This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

I went right back to Lewy's side, and didn't leave at all. He had woken up in the afternoon and was coughing. I was given the okay to hold him, calming him down. Lewy must've been happy I was there, because his tiny hands gripped my shirt and he rested his cheek against my chest. I got teary-eyed again and rubbed his back, "Mommy loves you, baby." I told him softly.

Lewy was in and out of sleep throughout the night; I hadn't slept at all. I was running on nothing but sugary drinks and determination to be by my son's side. I had nodded off in the chair a few times, but was always awake when Lewy was.

By 11PM, I was told I could go on home, but I didn't want to. Again, I was highly reluctant to leave Lewy; I managed to when he fell back asleep. I was told that he was getting better and that his fever had broken. Now, we had to just wait out his chest infection.

My dad drove me home -to my parents- and I immediately fell asleep in my bedroom. I was so exhausted; I slept and dreamt about Lewy. It was just a regular dream; he wasn't sick, he was with me, giggling his head off.

Abbey woke me up in the morning, by shaking me. I had sat up slowly as she climbed on the bed; "Daddy says it's time to eat."

I nodded slowly, "My head hurts, Abigail."

She crawled over towards me, "Are you sick, too?"

I shook my head, "No."

"Come eat breakfast, 'kay?"

I got up out of bed and followed Abbey to the kitchen. My dad was sitting at the table with Amy, with a stack of pancakes on each plate. I sat down, drinking a glass of orange juice first; then I poured syrup on the pancakes in front of me.

"How are you, honey?" Amy asked me.

"Her head hurts." Abbey said.

Amy looked at her and then at me, "Are you sick?"

"I'm fine, just really tired. I want to go see Lewis."

"Okay, eat first." My dad urged.

I didn't refuse; I ate slowly, making every swallow count. After eating, I went and took a shower, got ready to see Lewy; while I was brushing my teeth, my phone rang. I had grabbed it from my pocket and looked at the screen; it was Pete.

I continued to brush my teeth, placing the phone on vibrate and set it on the counter. After, I picked it up and saw he was calling again. I answered it, not speaking; "Hello? Naomi?" He said shortly.

"What?" I muttered as I leaned against the counter.

"How's Lewy?"

"He's getting better, he just has a chest infection."

"What's that?"

I sighed, "He's sick, Pete, it's like a cold...he's wheezing and coughing. You know."

"What else?"

I licked over my lips, "He doesn't have pneumonia anymore."

He was silent.

"Do you know when he'll be able to leave?"

"No, but he's getting better every day."

"I wanna come and see him. Can I or are you still pissed?"

I rolled my eyes, "You can do whatever you want, Peter, I'm not the boss of you."

He let out a small exhale, "Naomi, I really need to talk to you when I get there."

I held my own breath for a moment. "Fine." I breathed.

"I don't wanna argue."

"Don't piss me off and I won't argue with you."

"Okay, I won't. I'm--"

I cut him off, "If you say sorry, I'll kick you in the balls the moment I see you."

"Okay!" He laughed. "I won't say it."

"Good. I'll see you."

"See you."

I hung up with Pete and left the bathroom to get my shoes on.


At the hospital, I was with Lewy for about an hour when I was called out to see Vita. I had petted Lewy's dark hair back and left the room. The nurse told me that my mom was there, and had requested to see me. I didn't say no, I knew this had to be done. The sooner, the better.

I went to Vita's room, finding my mom there, arms crossed over her chest; she was dressed up in a red blouse, a black, flowing skirt and black peep toed heels. She looked angry, as well, as soon as I looked her in the eyes. I was ready to hold up my own, I wasn't going to fall at her choosing.

"Where were you when Vita was out with her friend getting wasted?!" She snapped as soon as I opened my mouth to speak.

"I was out of town," I snapped back at her, "I trusted her with her friend and her friend's parents. Plus, she's 13, she knows better than to steal alcohol and drink."

My mom didn't have a comeback. She finally exhaled, "Where did you leave your son while you were gone?"

"With his grandparents, who happily agreed to watch him. He got sick from the cold, and I didn't know he would get sick or I wouldn't have gone."

My mom didn't speak.

"I'm not dealing with this; Vita is not my child, she's yours. I have my own son to worry about, I have to finish school and I have to work. I have to deal with an asshole who is my son's father, and I'm not going to deal with you, of all people, telling me what to do when I have him trying to do it."

"You're talking crazy." She muttered.

I waved my hand off in the air; "Yeah, of course I'm crazy; you're my mother."

Her jaw slacked, "Excuse me?"

"You're just as crazy as me, mom. Probably even more than I am."

She frowned deeply, "First, I am not crazy, Naomi! Second, what do you want me to do? I have a lot of stuff to deal with, with my husband in prison and 3 kids! And third, I'm broke! Are you broke?"

