This Is Me and You Until We've Got Nothing Left

My jaw dropped, my wallet fell from my hand. I was in complete and utter shock.

"I like her, and this is sudden, but I think--"

I put my hand up, stopping him, "Wait a minute," I felt my bottom begin to lip quiver, but I controlled it, "You're serious?"

He nodded, "Yeah, she just told me. I asked her to marry me."

I felt something in me begin to unravel, "And you came over to rub it in my face?"

"No, I came here to tell you before you found out anywhere else. And, to pay you," he smiled.

That bastard smiled at me.

"You're an asshole," I spat, "You're a fucking jerk."

I was so very angry. I was angry that this was happening. Another thing I had no control over.

"Are you allergic to condoms?" I growled, "Or do you like getting girls pregnant?"

His brow creased, "Why do you care--"

"You're disgusting! God, I hate you," I muttered; I felt like I was gonna choke and puke, "Oh God, I wish I never met you. You're a jerk!"

He stared at me with a confused look, "It's my life, Naomi, I can do what I want! I don't tell you how to live your life!"

"Why are you marrying her?" I asked angrily, "Why her?"

"She's pregnant."

"I was pregnant! 3 times, to be exact, and I didn't even get a proposal!"

He rubbed his jaw, silent. "It's not like how you and me were. Her family's religious--"

"Oh, really? What do they think of you having 2 kids out of wedlock?!"

"They understand that mistakes happen."

My eyes grew wide, "Mistakes?! So, my sons are mistakes, now?!"

He put his hands up, "No, I didn't mean it like that."

I was so angry that I couldn't even speak anymore. My heart was beating fast, it must've swelled, my eyes burned with tears and my fists balled. Without thinking, I hit him. I hit him in his mouth, cutting my fingers against his teeth, and causing him to stumble back agains the counter. The tears poured now, my head was swirling and I felt like I was gonna pass out or throw up; my hand throbbed just a little.

"The fuck!?" He bellowed, holding his mouth, "Jesus Christ, Naomi!"

My body shook, my heart was ready to pop out of my ribcage. I couldn't breathe properly, "Get out of my house!" I screamed at him, causing Benji to cry, "Get out and don't you dare come back!"

Pete went to the sink and spat out the bit of blood from his split lip, "You're acting crazy, Naomi!"

"I said get out! Get out!" I was full on screaming, "I hope you fall into a hole and I never see you again! You're a dirty, rotten son of a bitch!"

He continued to rinse his mouth, as if my words had no effect on him. He came over to me, his hands still wet, he grabbed my arms, but I fought him, "Get off of me! Let me go!"

"You're scaring the baby, knock it off!" He shook me.

My mind shut down, and all I felt was anger, sadness, despair...like my world was ending. I pushed Pete away, "Get out of my house, don't come back," the words came out slow, "You're such a bastard!"

My ears rang from the shouting and from Benji crying. I found myself wanting to fall, but I managed to keep standing. I leaned over the counter and cried; burying my face into the crook of my arm. Even I was confused as to why it hurt so bad, but it did. It hurt like he was still my boyfriend and he just broke up with me and was taking my heart and crushing it right in front of me.

I felt so small. Unimportant. I never was good enough for Pete. I wasn't good enough to be thought of for marriage. I wasn't important enough to be faithful to and to be married to, to take care of our sons.

Suddenly, this girl was more important than I ever was. Of course she was; she's blonde, she's smaller than me, prettier, famous and had more than what I did, apparently. It was plain to see Pete never wanted me. He never really loved me, and this proved it.

"Naomi," Pete's hand fell on my back, "I'm...please stop crying."

I pulled my head up, "Get out of my house and don't you dare go near my sons. You go start your own little family with her and leave my kids alone!"

"Naomi...calm down. You need to think about what you're saying."

"I know what I'm saying! Stay away from my kids!"

"That's not fair, and you know it," he muttered angrily, his hand retracting from my back.

"My kids don't need you! They barely see you! You're a goddamn asshole, you're..." My body continued to shake, "You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me!"

I stood straight and looked at him with burning eyes and itchy, warm tears rolling down my cheeks. He looked startled...sad, almost.

