With You

Rob

Jen kills me. She reminds me of how wrong I am, who I really am. I screwed up too much, broke her heart in the worst way. Seeing her with someone else was a slap in the face that I didn't want.

I'm not worth Jen's time and if I'm not worth her's, than I'm not worth anybody's. I don't want to see her with someone else. I don't ever want to be able to see again. I thought things could get better, but now I know. Its done.

She reminds me too much of what I really am.

Jen

Jessi and I went up the stairs to our Rob's room, neither us saying a word. When I got to the door I knocked quietly.

"Rob, its me."

There was no answer. I looked at Jessi before I opened to the door and stepped inside. The room was dark and it smelled like cigarette smoke, booze, and other things unpleasant. The bed side table was littered with cigarette packages, glass bottles were across the floor by the bed, and I wondered where his stash was. Rob was laying on the bed. I went over to it and leaned over.

"Rob?" There was no answer again. Even in the dim light, and his face partially hidden, I could tell he didn't look good. "Rob?"

He jerked his head to look at me. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"I was told to come talk to you. The band needs you, Rob."

"Screw them," he said and then coughed, shifting over onto his back. "This isn't their problem."

"So you want Linkin Park to fail? You're really so low you can't step up for your friends."

"Why don't you go give a speech to your boyfriend," he muttered, coughing again, and waving me off.

I straightened up. "Is this what this about?"

"You're with another guy and we're not even divorced yet," he said quietly.

I scoffed. "And you're one to talk! You slept with another woman when we weren't even split up yet. Can't I be happy and not feel completely worthless?"

"I never made you feel worthless," Rob growled.

"Yes, you did! You made me feel like a piece of trash! You left me--"

"You left me!" he snapped. "You have no room to talk! You didn't give me a chance to explain!"

"How were you to explain to me that you cheated on me!"

"I didn't--!"

"Bull shit! Bull shit! Bull shit!" I yelled. "Just let it go, Rob! We're both better off if we're not together anymore! Don't ruin your life--yourself--over me!"

"You tried to kill yourself because of me! You're the one who tried to ruin your life!" he yelled back.

I stared at him in stunned silence. I'd never have thought Rob would say something like that. It hurt.

Without saying anything else, I left the room and nearly ran into Jessi.

"Jen--"

I didn't look her in the eye as I tried to hold back tears. "I'll be back tommorow."