This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

Pete was gone before I left with the kids, which surprised me. I thought he'd at least say goodbye to them. But, I guess I should've figured that. We left with the Wentzs', minus Andrew, and headed back home.

Again, I was pulled into silence.

Lewy had a fit during the flight, looking for Pete, and Benji cried nearly the entire flight, because of his ears, I guessed. I was so worn out by the time we landed, I fell asleep in the backseat, while rocking Lewy to calm him down. I woke up though, when we got to the Wentzs' and drove to my parents'. As soon as I got there, I hugged my dad real tight, crying softly against his shoulder. I was crying for a lot of reasons, but I didn't bring any of it up.

My dad was understanding and let me sleep there with the boys. Those two were settled and had stopped crying by the time we got there. I just wanted to sleep again, to shut my eyes and forget about everything. I was depressed again, not as bad as before, but I just couldn't stand to be awake. Happiness was drained from my soul, and I wasn't sure how it would ever come back.

As the days past, Lewy was back in the routine of asking and crying for Pete. I spent a lot of time taking in deep breaths, meditating and trying my hardest not to scream at my son. Benji was how he's always been; quiet, he cried only when he was uncomfortable. Lewy was just driving me up the wall and Pete ignoring my calls wasn't helping. I finally just gave up calling him and had Lewy ask Mrs. Wentz to call him for Lewy.

I had a little moments of happiness when I was with Rob. He helped me forget how terribly sad and stuck I felt. He was sweet on me and I loved the attention and the help. For my birthday, he was sweet enough to bake me brownies. I thought that was the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me; aside from the card Lewy had drawn for me.

It was like that; the good and the bad days. I was slowly forgetting about Pete and living my life. Of course, there were days he was all I thought about, but they were faint. I didn't even see him over the holidays, he seemed to disappear or hide from me. I spent the holidays with my parents or I was by myself while the boys were with the Wentzs.

Time went by really fast, I barely noticed that it had been nearly a year since I last spoke to Babette and Kate. Benji was going to be a year old and it all hit me slowly. I was more involved with Rob and I gravitated towards his friends, forgetting the friends I used to have (not Ricky, I'll always be friends with Ricky), I was becoming more open with these people I hadn't even known existed. I was also brought back into modeling, quite by accident.

Rob had invited me to New York in February, for Valentine's Day. The boys stayed with the Wentzs, because Pete was coming to visit. I thought: why not? Let me have a vacation with Rob.

When we got there, he introduced me to his mother and his cousins. One of his cousins, Sherri, is a photographer and we recognized one another as soon as we saw each other. She had taken a few photos of me when I was modeling for Victoria's Secret; Sherri had really wanted to take my picture, again, and wanted me to fill in for a couple of dropouts for this independent clothing company. I wasn't going to be paid, but I didn't really care. I said yes.

One shoot turned into me being contacted by Mia about a day later to start modeling again. Once more I was roped into everyone wanting me to model. This time, something in me wanted to, and I didn't want to say no.

Rob had the photos in his hand while we waited in the airport to head back to Chicago; "You look fantastic," he said showing me one still, "You're beautiful."

I had blushed, "I am not, I'm just...naturally good at this."

"Nah, you're gorgeous, Naomi," Rob smiled at me, "I'm telling you, you should do this for a living."

I exhaled, "I dunno...I can't travel and be on the go."

"You can have terms and conditions, you know."

"I'm not that wanted."

"You will be," he said with a small laugh, "Just you wait."

I wasn't holding my breath on that. I sort of just figured I could do it for fun, but not anything too risqué again. Modeling wasn't something I thought would help me fulfill whatever was left out of my life.


Nearly a month later, I was doing test shoots and go-sees every other day all over the city. It was like I was a teenager again. The agents who saw me adored the fact that I was a mom and the fact that I was Pete Wentz's baby's mama added to the publicity. I think that was the real reason anyone wanted to hire me, but I wasn't complaining, the offers were good and I could turn down whatever I wanted.

My dad thought it was funny and then he fired me. Not in a bad way, he just told me the clients paid me more than he did and he wanted me to have time for fun, money and time for my babies. I got to take them to the shoots with me, but the one I had control in taking was Benji; Lewy hated to go, because he got bored too easily.

Things were good and were looking up, until I saw Pete again. It was the day before Benji's first birthday; I was getting ready to take him to the Wentzs' to visit Pete. I thought I wasn't going to see him, so I was happy to drop him off before I met with Rob for dinner.

I was putting Benji's shoes on, while he cooed at me, "Can you say mama, baby?" I asked and cooed back.

He was almost there, he didn't get to it fast like Lewy had, but he was getting there. He was walking a little, but he had two left feet, he stumbled a lot. I put his cap on, saying words to help him speak, but so far nothing. He could say "Hey", which was pretty funny when he was trying to get my attention.

The doorbell rang, and I was slightly confused, "Who the heck...?" I picked Benji up and carried him to the door. I looked out the side window and saw Pete; I saw him rocking on his heels, that's how I knew it was him.

I unlocked and opened the door, "Come in, it's freezing," I told him quickly."

Pete rushed in, the wind practically snipped behind him. His hands were shoved into his pockets, he let out deep, frozen sigh, "Fu--damn," he corrected.

"What're you doing here? I was on my way to take Benji to you."

"I needed..." He paused, "You got coffee?"

I hummed, "Yeah, but it's cold."

He exhaled again, "Could you make me some?"

I nodded; Pete and I hadn't talked since Hilary's wedding. He had ignored my calls and never called me. I was a little surprised at how easily I was speaking to him.

I placed Benji in his walker, while Pete knelt and played with him. I started to brew some coffee and grabbed a mug for him; "You needed what now?" I asked him from the kitchen.

"Uh..." He trailed, "Benji's fallin' asleep, Naomi."

"Put him in his swinger then," I told him.

Moments later, Pete came into the kitchen; I was leaning against the counter beside the stove, listening to the coffee brew. Pete leaned against the opposite counter, quiet; so, I gave him a once over, "So, what did you need? I know you didn't come over for coffee."

He licked the corner of his lips, "It's hard to explain," he reached back into his pocket and was hesitant, as if he were in deep thought. I waited, and then, after a few tense seconds, he pulled his left hand out. There, in between his fingers was $10; "You got change?"

"For what? You came all the way over to ask me for change?" I was highly confused.

Pete looked slightly nervous, "I need $5."

"Hold on," I said heading to the living room for my bag; I grabbed my wallet and returned, "Two $5s?"

Pete shook his head, "No, just one."

"Okay," I cocked a brow, "You want ones? You goin' to a strip club or buyin' a can of pop?" I joked.

He licked his lips, swallowing, "Nah...no."

"Then?"

"I...I'm getting married."

I burst out into laughter, "Thats funny," I put my money back into my wallet, "I think you forgot the bet, it was if I married someone you'd give me $5."

Pete nudged it towards me, "Just take it."

I looked at his hand, noticing he had another tattoo on his ring finger. I looked back at him, "No, just keep it."

"You don't think I'm really getting married?"

"No. Who the hell would you marry anyway?"

Without skipping a beat, he said, "Ashlee...she's pregnant."