"I hate you," I said over the baby's cries, "I hope I never see you again."

"Naomi, you need to calm down! You're acting crazy, you have a boyfriend--"

"Oh shut up! How would you feel if I just married Robert and got pregnant and just threw it in your face? What if I made you feel insignificant, huh? Why if I made you feel like those 5 years we were together didn't mean a thing?!" I shouted and then shoved him, "Thats how you're making me feel, and I guess I know how you really feel; you never cared and you never loved me."

"I do love you!" He shouted back, "I always have and I always will."

I shook my head, "You're a lying rat bastard! Get out and don't come back; I'll pick up my son later, after you explain to him what you're gonna do."

"Naomi, I'm not gonna tell him if you don't want me to," he said cautiously.

"No, you're gonna tell him," I pointed finger at him, "You tell him how you're gonna leave him."

Before he could respond, I hurried off to the living room to get Benji; his cries settled into whimpers. I gave him his pacifier and began to rock him in my arms. Pete followed, looking frustrated, "I'm not leaving him, I'm not leaving Benji either."

"Yes you are, it's exactly what you're doing! You know what, you're just like my mom," I felt bile coming up, "You leave your kids and you go off and start your own life because you're so sad. You don't care about anyone, anything, just yourself, and what makes you "happy"."

"I deserve some happiness," he growled, "I spent years in hell."

"Like you have it so hard," I spat, "You make money playing in a damn band. Playing an instrument you don't even know how to play!" I was breathing fast and rocking Benji to keep from completely throwing myself off the deep end, "You never had to worked a day in your life--"

"You think people who have it easy don't get depressed? You think you're the only person in the world who can feel terrible?"

"No, I don't. But you, I can't see a single thing that could make you do the things you do. All the girls before me hurt you, and you blame me; you slept with my best friend, you've used me, you've cheated on me, all because of those girls before me," I swallowed, "And for being faithful, for loving you, birthing 2 of your children, and being there for you when you nearly killed yourself, you thank me by betraying me in the worst ways. Even after all that, I still love you like I've always have, I still think about you the way I used to when I was a teenager."

He blinked; Benji was asleep and I was still rocking, my body was slowly swaying.

"This is the thanks I get, Pete?"

He breathed, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

My lips quivered again, "You're even worse than I ever thought you could be," I moved away from him and took Benji to his room; I put him in his crib and made sure he was warm.

"Naomi," Pete called after me, "I'm taking Benji--"

"Like hell you are!" I shut Benji's door behind me, "Get out of my house, Pete, before I call my dad and make it worse."

"You are acting crazy," he said trying to pull me away from the door.

"I said get out!" I shoved him, "I don't want you near my kids, Pete! I want you to go away, I don't want you around! Get out!"

He was pissed, as was I. Rationally, I knew I was being such a bitch, but I was so angry. I was hurting so badly, and I wanted Pete to hurt. I wanted him to feel it, I wanted him to feel like how he made me feel, and I was willing to do whatever it took.

I wanted him miserable.

Pete stepped back, threw his hands up, "You're nuts! You're gonna regret this."

"I don't care. I don't care what you think. I don't give a fuck what you do for now on, as long as you're away from me. You want to treat me like I'm invisible, I'll make myself invisible. Don't call me, don't even think about me, don't think about coming by. Just stay far away from me and my kids."

"You can't keep my sons from me," he snarled.

I pushed past him, "Watch me!"

I went to the living room and grabbed my phone, calling my dad to pick up Lewis. I stood off, away from Pete; my dad picked up, "Hey, kid, what's up?"

"Go pick up Lewy for me, dad," I was sounding childish, but I had not one single care.

"What do you mean? Pete's with him--"

"No, that asshole is here! Go get Lewy, now!"

"Naomi, what the hell is going on?" My dad snapped.

I felt myself cracking, breaking down, "Just go get my son, please."

"Naomi, you're acting crazy!" Pete muttered.

"I want you out of my house!" I screamed at him.

"What the hell is going on over there?!" My dad shouted.

"Get Lewis, dad!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on!"

I couldn't even say it. I just shut my mouth and started to cry.