The Pursuit for Your Heart

The cathedral was beautifully decorated with pastel colors that complimented the rustic essence of the historic building. Tied along the entire length of the pews were off-white gossamer ribbons, held up by candle sticks and decorated with huge bouquets of mixed white and pink flowers. They swayed lightly from the wind being let in by the arched church doors. The runway was red, covered by an off-white isle runner with stitched celtric designs. Huge flower pots were strategically placed on either side of the isle, filled with enormous exotic flowers. There was a huge chandelier hanging above, the chimes letting out a melodic tune as the breeze flowing in from the open doors rustled them. Even the walls were decorated; covered in tulle swags. Bright, over-done flower bouquets were littered about the room, including the window sills and every doorway. On the walls and on the back of some doors hung metal door hangers, filled with hydrangeas and little bells. There was extra lighting everywhere and it seemed to me like the church was over capacity. It was a theatrical and cramped design and if my guess was correct, I'd say the groom hadn’t been allowed to have a say in any of the decorations. We always used to talk about our wedding and he was very clear on his opinion - he wanted classic simplicity. Not boring, but not obnoxious.

As my eyes looked over the ostentatious and tacky looking décor of the church, a hand landed on my shoulder, nearly giving me a heart attack. I turned around, a hand to my chest as I tried to calm my quickly thumping heart. I looked up, only to be met with the eyes of the groom's best man, his gray pools searching my own green ones for answers.

Through the years that Austin and I had dated, Kevin quickly became one of my best friends. He was quiet, only speaking when spoken too, but whenever he did open his mouth, only words of intelligence were spoken. It took some time for him to warm up to me because he kept to himself so much, but after he realized that Austin and I were in it for the long run, he began to open up more and it wasn’t long before he was cracking blonde jokes at me and watching How I Met Your Mother marathons.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, his eyes flashing about the room in nervousness.

“Well, hello to you to, Kevin,” I responded smartly, a smile playing at my lips, despite the way my stomach was churning from nerves.

He smiled back and rolled his eyes, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the back of the church where the bathrooms and a small coat nook were located. He pulled me as close to the coats and as far out of sight as he could before his arms quickly wrapped around me in a tight hug. I felt him let out a sigh and I could practically feel the knots in his neck as my arms looped around it. I knew he was stressed from this wedding as much as I was, maybe even more.

“What are you doing here?” He asked again.

“I-”

“Wait, better question; how did you get in here? The ice queen told everyone to be sure that if you showed up to call her and escort you back to your car.” Though he still sounded nervous and panicked, I could hear the humor in his soft voice.

“Bathroom window,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. He rolled his eyes at this, a smile breaking out across his face.

“Of course,” he laughed. As soon as his smile broke out, it faded and he became serious again. “What are you doing here? Are you really going to sit here and watch Austin marry Lacey?” He asked, skeptical.

“Of course not.”

“Then why exactly are you here? I promise you the reception food isn't worth being arrested."

I rolled my eyes at him and chuckled. “I’m not here for the food, Kevin. I'm going to stop Austin from making a huge mistake.”

His eyes practically bugged out of his head at the realization of what I was going to do.

“I-I…you’re going to…because, I thought…I-what?” He stuttered.

I sighed and turned to the side, looking over the church as people settled into the pew seats. It was easy to tell the different between Lacey and Austin's families. Other than the fact that I could recognize practically everyone on Austin’s side considering I’ve met them all multiple times, Lacey’s family members were over dressed, wearing large hats, chunky jewelry, and dresses that looked they came straight from a museum show casing dresses of the 1600s.

“When Austin left, he told me I had to prove I was willing to fight for him. I didn’t understand what that meant at first. He left before I had time to even ask, though I doubt he would have told me. He was so angry when we last spoke; his face was red and that vein on his forehead was popping, like it always does when he gets too excited.” I spoke. I turned back to Kevin who was watching me and listening intently. “Did he tell you why we broke up in the first place?” I asked him. He shook his head, urging me to go on. “We were at my house for another wonderful family dinner,” I began, sarcasm dripping from my every word.

“You heard the stories; you know how my dad is and how he feels about Austin. There was always something wrong with him every time we went to visit my family; his hair was too long, his shirt was too wrinkled, he was using the wrong fork for dinner, he drank too much - even though he never drank alcohol ever when we were there.

Well, my dad went a step too far and said something about Austin’s family, how they must have been raised from barbarians or something. In a split second Austin was out of his seat and a screaming match between him, my father, and my brother errupted. It was over as soon as my dad threw his drink on Austin and screamed at him to get out. I was so stupid; I just sat there the entire time they were yelling at each other."

"I'm sure you just had no idea what to do," Kevin reasoned, resting a comforting hand on my arm.

I shook my head, "No, I should have said something. But I’m not good with confrontation, and I just couldn't find my voice. Austin stormed out, after giving me a dark look might I add. I waited for my dad to finish ranting and yelling at me for fifteen minutes before finally getting up and following Andrew upstairs to my room. When I walked in, he was throwing all his clothes in to his suit case. I don’t know how it happened so fast but all the sudden we were in a full on screaming match, worse then he and my dad just had…worse than we’ve ever argued before. We were yelling horrible, horrible things at each other and pointing out each and every flaw we both saw in one another. We brought up old fights, stupid friends, even took good moments and found some way to turn them bad," I shuttered, the memory flashing through my mind.

