Cowgirl Don't Cry

Sydney, are you okay? What happened tonight?

Sydney, I’m not gunna keep texting if you aren’t gunna answer, but I would really like to know what happened last night. Text or call me please!

I woke up the next morning to two texts on my phone. Thankfully I had switched my phone to silent when I got home from my date with Vincent the night before. It wasn’t like he was blowing it up or anything, but I was feeling a mix of embarrassment and disgust with myself, so I really didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t quite understand why I had let those ignorant girls get to me. Maybe because they had voiced my insecurities? It was stupid, but I felt inadequate. Vincent was a famous hockey player, and I was a mere student. Not to mention the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous!

I had never been an insecure woman. I had always had a “who gives a fuck” mentality, like, if a guy didn’t like me for me, then they weren’t worth my time, and really, who cares what some random broad in a bar thinks of me? But somehow, Mr. Lecavalier brought out the insecurities in me, and it made me rather uncomfortable. But was it his fault or mine? I really didn’t know how to handle it or what to do to keep it at bay.

I decided to ignore the texts, thinking to myself that I would answer them later, when I had an idea of what I was going to do.

- - -

“Hey Sydney! Wait up!” I was on my way to class when I heard someone calling to me from behind. I smiled at Derick Sevard as he jogged up next to me and slowed to a walk. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m doing pretty well. Thankful that that test is over. How about you?”

“I’m doing good. I’m about to head over to the hospital for clinicals. “ He paused and glanced at me, grabbing my arm lightly to stop my forward movement. “I know this is kind of forward, but do you think I could take you to dinner tomorrow night?”

His nervous expression was incredibly endearing and I found myself nodding and smiling. “Absolutely. That’ll be fun. I could use something to take my mind off of school!” He visibly exhaled in relief and handed me his phone to put my number into.

“Great, I’ll send you a text to get your address and to figure out details later today.” He reached forward and gave me a one armed hug and I handed his phone to him.

“Sounds good to me.” I waved goodbye as I headed to class. I was excited to go out on this date with Derick. He seemed like a really genuinely nice guy, and I thought I would have quite a good time.

The image of Vincent Lecavalier flashed through my head, but I quickly shook it out. Although the feelings on our date were real, and the connection was intense, we weren’t exclusive and there were definitely no rules as to what we could or couldn’t do with other people.

If I was honest with myself, the idea of him on a date with another woman bugged me - really bugged me. But what was the sense in roping myself down to one guy? Especially a guy who was so well known and who people obviously thought I wasn’t good enough for.

After class I cornered my roommate. I really hadn’t spoken to her about my date with Vincent the night before, because she had stayed the night at her boyfriends’ apartment, and I obviously needed to.

“Maria! I really need to talk to you about last night. Can we do lunch before our next class?” I had a grim look on my face as I caught up with Maria, grabbing her arm.

“Oh my God! You slept with him!” Her face lit up like a Christmas tree and I groaned aloud. “You have to tell me everything! Was he good in bed? I mean you said he is a hockey player, he must be good with his hands, if you know what I’m saying!” She winked, bumped her hip into mine, and made a crude hand gesture as we linked arms heading towards our favorite little café on campus.

“What do you think I am? No! Of course I didn’t sleep with him!” I laughed at Maria’s downtrodden expression.

“Oh chica! Why not? He es muy guapo!” She batted her eyelashes at me and I groaned again.

“Yes, I know he is. But, I don’t know. I’m so insecure with him. I ran out on our date.” We sat down in a booth near the back and Maria’s expression changed from joking to serious.

“You did what?! Please tell me your kidding.” I shook my head and shrugged.

“I heard some girls talking in the bathroom about how gorgeous he was, and how hideous I was, and how I didn’t deserve to be with him, and what was he thinking, etc etc.”

“And you listened to them? Honestly Syd. He obviously doesn’t think those things or he wouldn’t have been out with you in the first place! How did you feel with him before that happened?”

“Well, it’s hard to ignore it when all your insecurities are being said out loud by some dumb faceless girls in a bathroom.” I shrugged and smiled faintly as I remembered our dinner and time hanging out before that incident. “It was great. Dinner was fun, we talked about everything; I even mentioned that I had been engaged before. He kissed me before we walked into the bar, but we barely got a chance to talk in the bar before all that happened in the bathroom and I wanted to leave.”

“Sounds like you’re way too worried about what other people think about your relationship with him. If he made you happy, and you were enjoying getting to know him, then why let some fake ass bitches determine whether or not you go forward with it? They were probably just girls who want to have sex with him so that they can say they slept with “Vincent Lecavalier the hockey player”, and you not being with him because of what they think or say is letting them win.” She paused and raised her eyebrows. “Plus, they probably don’t even think you’re ugly. They’re probably jealous because you are so much more caliente than they are!” I laughed and shook my head. It was amazing what a friend’s insight could do – not that Maria was unbiased.

