Trust Will Fade

It was always the same thing over and over again. Almost like a cycle really. A viscous, fucked up cycle.

Adeline Haner wasn’t sure how much she could take anymore. In the past three years, she had been to hell and back. Her marriage was slowly swirling down the drain, while her husband was slowly going insane. He was known as Brian Haner Jr., or Synyster Gates; the lead guitarist for the famous worldwide band known as Avenged Sevenfold. He was perfect on the outside. He had it all. Money, fame, a beautiful wife he could brag about, and thousands of women around the world who wanted to sleep with him. But nothing is ever how it seems on the outside. Brian isn’t a sweet, lovable husband, but instead an angry monster that takes pride in beating his wife behind closed doors.

“Brian, stop!” Adeline’s plead bounced off the boring white walls in the kitchen as she shrunk back against the counter behind her so that she was farther away from her husband and his angry temper.

“You can’t do one simple thing I ask!” He continued to shout. “You’re fucking useless, Adie. I don’t even know why the hell I keep you around anymore.”

Adeline licked over her bottom lip before flinching as Brian picked up the nearest item and threw it across the kitchen. The sound of glass shattering against the hardwood floor echoed throughout the room, piercing Adeline’s ears. She could feel herself shaking as Brian whipped around and glared at her with an ice-cold stare.

“Am I gonna have to get rid of you?” He growled, stepping closer to her.

Brian snatched up a handful of Adeline’s honey blonde hair and yanked her forward until their chests were pressed against each other’s. Adeline cried out as tears stung her eyes, and quickly stood up onto her tippy-toes to relieve some of the pressure of her hair being pulled.

“Let go!” She begged him. “Please, Brian,” Her voice cracked.

Brian snarled at her plead before freeing his grip on her hair. Adeline fell to the floor on her knees in a crumpled mess as tears slid down her cheeks. He knelt down to her level and yanked a hold of her upper arm, ignoring the small whimpers of pain that passed through her lips.

“Stop crying like a big baby, clean yourself up, and finish cooking my fucking dinner. Got it?” When Adeline said nothing, Brian squeezed her arm tighter. “I said do you got it?”

“Yes, Brian, I got it,” She said quietly as she nodded.

She tried not to cry. She really did. Some days though, she couldn’t help it. The abuse she was receiving from Brian hurt her in more ways than just physical. Adeline truly thought Brian loved her, or so that’s what he told her in the beginning before they got married. Not even twenty-four hours after the two tied the knot and went on their honeymoon in Hawaii, Brian had raised his hand at her for accidentally spilling whine all over their bedding. The rest of that night was spent with Adeline locked in the bathroom crying, and Brian lying in bed on their fresh new sheets, feeling guiltier than Adeline could ever imagine. He hadn’t meant to hit her the first time, and when the next morning came, Brian apologized to Adeline and promised her it would never happen again, but his promise only lasted for about a month. After that, he started hitting her more and more until finally it was just something he did every chance he got. He had someone who he could take his anger out on, and that was all that mattered anymore.

Adeline thought about leaving him over the years, but there was just something that stopped her from packing her things and disappearing out of his life. Maybe it was the fact that she really loved him. Or maybe it was because she was scared that in the long run he would find her anyways, and she didn’t see a point in leaving. There was also the fact that Adeline didn’t want to throw away her marriage. Her and Brian had been married for three years and together for five. She thought that maybe if he would agree to it, they could actually work out their problems and get his anger under control. The only problem was, Brian didn't usually talked to Adeline like a normal human being unless they were out in public or around their friends and family, so Adeline was never able to bring it up.

Brian was strict on Adeline, and he was very picky when it came to his household. Floors had to be cleaned, rooms had to be spotless, laundry was to be hung or folded immediately, and it was not acceptable for the sink to be piled up with dishes. Adeline spent several hours every day making sure the house was clean and everything was in its place, because she knew if Brian came home and found something wrong with the house, it was going to be a long night of shouting and violence.

When Brian left the kitchen, Adeline stood up slowly from the floor and swallowed back more tears that wanted to fall, before limping over to the oven. She was cooking his favorite, steak and potatoes with a side of vegetables. She thought maybe he would appreciate his favorite meal for dinner, but she knew after his temper got out of hand he probably didn’t care anymore.

She hoped more than anything that he would eat his dinner and then leave to go to the bar and hang out with the guys for the night, instead of sticking around the house. She needed to be alone. She needed some time to think and cry and let everything out.

