This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

My eyes were glued to her holding my son. I had called her numerous times before and after Lewy was born, but she never picked up. So, I hadn't known if she knew I had a baby or not.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" The words finally came out.

She shrugged and smiled, "Vita saw you on TV...I saw you in the Victoria's Secret catalogue. How come you didn't call me?"

I looked at my dad and Amy, who both looked surprised and at a loss of what to say. I then looked back at my mom, who was smiling just a bit and bouncing Lewy.

"I did call, but you never answered."I replied as I sat on the armchair across from her.

Her smile faltered, "I'm sorry. Margo died recently, and we've all been trying to adjust."

I was at a loss of words myself; so I stood up and went over, taking Lewy from her. He giggled upon my embrace, "I missed you, bubba. Were you a good boy for grandpa and grandma?"

I was referring to Amy as grandma, but I didn't say it.

Lewy just cooed and then nuzzled his face into my neck. I smiled and kissed the top of his head; "Poor baby is tired."

My mom cleared her throat, "He's a good baby...he's got a lot of hair."

I chuckled to myself, "Look who his daddy is."

I sat down and bounced him, kissing his cheek. Protective feelings had fallen over me; I didn't want my mom to touch him, though I knew she wouldn't hurt him.

"Where's Abbey?" I asked Amy and my dad.

"She's napping." Amy answered.

"Did Lewy eat?"

"Yep," my mom answered, "Thats why he's so tired."

Lewy snoozed and cooed against my shoulder, falling asleep. I patted his back and cradled him. "So, why are you here, again?" I asked my mom.

She crossed her leg over the other and then exhaled softly, "To visit you. I've been hearing a lot of stuff about you."

"What about?" I questioned curiously.

"Heard about you and Pete breaking up...about your son. Plus, I've read you're a hot new model for Victoria's Secret."

"My contract will be up in November and I'll focus on school; I graduate next year. Pete and I broke up in March; Lewis was born on May 4th." I answered shortly.

She nodded very slowly; "Are you happy? That's all I'd like to know, Naomi."

I coughed, not knowing how to answer. I wasn't sure if I was happy, because it varied. "I love my son and he makes me happy, so yes, I am happy."

My mom didn't seem to believe me. You could feel it in the air. Cut it like a knife, though it wasn't tension. It was more so worry. The hell is she worried about?

Suddenly she stood and came over to me; she dug into her hand into her purse that had been at her side, and handed me a small card. "Naomi, call me, okay? We can talk. I'm in town for another two days."

"For what?" I asked as I looked at the car she had given me.

Her name, number and profession -legal aid- were on it.

"Visiting you." She said with a smile.

I could only nod; that's all you can do when someone you don't know how to talk to, smiles at you.

"I'll be waiting." She winked and then turned, saying farewell to Amy and my dad.

Once she was out the door, I let out a breath -one I hadn't been aware I was holding (hell, this happens to me a lot). My dad exhaled too, "Shit."

"I am so confused," Amy spoke up.

"Me too." I said, "I..um, thanks for watching Lew for me. I'm gonna go home, I've got some studying to do."

My dad looked at me as I stood, "Are you okay?"

I hummed, "I'm good, dad."

He still gave me a look, but didn't call me out on anything. "Do you have a class tomorrow?"

"No, I'm gonna be home with Lewy all day." I patted my son's back as he snoozed. "Do you need me?"

"No, I'm just askin'. Come by for dinner, though, alright?"

"For sure dad." I smiled and then grabbed Lewy's diaper bag, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye honey," Amy said, "Get some rest with your baby boy."

I reassured her I would and then I left. I put Lewy in my car, drove home, got him out, put him on my bed and I got on and began to read over my arts book. I had so many things to study just to become a 2nd grade teacher. Hell, I know how to multiply, add, subtract and I was an expert at coloring and staying in the lines. Still, I had to walk through hot coals to get to where I needed. I had a job waiting for me next fall, so it was worth it.

After studying for a bit, I put my books away, turned the TV on low and watched a bit before I went to the kitchen to eat. As I made myself some food, my cell rang and I went to my bag on the couch to answer it; it was a number I had seen, but couldn't put my finger on.

