This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

Pete's pink hair stained his pillow after his shower. He had laid back and deliberately dried his hair on it. He was angry with the nurses, and being in the hospital in general. He was watched constantly and they only agreed to let him shower and shave if a family member was in the room watching. Pete allowed me to stay in the bathroom while he showered and shaved; in retaliation, he stained their sheets and pillows.

"Fucking hate this place." He muttered.

"You'll be home in exactly 16 hours." I told him with a small smile; hoping his mood would turn.

He just nodded. "Have you been home?"

"Yeah...I cleaned up a little, that's all. I had to get my laptop and email my teachers about missing classes."

"I'm really sorry, Naomi." Pete exhaled.

"It's only a couple of classes," I sat at the edge of his bed, "I can catch up."

Pete rubbed his face with his palm and sighed. I watched him, afraid to ask him something I've been anxious to for the past two days. Biting my lip, I decided to; "Pete, why did you do it?"

Pete's hand stopped just at the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand and sighed, "I don't know why I do anything anymore."

"But...did you do it because you've been planning to, or was it just a spur of the moment thing?"

Pete was silent, and then he frowned, "I hate myself, Naomi."

"I wish I understood." I said, "I wish I could step inside your head."

"If you did, you'd want to kill yourself, too."

"I need you, you know," I spat out quickly. "I need you around, I'd...lose myself if you were gone. I don't want to be with anyone else but you."

Pete shook his head, "You deserve better. I'm a fuck up."

"No you aren't," I told him sternly, "You are not a fuck up."

"Why do you want me?" He asked this genuinely.

My heart ached as fresh tears surfaced, "Because I do. I just do, there's not a good enough reason, I just do. I love you, Pete, almost more than I could love myself."

He looked at me with no expression to his features, only the same tired and heavy emotion. I leaned over and kissed him, and cupped his cheek, running my thumb over the apple of his cheek. He licked over his lips and looked down; "I wish I could shoved a spike into my head and let all my thoughts drain out so you could get it."

I didn't have any words to say. I wish I could do the same, just understand what he was wrestling with. I decided that I wouldn't ask anymore questions, even though there was a lot I wanted to ask.

"I want you to know, Pete, that I do wish I understood how you're feeling. I've...I don't know what it's like, but I-I would do anything to bring you back to some happiness, some normalcy."

He smiled faintly, "You take care of me and I sure as hell shouldn't be taken care of."

My palm dropped to his neck, where I rubbed his damp skin, ridding away the pink dye; "I'll always take care of you."

Pete sighed; this look spread across his face...he looked guilty. His ears turned red, his face was growing warm. "Are you okay?"

Pete shook his head and then lifted his hand to take mine from his neck. He held it, squeezing my palm gently, "I don't deserve you."

"Yes you do." I told him softly.

"Naomi, there's so much shit that I--" he stopped himself. "I don't even know where to begin."

I was set to ask him what, but the orderly came in with a sharp knock; "Ms. Valentino, visiting hours are up."

I looked at my watch and noticed it was 8PM, "Dammit."

Pete sighed again and leaned over to peck my lips, "I'll be able to go home tomorrow at 1."

I smiled, "Yeah. I'll be here to get you."

He forced a smile, which made my stomach knot uneasily. I stood reluctantly and kissed his forehead; his hand lingered on my wrist as I tried to go, "Will you buy me some black hair dye?"

I laughed, "Yep."

This smile that he beamed was genuine, "Thanks, Navy. I love you."

I kissed him on the lips, "I love you, too."

I waved as I left, my head kept turning to look back at him. Pete had looked up at the ceiling, so I was sure he didn't see me go. My head was brimming with thoughts of what Pete was feeling and thinking.

It was almost too much for me.


The Wentz's visited Pete while I waited in the waiting room for his sign out time. It wasn't long, I was quite anxious to get him home so we could go back to how we were.

The guys had all left to New York, having one of their friends fill in for Pete. They had seen him the day before, they left early this morning, and they called me to tell me so. Everyone didn't really know what happened to Pete except us (the Wentzs, myself, Andy, Joe and Patrick) but they sent well wishes.

I didn't want anyone to know that Pete attempted suicide. I didn't want anyone to say anything hurtful and mean to him about this. He should be able to have privacy and to get over it, or to deal with what happened. Pete didn't need people to analyze and pick apart his feelings and life. I was like a mama bear trying to protect her cub.