"I had a job! I saved my money, I didn't spend it on a lavish lifestyle like you!" I threw my hands up, "I'm done! I'm done being the bad guy to everyone! I'm going to live how I want, sleep and love whoever the hell I want, when I want to! I'm not going to feel bad anymore, I'm an adult!"

My mom and Vita both look at me as if I had lost my mind.

"Vita's things will be packed up, you just come get them as soon as you can." With that, I turned my heel and left the hospital room.

My chest actually ached. I was completely surprised with myself, but I also felt proud. All I needed to do was tell Pete how I felt; more than I already had.


I went home to eat that afternoon; Lewy had gotten an x-ray down and was given a bit more medicine. He was snoozing when I left, and I felt a lot better with the fact that he was getting better and that I could leave him.

So, at my house, I had gotten some fast food and began to clean up a bit. To take my mind off things, and to kill time before I would return to the hospital, I began to pack up Vita's things. She didn't have a lot, just clothing and a few books; not much of a task to place in a box.

After I did that, I put some clothes to wash and then I sat down to do some of my homework. While I had been reading a chapter in child welfare, there came a knock on my door. I expected it to be my mom, so I prepared myself for an argument. I set my book down, got up and went to the door; opening it, I saw Pete there. He didn't say anything, he just came in as I stepped back without a second thought.

Shutting the door, my eyes followed Pete as he sat on the couch. I followed him, sitting beside him, "Hey." I murmured.

He looked at me, "Shit, Navy, you look like hell."

"I haven't put on makeup." I excused.

He put his hand up to my cheek and used his thumb to caress the apple of my cheek; "You've been crying?"

I nodded, "My eyes swollen?"

"The fat under your eyes is."

I took his hand from my cheek, "I cried awhile ago, but I'm fine now."

"How is he? You said he was alright."

"He is alright. Just because he is doesn't mean I'm not gonna cry about it."

"Oh." He mumbled.

My hand slipped from his, "What did you wanna talk about? How'd you know I was here?"

"I asked Andrew, he said you didn't go to your folks, so I assumed you'd be here."

"I could've been at the hospital."

"I just came from there. Andrew's there with mom."

"So, you saw Lewis?" I asked him.

"For a second. They said one visitor at a time."

"Did you get to hold him?"

"I got to touch his hand. The nurse said he was tired...he was wheezing in his sleep, Navy."

"He's sick, Pete."

"It was scary," he grimaced. "I didn't know what to do. I can't even imagine how you're feeling...I feel bad because I want to feel how you are..."

"No you don't," I shook my head, "Even so, you feel terrible because he's your son. You guys are bonded."

He nodded slowly, "I feel bad...wish it was me instead."

"I wish it were me, too."

He swallowed; "Look, uh...I...I didn't come here to plead for you to give me another chance, because I know you won't. I also want to tell you that I didn't sleep with anyone. I did..." He trailed, "Kiss someone, but that's it."

"Then why lie and say you didn't do anything? You know kissing is cheating too, right?"

"I didn't want to piss you off. Plus, I didn't know what was going on. Gabe told me you left after you went searching for me and I went to the hotel to see what was up."

"Why are you always so rude to me whenever we're around your friends? I never ask to meet them, and they were being nice. Brendon was talking to me because I couldn't find you--"

He cut me off, "I get jealous! I can't help it, alright? You're...I feel like you're mine and it fuckin' rubs me the wrong way when I see you with other guys laughing."

"So you go and make out with someone to spite me?"

He looked away and let out a sigh, "I guess so."

"Me and you don't need to be together anymore. At all." I explained quickly, "What we have is toxic...it's ridiculous. I don't want to marry you; why marry someone who makes you crazy?"

"Because you make me whole."

We locked eyes and I saw the sadness, but that didn't change how I felt.

"The only rings I'll be buried with, that you have given me, are the ones around my eyes. You drive me crazy, Pete, and not a good kind of crazy. I can't deal with it; I wish I could, like I used to, but we have a son now. Lewis is top priority; that's it and that's all."

Pete sighed, "You're right."

I felt myself tear up, "I don't understand you, Pete."

"That's funny, because I feel like you're the only person who gets me."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes, "I love you so much and you just...you treat me so badly."

He scooted closer to me, "I don't mean to...it's a fucking reflex. You know how I was treated--"

"Then you should think about me and treating me -the mother of your child- with some respect and some love. Especially if you want to be with me."

He got closer, "I know, I know. I try to, but I can't help it. I know it's wrong, I really do."

I rubbed away more tears, "You don't seem to understand or care how much I love you."

His arm slipped around my waist, "I do care, Naomi! I love you so much. I love you more than I love myself."

I was quiet, feeling him slip his face close to mine. My breath caught in my throat when I felt his lips on the side of my neck. I swallowed, "I only return to you like you're a drug, you know. It's like a relapse."

His mouth began to leave hot, open mouth kisses along my throat, leading up under my jaw to my lips. He pulled back for just a moment, "Then relapse. Let me make it better...even just for one more night."

I just couldn't say no.