"Hello?" I murmured, curious.

"Hi, honey, it's mom."

I frowned slightly, "How did you get my number?" I asked her.

"Your dad gave it to me. I really want to talk to you."

I could hear my half sisters and half brother in the background arguing and laughing. It was a jumbled mess, but it wasn't loud. I had to wrack my brain to remember their names.

"What for?" I questioned, drawing my thoughts away from remembering their names.

"Well, can I come over tomorrow? Or we can go for coffee. It's very important."

I spun around, turning my eyes towards the oven; it was 8PM. "Uh, okay, I plan to stay home tomorrow, so you can come over. Are you familiar with the area?"

"Yeah, just gimme your address."

I gave my mom my address and then was ready to hang up when she spoke up; "When we talk, please keep an open mind, I am your mother. I raised you."

I didn't have a response, other than, "O...kay."

I looked at my phone as she hung up and felt bewildered by her words. Just as I went to shove my cell in my pocket, it started to ring again; this time it was Pete. I was a bit reluctant to answer because lately, he seemed to pick fights with me over nothing at all.

Despite that, I answered; "Hey, what's up?" I tried to sound as leveled as I could.

"Is it too late to call? I'm in California, and it's 5 here." He said this in a slight slur.

"Lewis is asleep, I'm sorry." I tried to be kind, because if I had even an inch of some "tone" he didn't like, he would jump down my throat.

"What're you doin'?"

"I'm making a pizza."

He hummed, was silent for a second and then spoke; "Babette told Chris that you're modeling underwear now."

I took the phone from my ear, so he wouldn't hear me exhaled in an annoyed tone. "It's not what you think."

"You're a fuckin' slut, you know that?"

The way he said those 7 words stung me. My chest tightened and I couldn't speak. Phone to my ear, I held the tears in until he started to call me all kinds of horrible names. I just let a sob out and started to cry. Crying because of how much his words hurt me, when I did nothing wrong.

No, I was not a slut, I did the stupid modeling thing for Lewis. I did it strictly to help us live, because I would never, ever ask Pete for a penny. Even if I went hungry, as long as Lewis wasn't, I would never ask Pete for anything.

He could hear me crying too; I didn't hold back, I let it all out. It took a lot out of me; I just hung up the phone and leaned against the counter, crying. Can you see me? A 21-year-old woman blubbering over an idiot for things he was saying while he's intoxicated. Why was I crying over him?

Oh yeah, because he's an asshole and I didn't deserved his anger. That fucking jerk.

I managed to control myself, but my appetite was gone. I had half the mind to call him back and curse him out, but I decided not to. I forced myself to eat a little of my personal pizza and then I went to bed with my son. He didn't make a peep all night.

He did wake me up in the morning; he was crying and looking so sad as he sniffled with his little lips turned down at me. I sat up and took him with me to the bathroom to give him a bath. Lewy liked the water a lot, so I let him sit in the cool water while I brushed my teeth. Returning to him, I began to bathe and talk him; "When you grow up, if I ever hear you talk mean or badly to anyone -not just a woman or girl- I will kick your little butt. You love and treat everyone like you would like to be loved and treated. Don't act like your daddy, Lewis."

Lewy didn't look at me, he was too fascinated with the water. You would think a rubber duck would blow his mind, but no, it was the most common thing in the world that made him so happy. I would hope simple things would make Lewy happy for years to come; that way I can keep my baby boy entertained and not break the bank.

After his bath, I dried him off and dressed him warmly. I fed him, and then I started to cereal myself while I put him in his swinger. I was changing him when my mom showed up; she had knocked, I was on the couch changing him; "Hold on a second." I called to her.

"Take your time, I'm smoking!" She called back.

I redressed Lewy, got up, with him on my hip, and then I went and opened the door for her. She had just snub out her cigarette with the tip of her black pump. She looked a little dressed up for visiting my home; though, I don't ever remember her not being dressed up. She wore a black blouse, a black pencil skirt, and the pumps. Okay, she looked like she was going to a funeral.

"Come in. Where are the kids?" I asked her.

