Never Back Down

I can’t believe this…I’ve found Snowden again and he’s with someone else. I know nothing was going to happen between us but it still hurt and I hated it. I hated how jealous I was that Snowden was leaning his head on some other guy’s shoulder. I hated how much my blood boiled and my heart ached at the sight before me.

I wanted to punch this guy’s face in but that wouldn’t solve anything, it would only makes things worse and I had come back for one thing and one thing only.

To find out why Snowden doesn’t like me at all.

But right now didn’t seem like the right time to ask him. I may be a bit desperate for the answer but I wasn’t going to ask him in front of whoever the hell this kid was.

I was shocked, however, that he was being kind to me. I wasn’t used to this and it threw me off for a few seconds.

“Hello Snowden”

I try to manage a small smile down at him then glance over at the guy who he’s using for a pillow, wishing that was me he was using.

“Hello”

This mystery guy holds out his hand towards me and I take it tentatively.

“Hi, I’m Reggie. Your band’s music is good”

I quirk one eyebrow and give him a strange look before looking at Snowden. I didn’t picture him being with someone who might listen to my band’s music. He seemed so against the music, band, and me that anything that would bring it all up would disgust him in a way. I’m only guessing though so who knows.

“Hello Reggie. It’s nice to meet you. I’ll be sure to tell the rest of the guy’s back home that you like our music”

“Cool”

I looked back over at Snowden before sighing, “Well you two seem to be a bit busy so I’ll just be going now”

“What are you doing back in town?”

I look over at Snowden and see pure curiosity in his eyes. I just shrug my shoulders, not wanting to bring up the real reason why in front of this Reggie guy.

“I never really got to look around the town while I was here last. I just got off tour and wanted to come somewhere quieter for a break from L.A.”

Snowden gave me a funny look, “So you came to Ashwood?”

“Yeah. Why I can’t go wherever I want to go?”

Snowden scowled at me quickly before shrugging his shoulders.

“Do whatever you want”

“I will thank you. I’m actually thinking of bringing my dog to the park later and let her run around some”

“You have a dog?”

“Yes”

“What kind?”

I held back an annoyed sigh at Reggie’s sudden stream of questions. I could tell Snowden wanted me to leave them alone and I was actually quite happy to leave them alone. I was already hurting and I didn’t want to stand there for a moment longer and continue to feel my heart breaking even though Snowden was never mine to begin with.

“She’s an Australian Shepherd”

“Cool”

“Yeah…well I’ll just be going now. Maybe I’ll see you again while I’m in town Snowden. If not, it was nice seeing you again and nice to meet you Reggie”

I turned and walked away then before either of them could answer. I just couldn’t stand to be there for one more second. I hated the feelings inside of me and I just needed to get away and drown in some music.

I made it back to my hotel room and gave Keely a treat before grabbing my iPod, her leash, and a ball for her before attaching the lease to her harness and heading off for the park. I sipped on my coffee slowly while I avoided going past that café and towards the park.

I walked her around the park before letting her off her leash at an open area and let her run around and play with her ball. I threw the ball occasionally but I mainly listened to my music through one ear bud while watching over Keely.

I kept seeing couples’ pass me by making my heart ache more for Snowden.

Maybe it had been a bad idea coming back here. Maybe I should have just stayed away. I shouldn’t’ have come here, I should have known Snowden would have found someone else by now. After all he was amazing and wonderful and just had something about him that reeled you in and kept you there.

I sighed heavily and threw my empty coffee cup away before calling Keely over and putting her lease back on. I walked back through town and stopped to get Keely some water and put it into a bowl I managed to get from a nearby fast food joint. Keely lapped up the water while I tried to block Snowden from my mind.

However my mind had other plans.

Once back at the hotel I fed Keely and sprawled out on my bed and channel surfed before giving up and turning the TV off. Keely jumped up and laid down next to me on the bed. I petted her for a while just humming random things to myself.

“Why is this hurting so much right now? He’s just some guy who hates me? Why did I torture myself and come back here? Why did I set myself up to be hurt even more? What the hell was I thinking Keely? Why am I talking to you about all of this?”

I groaned and rolled over onto my back.

I’m losing my mind and it’s all because of one guy I can’t have.

And his name is Snowden.