The Hopeless Hanging On

Did you know that kind of feeling? When you wanted to be proud of someone you love because they are living their dream, but in the other hand, you wanted to just tell them to quit it because you’re afraid to lose them. That was my exact feeling right now, even though I couldn’t focus on my thoughts too much because of the noise. I stood side stage as I watched my best friends perform to thousands of kids at Bamboozle.

The crowd was singing along to the song that they played for a couple of our other friends and myself a few years ago, and now, they were playing that same song to thousands of people. My best friends are a band… more likely to be known as The Downtown Fiction. I’ve been best friend with Cameron and Eric since high school, and I became best friends with David after he joined in, and as for Wes, he was more of a personal jester to me.

After they finished Your Voice, Cameron talked a bit to the crowd and I looked over to Eric, who was taking sip from his bottle of water behind his drum set. He grinned at me and mouthed ‘Can you believe this?!’ after he set his bottle down again. I just grinned back and gave him a thumb up.

Looking at him, performing to this kind of crowd was a really proud moment for me. I knew he wanted this but call me selfish, I was half heartedly to be proud at him. After they got signed and they had to go out on tour constantly, meaning I couldn’t see them, more specifically, Eric, a couple months out of the year. Every time I wanted to hang out with him, he always had to go to band practice or something band related. I know I always got invited to their practices, but that wasn’t enough.

Truth to be told, I had developed feelings for Eric since we were in high school. I was the one that cared and liked him back then. Girls didn’t even notice him and I was the only one who noticed how amazing he is. Now, all the girls that were in our school wanted to buddy up with him so they could have a shot to date him. It was stupid, nevertheless.

“Thank you, Jersey! We love you!”, Cameron shouted through his microphone and they ran out from the stage. “Amyyyyyyy!”, sweaty Cameron suddenly tackled me into a bone crushing hug. “How did we do?”, he sang.

“Get your sweaty stinky ass off me!”, I tried to push him away but he was too strong and he ended up giving me a sloppy kiss on the cheek before pulling away. “I’ll get rabies for that!”

He just laughed and walked off with Wes, talking about something I didn’t care. David already wrapped his arm around his girlfriend, Rya, who was our best friend too. “Hey, Amy, do you wanna grab lunch with us?”, she offered and giggled when David pecked her cheek lightly. They were such a cute couple and I couldn’t even stand them at first, but I got used to it, so did the others.

“I don’t know… do you wanna?”, I looked over to Eric. He shook his head. “That means no.”

Rya rolled her eyes playfully and just laughed. “Fine, don’t do anything silly.”, she winked at me, motioning to Eric. She knew how I felt about him and I just glared at her.

After they walked off, I looked over to Eric again and laughed. “You were awesome.”

“Well, I’ve been told.”, he smiled and we walked out from the backstage. The outside was really humid and I couldn’t believe it wasn’t summer yet; the weather could pass for a dog day. Some other bands that had finished their sets were hanging out at their merch tent, no exception to The Downtown Fiction. Cameron and Wes were already involved in a drinking contest with David as the judge. I sat down next to Rya and we both laughed as Wes choked on his drink.

I stole glances to Eric and saw that he was signing and taking pictures with some fans. He looked that he had fun doing it and I just smiled a bit, even though it was no denying that I wish I could had the title of being his girlfriend. Most of the fans knew that Rya was David’s girlfriend and some of the fans even came up to her to take a picture with her and said things like they looked cute. I wished I could be like that with Eric, but it was just something I had in mind.

“Hey guys, I’ll be right back.”, Eric announced to everyone in the tent after a girl came up to him and said something to him. They went off with Eric laughing to something she said.

Was it me or she just flirted with Eric?

My blood boiled with jealousy and I clenched my jaw as they disappeared and blend into the crowd. Everyone was too busy talking to a fan that came up to buy a merch or just simply to say hi to the others but my eyes were still fixed to where Eric and that girl went.

“Amy.”, a distinct voice called. “Amy!”, this one was much clearer. I snapped my head to the direction and it was Wes who called. “Earth to Amelia, she should come back down to earth.”

Everyone laughed and I just rolled my eyes. “I’m on my way to mars to get away from the idiots I called my friends.”

