Here We Go Again

I sat on the floor of the bathroom for what felt like hours. Taylor had tried to get me to unlock the door more than once, and each time, I ignored him. I felt like a bratty five-year-old, but still, I couldn't find it in me to care. After a while of sitting there, tears lining the brim of my eyes but not actually spilling over, I stood up and turned towards the mirror. I sighed, staring at myself for a moment, before reaching under the sink and grabbing a facecloth. As I washed my face slowly, I took a deep breath.

I hated this cycle that we had gotten ourselves into; the couple who argued and made up, but never really came to a conclusion.

I sighed before turning the lock and stepping out. I was surprised to find Taylor sitting on the floor on the opposite wall, his eyes closed with his head against the wall behind him. As soon as he heard the door creak, his eyes shot open and he got to his feet. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, leaning against the door frame. He looked at me for a minute, and my eyes fell to the floor. It was silent for a moment, until Taylor surprised me by speaking first.

"I’m sorry this has been hard for you," he said quietly, "but you have to know it’s been hard for me too."

I sniffled, and he took a step closer, as if he was going to reach out to me, but then stopped himself. I crossed my arms.

"Those two months were so hard. I couldn’t understand why we broke up either. But, Vee..."

I was looking at him now, and he stepped closer again. After a few moments' hesitation, he reached out and wrapped an arm around my waist cautiously, seeing if I would resist, before he pulled me closer. His other arm found the other side of my waist as he spoke again, sounding sure of himself as he said the words.

"What I said about marrying you one day... I meant it. I’m not willing to give up on you... On us."

I looked down and swallowed hard. I knew tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. After a moment of silence, Taylor's hand lifted to my chin. His gentle touch made me shiver, and he tilted my face up so that he could look at me. I closed my eyes, and all I could hear was the two of us breathing.

"Do you still want this?”

My heart sank at the tone in his voice and I opened my eyes. I knew this was the moment - he was giving me a way out, no matter how much it would hurt the both of us. His eyes were sad as he searched my own.

After a moment, I took the small step towards him, and wrapped my arms around his torso. He reacted quickly, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me in as tight as he could. I nodded against his shirt in response to his question, and I felt his body relax.

“I’m just… so tired," I murmured. It was so quiet in the apartment that I knew he had heard me.

“Let's go to bed, we’ll talk about it in the morning," he offered, and I nodded again, happy to oblige.

***

The sun streamed in through the window, illuminating the wall by the bed. It woke me from my anxious sleep, and I rolled over to face the man beside me.

I watched Taylor's back rise and fall with each breath. I sighed quietly, my eyes trailing over his face. The long eyelashes that framed his pretty blue eyes; his nose, his lips, his jaw. After a moment, I gently reached out and traced an invisible pattern on the skin of his arm where his t-shirt sleeve ended. It took a moment before he shifted, and his eyes opened a moment later. They were laden with sleep, a shade of dark blue. He smiled up at me softly. "Hi."

I smiled back slightly, and he reached his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. Neither of us had forgotten the night before, but we cherished the quiet moment, his eyes drifting shut again as my hand lifted up to his cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whispered after a moment. Taylor's eyes opened, looking directly into mine. I took a deep breath, knowing I had to say this right. I had barely slept all night, awake thinking about it. This was the deciding moment. I knew he was expecting a definite answer and, more than that, he deserved one.

"I want to be with you," I finally whispered. I paused, biting my lip, my gaze falling. His grip on my waist tightened, and I looked back up at him. My forefinger brushed against his cheekbone, my hand still resting on his face. "It's gonna be hard," I said quietly, "but it’ll be worth it."

Instead of kissing me like I expected, Taylor simply pulled me in so that our foreheads were touching. My hand fell to play with the front of his shirt, and I closed my eyes, waiting for his answer. After a moment, he let out a simple whisper.

"I love you."

He sounded so relieved that my heart almost broke. I immediately closed the distance between us, pressing my lips to his in a firm kiss.

"I love you, too."