It was exactly thirty-three minutes later when Adeline placed a plate full of food in front of Brian who was sitting at the kitchen table waiting. He wore a large grin on his face and his eyes were soft and sweet, almost like the monster that replaces him with anger had disappeared and went into hiding for just a little while. As Adeline sat down at the table across from Brian, she silently prayed that the monster would stay away for the rest of the night and give her a little peace.

“Matt is coming over tonight,” Brian told her after a few minutes of silence, besides the obvious sounds of his fork and knife scraping against his plate.

“Okay,” Adeline bit her lip and nodded, “Is Val coming as well?”

“Obviously,” He muttered.

Adeline allowed a small sigh to pass through her lips as she stared down at the cold glass of water in front of her. She couldn’t concentrate on anything but the fact that her stomach felt like it was swallowing it’s self from how hungry she happened to be. She knew, however, that she had to wait until Brian finished his dinner before she could have hers. It was one of the punishments Brian had come up with for her. She hated it, but she couldn’t change it.

“Matt and I are going to watch the game. You and Val can do whatever the hell you want, just stay out of our way.”

“All right,” She licked over her lips.

She had no problem staying out of his way if that’s what he wanted. The less the two were around each other, the less she got hit for something.

-x-

“Get us a beer, will yah?” Brian said to Adeline with a certain look that told her she better listen.

Adeline cleared her throat and nodded. “Of course,” She murmured, “’I’ll be right back.”

Val followed her younger friend into the kitchen, while muttering something about Brian being in a pissed off mood. Adeline, however, ignored it. She was used to Brian ordering her around twenty four seven, so it was no big thing for her. And she would do as he asked, because she knew if she didn’t, the minute Matt and Val left all hell would break loose. Adeline felt like going to bed as soon as she possibly could, not getting the hell beat out of her because Brian can be lazy at times and orders her around.

“Do you have anything a little stronger?” Val asked, cracking a smile, “I have a feeling Brian needs something a little stronger to put him into a better mood.”

Adeline laughed, “That’s probably a good idea, Val. We have some Jack. I’ll make him and Matt one. Would you like one as well?” She asked.

“Just one,” Val nodded eagerly, “Here, I’ll help you make them up real quick.”

Adeline appreciated the help and smiled softly. She pulled out a few glasses from the cabinet and set them down on the counter, while Val took out the whiskey. Jack Daniel’s whiskey happened to be their favorite, and Adeline was glad that Brian had gotten some several weeks ago for them.

“You’re not having one?” Val frowned softly as she noticed the three glasses sitting on the counter instead of four.

“No,” Adeline shook her head, “I’m just gonna have a beer. I don’t feel like having any whiskey tonight."

“I feel bad drinking this stuff without my partner in crime,” Val laughed, nudging Adeline in the side.

Adeline winced as Val’s elbow hit one of her bruises but immediately shook it off and faked a laugh for her friends benefit. “I think you’ll be all right, Val.”

Val raised an eyebrow at Adeline curiously. “Are you all right, Adie? You don’t seem like yourself tonight. Is something going on?”

“What do you mean?” Adeline narrowed her eyes.

“You just seem real tense tonight,” Val sighed, “Almost like you’re terrified of something. What’s wrong?"

“Really, Val, it’s nothing,” Adeline licked over her bottom lip, “I’m just not feeling too well tonight. No biggie.”

“Oh,” She murmured, “Well, honey, you should have said something. Matt and I didn’t have to come over tonight.”

Adeline shook her head, “It’s fine. Really, Val, it’s not a big deal. Besides, Brian and Matt wanted to watch the game together tonight, and I know how important that is for them,” Adeline explained as she opened up the whiskey and poured a little in each glass.

Val sighed and handed Adeline the cold can of coke she was holding. Adeline took it with a small thank you and finished making the drinks. After getting a beer out of the fridge for herself, her and Val went back into the living room where Brian and Matt were watching the game at. A commercial was on and the two of them were talking all sorts of basketball talk that Adeline didn’t understand one bit. Val did a little more than Adeline, but not by much. The two girls were pretty clueless when it came to basketball. Now, football was a different story. They loved that sport and could actually play it pretty well.

“We thought you boys might appreciate something a bit stronger,” Val smiled as she handed Matt his drink.

“Thanks, babe,” Matt smiled softly.

Adeline handed Brian his drink and then sat down beside him. Brian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek before taking a sip of his drink. Adeline cracked a smile before drinking down some of her beer. That was the first time in almost a week that Brian had showed any sort of affection towards her, and she had missed it. Affection was one thing that Brian didn’t show as often as he used to, and she liked to savor the moments when he did, because just as quick as those moments happened, they were gone.

