With You

Rob and I sat next to each other at the lawyer's desk, not saying a word while we waited. I wondered how many gold digging bitches that planned to steal everything from their husbands had sat in this same seat. That made me feel real good.

The lawyer walked in and sat down. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Alright, Mr. and Mrs. Rob Bourdon...Mrs. Bourdon, you don't have any things you wish to take possession of," he said looking up at me from the papers.

"I don't wish to take anything," I said flatly.

Rob looked over at me, incredibly surprised. The lawyer was too.

"No division of property? Finances?" I shook my head. "Alright then...that makes things...much easier. Are there any issues of children?"

"No,"I answered a little too quickly, making Rob look at me again. "What?" I snapped.

The lawyer droned on a little more, but it went faster since I wasn't asking for anything. This was probably the first time that had ever happened to him.

"So we're all in agreement?" he asked, shuffling his papers.

"No," Rob said. "I can't just leave her without anything."

"Rob, I have a job," I growled. "I can take care of myself without you."

"Its not fair."

"Life isn't fair."

Stop being so fucking independent and ask for money."

"No, I don't need it. Sir, we're done," I said to the attorny and got up for the door.

"What the hell?" Rob demanded, coming after me,.

"I don't want anything from you!" I snapped, turning on him. "I just want to be left alone!"

"You are being ridiculous!"

"No, I'm being me. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?"

"Because we love you, Jen. I love you."

"Shut up!" I screamed. "No, you don't!"

"Jen, I don't remember sleeping with Sam. I wouldn't have even known I had if she hadn't been there! I didn't want to do it! You know how sick I am that I did it. I can't sleep and my drumming sucks. My whole life sucks without you! Just come back home, please?"

"And what about Sam? You're not going to give up on her now." He was too good of a man to, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

Rob fell silent. "See?" I said. "She'll always be there and so will your child."

I walked away without another word.

</3

I awoke in the dark with a horrible cramping in my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore it, but it refused to go away. I got up from the bed and made my way into the bathroom, clutching my stomach. Something wasn't right. When I turned on the light, I saw I was right. I was bleeding.

"Teal!" I screamed. When there was no answer, I screamed again. "Teal!"

She stumbled into the bathroom, still half asleep. "What? What's wrong?"

I was braced against the counter, trying to keep steady. "I'm bleeding."

She noticed the blood dripping down my legs and her eyes went wide. "Oh my God! Ok. Ok. We're going to be ok. Let's get you to the hospital."

Wrapping an arm around me, she ushered me out of the bathroom and to the car.
It was seven in the morning and my eyes were sore from crying, my whole body ached. I'd miscarried. After a month and a half, I'd lost my baby. I was going to be all alone again. That made me realize why I wanted this baby, it was my last connection to Rob after we would get divorced. But I'd killed it. I'd stressed out too much for it and I'd killed my baby.

"The doctor says we can go home," Teal said, bending next to me.

I could see the worried expression on her face as I silently got up and walked to the door.

"You going to be okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Yeah, everything's just perfect," I said, my voice sounding empty even to my own ears.