Never Back Down
Snowden.
Remember when just the thought of a famous person in Ashwood bothered me, so I spoke poorly of the famous people I knew where already in town? It feels like years ago that I accused Andy and his band of trying to steal our birds only to come in the next day for them to be on my show and have them all dolled up in their Gothic makeup. At the time I thought they were weird for doing their makeup that way and for the way the dress. Now that I look back on it, it's strange how their look actually fits them. In an odd sort of way, their makeup and their dress help complete their music. They wouldn't have the same feel without them dressing like a bunch of outcasts. I feel bad calling them outcasts because they really aren't, at least, they aren't any longer. They seem to fit in perfectly well with every group- something very few have seemed to fully accomplish.
Pulling my fingers away from the keyboard, I sit back to reread the words I had typed. It has been four months since I met Andy, two weeks since he agreed to be my friend, and two weeks since I have last heard from him. He hasn't been answering my calls or texts, and it makes me feel like I should just give up. What reason do I have to continue to try in this friendship if he isn't trying at all? I suppose you could say that I now know how Andy felt, but even that is different. At that point I had made it clear that I am not interested in him, in that way. Maybe this was his plan all along, though. Maybe he wanted me to suffer as he had from my rejecting him. Only thing is, there is no need for him to reject me. I do not see him that way. Yes, he could reject my friendship, but that isn't too big of a deal. It isn't like this would be the first time someone has decided I am not worthy of their friendship. Being a homosexual in a small town can do that sometimes. If these are his intentions, however, then I am done. I do not need another person like that in my life.
“Ugh, Andy, get out of my head!” I groan aloud, closing my laptop after saving the blog entry. I need some way to deal with the constant thoughts of him. I'm a bit worried, honestly. What if something happened to him, and that's why he's not responding to me? He didn't seem too thrilled that I want to be friends with him... I need to clear my head, I think, grabbing my hat, placing it on my head as I leave the apartment.
Thankfully today is a nice day, so I don't have to be bothered by the fact that I forgot a coat. It's getting colder out as the days pass, winter being just around the corner meaning snow is only a couple months away. As much as I dread the work that comes with it, Ashwood is beautiful in the winter season. The festivals and gatherings the town has because of the season just make everything feel so warm and welcoming. It makes the town as a whole feel like an extended family. I miss the feeling of love that comes with the season, but I don't miss the slippery sidewalks or the shoveling mounds of snow. I don't miss the feel of the chilled air nipping away at my exposed flesh, but I really enjoy the smell. Now, I don't mean the smells of apple pies baking, or cinnamon. I mean the smell of winter air itself. It's so pure and clean smelling that it leaves everything feeling so cleansed. I wonder if Andy likes the winter. Or even just the snow, I think as I walk through the park, glancing around at the trees, and imagining their look upon winter-time. I bet he'd love it here in the winter, I finally decide around a smile. Taking a seat on a nearby bench I scold myself mentally for thinking so obsessively about him. He's disappeared, I should be happy about that, but instead I'm left wondering and worrying. I shake my head and let out a sigh, completely confused by my actions.
“Are you okay?” a male asks from beside me. I look over, slightly startled by the noise as no-one had been sitting on the bench when I sat down. The way I see it, this person came from nowhere, and, of course, with my amazing luck, the person, just so happens, to be Reggie.
“What do you want?” I admit that my voice isn't the friendliest as I speak with him. He seems taken aback by my tongue, though I don't allow it to faze me. What had he expected to happen when he stood me up? I sure hope he didn't think I would be all happy that he finally showed up after two weeks of absence. Though, I'll be honest, I forgot about Reggie as my mind has been so focused on Andy. I just can't seem to figure out why he isn't answering me. Do I have a sign on my back telling people to run from my life? It would sure explain a lot.
“I- Can we talk?” He looks at me expectantly, in which I shrug my shoulders for reply, not really caring either way. It seems to me that neither will really effect my life too much. He looks at his Toms, taking in a breath before turning his attention back to me, “I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix anything, but I'm sorry.” I bit my lip, turning my face away from him, really wishing not to see him this moment. Him saying this all so casually makes me feel like he doesn't realize how much I had started to like him in the few hours I knew him. We just have so much in common it was hard not to end up liking him.
“Why did you do it?” I ask, my voice just barely above a whisper. A gentle breeze begins to blow as I face him once again. I know my eyes are shining with tears because the pain of rejection feels so raw. When it all happened it didn't effect me so much. I kept my mind on other things, that being when I realized how poorly I truly had been treating Andy. It always was the day that I realized I should befriend him, the day I asked him to be friends, the day I last heard from him... This isn't about Andy, though. This is about Reggie, and how he stood me up. He broke my heart without a word to me, and now he sits before me acting like none of this effect him more than the fear of my lashing out at him.
“When we ran into Andy, I just-” He sighs and runs his hand through his hand before looking away, “There is such a strong connection between you two, I didn't want to come between that.” I open my mouth to argue against him, but he continues before I have the chance, “I can really see myself falling for you, Snowden. There's just something about you that can easily get a guy hooked, but I don't want to get hurt when you realize you're meant to be with Andy.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. There is nothing going on between Andy and myself. There never will be either. There is no 'connection,' or whatever. We're just friends. That's it. Nothing more. Hell, we're barely even friends!” I shout the last bit, the irritation of him ignoring me finally finding a release. I close my eyes and take in a breath, calming my nerves before saying anything else. I don't see any point in screaming at Reggie over Andy's mistakes. “Okay, I can understand you not wanting to be with me romantically, but you should have said something before. There really isn't anything going on between he and I, Reggie.” I bite my lip, thinking. He just stares at me as I do so, eyes zoned in on my lips which causes me to smile. “How about we take things slow, be friends. Then just go wherever it takes us?”