“But you still love us.”, Cameron cooed and made fishy kissy faces. I cringed and leaned back onto my beach chair. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”, I muttered and looked away from my friends, especially Rya. I meant, she’s a girl herself, she could know what was up with me in a glance of an eye.

“Look, Amy, we know.”, David spoke up. I looked over to him and pulled off my sunglasses before putting it on top of my head. “We know how you feel about… Eric.”

“You don’t know anything.”, I narrowed my eyes to him. “You don’t know a thing.”

“We actually do.”, Cameron sighed. “You like him since forever, but the two of you are too chicken to just confess about each other gooey feelings to one another!”

I looked at them in disbelief. I couldn’t believe it that they already knew it all of these years. “Do you guys mind if I vent out?”

“Girl, you’ve vent a lot to us. Another one of your vents wouldn’t make a difference to us.”, Wes laughed and gave me a high five.

“I like him, okay! Hell, I love him! I was the only one who noticed him all these years when those girls thought he was a nerd and look at them! They are now drooling to get a piece of him! He’s an amazing guy and I noticed him all along! I want to be with him, but do you see him realizing it?!”, I ranted and then took a deep breath before taking a look over to everyone.

They were just staring at me. I sighed and stood up from my seat before taking a walk around the arena. The crowd wasn’t that too rowdy because most of them were in front of the stage because Bruno Mars was on. All the talk about my feelings were wearing me out and flooding my mind, making it into a storm.

It was pretty useless for me to mope around so I decided to buy a cotton candy. Bamboozle was like a theme park, except they only have a ferris wheel and a huge stage for bands to perform in the middle of the arena ground. After buying the cotton candy, I turned around and bumped onto a guy, making some pieces of the candy had to stained his shirt. “I’m sorry!”

“No, it’s okay.”, Eric grinned and took a piece of the candy from his shirt and plopped it into his mouth. “It still tastes good.”

“Dork.”, I rolled my eyes and walked off. It was stupid of me to ignore him but I was a bit furious at him to walk off with a stranger just because she flirted with him.

“Amy!”, Eric called from behind but I just kept on walking like it was no big deal, when in reality, I would love to just turn around to wait for him. “Amy! Amelia!”

“What?!”, I snapped and turned around to stop. Eric stopped a feet away from me and looked at me. Some people that were around us just glanced at us, probably wondering who the heck was I and why I snapped to Eric Jones from The Downtown Fiction. “What, Eric?”

“Look, I know you’re mad at me.”, he started. “But… Cameron kind of told me something.”

My heart stopped. Fuck. Cameron. And. His. Big. Mouth. I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him. And. Feed. His. Corpse. To. The. Mice.

“What did Cameron tell you?”, I looked at him with narrow eyes, but straight enough to not let my suspicion drip from my words.

Eric just smiled and pulled out his phone, tapped something on the screen and then a recording was played.

“I like him, okay! Hell, I love him! I was the only one who noticed him all these years when those girls thought he was a nerd and look at them! They are now drooling to get a piece of him! He’s an amazing guy and I noticed him all along! I want to be with him, but do you see him realizing it?!”

My eyes widened and when it was finished, I couldn’t kept my poker face on. “I’m going to kill him and feed him to the mice… hell, I’d just eat him myself.”

“You wouldn’t be full, you know how he only filled with fat.”, he laughed. “Look, Amy… All these years… I’m feeling the same.”

“Feeling what?”, I acted stupid. I wished I could just curl into a ball and die.

Eric looked at me for a second before taking a deep breath and did what I never even thought he would do. “I LOVE YOU, AMELIA! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”

The people around us stopped and looked for a second before they realized what happened. Some of them awed, some of them even cheered. My legs froze and I even dropped my cotton candy to the ground. He took me off guard. “You… do?”

“Yeah!”, he breathed and grinned before taking a step ahead. He leaned down and pressed his lips on mine. It was more than I’ve ever imagined all these years. I’ve never kissed a guy and he was my first, so all I could do was imagine things, but the real one was more amazing than I could ever did.

We both pulled away and I just smiled as he rested his forehead on mine. “You dork.”, I whispered as our nose bumped onto each other.

“Well, I’m your dork.”, he smiled.