This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

That was that.

Pete was gone. He was back in LA, having taken most of his things from the home we were supposed to share. My home felt empty without his clothes taking up most of the space in the drawers, and his shoes, hoodies, shampoos and cologne all gone.

One thing popped into my head was that the house was too big to stay in any longer. I didn't want to move, because moving meant finding a place that was smaller and one that would fit myself, Lewy and Hemingway. I looked for apartments, by myself, during the beginning of December. As I did this, I continued on as if nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong, particularly, only that Pete didn't call me every other day like before.

I spoke with Vin a lot, he and I talked almost every day. I wanted to tell him about Pete, but I didn't want to turn him off. He was a great listener though, he was always there to give me advice and make me laugh. My crush on Vin was growing. I could've only hope he that he had felt the same because I couldn't tell over the phone exactly how he felt.

He came to visit during the second week of December and had come with me to go Christmas shopping for Lewy and the rest of my family. Vin actually held my hand as we walked through the crowded mall, excusing it as not wanting to lose me in the large crowd.

I blushed deeply, stomach twisting with butterflies. Even though this all was happening, I wasn't sure if he wanted to date me with having a son. You could never tell with men; they say one thing and could think another.

He went with me to KB Toys and we looked at the toddler toys; "You didn't have to come with me, Vinny."

"I wanted to," he said as he picked up a toy Yoda and then tossed it, "Besides, I can find my niece a gift."

I bit at my lip as we circled the bin of stuff animals, "Can I ask you something without being too forward?"

Vin nodded, "Yeah, go ahead."

"Do you like me, Vinny? Like...ya'know, really like me?"

He smiled bashfully, "Yeah. Is it obvious?"

I shook my head, "I couldn't really tell or not. And, you're here with me...kids don't turn you off? Women with kids?"

"No, not really." He answered. "I think it's kinda awesome how independent you are: going to school and taking care of your kid on your own."

"I have help from my folks and Pete's parents."

"Still, you do most of it by yourself. I'm not judgin' Pete or anything, but I mean, I haven't even seen him or heard him talk about Lewis the way you do."

"Pete loves him, he just rather play in the band right now...he wants to build something for Lewis to have later on in his life."

Vin shook his head, "I'd rather be with my son. Yeah, bein' a rock star doesn't happen everyday, but you can't ever get back years of a missed childhood."

He words made my stomach tense and I suddenly felt terribly sad. "I told him the same thing."

"I hope he realizes this and actually does more with Lewis."

"Me too."

"Do you like me?" He asked suddenly.

I chuckled, "Yes."

He smiled happily, "So, I can kiss you and you won't be mad?"

My eyes widened a bit, "You wanna kiss me?"

He nodded, "Ever since I met you."

"Wow," my cheeks burned, "I don't know what to say."

"Hmm, say "kiss me, Vinny?"." He laughed softly.

I turned to face him, exhaling softly. "Okay. Kiss me, Vinny?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

In a swift movement, Vin's arms wrapped around my middle and his lips were on mine. I nearly melted in his arms; his kiss was so soft and his embrace was comforting. I placed my hands on his shoulders, swearing I would float off somewhere.

Vincent kissing me then was the beginning of my new relationship with another man. It was a bit scary, just for the simple fact that I was trading one musician with a steady career for another. Though, there was something different about Vin; he actually didn't mind calling me whenever he got the chance and he actually wanted to visit and hang out with me.

I couldn't have asked for anyone better.


A few days before Christmas, Vin had gone back to New York to be with his family, and I was shocked to find Pete had come to Chicago. It wasn't that exactly, it was that he came to my house while I was on the phone with Vinny.

Pete stomped his snow covered shoes on the door mat and then stepped in when I had opened it wide enough. My jaw slacked; "The hell?"

"What?" He and Vin said at the exact same moment.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Pete.

"Christmas is in 3 days. I came to see my son." He answered shortly.

"He's in his crib, he should be up from his nap."

Pete went off to Lewy's bedroom, leaving me on the phone. I exhaled, "I think I have to go before Pete has a cow."

Vin snickered, "Alright. I'll call you later."

"See ya, Vinny."

"Talk to you later, babe."

My belly swirled with butterflies and I hung up. I bit down on my lip and shoved my phone into my pocket. I went to Lewy's bedroom and found Pete changing his diaper; Lewy was yawning; "Good afternoon, bubba. You sleep good?"

Lewy smiled at me, cooing sleepily. Pete looked over at me, "Who were you on the phone with?"

I shrugged to myself, "Vinny."

"Who's Vinny?"

"Vincent Accardi, Pete." I said.

"Oh." He turned back to changing Lewy. "What, is he like your boyfriend now?"

"Yes." I answered truthfully.

Pete scoffed, "Bullshit."

"I'm serious. We just started dating."

Pete looked at me with furrowed brows, "Since when?"

"Almost two weeks ago."

He shook his head, "Thats awesome." He spoke sarcastically.

"I'm glad you think so," I crossed my arms, shooting the tone back his way, "Thanks for your approval, Peter."

He picked up Lewy, "I don't approve of shit."

"I was joking." I muttered.

"You shouldn't be dating him," he said as he walked past me with our son on his hip, "It's stupid of you."

I followed him to the living room, "Thats the same thing my dad said about you, but I went and had a child with you."

"Does Daddy approve of him?" Pete mocked me as he sat on the couch.

"Yeah, my dad really likes him. You know who else likes Vinny? Your mom and your dad."

Pete narrowed his eyes, "You aren't funny."

"I'm not kidding."

Our parents had met Vinny, and they did approve of him. Pete's mom thinks he's handsome, and my dad said I could date him as long as I was ready. I was damn sure ready.

"You're really dating him?" He asked with a slacked jaw.

