This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

For the next few hours, I lay in bed with the worse cramps. I thought maybe that my period was coming, it felt that way, and it sucked. I was sick, dizzy and cramping; Pete had sat beside me and rubbed my back.

"The medicine should be kickin' in right now," he told me, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, I'm fine," I exhaled deeply, "Just watch the baby."

"He's napping," Pete assured.

"Will you lay with me then?"

He smiled at me, "You did it for me, I'll do it for you."

Pete climbed over me and swept in behind me, placing an arm around my waist. I felt a bit better just having him there; he kissed the back of my head. "Thank you," I murmured.

"No need to thank me, Navy."

I shut my eyes over and took in deep breaths, baiting the nausea away. Pete's warm breath tickled against the back of my neck, making me feel ease. My head started to turn with thoughts and wonder.

It was sort of a little jolt that hit me.

"Pete," my felt my throat tighten, "What if I'm pregnant?"

I felt his body tense behind me; "Well, you're not...are you?"

I rolled over to look at him, "I don't know."

"Did you have your period or whatever?"

"Yeah...last month," I nodded slowly, "It was short."

"What does that mean?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, I just mean it was short. It was like 3 days and--" I stopped, "I cant be pregnant, we used protection...didn't we?"

Pete's eyes shut over as he thought, "I don't think we did...before we flew to LA--"

"I took the day after pill," I added.

Pete opened his eyes and nodded, "Then that night we got drunk after the VMAs..."

I sighed, "Yeah...I didn't even think about that."

We were both quiet, looking at each other. Pete looked absolutely frightened, I mean, his face did not contort, it was all in his eyes. I shook my head, "Maybe I'm not."

Pete sat up, I could see his hands were starting to shake. I followed his action, sitting up and looking him over, "Pete, we can take a test."

He shot out the bed, "We can't have another kid."

"We don't even know for sure--"

"And if you are?" He exclaimed, "One kid is enough, but 2?"

I was growing angry for the way he was yelling at me; "Who is it going to be harder on, me or you?!"

Pete stopped himself from responding; I got out the bed, too. "I'm thinking about you, too, Naomi!"

"No you weren't," I furrowed my brow, "You're selfish, I know you."

"And you're not thinking about yourself?" He shot back.

"I may not even be pregnant and you're over here shaking to death and yellin' at me!" I growled at him, "Since you're so damn worried, if I am, you can just walk out if you want to!"

"Don't say that shit, Naomi, it's not even like that and you know it!"

"You're acting like it!"

We both narrowed our eyes and glared at each other. Pete's nostrils flared and he heaved and turned his back on me. He sat down, while I just glared holes into his back.

"I'll take a test, alright," I began, "and when the results come back, you'll apologize to me and then you make up your mind."

"I didn't do this by myself," he spat.

"I'm not putting blame on you for something that might not even be! God, why are you so fucking dumb?!"

"Go get a goddamn test then and stop being a fucking bitch!" He snapped at me.

I grabbed my shoes, going towards the threshold, "For your sake, you better pray I'm pregnant because if I'm not, I'm beating the living mess out of you."

I left the room, pushing my feet into my sneakers and stopped in my tracks when I saw Lewy trying to get out of his crib. "Lew?" I called to him.

He looked up at me and outstretched his arms, whimpering. I blinked rapidly, feeling a little light headed and picked him up, "You wanna go for a ride, bubba?"

He just nodded his head, "Daddy."

"Your daddy is being a huge A-S-S right now, so we're gonna leave him here," I said sweetly.

Lewy held onto my neck as I carried him towards the living room; I put his coat on, his shoes and hat, then grabbed my own hoodie. Despite being dizzy, I was so angry, I was actually feeling clear headed and I knew that I'd make it to the store and back.

I got back to my apartment before it started to rain, and my head was now pounding. I bought two pregnancy tests, and headache and anti-nausea pills. Pete was sitting in the living room when I got back; I set Lewy in his lap, "Take care of him."

I knew he wanted to say something smart, but he didn't. I went to the bathroom and kicked my shoes off, cursing to myself, "Fucking prick...always yelling at me. Fuck him, the bastard."

I took the tests and set them on the counter; I took a few pills, hoping to rid my headache before I inevitably had a shouting match with Pete. I felt really weak, tired and hungry, so I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. As did so, Lewy called to me and stumbled over towards me, "Hey, bubba, are you hungry?"

He smiled and nodded, "So am I, lets go eat something yummy." I picked him, catching Pete staring off, "3 more minutes and you can go off on a rager, you dick," I said to Pete.

He didn't respond, he just sighed and sat back.

I went to the fridge, grabbing some frozen orange slices from the freezer. The slice helped Lewy with his teething and were actually really good for him. He chewed on them, while I began to peel a fresh one.

I sat on the counter with Lewy in my lap, trying I distract myself. Moments passed, I heard Pete get up and head down the hall. My stomach actually turned and my heart began to beat rapidly; I inhaled, waiting, feeling sick again.

"Naomi!" Pete called, "Get over here."