“Well, he texted me asking me what happened last night, and I haven’t responded – I don’t really know what to say, and honestly I’m embarrassed. Could I be any more stupid? And I told this guy Derick that I would go out with him tomorrow night for dinner, and I assume drinks afterwards.”

“Well, text Vincent back and tell him the truth. Explain it to him. If he’s as great as he seems to be he’ll understand. You can’t control how you feel, so don’t be embarrassed. And hey it’s not like your married to Vincent, enjoy yourself with Derick tomorrow night.” I smiled at Maria.

“You’re the best Maria. Thanks so much.” We quickly paid our bill and darted out the door. We went our separate way to different classrooms once we hit the main medical school building for our different classes. I was so relieved that I had talked to Maria. There was nothing better than talking boy drama out with girlfriends, they always made things seem so much less of a big deal.

- - -

Between keeping up to date on my studies and readying my two horses for the upcoming competition at the Florida Horse Park, days were flying by, and before I knew it, it was the next night and I was getting ready for my dinner date with Derick. As I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup I realized that I had never responded to Vincent’s text messages.

“God I am such a bitch.” I groaned and tilted my head back, pulling my phone out. I had never even given the guy the benefit of the doubt. Who cares what some dumb girls said in the bathroom? Maria was totally right; I was a complete and utter idiot.

Look, I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to get back to you. Wednesday night when I went to the bathroom in the bar there were some girls in there talking about you and me, and I let it get to me. I’m normally not the type to really care what other people think, but something about you makes me worry about that – I don’t know if it’s the fact that people are always watching you, or talking about you, or what – but it makes me uncomfortable and I panicked. I’m really sorry. I really did have a great time, and I am so embarrassed that I freaked out like that. I hope you forgive me!

I had to break the long text message up into three, as it was way over the 160-character limit. What I didn’t know when I sent it was that Vincent had left his phone in his stall at the St. Pete Times Forum, and wouldn’t even see it until he went to go get it the next day.

A knock on the door broke me out of my thoughts and told me that my date for the night had arrived. I swooped out to the door in a pair of skinny jeans, a silver tank top, and a pair of black and silver heels. Derick had told me to not dress up, that the restaurant that we were going to wasn’t fancy. I understood the non-fancy restaurant, as we were both medical school students and if he was anything like me, he had almost two hundred thousand dollars out in student loans.

“Wow you look great Sydney!” Derick chimed from my front door as soon as I opened it. And he looked great too. He was in a pair of dark wash jeans and a suit jacket – a look that I absolutely loved on pretty much any man.

“Thanks, you too! Let me just grab my purse and we can head out.” I disappeared into my apartment to grab my purse, reappearing two seconds later with the black bag in my hand. I caught sight of the beautiful sunflowers that Vincent had dropped off before our date on Wednesday. I loved when men gave flowers before a date. It was so old fashioned and thoughtful – and I was an old fashioned girl… for the most part.

- - -

Our conversation was joking and shallow throughout dinner. Not once did we attempt to dive beneath the surface in attempt to really get to know one another. While it was a good time, it was evident that there was no deeper connection between Derick and me, and by the time dinner ended, I was hopeful that he saw that too.

Of course, guys aren’t as perceptive as girls, and if Derick wasn’t feeling a romantic connection he wasn’t showing that to me, or he was trying to force there to be one. On our way out of the restaurant he reached over and grabbed my hand. I forced a smile and looked over at him. He wasn’t much taller than me, maybe five foot ten, give or take an inch, and with my heels on we were perfectly even in height.

He smiled as we slipped into opposite sides of the cars. Once inside I stayed as far to the right side of the car as possible, rotating slightly so that I was facing Derick making it seem less obvious that I was trying to stay physically disconnected from him.

We made it to the bar downtown just a few minutes later and found a high top table smack dab in the middle of the building. It was already after 9 o’clock due to the fact that we had decided not to have dinner until almost 8, and the bar was beginning to have people file in. I had a feeling tonight would be packed because it was a Friday night and this was becoming an increasingly popular little place.

“Why don’t we call some people from school? Make it a little get together?” I smiled at him and pulled at my phone waving it slightly in front of me.

“Um, I guess we can do that. I’ll text a few people and go grab us drinks. What would you like?” He stood up and pulled his phone out.

