Never Back Down

Pulling my knees tighter to my chest, I stare out the window, counting the droplets as they slide down the glass. My chin rests atop my arms- folded over my knees, with a blanket wrapped tightly around me. From my spot on the couch I have a perfect view of the nearby window facing the wooded area around the back of my home which causes a gentle smile to mark home upon my lips. The sound of the light rain falling mixed with the beautiful view before me completely calms my nerves. Everything slowly starts to feel as though it is melting away around me, and in this moment, this is what I need; an escape from the overwhelming thoughts and constant reminders of him in everyday life. I want for things to be normal again, not this obsessive behavior that, frankly, reminds me of a pre-teen girl.
A sigh passes my lips before I bury myself in my arms. Let's face it, I tell myself, it's been months. He's moved on, so why bother longing for him? “He's moved on.” My words are muffled by my arm, and barely understandable to my own ears. Really, though, what's it matter? I'm the only one around to hear, and I know what I said, no matter how it sounded aloud.
I continue to stare out the window, willing myself to focus on the droplets. I need for my mood to perk up before my radio show later on, but at the moment, nothing seems able to pull my mind away from him. I haven't seen him, and we haven't really been talking. For all I know, he barely remembers I exist, and yet, I cannot erase him from my mind. Nothing is strong enough to push him out for longer than a second before his face is plaguing my thoughts once again. I loath how much I long to hear his voice speaking with me, toward me, about me. For me to be happy, we don't even need to be more than just friends, if that is what would keep him happy. It doesn't matter to me, I just want to be close with him. Instead, over the past month he has distanced himself from me, and all but pushed me from his life. While I sit here obsessing over him, he's out living his life free of me, and from what I hear, he's happy. I suppose I have no right to complain, as long as he is happy.
Eventually everything will work itself out.

After removing myself from my spot on the couch, I pull my coat on and wrap a scarf around my neck before entering the icy, rain-filled world. Each step I take toward town leaves me wanting to turn back home. The weather is far colder than it seems, but I know that the chilly air will help to ease my mind, even if just for now. Atop that, winter is now officially here, and though it is raining instead of snowing, the scenery is still beautiful. Ashwood during the winter will forever be my most favorite place to be.
I take a seat on a nearby park bench, and watch the people passing by. Everyone scurrying about, getting ready for the upcoming holiday, reminding me that I need to call my mother. I tuck the thought away, telling myself I'll call her after my show, or even stop by to see her instead. This Thanksgiving dinner will seem more lonely than normal, but at least Mom and I have each other.
It doesn't take long for my mind to go back to him. I wonder what he'll be doing for the holiday, and if he'll be spending it with his friends or his family. I wonder over all if he's doing well, and if he's happy. Tugging my teeth between my lip, I pull my phone out to type out a quick text message. After sending it I can only hope that he'll reply, and that things will go back to how they once were.

Hey, stranger. Long time to talk, yeah? I'd really like to catch up with you, so you should give me a call later or something..