When Pete was released, they wheeled him out the exit to my car, where I was waiting. His parents had helped him into my car, setting his hospital bag, containing his clothes, into the back seat. Pete exhaled deeply once he was seated and resting his head back. His mom kissed his cheek and then we were off.

"Do you need or want anything?" I asked him.

"Just wanna get home." He replied softly.

"Okay. Your mom is bringing food over, unless you want to go over there later to eat?"

He shook his head, "I just wanna be alone with you...we have to talk."

I hummed softly, "Alright."

Arriving home, Pete grumbled as he got out; his head and back ached from being in the hospital bed for long hours. I grabbed his hospital bag and was ready to lead the way, but Pete grabbed my arm and then interlocked our fingers. He held my hand warmly, not speaking or explaining himself; butterflies swarmed.

Inside the house, he let my hand go and stretched before plopping on the couch. Almost immediately, this look clouded over his face, which confused me and made me question what he wanted to talk about. He gestured me over, so I sat beside him and he took my hand in his again; "I really need to tell you something."

"Okay," I replied quietly, flexing my fingers in his, "What is it?"

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes were down, focused on our hands. "You're gonna hate me for this."

I felt nervous now, "What?" I asked a bit impatiently.

Pete exhaled, his left hand combing through his hair, "Uh...I...I'm sorry, Naomi." He paused and then he shut his eyes, "I...was drinking and went out with some guys and I was out of my mind. I took some pills, I missed you and I wanted to get my mind off of things and I don't know how it happened." He stopped.

"What did you do?" I asked in a whisper.

His hand squeezed mine, "I got so wasted...I did--I had sex with this girl."

My ears felt as if I had stuffing in them. Did I hear right? I thought I was imagining it. So, I repeated what he said; "I had sex with this girl."

"It just happened...it was three times--"

I ripped my hand away from his and stood, but I didn't move anywhere else. I just stood there, shocked, paused in the moment trying to wrap my head around what he had said.

"Three times?" I questioned; my eyes, my head would not face his direction.

"She was a roadie, and I wasn't--I don't know. I've been feelin' guilty since it happened."

I shot my eyes at him, "Then why did you do it two additional times?"

He wouldn't look at me, his eyes were on the floor.

"Why?" I asked him angrily, "Tell me!"

"I was wasted, I just did it."

I was angry and I didn't know what the hell to do. I sucked in a breath and started off towards the kitchen. Pausing near the counter, I placed my palms on the top and stood there for a moment, letting it all sink in.

I heard Pete come in and then stop at the entry of the kitchen. My eyes flashed over to him and clenched my teeth; "Go away." I managed to growl, "Leave me alone."

"Naomi, I know you don't want me around right now, but--"

"Stop." I muttered. "Your apology doesn't mean shit to me right now. It's best if you get out of my way and don't talk to me until I talk to you."

He left the entry, leaving me alone. I brewed for a moment before banging my fist on the counter. I let out a deep growl, ready to kick over the damn trash.

"You're such a dick!" I yelled out.

Of course, he didn't respond, and I didn't expect him too.

Just because he was wasted doesn't give him a right to cheat on me. Just because he tried to kill himself doesn't excuse it either. I'm pissed off with him and I no longer felt sorry for him.

I left the kitchen and went to the bedroom to cool off. Pete was on the couch, hunched over, looking pitiful, but I didn't give him a second look. I went and sat on the bed, kicking my shoes off; my head was starting to pound; taking a fistful of pills didn't sound too bad. I laid back in the bed and shut my eyes, letting my mind drift. I wasn't going to focus on Pete's bullshit, I was stretched to the limit as it was.

A few minutes passed and then I heard him knock on the door, "Naomi, I called my mom...she's gonna pick me up, alright? I...I'm sorry, okay?"

I didn't answer him.

"Can you say something, please?"

"You can get some clothes." Was all I said without moving or opening my eyes.

The door opened and I heard him come in and shuffle around quietly. I fought not to open my eyes and look at him; I was successful enough. But, I lost it when he came over towards me and knelt beside the bed; I couldn't stop my eyes from opening.

His honey colored eyes were rimmed with black, as if he had eyeliner on, but I knew it was from stress and lack of sleep. He looked pitiful still; a puppy whose been kicked too many times. Once more, I felt terrible and sorry for him.

