Demons

My dearest James,

I love you with my whole heart, never forget that. This has nothing to do with that, this has to do with my past. You know all about my past, and the nightmares that happened, but I suppose I should let you in on why I’m writing you this letter.

Recently, I’ve realized that, these monsters that haunt me will never go away. I feel terrible for putting this in a letter James, but I can go no further with these demons chasing me.

Please, I hope in your heart you will one day forgive me for my actions, but this is the only way. I love you James, and I always will.

Forget about me James, I know it will be hard. These past 7 and a half years have been the amazing, but please James, as I final request, forget about me. Move on with your life, and leave me in the past. Don’t dwell on this. Go live your life to it’s fullest like you’ve always wanted to. Go rock out on those drums James, and make all your fans smile. And stay strong for my brother, please. He’s not going to understand.

I never told him. I was selfish, I didn’t want him to know about the things that happened to his ‘baby sister.’ He would never have forgiven himself for not having been there, and he would never look at me the same. I didn’t want him to treat me any differently.

I know I’m asking a lot of you, but I know you. I know you can do this. You can leave me in the past, and stay strong for my brother, stay strong for everyone.

I love you James Owen Sullivan, even after death, I will always love you.

Goodbye.

Love always and forever,
Rayne Camille Haner.

Tears fell from my face as I re-read the note for probably the 100th time. I couldn’t live like this anymore, but it hurt knowing Jimmy was getting hurt in the process.

A few tear drops hit the paper, before I finally tore my eyes away from it. I slowly slid it into an envelope, and sealed it with a kiss, neatly writing Jimmy’s name across the front.

I slowly stood from my desk, placing the note on the bed, before turning towards the bathroom.

Walking into what would be my deathbed; I closed and locked the door. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, and saw someone I couldn’t recognize in the mirror. This was not me; this was the shell of my former self.

I walked over and sat on the edge of the tub. I turned the water on, making it a little warmer than room temperature. I stood up as the tub filled, and turned towards the counter.

I looked at the pills I had taken out. I had about 50 pills all together, and a tall glass of water sitting next to them. I picked up about ten pills, and put them in my mouth, before taking a sip of water, and swallowing. I repeated the process until all the pills were gone.

By then, the tub was full. I turned and turned it off, once again sitting on the edge. I slowly stripped naked, and got into the water. Relaxing into the water, I took the final step.

I grabbed the blade, and stared at the smooth, shiny object, before placing it directly on my left shoulder, and dragging it straight across my collar bones. Once again placing it against my wrist and dragging it across, doing this to both wrists.

By now, the water is a deep red, and I’m becoming dizzy. I dropped the blade onto the tiled floor, and stared up at the ceiling. I knew the pills would start to kick in soon.

I wasn’t sure which would happen first, I would bleed out, and loose consciousness or the pills would kick in, and I would loose consciousness. Either way, I would be unconscious when I went under water.

My head was spinning, and I knew my end was near. I leaned my head back, letting the darkness start to take over. I felt my body slipping down into the tub.

“I love you Jimmy.” I murmured.

The last thing I felt before everything went black was water lightly toughing my chin, then, nothing but sweet release.