This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

"I miss you."

"I miss you more."

"No you don't. I'm all the way in Chicago, and you're in Japan having one hell of a time without me."

"That doesn't mean I don't miss you more than you miss me."

"How can you say that? You have pictures of me and all I got is your t-shirts."

"Exactly. I got your jeans too."

"The dark blue ones I've been looking for?"

"Yep."

"You jerk!"

Pete laughed, making my chest tight.

"I miss you more." I told him after he stopped laughing.

"How?"

"Your laugh is making me want to cry, that's how much I miss you."

He was silent for a few seconds, "I have your pillow. It smells like you."

"The flower power one?"

"Yeah, with the peace signs...I smell your perfume and your shampoo."

"Hasn't faded yet?"

"Not yet, I'm dreading it."

"I slept on your side of the bed."

He chuckled, "We sound like a couple of lovesick puppies."

"Aren't we?"

"I guess."

He let out a soft sigh, and then I heard the guys shouting and laughing; they found his hiding spot. "I gotta go, or they won't let me talk to you."

"Okay." I bit at my lip, holding in tears, "I love you, be safe."

He let out a small laugh, "I will. Love you, Navy."

"See you soon."

"See you."

I closed my phone and set it on my bedside table; I rolled over in our bed and shut my eyes, letting the tears flow. I missed Pete so much; I only saw him 80 plus days out of the year, due to his touring.

The guys had gotten signed to a major label, thanks to the success of Take This To Your Grave. Kids love Fall Out Boy, everyone went gaga for them. They were overnight sensations, it seemed like everyone was a fan of them.

Pete got a lot of girls admiring him, and that made me nervous when he wasn't around. I wasn't positive or not that he would cheat on me, but I couldn't be sure. He was eye candy, because he was a lot more talkative than Patrick, Andy and Joe. Everyone loves him because he's so friendly and he smiles a lot. He always has something nice to say, or some lame joke to get people to laugh.

Despite how popular they are, when I was with them, they were just as they always been. Pete always included me when they were home; he always made sure that I got on the list of the sold out shows in Chicago or any other city nearby. I tried to go to as many shows as I could, because I really just wanted to see and be with Pete.

His latest return would be in September, and I couldn't wait until he got back. We had gotten another apartment together, which was similar to our first; we had moved in, in April, just before I ended my 3rd year of college. Things were good between us, I just missed him a lot, and I hated to be alone in the apartment.

I spent some of my time with Kate and I would go see Bilvy play with his new band The Academy Is...; they too were gaining popularity in Chicago. I had told Pete about them and he managed to get someone to listen to them; and they got signed with Fueled By Ramen. At first, I was sure Pete would think something more of Bill and myself, but he didn't perceive it that way. I was grateful that Pete had done what he had, so are Bill and Carden.

As good as it was, I sadly saw less of Bill and his band. I was just with Kate and Babette, along with Chris and the guys on the weekends having fun. It was just like how it had been with Pete, only he wasn't there to push the envelope with our misadventures.

I forever longed to have him along.

When Pete would come home, he would go straight to bed or eat and then fall asleep. He was always so exhausted, but happy, and begged me to make him PB&J when he got up. Time spent alone with him was us watching movies in bed or going out to eat or listening to music.

We had some problems, things that weren't major, but they were still a factor in our life. Pete was still abusing his pills, and I was fed up with him shoving so many down his throat. The extended days at home caused him to have insomnia and he would talk to himself or write a lot. I did all I could to curve it all; I even went as far as hiding his pills, but he always found them. I was trying to do what was best, because I did not want to find him ODed in bed or something. I often had dreams about it, and I had told him and begged him to slow down. The last time he was home, he had cut back, and he was able to fall asleep, but once he was gone, I knew that he would return to the handfuls.

I didn't think about any of the bad as the days counted down to his return. He had told me the date he was coming home and I could not wait for him to get back. I thought about him all the time when we weren't on the phone.

I love him too much.


I had finished my last class of the day and made my way over to the day care center to pick up Abbey. Amy was working from 9 to 6, so I would drop Abbey off at the day care any time I had a class; she seemed to like it because there was other kids to play with. When I picked her up, she was eating her snack and coloring; "Abigail," her care taker called to her as soon as I entered and began to sign her out; "Your big sister is here."

Abbey looked up, sucking the life out of her Capri Sun and then grinned; "Navy!"

I waved my fingers at her, "Hi baby doll."

Abbey got up, threw out her trash and then gathered her color crayons. I went over and helped her out her things into her little backpack; "Did you have a good day, Abbey?"

She hummed, "Uh-huh. You have fun at school?"

I smiled at her, "Not really. I missed playing with you."

She giggled, "We're gon' play?"

"Yep," I zipped up her backpack and took her hand, "And guess what; Pete's coming home tonight."

Abbey cheered, "Pete! Pete! Pete!"

I laughed, "You'll see him tomorrow."

Abbey danced as I led her towards the exit; I said goodbye to the caretakers and thanked them; Abbey waved bye to them as well. I put her in her car seat and then I got in, driving off. Abbey began to tell me about her day, rambling softly; I replied to her joyous chit-chat.

Abbey made me very happy to have her in my life, but at the same time, every time she talked and giggled, it made me wonder what my own child would have been like. I knew that I would've had my hands full with my own baby and Abbey, but I think I would've been able to handle it. I also knew I'd be a great teacher, because I now adore little kids more so than I ever had.

I got home and helped Abbey out of my car and took a hold of her hand, leading the way to my apartment. Abbey hopped over cracks, singing a nursery rhyme while doing so; I sang with her, loving her little giggles. I got to the front door and unlocked it, letting her hop through first; Abbey ran off to the living room while I shut and locked the door behind me. I heard her squeal happily and then her shout; "Pete! Pete! Peter's here!"

I smiled as I went over, turning towards the small living room; there was Pete, sitting up on the couch, tickling Abbey, who was giggling with delight. "How come you didn't call me?" I asked.

Pete looked at me, "Wanted to surprise you." He stopped tickling Abbey, letting her lie in his lap, still laughing. "I got here a couple of hours ago."

I sat beside him; Pete went back to playing with Abbey, laughing right along with her. The two then rolled around on the floor and then started to color. I folded my arms in my lap, smiling at the sight. "Are you guys hungry?" I asked them.

"Mac-n-Cheese!" Abbey exclaimed.

I laughed, "I guess that means yes. What about you, Pete?"

He looked up at me, "I'll take Mac-n-cheese, too."

I stood, "I'll get started."

"Thanks." Pete said, winking at me.

As usual my stomach fluttered and I felt like a fool; a happy fool.