Here We Go Again

Taylor and I sat outside on a bench at the back of the Air Canada Center, where the team bus had arrived hours prior. We had, thankfully, managed to get around back thanks to Taylor's I.D. I was certain he could get into anywhere, really, with that thing.

At the moment, we were both silent. Taylor leaned back against the wood, his arms crossed against his chest. I leaned forward, perched on the edge of the bench. His lack of conversation was terrifying me. My foot absentmindedly kicked at a few scattered rocks while my mind conjured up crazy ideas of what was going to happen if the news of Taylor and I spread. I had just crossed over hate messages on chat boards and had moved onto crazy stalkers when Taylor sighed, breaking me out of my soon-to-cause-hyperventilation-thoughts. I turned my body towards him, noting the distance between us.

"Taylor," I spoke up in a quiet voice. He didn't make any move to look at me. "It's going to be okay." Who are you trying to convince, Ronnie?

He didn't speak for a moment. I looked down, my stomach in knots. I needed him to console me, not the other way around. He was used to this - at least more so than I was.

I crossed my arms, my nervousness being mixed in with frustration now. "Would it be that bad if people know?"

Taylor's eyes widened and he sat forward. "Would it be that bad?" I shrugged, looking away from him. He was freaking me out. All I needed to hear from him was that this would be okay, that we would be okay, that everything would be fine. "People are crazy."

"It was impossible to keep it a secret forever, Taylor." My voice came out harsh, and I heard him inhale a breath.

"I know, Vee, but-"

"But what, Taylor? You planned to hide me forever?" I turned to him, my eyes piercing into his. He shook his head. He reached for my hand, and I moved it away.

"Vee..." Taylor sighed, and I looked at the ground in front of us, a blank expression on my face. "I don't know, I didn't think it through." I stayed silent. He reached for my arm, turning me to face him once more. I felt his eyes on my face, but I refused to look up. "Jealousy turns girls into monsters. I've seen what some of them have called Ebs' girlfriend... It can get nasty." I felt myself relax a bit as it dawned on me that what Taylor was trying to shield me from was words - what people would say about me. It still made me sick at the thought of what could be said, but words... Words I could learn to deal with. My eyes lifted to his, and I saw his face soften with relief. He covered my hand with his, resting it on my knee."You don't deserve it, that's all I'm saying," he said.

"And you do?" I questioned.

"No," Taylor shook his head. He scratched his jaw, sighing. "But I knew what I was signing up for when it came to this job."

I nodded, chewing the inside of my cheek. "Well Taylor," I said quietly, squeezing his hand. "In all fairness, I did technically sign up for whatever this relationship required when I told you I was in love with you and that I wasn't letting you go."

***

The rest of the night was spent, on my part, watching the game live with Belle. We had met up after I had had to say goodbye to Taylor, and it was nice to have some girl talk. But as she went on and on about her classes and wild nights out, my eyes were trailing number four in blue, orange and white, and my heart was sinking lower and lower with each second that ticked by.

After today, I would drive back to Thunder Bay, and Taylor would be on a direct flight back to Edmonton. Tonight had been the last of the Oilers' pre-season games, signifying the start of October and the start of two more months apart until we saw one another at Christmas. One month had been more than enough time to be away from him. I didn't know how I was going to do it.

The Oilers racked up a 4-1 win, with 2 goals from none other than Taylor Hall. As the clock struck zero, and the crowd gathered on the ice to celebrate, I let out a heavy sigh. Belle had stood up to leave, and I followed suit, but my eyes stayed on the ice. I sifted through the mass to find the number I was looking for. When I did, I met a pair of blue eyes, and my heart hit rock bottom as he lifted his hand in a wave.

***

I parked my car in the snow-covered lot, being careful not to slip as I opened my door. I sighed, swinging the keys around on my pointer finger as I made my way to the front of the store. Mom had asked me to grab some canned corn and green beans - she claimed that Christmas dinner wouldn't be the same without them.

'The privilege of owning a store is getting to have food whenever you need it!', she had claimed enthusiastically. She was on a high. Christmas did that to her. It usually did it to me, too.

As I unlocked the familiar doors, my mind wandered to the family I hadn't seen in a while. We always gathered at our house, since ours was the biggest and we had a recreational basement for the kids to play in. I had always loved Christmas - time with family, lights everywhere, the atmosphere. Something about it had always just seemed... Magical to me.

I headed down the canned food aisles to where I knew the vegetables would be, sitting and waiting for someone to come get them. Kinda like you, hey, Veronica?

I sighed as I picked up the two cans, swallowing the lump in my throat. I needed to stop. I had to get out of my head.

***

"Vee." Taylor's exasperated voice came through the computer, and I sighed without looking up from my books.

"What?" I snapped, my eyes remaining on the endless sentences in front of me.

"Vee." Taylor's voice was hard. I finished my sentence and finally looked up at him, eyebrows raised. "Can you give me two minutes of your time?"

I couldn't help but laugh shortly. "Give me a break, Taylor. Whenever I want to Skype you have like two seconds. Don't even get me started," I warned. "I have to study, and I have to study now." I looked back down at my work, my lips formed in a straight line. It took me a few moments to realize he hadn't spoken back, and I took a deep breath before looking up at him again. He was rubbing his hand over his face. When he saw I was looking at him, he sighed.

"I'm sorry, Ronnie. I just miss you."

I felt my irritation start to ebb away. "I know," I replied. I let out a groan, my head falling on my arm. "But just because you have free time doesn't mean I do. I can't drop everything when you finally decide you have time for me."

"I don't decide, Ronnie," Taylor said exasperatedly. "It's my schedule."

"I have a schedule, too."