"I'm busy!" I called back.

He growled out loud, then began to trek towards the kitchen. We locked eyes and he gave me a look...I just knew it right then. "This is the worst birthday ever," I scoffed.

"What're we gonna do?" He asked, stepping towards us, but leaned against the stove.

I laughed bitterly, "What are we gonna do? There is no we when it comes to having and raising kids. I'm the one who is going to be here 24/7, I'm the one changing, feeding, bathing and clothing Lewy, and I'll be the one doing it with this new baby. So don't stand there with an attitude asking what we're gonna do."

His jaw slacked, "You act like I don't ever do shit for my kid! You make it out like I don't care!"

"I never said that!" I snapped at him, "You're acting like a child, you went off on me when I brought up the idea, and now that we know, you're gonna sulk. Are you gonna have me give you an ultimatum again, Pete?"

"This is too much for me."

"Too much for you?!" I regretted yelling then because I scared Lewis; he flinched and started to cry, but I was so angry, "I'm not even 23 yet and I'm pregnant again! I just started a full time job, I have bills to pay, and I have our child to look after! You get the easy life, so I don't understand why you're so sad all the time!"

That was too harsh, but with Lewis' crying and my temper flaring, I couldn't take it anymore. I was hiding how upset I was about finding out I was pregnant. Wouldn't you be? I'm not married to the one person I want to he married to, he treats me like dirt most of the time, he's always gone, and I've got to raise our kid mostly without his help. I wanted to take a shot at anything to vent my frustration out on him.

"What do you want me to say?" He said crossly.

I sniffled and picked Lewy up and began to pat his back and calm him down, "Nothing. I don't want you to say anything, Peter. You have no choice in what you do anymore, and I'm not gonna ask you to do anything got me."

"What do you expect from me, Naomi?"

"After 6 years, I don't expect anything. I never did, not even before I knew who you are or were. I never wanted anything from you, Pete, I never did," I shook my head as Lewis' cries turned to whimpers, "All I ever truly wanted was for you to love me, that's all, for you to be faithful to me. That's way too much to ask from you, isn't it?"

He stared at me blankly.

"All I ever get is anger from you, like I've done something so terribly wrong to you. Why am I the one you yell at? Why am I the focus of your wrath?"

He shook his head, "You want the truth?"

"If you can manage to tell me, yeah, I want the truth."

He pushed away from the stove, "You get me, Naomi, that's why. You understand why I yell and you yell back, and I like that. Other girls would just tell me off and leave, you...you get angry with me and you tell me what I need to hear. You can say the most fucked up shit, but I know you mean it and you say it because you love me and you care."

I shook my head, "You're so stupid, Pete."

"I'm serious."

"You have two conflicting sides to you, and it's fucking crazy and I can't keep up. I have those two sides, too, but I know exactly what I want and exactly what I need," I got off the counter, holding Lewy and tossing the rest of my orange in the sink, "What I need is for you to be responsible, take care of our children. What I want is you."

Pete nodded, "I want that to."

"We're in so much shit, it's unbelievable," I cursed and coursed my hair back, "I have...too much shit I need to do."

"Let me take care of you," Pete said shortly, "I'll give you some money, I'll pay for everything, so all you'll have to do is take care of yourself and take care of Lewy."

"I don't want that," I frowned, "Having someone else take care of me is degrading, it makes me look like that's the only reason I'm with you."

"That's all I can offer! What do you want?"

I shook my head, walking away, "I don't want anything, Pete, especially from you. Maybe I won't even have this baby."

"Wait," he followed after me, "What do you mean?"

"I should just get rid of it, neither one of us is ready."

"You and me both know that you wouldn't live with yourself."

I turned my lips down, "I'll live just fine. I already have my son, I have a job, I'm doing fine right now."

He looked frantic, "Navy, you can't do that."

"Yes, I can. I can do whatever I want."

He sighed as I sat on the bed, patting Lewy's back as he began to fall asleep again, "Do ya want me to beg or somethin'?"

I rolled my eyes, "You think I'm doin' it to spite you? I'm thinking about me for once."

He knelt in front of me, his hand petting Lewy's back, "Please don't."

"We're not married, we're barely ever together, why bring another child into this?"

"Because, I think...I don't want you to regret it and get mad and hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"For putting you in this mess."

"You really are stupid."

He sighed, "Naomi--"

"Pete, stop talking. Just shut up. Don't tell me what to do, okay?"

He got up and sat beside me, "I never meant for this to happen."

"You should've put a condom on."

"I was drunk...we did it other times after without one."

"Then we're both to blame," I coursed my hair back, "My dad is gonna be so fuckin' pissed off," my hand returned to Lewy's back.

"I'll just give you some money to help, ya'know, and you can work until you can't."

I felt tears well up, "This shouldn't have happened."

Pete wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "I'm sorry, Naomi."

"You're still not allowed to say that," I sniffled.

"Okay, sorry," he mumbled.

Pete held me close as I let tears fall, but held all the sobs in.