“A bud light, thanks.” I sighed in relief as he walked towards the bar texting. I was hoping he wouldn’t be insulted that I wanted other people to come as well, and despite looking less than enthused he didn’t make a huge fuss – maybe he was realizing there wasn’t anything between us.

Maria! Come to that little bar that we went to with Vincent and Brad Saturday! Bring your man and some friends from school.

It took only a few seconds for my phone to beep, signaling a response.

Date not going well? Be there in a jiffy. It’ll be just me, the boyfriend and Jenny from school.

I responded with a simple ‘sounds good’ and looked up as Derick sat down with an excited grin on his face.

“I don’t think any of my friends are going to make it. But you won’t believe who is at the bar.” Derick was beaming as he slid a bud light over to me and kept a dark brown mixed drink for himself.

“Who?” I resisted the urge to turn around and look over to the center of the room.

“Vincent Lecavalier… The assistant captain of the Lightning!” He exclaimed in a hushed tone.

A feeling of dread settled into my stomach and I tried to not let it show on my face.

“Oh that’s nice.” I leaned forward and again resisted the temptation of looking back to see Vincent.

“Do you think I could get his autograph? I’m sure he won’t mind. That’s a big part of their job right?” He stood up and I almost reached out to stop him. I smiled a very fake smile and laughed slightly as he scurried off, turning to watch out of the corner of my eye.

I heard him speak to Vincent and then saw him gesture to me. Dread settled in my stomach as I saw both Derick and Vincent make their way over to me. I wanted to rush out of the bar and avoid the confrontation that seemed to be heading my way, but Vincent had definitely caught sight of me.

The tall, handsome hockey player narrowed his dark brown orbs at me and tilted his head.

“Well hey there. Your date here came over and introduced himself to me and I” he paused as I made eye contact with him, recognition coming over his face, “couldn’t resist coming over to say hi to his date,” he emphasized the word date and glared at me. “Sydney.” He nodded as he said my name.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Derick looked confused and I’m sure my expression was guilty. I looked between Vincent and Derick.

“Yeah, you could say that. Sydney, can I speak to you for a moment?” I looked at Derick before nodding and standing up. I felt bad for him, but I felt really bad about Vincent. Although I had done nothing wrong, it was still easy to imagine why he was upset.

“Yeah.” I got up and followed Vincent to a secluded booth on the other side of the restaurant.

“So you run out on a great date we’re having, and then never text me back explaining why when I ask, and then I see you out on a date with some other guy? Real nice Sydney, real nice.” Vincent looked extremely irked and when he put it that way, I really could understand why and I became annoyed with myself for acting that way.

“I know, I’m sorry. But I did text you back tonight explaining everything. I was embarrassed, I’m so sorry.” I reached across the table and touched his hand softly.

“Ugh, I left my phone in my stall at the forum.” He looked me in the eye and flipped his hand over to grab mine. “Can you explain it to me now?”

I sighed and pulled my hand back, humiliated about the situation all over again.

“I guess, uh…” I started to explain when my phone beeped signaling an incoming text message.

Is that Vincent over there with you? What in the world is going on?! Where’s that Derick guy?

I laughed and looked around the bar, making eye contact with the Latino girl as she leaned over the bar.

Yes that’s Vincent. I’ll explain later.

“Well, when I was in the bathroom after our date there were some girls in there and they were talking about us, and they had nothing nice to say about me. And for some reason it got to me. You seem to bring out some crazy insecurities in me, which I normally don’t have. I normally don’t care about what other people think of me, and for some reason I let those stupid girls get to me. And it made me think that there are always going to be jealous girls judging me if I’m with you, and girls who would do anything to get with you. And I don’t know how I feel about that.” I paused and lifted my eyes from the table to Vincent where he was staring intently across the table at me. “But I had fun with you, and I really like what I know about you, and I don’t want to have any regrets because I let some stupid girls get to me.”

“Then what’s the deal with this dude over here?” Vincent gestured over to where Derick was waiting over at the high top table we had been sitting at earlier

“I don’t know. He asked me to dinner, and I guess subconsciously I thought that he would be a good distraction from you. But throughout dinner tonight it’s been blatantly clear that he’s just a friend. There is just no romantic chemistry.” I smiled up at Vincent. “He’s a nice guy, and I could see him being a good friend, but there’s just something missing there.”

“Well that’s a relief. You see, I’m kind of selfish when it comes to my women.” He winked and I busted out a laugh.

