***ed Up and Over
***ed Up and Over
Okay, so yeah I found out what it meant, but I didn't actually know what it meant. I just thought I did. Weird how you think you can know something and realize the next day just how fucking wrong you were. So anyway, we're sitting there and we hear this sound and we both kind of look at each other and then around, but there's nothing there. Just that sound.
At first we thought the cursing and deep breathing was just some fucking sex because we're two teenage guys and that's the first thing you think of when you're a teenage guy. If you don't know what it is then it must be sex. So we sit there fore awhile and then we finally get sick of listening to fuck knows what and leave, walking down the sidewalk to god knows where.
We never really think that far in advance, me an' Billie. Never really think much at all actually. So we're still walking and we keep taking turns and if we get lost and don't make it home before dark both our mothers are going to conspire how to kill us and make sure we don't breed any up-to-no-good offspring of our own. My mom always said two JD-in-training twins was more than enough. Our moms always talk like that, like we're brothers. And whichever house we're crashing at for the night, that's who's got custody for the weekend.
So we're still taking corners and I think I've seen that tree about five times now already and Billie stops, putting his arm out in front of my chest so I'll stop too, like I'll leave him and keep walking in circles by myself. "They were huffing, weren't they?"
And I just kind of look at him like 'do I really give a shit what the fuck they, whoever they are, were doing'.
But he's still staring straight ahead so he doesn't even notice my face. "Yeah, they were huffing." And then we start walking again and it's like what the fuck did that have to do with anything.
"Wonder what they were using." he mumbles after a few more circles and damn that fucking tree!
He looks at me and I realize that I'm supposed to say something and what I'm supposed to say is obviously not what I'm going to say because do I ever fucking say anything right. "You're fucked up and over, man."
"Yeah, usually."
We walk some more. Billie stops, opens his mouth, doesn't say anything. We walk some more. He stops, opens his mouth, curses about moths and moms and some bitch from our school named Tracy. We walk some more. Billie stops, turns away from me, pukes into the nearest bush.
It's a bit fucked up but what can you say about it.
We walk past that stupid tree again. It's starting to get dark now. But I guess Billie's got a fucking map in his head or something because we end up at his house in about five minutes and I really want to kick him because we were walking around for that fucking long and we could have just come home.
His mom doesn't comment on the dark hue the sky is when we walk through the door, just says something about supper and homework and we nod and give useless answers before we disappear into Billie's room. He locks the door and grabs a can of something off his dresser and tosses it to me. "You think that could work?"
I look at the label and it's fucking air freshener. "It don't smell that fucking bad in here, you know."
He just looks at me like I'm crazy and snatches the can away from me, digging around in his drawer and I just sort of sit there and look at him. "For what they were doing." And I think I know what he's talking about but I don't actually get it until he's got some sort of rag or something and he's holding it over the top of the can and—
"What the fuck, man?"
He's fucking pissed when I open his window and chuck it out. I think he might hit me but he just keeps giving me these glares with his eyes and thank god metaphors aren't real otherwise I'd probably be dead from the fucking daggers. And I say something like I ain't fucking stupid and you ain't either so what the fuck is this all about.
And he just glares at me some more and then he pushes me hard onto the bed and sits down next to me with his arms crossed and he's not talking and he's not looking at me either. So I say his name and try and grab his hand and he stands up and walks to the window I threw the can out but not like he's going to jump out and try and look for it either.
"They sounded pretty fuckin' happy."
"Pretty fuckin' high."
"If that's what it takes, you know."
But he sits down on his bed again and we don't say anything about it for the rest of the night, just watch a movie and bitch about something and then something else and then the clock's got nothing but ones on it so we go to bed.
So like I said before I found out what it meant but I really didn't. You know I thought he was just all I-found-out-what-they-were-doing-so-let's-try-it-too bullshit. But it really wasn't because of those things he was saying when he was looking out the window. 'Cause what it really was is that he was saying he thought maybe what they were doing was what he needed because he wasn't happy. And I didn't know that even though I should have because we're practically joined at the fucking hip, you know.
So the next day when we're walking to school and thank god we don't have to go by that stupid and I try and bring it up. He just sorta looks at me like 'what the fuck are you on' and doesn't say anything. But I'm annoying and he's my best friend so I'm just going to keep annoying him until he tells me whatever it is that made him what to snort that nasty shit up into his brain through his nose last night.
So I'm still going at him and we're walking up the sidewalk about three feet away from the doors and he just turns to me and smacks me across the face as hard as he possibly can. And then he's yelling something about stupid and annoying and what the fuck man and all sorts of shit I can't understand because why the fuck would Billie hit me?
But then two seconds later there's this other question running through my head because I mean who would expect their best friend to kiss them in front of about three hundred other people, 'specially after he just gave me a fucking bruise from his hand. I mean he may not look it but he could definitely take you down.
So it's like what the fuck, man. And there's a bunch of words coming from a bunch of people and I know it isn't fucking Valentines' Day card bullshit but I don't really give a damn because why the fuck did he kiss me?
But he doesn't say anything and he doesn't do it again and he just starts walking through the crowd of people. So I start pushing and shoving and ignoring whatever the fuck it is they're saying and I finally find him and grab him and shove him up against the hunk of metal that holds the books and drugs and purses of everyone in the entire fucking school. And I start to yell the question but he just fucking grabs me by the collar of my jacket and he fucking does it again!
