but shit and I keep flopping between art major and no major and it's just stressful, so it's nice to have something to turn to that I don't have to worry about comparing myself to someone else like I would with art or grades or a future.