“Why don’t you come join us? I’m sure he’d love that, and I sure would enjoy your company.” I stood up and pulled Vincent up by his hand – not that me pulling him by his hand would actually move the 6’4” athlete, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

“Yeah that’d be great. You know I can’t deny my fans.” He winked right back at me and threw his arm over my shoulder. “Is that Maria over there?” I turned in the direction that he pointed and smiled, gesturing her over. “Well, if it’s such a group affair I’m gunna go grab Johnny and text Kubi and Brad.” He squeezed my shoulder affectionately and headed over to a guy I didn’t recognize with a backwards baseball cap and a tipsy grin on his face as he flirted unashamedly with the big boobed bartender.

I apologized to Derick and sat down at the table, greeting Maria and her boyfriend, David, with hugs and a friendly smile to our classmate Jenny. Jenny it seems had already known Derick as they were chatting animatedly.

“Hey Derick, can I talk to you for a second?” I pulled the blonde med school student away from the group. “I’m really sorry about that…” I started but he interrupted me with a wave of his hand.

“Look, it’s no big deal. If I’m honest with you, I really wasn’t feeling more than a friend vibe between us at is was.” I sighed in relief and reached over and hugged him.

“Friends?” I stuck out my hand, smiling as he shook it and repeated the sentiment.

As we went back to the table Vincent was just showing up with the slightly drunken guy he called Johnny following behind him.

“Maria!” He wrapped Maria in a side hug and smiled down at the tiny Latina. “Everyone this is Johnny Graham, he’s one of our goaltenders.” Derick looked like he was in heaven. It was quite evident that the young man was a huge fan of the local hockey team.

Everyone went around introducing themselves to the boys, and we moved to a larger table when Brad and another one of their teammates, who they introduced as Pavel Kubina or Kubi, showed up. It was very evident that people were watching them, but as Vincent wrapped his arm around my waist, I didn’t let the jealous stares of the girls bother me.

- - -

It wasn’t long before everyone was getting quite tipsy. Johnny had drifted to a permanent spot at the bar where he was once again flirting with the big boobed bartender, Derick and Jenny were chatting animatedly with their faces very close together, David and Maria had cut out shortly beforehand (surely to get some “alone time”), and Pavel and Brad were surrounded by a few girls in obscenely short skirts and low cut shirts. I found the scene quite amusing, because it was blatantly obvious that these girls were what the boys referred to as “puck sluts”.

“Those girls are gross Vinny!” I giggled and pushed my face into his shoulder as he chuckled. He was easily the most sober of the group, and I surely wouldn’t be feeling very good in the morning.

“Oh I know. They’ll flirt with them all night, probably get their numbers, but they’ll have forgotten all about them by tomorrow. None of us are interested in those kind of girls.” He moved his face down to my ear and spoke in a breathy tone, sending a shiver down my spine. “Lets dance.”

“Oh I dunno. I’m not very good at dancing.” He shook his head at me and pulled me towards the dance floor. It was a slow, rhythmic song. Not quite fast enough to really dance, but not quite slow enough to slow-dance either.

Vincent drew me towards him, aligning my body flush against his. It was like my body was on fire. His hands pressed against the small of my back and my arms were wrapped around his neck. We swayed softly from side to side, our bodies never moving from one another.

I leaned my head down on his shoulder and he moved his lips down and brushed them across my exposed neck. The exquisite contact made me tremble, and instinctively press against him harder. A groan slipped past his lips and he spoke again with his lips right against my ear.

“Tomorrow night. Come over to my place. I’ll cook you dinner and we can hang out in the hot tub.” I nodded excitedly and lifted my head so that I could peer into the depths of his chocolate brown orbs.

Our lips met briefly. Just a feather soft movement, but still my knees went weak.

“I think I should probably go soon. You have skating in the morning, and I need to go riding.” He nodded slowly in reluctant agreement and we disconnected our bodies.

I approached Derick and informed him that I was headed home, giving both him and Jenny a side hug. Vincent shook Dericks hand, informing him that he would indeed make sure I got home safe and sound. His teammates had departed just moments before, leaving a sea of disgruntled girls in their wake. This time around, the envious, jealous stares and the exaggerated whispers of the bimbos that lined the bar didn’t faze me as I headed to the front of the bar to catch a cab back to my house.

It took only a second for Vincent to wave down and pay for my cab home. I protested, but he would have none of it. His words were “if I want to pay for your damn cab ride, I will!”

As we were saying our goodbyes I tilted my head up to accept another kiss from the handsome hockey player. He pressed his lips gently against mine at first, snaking his arm around my waist. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, causing my stomach to flip crazily and my knees to go weak. It was a good thing that his arm was wrapped around my waist holding me up. I allowed my lips to part slightly in response, running my tongue against his before pulling away and slipping into the cab.

“I’ll see you soon, Mr. Lecavalier.”