The two couples had sat on the couch talking and watching basketball for the longest time, even though Adeline knew in the beginning that Brian didn't want her or Val hanging around them all night. Brian seemed fine though. In fact, him and Matt had even taken some time between commercials to try and teach the girls the game of basketball, although Adeline and Val failed miserably at understanding it. All in all, it was a nice evening that was going extremely well. It was too bad that the night was about to take a turn for the worst, and no one expected what was about to happen. Not even Adeline.

Cheers erupted from Matt and Brian as the team they were rooting for scored a basket, putting them in the lead. The two of them jumped off the couch to high five each other and do a small dance jokingly, but it was as if time froze in Adeline’s eyes as she gasped quite loudly and watched as her beer tipped over by accident and spilt all over the floor and Brian’s brand new pair of Nike’s.

Anger flashed through Brian’s eyes as he whipped around to face Adeline who was already shaking with fear. As if they were all alone instead of with their best friends, Brian raised his hand and a split second later the back of it glided against Adeline’s cheek. A small whimper passed Adeline’s lips as she cupped her cheek and watched with tear filled eyes as Matt shoved Brian away from her.

“What the fuck is your problem, man?” Matt yelled, his anger rising faster than it had in a long time.

Hitting a woman was not something that Matt or any of their friends approved of, and Matt wasn’t about to sit back and let Brian get away with it. Adeline was like a sister to him since he had known her longer than Brian had. In fact, Matt was the one who had introduced the two and convinced them that they would be perfect together.

“I-I’m sorry,” Brian said, turning to Adeline. “I’m so sorry, Adeline.”

His apology meant nothing, and she knew that. Adeline swallowed hard as she rose from the couch and walked out of the living room. Once she was away from the situation and in the kitchen, she leaned against the marbled counter for support as her knees felt like they were going to buckle and make her collapse. She could hear Matt and Brian having a shouting match and Val starting to get involved in it as well. Everything going on around her made the tears that were threatening to fall finally slip down her cheeks. This was not how the night was supposed to go as far as Adeline was concerned. Brian was never supposed to lose his temper around their friends, just like Adeline was never supposed to screw up around their friends. It was just the rules that the two of them went by, but were now broken.

“Adeline,” Val’s soft voice spoke from behind Adeline a few minutes later as she found the younger woman sitting on the kitchen floor, crying.

Adeline sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m okay, Val,” She assured Val before she could ask.

Val knelt down in front of Adeline and frowned. She just looked so defeated and broken, and Val had no idea what she could do for her but talk to her and let her know that she was there for her if she needed anything. Val had quite a few questions for her as well, but decided not to bombard her with them and overwhelm her.

“Honey, I know you’re upset, and you have a good reason to be, but please tell me this was the first time he’s hit you before,” Val said, taking Adeline’s hand in hers.

Adeline looked up into Val’s eyes and shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Oh, Adie,” Val whispered, “How long? How long has he been hurting you?”

Adeline licked over her bottom lip and wiped away a stray tear that fell from her eye. “The first night on our honeymoon.”

A horrifying expression washed over Val’s face. How could she or anyone else not have noticed Adeline being hit by her husband for the past three years? They always seemed like the happiest married couple when Val was around them. In fact, Val and some of the other girls found themselves a bit jealous of their relationship because of how perfect it seemed. The saying ‘you never know what goes on behind closed doors’ fit Brian and Adeline’s situation perfectly, because you really don’t.

“Come on, Adie. Get up off the floor. We need to get you cleaned up and out of here,” Val murmured to her.

“I can’t leave, Val! I can’t leave him!” Adeline shook her head, “He’s my husband.”

Val sighed and pushed aside some of the hair that had fallen in Adeline’s face behind her ear. “Adeline, Brian is physically hitting you with his own two hands, and has been since the day you said ‘I do’. Do you want to be a punching bag for the rest of your life? Do you want to be in fear for the rest of your life? Or do you want to live a nice long, happy life with someone who really loves you?”

Adeline swallowed back more tears that were threatening to fall and looked Val directly in the eye. “I’m not ready to die,” Her voice cracked.

“What do you mean?” Val questioned, shaking her head, more than confused. “You’re not going to die, Adie.”

“I will if I stay with him,” She whispered, “I just know that one day he’s gonna lose control completely and I’m going to die because of it. His anger, his temper…it’s so bad.”

“See, Adeline? You already have a reason not to stay with him any longer.”

Adeline tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “He is my husband, Val. I will stay with him until the day I die, whether he causes my death or not,” She stated, meaning every word.