"I didn't even-"

I put my hand up, not yet finished with my tale.

"When he threw a picture that was sitting on my nightstand of me and him at the wall and the glass shattered, we both stopped screaming. I have never experienced a silence as painful and eerie as that one; it made my stomach turn and my throat completely close up. I was crying and he was fuming and pacing and then suddenly he stopped and turned to me. And then he asked me if he was even important to me, if I cared for him at all. He couldn't understand how I could just sit there while my father bashed him. And then he asked me if I'd ever be able to stand up to my father for him. I will never, no matter how hard I try, be able to forget the way his face looked as he spoke to me," I whispered, my voice cracking.

“What did you say?” Kevin asked quietly, wiping away a stray tear that I hadn’t even noticed had slipped down my cheek.

“I said of course I would, because I would. All he said in return was ‘prove it’. He said it with such anger and conviction that I could feel the venom behind it. He grabbed his suit case, and paused at the door just to tell me that when I was ready to put effort into this relationship, to call him.” I whipped furiously at my cheeks as my tears betrayed me and more and more fell down my face. Kevin stared at me, understanding and sympathy in his eyes.

“You should have chased after him. You knew you would fight for him, all you had to do was tell him you loved him.”

“I know…” I sighed. “I don’t know why I didn’t run after him! I figured he’d call and ask me if I had made my decision and I’d tell him my answer and we’d be okay again, but he never called! And when I finally did call him two weeks later, he didn’t answer. I thought that was his way of saying to get lost, that I’d lost my chance.”

“Mel…”

“I know, I know! I feel terrible! I just…I-I was crushed and confused a-and tired and…he was s-so angry…” My voice cracked once again and my sentence trailed off.

“Not to put you down any further than you already are, but what makes you think that now, after three years, on his wedding day, he’ll take you back?”

“I-I don’t know. I really don’t Kev, but I need to at least try. If I don’t, I’ll never know and I’ll never be able to move on,” I admitted. Kevin’s eyes studied me, his face calm.

“I like you better than Lacey, Melanie, you know that. And I have no doubt in the world that you love Austin as much, if not more, than you did three years ago. I don’t know how he feels about you truly, but I do know that Austin loved you with all his heart and feelings like that don't just go away. Lacey…she was just there. She was there when he was down and unsure of himself and sad…you, you weren’t. All he wanted was for you to say that you were willing to fight for him, all he wanted was you to prove that he hasn’t wasted four years on your relationship. Every day you didn’t try contacting him, he fell apart more. I can’t tell you why he didn’t answer your call when you called him, but god, Melanie! Why couldn’t you just call again? Why did you give up after one phone call?”

“I was hurt, Kevin! I loved him with all my heart! For him to even question that…it just…i-it broke me! I shouldn’t have to prove my love! My word should have been enough after four fucking years! He was asking me to turn my back on family; the people that were there with me from the day I was born. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to lose that! How could anyone know who to chose when given an ultimatum like that?” I snapped, angry that Kevin was now blaming me, though he had every right to.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down before I spoke again. “I-I was young, Kevin. I didn’t know what I wanted. I did know that I wanted Austin, but I-I was just so angry that he was forcing me to prove it just because I found it difficult to go against my dad and brother. I knew from the start that they were both wrong, but I-I just…couldn’t make up my mind fast enough. And before I knew it, it was three years later and a Facebook event was informing me of the ‘bond under God’s beautiful eyes between Andrew Collin’s and Lacey Holt’.”

It was silent. God, I hated silence. This wasn’t anything like the one Austin and I had shared during our fight, nothing would ever top that, but this one was coming in at a close second.

“You love him?” Kevin finally asked, running a hand through his messy, brown hair.

“Yes, without a doubt.” I responded immediately, nodding my head.

“Do you know what you’re going to say?” He asked.

I let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Not a clue. I’m just going to speak from my heart and let the words flow.” I admitted, playing with my fingers.

I soon felt Kevin’s arms encircle around me and my arms instantly followed suit, wrapping around his waist. After a few minutes, he slowly pulled back and smiled at me, which I returned as best as I could. Music began to play and my heart skipped a beat, sweat breaking out instantly. Kevin’s eyes flashed behind me towards the alter before settling back on my face, a smile still set on his lips. He placed a light kiss on my forehead and gave my arms a squeeze.

“Give em’ Hell, kid,” he smirked. I laughed and nodded my head with a smile. After one more kiss to the cheek and another small hug, Kevin rushed away, taking his place in front with the rest of the groomsmen.

I took my compact mirror out of my clutch and quickly checked to be sure my makeup hadn’t run down my face. I clasped it closed and slipped it back in to my bag. When I turned back to the quickly approaching wedding, I froze and my mouth ran dry.

There standing next to the groomsmen, his father, and the officiant, stood Austin. He looked breathtaking and handsome in his black tuxedo, his hair styled in his typical 'I-just-woke-up-look'. Even from here, I could tell he wasn’t excited. His jaw was set, his eyes dull, and his mouth in a tight line, occasionally letting out a smile that only I seemed to notice was fake. Kevin and I made quick eye contact, and he stuck out his tongue, holding his thumbs up and mouthing a 'good luck'. When Felix Mendelssohn's "Wedding March” began, I decided to move in closer. I silently slipped into an isle seat in the back, next to an elderly looking woman from Lacey’s family, who instantly stuck her nose up at me. She would hate me even more after what I was about to do.