My Imagination's Much Worse

"I just don't understand why you can't come up here," his voice said through the phone, partially breaking up.

"I already told you, Pete. I'm busy with school."

"So?"

I slammed my book closed and gave up on trying to do the homework I had been trying to work on before he called me. "Can you stop this shit? Fuck. I get it that you miss me. I miss you too but nagging at me to come up there won't work. You'll be home in 5 weeks and I'll be up there in 3."

"But it still sucks. I want to be able to touch you.. and smell you." His voice became harder as he said it.

"I gotta go," I said just over a whisper as a knock came at the door.

"Why? Going out again to tease the boys and break more hearts including mine?"

"Don't even think about making me feel guilty, Pete! You know I didn't do shit."

"Do you keep saying that so that you'll believe it?" His voice echoed in my head as he said that.

"Oh please, don't act like you didn't fuck up either," I said before hanging up and pulling the cord from the phone.

Every time we've talked since he left, it's ended in a fight. Things have changed for the worse between us. About two weeks after Fall Out Boy left for Wisconsin to record, Pete admitted to hooking up with a girl there. As soon as I found out, I started fucking up too.

It started out by going to shows, flirting with the boys especially if they were in a band. A lot of Pete's friends would see or hear about it and made sure to tell him, most of the time making the story sound worse than what actually happened. I never had full on sex with any of them. As much as Pete was hurting me with what he was doing, I couldn't bare the thought of someone else being on his side of the bed or being in what he called his. Most of the time I was at the shows, I was drunk. It made me feel less guilty about what I was doing. Plus it helped me forget that Pete was still doing things behind my back.

Patrick told me Pete's writing increased, as if I was fueling a fire inside of his mind. I was also fueling the darkness that infested his brain that he had let me into.

I looked at the calendar on my wall. I hasn't realized that it was already Thursday; I wouldn't have class until Tuesday. It was already 6:30, but I knew it'd be worth the two and half hour drive.

I quickly ran into my room and began throwing clothes and other necessities into a bag. I changed into a pair of sweats, slippers, and threw on one of Pete's pullover hoodies that was left at my place. I called a car rental place in the mean time and reserved a car for the weekend and made my way there as fast as I could.

-

The snow turned the drive into an almost three and a half hour drive. I didn't have any trouble finding the apartment Pete was sharing with Patrick up there thanks to Patrick's good directions. I grabbed my bag out of the small car and made my way up the icy steps.

I knocked softly on the door. Patrick opened the door within a few seconds and smiled.

"Hey you," I whispered so that Pete wouldn't hear me.

"Hey."

"Patrick, who's at the door?!" Pete yelled from his door.

"It's just Andy!" Patrick yelled back as he took my bag and let me in.

I looked around the tiny apartment. You could definitely tell a woman had never stepped foot in here.

"It's the last door on the right," Patrick said, causing me to stop looking around.

I gave him a nod before slowly making my way back there. I hadn't seen Pete in over a month. I was scared shitless to see how he would react to seeing me after everything that's happened between us since he left.

When I reached the door, I slowly opened it and sighed.

"What the-" Pete said, stopping mid sentence as he saw who it was that was opening his door.

"Hey," I said, a slight shake coming to my body and voice.

"Hey." His voice was hard, just like it was when we were on the phone. He looked me up and down before scooting over on the bed, indicating for me to join him.