Brian may hit her and beat her at times, there may not be any trust between them, and Adeline just might spend the rest of her life trying to survive, but no matter what, she would stick by her husband. She married him and she loves him. It’s as simple as that. They may never have kids, they may never have a normal marriage, and Adeline may never feel safe again, but they were together until death do them part.

Val licked over her lips, pity washed over her eyes. “Okay.”

“Is everything okay in here?” Matt questioned as he stuck his head through the doorway.

Val looked over at her husband with a sigh and nodded, “I think so. What about out there? Where’s Brian?”

“Right here,” Brian spoke up as he passed by Matt and entered the kitchen.

It was no surprise to Val to see the large black eye that Brian was now sporting. As far as she was concerned, Matt had gone easy on him after what he had done to Adeline, or had been doing to Adeline. She could tell his eye was throbbing, but Brian wasn’t about to say anything about it.

“Val, I think we should go into the living room and give these two a few minutes to talk by themselves,” Matt said, motioning for her to come over to him.

“Are you insane?” Val raised her voice, “I’m not leaving him alone with her just for her to get hit again!” She spat.

Brian sighed, “I’m not going to hurt her, Val. You have my word.”

Val crossed her arms over her chest, “Your word means nothing to me anymore, Brian.”

“Fair enough,” He muttered, before turning to look at Matt for help.

“Val,” Matt called out her a name, “Seriously, come here. He’s not going to do a fucking thing with me in this house, isn’t that right, Brian?” Matt raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

“No,” Brian shook his head, “I’ve been hit enough for tonight, thank you.”

Val sighed and stood up from the floor. “Well, you think about how much that black eye hurts and how ashamed you feel from being hit before you ever think about raising a hand at her again.”

Val shoved past Brian and met Matt at the door. He took her hand in his and led her away into the living room so Adeline and Brian could finally be alone. Adeline hadn’t looked up at Brian yet. She didn’t want to. She knew he would most likely not going to hit her again with Matt and Val in the other room, but that didn’t make her any less scared of him. There was also the fact that she didn’t want to look into his eyes and see the anger behind them.

“Adeline, baby? Can you get up off the floor now?” Brian asked softly as he approached her.

She gulped down the lump in throat and slowly rose to her feet, trying to ignore the fact that her body wouldn’t stop shaking.

“See? That wasn’t so hard,” He laughed lightly as he reached out to touch her shoulder.

The second his fingers lightly slid over her skin, she jerked away and looked at him with the hardest glare she could muster up. “Don’t touch me,” She whispered.

He sighed heavily, “I’m sorry, Adeline. I’m so sorry for all the times I’ve hurt you.”

She folded her arms over her chest, “I don’t believe you,” She lied, shaking her head, “And I don’t trust you.”

“You’re not…you’re not really thinking about leaving me, are you, Adie?” He questioned, “‘Cause I couldn’t handle that, baby. You know I love you, and you know damn well that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I mean, fuck, you’re my wife.”

Finally, she allowed her eyes to meet his. “Then why do you feel the need to hurt me?” She demanded to know, “I do everything the way I should. I keep this house cleaned just the way you like. I do your laundry, I pick up after you, I do your dishes, I cook you dinner, and I don’t work. Hell, I don’t even ask you for anything. Plus, I love you more than anything, Brian, and I show you that I do every chance I get. But no matter what I do it’s never good enough for you. You always find a reason to hit me. And I just don’t understand why. Why, Brian? Why do you keep doing this to me?” Tears slid down her cheeks.

Brain stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her in a flash. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry,” He murmured to her.

Adeline couldn’t help but relax against his body and arms, and wrap her own arms around his waist. “I know,” She mumbled in defeat against his chest. “I know you’re sorry.”

“I’ll get help, Adeline. I’ll go talk to someone about my temper, and I’ll get a punching bag to take my anger out on, and I’ll prove to you that I love you. ‘Cause I don’t want you to leave me, Adie. I couldn’t handle that. I love you too much to let you go.”

Adeline had a lot of doubts about Brian’s promises, but tried not to think about them. He was going to try and that was all that mattered to her at that point. Maybe they could really have a normal marriage someday, or so she hoped. She wanted to believe that things would be okay one day, and that this was just a bump in the long road ahead of them, but she knew better than that.

He smoothed his hand down over her hair over and over for comfort. “I love you, Adeline. I love you so much.”

She held onto him even tighter, never wanting to let go. “I love you too, Brian. I love you too.” She finally broke down and cried into his chest.