And I'm Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone...

My legs are dangling off the edge
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend
I think I slit my wrists again
And I’m gone, gone, gone, gone
My legs are dangling off the edge
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again
I’ll put a bullet in my head
And I’m gone, gone, gone, gone

I stared off across the horizon of the lake in front of me as I swung my legs back and forth, at the edge of the dock. I picked up the bottle that sat beside me and took another swig while grabbing another pill from the bottle on the other side of me, dropping it in my mouth and swallowing. Etching another scratch into the wooden dock with the knife I had, counting “six”. The air was cool and perfect. I was done with the way I was feeling; I was giving up on the world because I knew it had given up on me. The water rippled under my feet as tear fell from my face, breaking the surface. I stared on at the moon in the sky, the only light, no stars tonight.

Gone too far yeah I’m gone again
It’s gone on too long tell you how it ends
I’m sitting on the edge with my two best friends
One’s a bottle of pills and ones a bottle of gin.
I’ve gotta take this opportunity before I miss it
Cause now I hear the sirens and they’re off in the distance
Belive me when I tell you that I’ve been persistent
Cause I’m more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is.
I’ve been trying too long with too dull of a knife
But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice
I never bought a suit before in my life
But when you go to meet God you know you wanna look nice

Completing my routine for the 11th time, this time keeping the knife in my hand after making my mark on the dock. The blade glistened in the moonlight but my attention was taken off of the knife as I heard crunching leaves from the woods surrounding the lake behind me, and the reflection of a person in the knife. I turned my attention back to the lake as I played with the knife in my hand, I spoke without turning away from the lake as the person stood next to me. “Hi Addison.” She let out a deep sigh as she sat next to me while I moved the bottle of pills to my other side with the bottle of liquor.

“Maral, why are you out here… like this?” I slowly turned my head, lifting my gaze from the ground only to see she had been crying just as much as I had. I looked away, ashamed of myself for being so selfish and hurting the only person that was there for me in my roughest times. I grabbed the bottle again only to have it pulled out of my hands and dropped down into the lake. I heard her sniffle as she smacked my arm. I looked over at her, only to have her continue smacking my arm. I grabbed her wrists to make her stop and she only cried more. “How could you leave me, why would you leave me here alone?! I can’t stay here alone, you’re my best friend, my sister! If I don’t have you, who do I have?!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?! Do you not see what you’re doing?!” She reached over and knocked the bottle of pills off the dock.

“You’re going to kill the fish.”

“Fuck your fish! Give me the knife, please.” I gripped it hard, slicing my palm as I held it, not wincing once to let her know I had hurt myself. She reached for it and I didn’t stop her from pulling it out of my hands. She tsked when she saw the blood and stood up. “Let’s go bubba.” I shook my head and stared off at the lake, letting the tears continue to fall down my face. I looked up at the sky begging for a new beginning. I’d lost faith and needed the strength back to change my life.

So if I survive then I’ll se you tomorrow
Yeah I’ll see you tomorrow.
My legs are dangling off the edge
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend
I think I slit my wrists again
And I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.
My legs are dangling off the edge
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again
And I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.

I swung my legs again as I braced myself against the dock, staring down into the water, tempting, just dropping in and forgetting to breathe. But the girl standing behind me was stopping all of it, she had no idea what a hold she had on me, my best friend, she came to the lake to save me. I felt her hand against my shoulder, turning to her, I saw the look in her eyes, begging me not to think of falling in. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh as I got up slowly, careful of my bleeding hand. She held me so tight and led me off the dock, as far away from the water as possible. I looked back only to see the lake getting smaller and smaller and the dock was getting farther and farther away. I’ll find that strength, I will.

I wish that I could fly
Way up in the sky
Like a bird so high
Oh I might just try
I wish that I could fly
Way up in the sky
Like a bird so high
Oh I might just try
Oh I might just try