So I thought I knew it and I didn't. And then I thought I didn't know it but then I realized that I knew it all a-fucking-long.
At first we thought the cursing and deep breathing was just some fucking sex because we're two teenage guys and that's the first thing you think of when you're a teenage guy. If you don't know what it is then it must be sex. So we sit there fore awhile and then we finally get sick of listening to fuck knows what and leave, walking down the sidewalk to god knows where.
We never really think that far in advance, me an' Billie. Never really think much at all actually. So we're still walking and we keep taking turns and if we get lost and don't make it home before dark both our mothers are going to conspire how to kill us and make sure we don't breed any up-to-no-good offspring of our own. My mom always said two JD-in-training twins was more than enough. Our moms always talk like that, like we're brothers. And whichever house we're crashing at for the night, that's who's got custody for the weekend.
So we're still taking corners and I think I've seen that tree about five times now already and Billie stops, putting his arm out in front of my chest so I'll stop too, like I'll leave him and keep walking in circles by myself. "They were huffing, weren't they?"
And I just kind of look at him like 'do I really give a shit what the fuck they, whoever they are, were doing'.
But he's still staring straight ahead so he doesn't even notice my face. "Yeah, they were huffing." And then we start walking again and it's like what the fuck did that have to do with anything.
"Wonder what they were using." he mumbles after a few more circles and damn that fucking tree!
He looks at me and I realize that I'm supposed to say something and what I'm supposed to say is obviously not what I'm going to say because do I ever fucking say anything right. "You're fucked up and over, man."
"Yeah, usually."
We walk some more. Billie stops, opens his mouth, doesn't say anything. We walk some more. He stops, opens his mouth, curses about moths and moms and some bitch from our school named Tracy. We walk some more. Billie stops, turns away from me, pukes into the nearest bush.
It's a bit fucked up but what can you say about it.
We walk past that stupid tree again. It's starting to get dark now. But I guess Billie's got a fucking map in his head or something because we end up at his house in about five minutes and I really want to kick him because we were walking around for that fucking long and we could have just come home.
His mom doesn't comment on the dark hue the sky is when we walk through the door, just says something about supper and homework and we nod and give useless answers before we disappear into Billie's room. He locks the door and grabs a can of something off his dresser and tosses it to me. "You think that could work?"
I look at the label and it's fucking air freshener. "It don't smell that fucking bad in here, you know."
He just looks at me like I'm crazy and snatches the can away from me, digging around in his drawer and I just sort of sit there and look at him. "For what they were doing." And I think I know what he's talking about but I don't actually get it until he's got some sort of rag or something and he's holding it over the top of the can and—
"What the fuck, man?"
He's fucking pissed when I open his window and chuck it out. I think he might hit me but he just keeps giving me these glares with his eyes and thank god metaphors aren't real otherwise I'd probably be dead from the fucking daggers. And I say something like I ain't fucking stupid and you ain't either so what the fuck is this all about.
And he just glares at me some more and then he pushes me hard onto the bed and sits down next to me with his arms crossed and he's not talking and he's not looking at me either. So I say his name and try and grab his hand and he stands up and walks to the window I threw the can out but not like he's going to jump out and try and look for it either.
"They sounded pretty fuckin' happy."
"Pretty fuckin' high."
"If that's what it takes, you know."
But he sits down on his bed again and we don't say anything about it for the rest of the night, just watch a movie and bitch about something and then something else and then the clock's got nothing but ones on it so we go to bed.
So like I said before I found out what it meant but I really didn't. You know I thought he was just all I-found-out-what-they-were-doing-so-let's-try-it-too bullshit. But it really wasn't because of those things he was saying when he was looking out the window. 'Cause what it really was is that he was saying he thought maybe what they were doing was what he needed because he wasn't happy. And I didn't know that even though I should have because we're practically joined at the fucking hip, you know.
So the next day when we're walking to school and thank god we don't have to go by that stupid and I try and bring it up. He just sorta looks at me like 'what the fuck are you on' and doesn't say anything. But I'm annoying and he's my best friend so I'm just going to keep annoying him until he tells me whatever it is that made him what to snort that nasty shit up into his brain through his nose last night.
So I'm still going at him and we're walking up the sidewalk about three feet away from the doors and he just turns to me and smacks me across the face as hard as he possibly can. And then he's yelling something about stupid and annoying and what the fuck man and all sorts of shit I can't understand because why the fuck would Billie hit me?
But then two seconds later there's this other question running through my head because I mean who would expect their best friend to kiss them in front of about three hundred other people, 'specially after he just gave me a fucking bruise from his hand. I mean he may not look it but he could definitely take you down.
So it's like what the fuck, man. And there's a bunch of words coming from a bunch of people and I know it isn't fucking Valentines' Day card bullshit but I don't really give a damn because why the fuck did he kiss me?
But he doesn't say anything and he doesn't do it again and he just starts walking through the crowd of people. So I start pushing and shoving and ignoring whatever the fuck it is they're saying and I finally find him and grab him and shove him up against the hunk of metal that holds the books and drugs and purses of everyone in the entire fucking school. And I start to yell the question but he just fucking grabs me by the collar of my jacket and he fucking does it again!
So I thought I knew it and I didn't. And then I thought I didn't know it but then I realized that I knew it all a-fucking-long.