She stepped in, cooing at Lewy. "At the hotel. I can't take them anywhere; Regina is too nosy and Jonathan screams. Vita is a pro at taking care of them, so I'm good for a few hours."

She went and sat on the couch and I followed; "Where's Leo?"

My mom exhaled, "Thats sort of why I wanted to talk to you, Naomi."

I felt a little nervous, "Is he okay?"

She gave a nod, "Yes, he's fine...physically. Mentally...well..." She trailed and then paused, "We're in a big, big bind."

I was completely confused. "What do you mean?"

"Leo is in a federal prison for tax fraud."

My brows shot up, "Holy shit, really?"

My mom nodded, her eyes growing glossy, "Yes," tears rolled down her cheek at lightening speed, "The Feds came to our home and took everything. Damn near trashed my home," her voice caught.

She had wiped her cheeks with her hand, so I got up to get her tissues, "Hold on a second."

I went to my bathroom, still balancing Lewy, grabbed the box of Kleenex and returned, offering them to her. She took the box, snatched one and wiped her face and then her nose quickly, "Thank you, sweetheart."

"How long was Leo doing this? Did you know?"

She shook her head, "No! They said he's been doing it since before we got married. He was caught a couple months ago, and Margo's heart couldn't take it, she died a few weeks prior, and..." She paused again, "She left us about $200,000 and that money has been running out fast, with trying to keep up with bills, Jonny, Gina and Vita's private schools, Leo's legal fees...we're in a hole, Naomi."

"I'm so sorry." I said softly, bouncing Lewy on my lap.

"I..." Her voice caught again, "I feel so embarrassed about this--about coming to you, but I wouldn't ask if it weren't a dire situation."

I had a small feeling as to what she was going to ask me, but I could've been wrong.

"What is it?"

"Do you think you could lend me some money and let Vita stay with you for a bit?"

That was a set of loaded questions.

I blinked, "I...I don't..." I wasn't sure how to respond, "How much? I'm not exactly flooded with money."

"I don't have an estimate, Naomi," she spoke with her eyes shifted away.

"Well, um...I only have about $5,000 in my account, and I'm getting financial aid for books, which isn't much anyway, because my dad is paying for me to go to school. In my savings--" I stopped, "I have some money, but it's for Lewy."

She exhaled, "I need somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000."

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, "Ma, what for?"

"It's to live off, Naomi," she stressed. Did you know they took my house? I'm living in Margo's home!"

She started to cry, blubbering just like I had the night before. I felt completely backed into a corner.

"Mom, calm down," I told her as I patted her back, "Lewis is gonna cry."

He wasn't; he was actually trying to get his foot into his mouth. Usual.

She stopped blubbering and sucked in deep breaths, "I'm sorry, but I've never been this stressed before."

"What makes you think I had that kind of money?" I asked her.

She grabbed another Kleenex, "Pete."

I almost laughed, "Pete doesn't give me any money. He's barely in Chicago to see his son. I wouldn't ask him for anything anyway."

"You don't have him pay child support?" She looked at me with red eyes, her expression read surprised.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Too much of a hassle, plus I have money saved, I can handle it by myself."

She exhaled, "You're a lot level headed than I was when I was your age."

"My dad and Amy help a lot, plus Pete's folks love to spoil Lewis."

She rubbed away forgotten tears, "I wish I could help, too."

"I don't expect anyone to help, mom. I don't want anyone to break their backs for me, I can do this." I exhaled, thinking it all over, "I have a lot of money saved, but giving you 20 grand is out of my league. What I have is for Lewy and his education; I can only spare less than half of that."

She smiled a little, "Naomi, you're a saint. I'll pay you back, I promise you."

I felt shaky about this, "Could you?"

"Yes, I will, as soon as Leo is out of prison and he gets a legit job."

"As for Vita, she can stay with me, if she goes to school and doesn't cause any trouble."

My mom's smile grew, "She won't, she's an angel."

I was 13 once and let me tell you, I was no angel.

"I won't be able to afford private school," I explained.

"I know, I told her that, and she's okay with it. Vita just needs some new scenery, a breath of fresh air." My mom sniffed and wiped her nose. "Thank you, Naomi, you won't regret this."

I inhaled, "Yeah, you're welcome."