Reggie smiles, “I'd like that.”
Pulling my fingers away from the keyboard, I sit back to reread the words I had typed. It has been four months since I met Andy, two weeks since he agreed to be my friend, and two weeks since I have last heard from him. He hasn't been answering my calls or texts, and it makes me feel like I should just give up. What reason do I have to continue to try in this friendship if he isn't trying at all? I suppose you could say that I now know how Andy felt, but even that is different. At that point I had made it clear that I am not interested in him, in that way. Maybe this was his plan all along, though. Maybe he wanted me to suffer as he had from my rejecting him. Only thing is, there is no need for him to reject me. I do not see him that way. Yes, he could reject my friendship, but that isn't too big of a deal. It isn't like this would be the first time someone has decided I am not worthy of their friendship. Being a homosexual in a small town can do that sometimes. If these are his intentions, however, then I am done. I do not need another person like that in my life.
“Ugh, Andy, get out of my head!” I groan aloud, closing my laptop after saving the blog entry. I need some way to deal with the constant thoughts of him. I'm a bit worried, honestly. What if something happened to him, and that's why he's not responding to me? He didn't seem too thrilled that I want to be friends with him... I need to clear my head, I think, grabbing my hat, placing it on my head as I leave the apartment.
Thankfully today is a nice day, so I don't have to be bothered by the fact that I forgot a coat. It's getting colder out as the days pass, winter being just around the corner meaning snow is only a couple months away. As much as I dread the work that comes with it, Ashwood is beautiful in the winter season. The festivals and gatherings the town has because of the season just make everything feel so warm and welcoming. It makes the town as a whole feel like an extended family. I miss the feeling of love that comes with the season, but I don't miss the slippery sidewalks or the shoveling mounds of snow. I don't miss the feel of the chilled air nipping away at my exposed flesh, but I really enjoy the smell. Now, I don't mean the smells of apple pies baking, or cinnamon. I mean the smell of winter air itself. It's so pure and clean smelling that it leaves everything feeling so cleansed. I wonder if Andy likes the winter. Or even just the snow, I think as I walk through the park, glancing around at the trees, and imagining their look upon winter-time. I bet he'd love it here in the winter, I finally decide around a smile. Taking a seat on a nearby bench I scold myself mentally for thinking so obsessively about him. He's disappeared, I should be happy about that, but instead I'm left wondering and worrying. I shake my head and let out a sigh, completely confused by my actions.
“Are you okay?” a male asks from beside me. I look over, slightly startled by the noise as no-one had been sitting on the bench when I sat down. The way I see it, this person came from nowhere, and, of course, with my amazing luck, the person, just so happens, to be Reggie.
“What do you want?” I admit that my voice isn't the friendliest as I speak with him. He seems taken aback by my tongue, though I don't allow it to faze me. What had he expected to happen when he stood me up? I sure hope he didn't think I would be all happy that he finally showed up after two weeks of absence. Though, I'll be honest, I forgot about Reggie as my mind has been so focused on Andy. I just can't seem to figure out why he isn't answering me. Do I have a sign on my back telling people to run from my life? It would sure explain a lot.
“I- Can we talk?” He looks at me expectantly, in which I shrug my shoulders for reply, not really caring either way. It seems to me that neither will really effect my life too much. He looks at his Toms, taking in a breath before turning his attention back to me, “I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix anything, but I'm sorry.” I bit my lip, turning my face away from him, really wishing not to see him this moment. Him saying this all so casually makes me feel like he doesn't realize how much I had started to like him in the few hours I knew him. We just have so much in common it was hard not to end up liking him.
“Why did you do it?” I ask, my voice just barely above a whisper. A gentle breeze begins to blow as I face him once again. I know my eyes are shining with tears because the pain of rejection feels so raw. When it all happened it didn't effect me so much. I kept my mind on other things, that being when I realized how poorly I truly had been treating Andy. It always was the day that I realized I should befriend him, the day I asked him to be friends, the day I last heard from him... This isn't about Andy, though. This is about Reggie, and how he stood me up. He broke my heart without a word to me, and now he sits before me acting like none of this effect him more than the fear of my lashing out at him.
“When we ran into Andy, I just-” He sighs and runs his hand through his hand before looking away, “There is such a strong connection between you two, I didn't want to come between that.” I open my mouth to argue against him, but he continues before I have the chance, “I can really see myself falling for you, Snowden. There's just something about you that can easily get a guy hooked, but I don't want to get hurt when you realize you're meant to be with Andy.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. There is nothing going on between Andy and myself. There never will be either. There is no 'connection,' or whatever. We're just friends. That's it. Nothing more. Hell, we're barely even friends!” I shout the last bit, the irritation of him ignoring me finally finding a release. I close my eyes and take in a breath, calming my nerves before saying anything else. I don't see any point in screaming at Reggie over Andy's mistakes. “Okay, I can understand you not wanting to be with me romantically, but you should have said something before. There really isn't anything going on between he and I, Reggie.” I bite my lip, thinking. He just stares at me as I do so, eyes zoned in on my lips which causes me to smile. “How about we take things slow, be friends. Then just go wherever it takes us?”
Reggie smiles, “I'd like that.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Meow.