"I'm really sorry, Naomi." He murmured.

"Please, Peter, leave me alone."

He leaned over and kissed me on the lips quickly, "Will you call me?"

"Pete, I need to think first, okay?"

He nodded slowly, "Alright."

I rolled onto my side, my back facing him and shut my eyes. I heard him stand and then leave the room. It was awhile later before I heard the front door open and then close, a car take off just after, and then silence. I rubbed my eyes, letting it all hit me and started to cry silently. There was so much of a mess in my head, my world, I was sure it was crashing down.


Abbey's ear infection had gone away and I was right back watching her the following morning. She colored on my coffee table while I caught up with my homework. She sang along to the cartoons on TV, occasionally pulling me from my thoughts.

"Navy," she murmured; I looked up, "Is Pete all better?"

"Yeah, sweetness. He's at his mom and dad's house."

"Does he miss them?" She asked curiously.

"Uh, yeah." I answered.

"I miss Pete." She announced. "Can we go see him?"

I coursed my hair, "Uh, maybe, Abbs, I've gotta finish my school work first."

"Okay," she said brightly, "I'll color him a picture."

I smiled, "He'll like that."

I continued on while Abbey colored; I had finished my work from the last few days and checked the time. It was 2:30, I had to meet with Mia at 3 to talk about the venture. "Abbey, go get your shoes, we gotta go somewhere."

"See Pete?" She asked with excitement.

"Maybe. First, I gotta meet a friend."

Abbey got up and fetched her shoes and then came back so I could tie them, after, I grabbed my bag and led her out to my car. Abbey sat in the back, asking me questions about who I was meeting.

"It's a woman who wants me to take more pictures in those pretty clothes."

"Ooh! Are you, Navy?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're pretty! You can do it!"

I giggled, "Thank you, Abbey."

"Will you be famous?"

I smiled and shook my head, "Nope."

"I think you are!" She exclaimed, "You got pictures! You're famous!"

I laughed, "If you think so, Abbey."

The rest of the ride, Abbey asked me about my modeling "career". She loves the fact that I do that as part of a living and wanted to see me do it. I had promised her I would one day.

I met Mia at her office, bringing Abbey inside her office with me. Mia was taken aback, but smiled nonetheless when she saw Abbey; "I didn't know you had a daughter."

"No, this is my little sister, Abigail --Abbey. She's 2. Say hi, Abbey."

Abbey waved, tossing her hair back, "Hi."

Mia chuckled, "Hi Abbey, I'm Mia."

"You take pretty pictures of my sissy?"

Mia shook her head, "No, I'm trying to, though."

I bit at my lip, "Uh, about that...I'm not sure about all of this."

"Have a seat and we'll talk. Do you want a lollipop, Abbey?"

Abbey's eyes lit up, "Yes please!"

Mia gave Abbey a grape lollipop and we settled in the seats across her desk. Mia looked to me, "Okay, I've heard about some situation with Pete. Now, I'm not sure, but I heard he was hurt."

I sighed softly, "Uh, yeah, I rather not talk about it. I wasn't able to talk about Clandestine with him, things are...are very unstable at the moment."

"Well, how about this?" Mia slid a short stack of stapled papers to me.

"What is it?" I asked as I picked it up.

"It's a contract to model for Victoria's Secret new PINK line."

"How--how do--how did you do this so fast? I'm not even a client of yours."

She smiled, "You're a beautiful girl, and I really wanted this for you. It pays a lot, you'll get a lot of exposure as a model--"

I stopped her, "I'm not a model, I don't even like to do it. I only do it for the money."

"Yes, and this is a hefty salary. It's a year contract, you'll get 5 figures."

I blinked, "For real?"

"Yes, for real, Naomi."

"What's the PINK line?"

"You'll model lounge wear, occasionally underwear, but they're mostly focused on the lounge wear."

"Will it conflict with my schooling?"

She shook her head, "Nope, you'll more than likely work weekends. It's a start, they haven't launched yet, they want fresh faces."

I bit at my lip and then looked at Abbey; "Abbs, do you think I should do this?"

"What's lounge wear?" She asked as she licked her candy.

"Like pajamas."

She grinned, "Uh-huh! I like pajamas!"

I smiled, "Okay," I turned back to Mia, "I'll do it."

She handed me a pen, "Sign along the X's and I'll get you a contract with my company."