"Yes." I said as I went to the kitchen.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I want to." I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle for Lewy and went to warm it up.

Pete didn't say anything else, not until I went to the living room again and gave him the bottle. I went to the front door and called to Hemingway, who had been outside just before Pete had arrived; he waddled in and then went over and plopped on the floor near Pete's feet. I sat at the end of the couch and turned the TV on; "I'm taking Hemingway." Pete announced.

I looked over at him, "Where're you taking him?" I asked with a raised brow.

"With me to LA and on tour."

I frowned, "You can't take Hemy. He's my dog."

"I adopted him."

"We adopted him." I stated.

Pete spoke with this satisfied look upon his face. "I hit the dude that was beating him."

"You leave him here with me," I sputtered, "You can't just decide to take him now."

"I've already decided." He said this coolly.

I wanted to smack him.

"You're an asshole, you know that? You'll fight me for a dog, but not your son. That's great, Pete." I stood up, "Please hurry and leave, I can't even look at you anymore."

"Don't get all mad--"

"Stop talking, I swear I'll get stupider just listening to you talk." I went off to the kitchen to sulk.

Pete just loved to push my buttons and make me angry. I make him angry and he goes to do the same to me. I never intentionally made him mad; he made me angry on purpose just so I could feel his pain. He was doing a good job and I hated him for it. Pete was making me resent him more and more.

I calmed myself down, taking 15 minutes to myself before returning to the living room. The sun was going down, so I decided to turn on the Christmas tree lights. I knelt by the tree and plugged in the lights; "Who got the tree?" Pete asked.

"Andrew." I got back up and went and flipped on the lights. "Ricky got me a deal on the lights."

I don't know why I was talking to him; I really wanted him to leave.

Lewy whined, reaching for me so he could see the lights closer. I went over and picked him up from Pete's lap, "You wanna see, bubba? Look at the lights, see what Uncle Ricky and Uncle Andy did for you?"

I bounced Lewy carefully towards the tree; it was only decorated with lights, no ornaments or silver streamers. It was a plain tree that went up to my chest; it was something rather than nothing. Lewy and I liked it.

"Whose house are you going to on Christmas?" Pete asked.

"My parents and then yours. Your mom flooded the Christmas tree with gifts for Lew."

We were speaking civically, but I still had some disdain for Pete.

"When do you plan on leaving again?" I turned to face him, Lewy rested his head on my shoulder, sucking on his bottle.

"December 28th."

"Tour?"

He shook his head, "We don't tour till the end of January. I furnishing my new house."

I frowned, "You move quick."

"It's my and Andy's place."

"Good for you." I seemed to spit. "I'm gonna move out of here, get a smaller place for Lewis and I. I guess I won't have trouble finding an apartment near Harper Elementary since I won't have Hemy." I swallowed, "Thanks for doing this to me, Pete, you've really done it this time."

I felt choked up; I left the living room with Lewy and went to my bedroom, shut the door and locked it. I sat on the bed, placing my son bedside me; he looked up at me, confused and took his bottle out. Lewis crawled over my lap and whimpered and I picked him up again; tears swelled and, as usual, I kicked myself for crying over Pete.

The many times he had promised to never be the reason I cried had been broken. He said he hated to see me cry, yet, it seemed like it was the opposite. Pete seemed to want to break me down and rip me apart; all I ever done was try and make shit work between us, and he must've hated me for it.

"Navy," he knocked on the door, "Open up."

"I'd tell you to go to hell, but I never want to see you again." I spat. "Get out, I don't wanna see you."

"Can we talk?"

"I don't wanna talk, especially not to you."

"It's my damn life," he began to shout, "I can do what I want and just because you're crying isn't gonna make me change my mind!"

I set Lewy in his playpen next to my bed and got up; I damn near ripped the door open; "This is your life?! Your life?!" I screamed at him, "You selfish bastard, this isn't just your life anymore! You have a child, with me; this is our life now!"

He looked stunned. I guessed he wasn't expecting me to confront him so angrily.

"This is my life, Pete! You're toying with my and our son's emotions! You have the audacity to get upset with me because I don't want to be with you; well I don't feel like being cheated on, I don't want to be a footnote in your goddamn happiness, and I won't let you fuck over my son just because you're a bi-polar son of a bitch!"

He was completely taken aback.

"You can take the dog, you can take the house, you can take it all! Go ahead, see if I care! I told you before,"'I shoved my finger in his chest; Lewy began to cry, "I. Don't. Need. You. I won't ever need you! You'll need me way before I'd ever need you, and you need to remember that."

His jaw slacked.

"Now get out. Take Hemy, take your fucking keys--" I stopped and felt my neck for my necklace he had given me back when I was 17, and took it off, carefully and shoved it into his hoodie pocket; "Take this and go ruin someone else's life. Go find another girl who'll take you back, who will nurse you back to health after you OD, who'll support your band and let you use her like I let you use me. I won't have it anymore, I'm done with you, Pete. Say goodbye to your son."

He was shocked. I repeat this because he just looked at me like I had two heads jetting out of my shoulders. He swallowed but didn't say anything.

I stepped back, going and picking up Lewy; his cries softened into whimpers as I patted his back. I turned back to Pete; "I'm not kicking you out of his life, nor am I stopping you from seeing him, but I am not letting you lie and tell him empty promises and empty hope. You don't have time for him, you let him know. I won't make excuses for you, I've told you a million times."

"I can't do it, Naomi." He muttered.

I shook my head, "Then get out and don't contact me anymore. When you think you can do it, you tell your parents, not me. Goodbye, Pete."

He blinked, stood for a moment and then stepped closer to me. He kissed my cheek and then Lewy's forehead. He swallowed as his darkened, saddened eyes met mine; "I apologize."

I just shook my head and watched him leave; he had scooped up Hemy and walked out the door.